T_Bone
Striker
thanks mate, I'm determined not to let the bugger ruin my life, i'm a very optimistic depressive sadly that's what makes it hard when it does hit but I'm a stubborn sod & it's a fight.... i might lose the occasional battle but I'll be damned if I lose the war!!
you're right, sometimes i see it like those daft cartoons when you have the devil on one shoulder & the angel on the other.... except you only have the devil, feeding every little paranoia or anxiety you have... telling you that every self doubt you might have is true etc.
That brings it back to me. I would often be alone in the house and my mind would play games with me. I would believe there was a gremlin floating above me and if I moved from the chair something bad would happen to me.
I sometimes sat there for hours on end being too scared to move. !
I then went through a charade when the kids got home from school, hoping they'd think I was normal, but if I am honest, they've seen things kids shouldn't see their dads do.
One of the worst things was waking up in the morning. You realised your nightmare was about to begin again.
But I must stress that I beat it. I went from a state of mind that told me all was lost to a light being switched on which told me not to let it win.
I am a more fragile person since it happened eg I can get pretty upset, emotional over small things and don't handle things the way I used to but I am just grateful that it didn't beat me.