the veteran
Midfield
Me only gripe about that 1st episode was that he got to bone that bird canny quick..stroke of the arm and in..apart from that it looks quite plausible..
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The Witcher (TV Show)
- Thread starter jacko100
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Dark Traveller
Striker
Watched episodes one and two last night.... haven’t got a clue what is going on so far.
Teed
Striker
Looks f***ing rancid doesn't it.
Not sure why it matters really.
I suspect you don’t really like minorities very much, given this and your UKIP leanings.
I am Boss
Winger
It does matter. Certain characters are described so specifically in the books. She needed to be a red head. Same as Geralt needed to be white with white hair
Anna Shaffer is a good actor and could have played any other role. It wasn't even important to have Triss in at all
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Motor City Cobra
Winger
5/10
Didn’t have clue what fuck was garn on half the time like.
Didn’t have clue what fuck was garn on half the time like.
the timeline skipping was disorienting at first like
they are yes but it’s an adaptation, and the producers may have felt that the show would have better appeal with a slightly more diverse cast
I’m aware that it’s set in a setting analogous to medieval Europe and so in the books it is very “white” but the audience won’t be entirely book readers or purists and so they’ve got to adapt
just like game of thrones, not every character is a faithful adaptation
I am Boss
Winger
True but there's only Geralt, Yennefer, Ciri and triss who are specifically detailed throughout book and games. The cast is diverse anyway.
There was outrage when they said ciri could be played by a black woman. I get it. The same as danaerys could not have been played by a black woman with dark hair in GoT
The actress who plays triss BTW is a massive Wad.
Triss, Sabrina, Yen, absolutely massive wads
I think some characters whose appearance is integral to who they are, like Geralt or Danaerys have to be faithfully adapted but others not so much. Either way as a show watcher only it didn’t strike me as odd, as a book reader it may and I suppose that highlights the difference in target audiences
He is rather good in it, although I don’t think Geralt is a very interesting character to be honest.
That’s Geralt though, if you’ve played the game. He’s got the character down really well.
I’ve played the game but even I had to google some of it during the first episode.
Only watched the first one, but I’m so not convinced by Ciri, unless she has a transformation, her hair turns white, and she learns how to use a sword, then I think I’ll struggle with her.
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Motor City Cobra
Winger
And ruts the nice looking dark haired lass who was previously a hunchback.
Class tits on her like
I've played the video games so I love it, but this review from the Times made me chuckle. No surprise it's pretty confusing to non book/game wankers
Our hero in Netflix’s new fantasy epic The Witcher is called Geralt of Rivia. Which is unfortunate because the sound of it keeps making me think of a chap called Gerald, in the Riviera. Prowling not the creepy forests of fantasy, but the equally creepy bars of Cannes, albeit very possibly in the same pair of far-too-tight leather trousers. Otherwise, very different.
But I get ahead of myself. The Witcher is based on a series of Polish fantasy novels and its spin-off computer games, which are insanely popular and yet of which I, somehow, have never heard. Hang on, did I just write “Polish” in the middle of that sentence? Unexpected. Andrzej Sapkowski, the writer, has sold 33 million books worldwide, which puts him somewhere between Philip Pullman and George RR Martin. Feasibly, this means that quite a lot of viewers will have read them and will thus have watched the first episode already knowing what was going on. In which case, well done them, because I hadn’t and didn’t.
We meet Geralt, played by Henry Cavill, in a forest, dispatching a giant spider. Body like Superman, hair like Legolas. Big sword. He appears to be some sort of mutant warrior hunter of supernatural creatures. You’d think this would make him popular among the sort of scrofulous fantasy-world peasant folk on which such creatures feed, but it doesn’t, for plot reasons. Instead, the ones in a nearby village are all as frosty as his highlights, which inevitably means he has to kill them too. He also kills their leader, who is a mutant, but also a sexy lady in a jerkin. I’m not 100 per cent clear on why he kills her, because only one scene earlier they were having sex in the forest. He seems to feel bad about it afterwards. I think it’s something to do with a nearby sorcerer, who has a magic garden full of imaginary naked ladies eating grapes. Yes. Gerald of the Riviera would love it.
Also, there’s a big war going on. Massive one, full of CGI and swords cleaving heads and arrows going into eyes. Proper season finale stuff, but at the beginning. Exactly who is fighting whom, or why, I could not tell you. The baddies come from a place or perhaps a person called Nilfgaard, while the goodies are a fortysomething queen with great hair and her knights, who are not called the Milfguard, but clearly should be. For a while the goodies are winning, but then the queen’s husband gets the old arrow-in-eye treatment and everything goes to pot. So many arrows. So many eyes. The sex in this show is largely off camera because teenagers might be watching, but arrows in eyes? No problem. Also swords. And spears. The rules seem to be that we can see anything being stuck into anywhere, except for a you-know-what into a you-know-where. Because that would be obscene.
