The crap presents thread - Christmas 2018

[Some Random Guy]

Obligatory deodorant. Gave it to the bairn as I don't wear it.

Mrs had me going as I thought she got me Strictly tickets. Once I opened it it was for war horse which I'm down with.

 

[Fumf]

Got some kitchen utensils as punishment from the Mrs because I used some of the ones in the drawer to mix self-levelling compound.

 

[gazc24]

I assume that you got the time machine that takes you back to the nineties to go with it.

I last used this shite when on the pull in benidorm 99 (didn't work)

 

[wisemensaysteve]

Gucci Guilty Black
Pour Femme

 

[John Steed]

I got Old Spice one year. I'm sure you have to prove you're over 65 before before being allowed to buy that stuff.
Haven't opened any presents this year yet. We wait till the kids arrive and open them all together.

 

[becs]

Got some kitchen utensils as punishment from the Mrs because I used some of the ones in the drawer to mix self-levelling compound.

Reminds me of when my brother used forks for tyre levers on his bike. Mam went mental

 

[stupeo]

Just opened a 4 pack of y fronts, 4 inches too big in the waist

Curtesy of my mam

 

[Mickdundee]

Obligatory deodorant. Gave it to the bairn as I don't wear it.

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[Some Random Guy]

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I wash mate, should give it a go instead of being a filthy bastard.

 

[Mickdundee]

I wash mate, should give it a go instead of being a filthy bastard.

How many times a day do you wash, like?

 

[karlm14]

Santa still not been here. Missus and daughter are at work (nurses) so not doing pressies till 230. All the presents are out and ready so the young un is beside herself wanting to get into them!!!

Its Christmas. RULES

 

[Some Random Guy]

How many times a day do you wash, like?

Twice, shower in the morning and when I get home.

Wear aftershave but don't use deodorant. What sort of scruff are people to be lifting after 10-12 hours.

 

[alisafc]

Joop, f***ing joop

There was a bloke at the match last season sat in front of me and I think he bathed in the stuff , rank

 

[Joe Public]

My Nanna bought me jemima puddleduck bubble bath when I was 18. My sisters got count duckula bubble bath, despite being 5 and 7 years older than me.

 

[MackneyHackem]

Obligatory deodorant. Gave it to the bairn as I don't wear it.

Mrs had me going as I thought she got me Strictly tickets. Once I opened it it was for war horse which I'm down with.

When you coming down for that?

 

[Old Prestonian]

My Nanna bought me jemima puddleduck bubble bath when I was 18. My sisters got count duckula bubble bath, despite being 5 and 7 years older than me.

You were gutted that you didn't get the Count Duckula. Go on, admit it.

 

[vote quimby]

Our Jessica just spewed all over the landing carpet, it was my gift to clean it up.

 

[jubblies]

I'll have the tea cosy if no one wants it

Our Jessica just spewed all over the landing carpet, it was my gift to clean it up.

Wait until she's 18

 

[Old Prestonian]

This truly is a crap present. The young 'un has blocked the bog.

 

[mad cyril]

Joop, f***ing joop

You’ll be bathing in the fairer sex all Christmas mate.

Just remember, no joop no hoop.