Anyway, the Nilfgaardeners win and storm the queen’s castle, and she’s so upset about it that she jumps out of a window. Oh, OK. Bye then. Most of the castle’s other inhabitants are butchered or drink poison in scenes that are clearly meant to be moving and even might be, had we the faintest idea who these people were. The exception is Princess Ciri (it’s the noise you make to your phone), who tries to escape, but is instead captured by a scary rider who has a big black feather in his helmet and a pout like James Blunt. Who he? Indeed, who she?
Off he goes with her over the pommel of his horse, only eventually she screams so loudly that the horse rears and they fall off. And then — and I watched this bit twice to make sure I wasn’t misunderstanding — she screams so loudly a second time that a small nearby mountain falls over, creating a sinkhole between them, which enables her to run off. And that, my friends, is the end of episode one.
Needless to say, I watched episode two almost immediately. Then three. Then four. I’ll probably watch another when I finish writing this. So far they’re much the same, but the later instalments look less expensive and have quite a lot more witches. Various strands of this world are starting to make a bit more sense, and the epic ambitions are tempered by more episodic narratives, much like in Star Trek. All of this is a relief, but still, what a strange way to start.
You know all those people who refused to watch Game of Thrones because they “didn’t like fantasy”? The Witcher is precisely the show they thought they would be getting. Ripe for mockery, oozing with incel testosterone, and with all the inventive wit of a 12-year-old taking his turn as Dungeon Master. Some people will love it and some will loathe it, and nobody who starts out as the latter is going to change.
But I get ahead of myself. The Witcher is based on a series of Polish fantasy novels and its spin-off computer games, which are insanely popular and yet of which I, somehow, have never heard. Hang on, did I just write “Polish” in the middle of that sentence? Unexpected. Andrzej Sapkowski, the writer, has sold 33 million books worldwide, which puts him somewhere between Philip Pullman and George RR Martin. Feasibly, this means that quite a lot of viewers will have read them and will thus have watched the first episode already knowing what was going on. In which case, well done them, because I hadn’t and didn’t.
We meet Geralt, played by Henry Cavill, in a forest, dispatching a giant spider. Body like Superman, hair like Legolas. Big sword. He appears to be some sort of mutant warrior hunter of supernatural creatures. You’d think this would make him popular among the sort of scrofulous fantasy-world peasant folk on which such creatures feed, but it doesn’t, for plot reasons. Instead, the ones in a nearby village are all as frosty as his highlights, which inevitably means he has to kill them too. He also kills their leader, who is a mutant, but also a sexy lady in a jerkin. I’m not 100 per cent clear on why he kills her, because only one scene earlier they were having sex in the forest. He seems to feel bad about it afterwards. I think it’s something to do with a nearby sorcerer, who has a magic garden full of imaginary naked ladies eating grapes. Yes. Gerald of the Riviera would love it.
Also, there’s a big war going on. Massive one, full of CGI and swords cleaving heads and arrows going into eyes. Proper season finale stuff, but at the beginning. Exactly who is fighting whom, or why, I could not tell you. The baddies come from a place or perhaps a person called Nilfgaard, while the goodies are a fortysomething queen with great hair and her knights, who are not called the Milfguard, but clearly should be. For a while the goodies are winning, but then the queen’s husband gets the old arrow-in-eye treatment and everything goes to pot. So many arrows. So many eyes. The sex in this show is largely off camera because teenagers might be watching, but arrows in eyes? No problem. Also swords. And spears. The rules seem to be that we can see anything being stuck into anywhere, except for a you-know-what into a you-know-where. Because that would be obscene.
Anyway, the Nilfgaardeners win and storm the queen’s castle, and she’s so upset about it that she jumps out of a window. Oh, OK. Bye then. Most of the castle’s other inhabitants are butchered or drink poison in scenes that are clearly meant to be moving and even might be, had we the faintest idea who these people were. The exception is Princess Ciri (it’s the noise you make to your phone), who tries to escape, but is instead captured by a scary rider who has a big black feather in his helmet and a pout like James Blunt. Who he? Indeed, who she?
Off he goes with her over the pommel of his horse, only eventually she screams so loudly that the horse rears and they fall off. And then — and I watched this bit twice to make sure I wasn’t misunderstanding — she screams so loudly a second time that a small nearby mountain falls over, creating a sinkhole between them, which enables her to run off. And that, my friends, is the end of episode one.
Needless to say, I watched episode two almost immediately. Then three. Then four. I’ll probably watch another when I finish writing this. So far they’re much the same, but the later instalments look less expensive and have quite a lot more witches. Various strands of this world are starting to make a bit more sense, and the epic ambitions are tempered by more episodic narratives, much like in Star Trek. All of this is a relief, but still, what a strange way to start.
You know all those people who refused to watch Game of Thrones because they “didn’t like fantasy”? The Witcher is precisely the show they thought they would be getting. Ripe for mockery, oozing with incel testosterone, and with all the inventive wit of a 12-year-old taking his turn as Dungeon Master. Some people will love it and some will loathe it, and nobody who starts out as the latter is going to change.
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