Depression

[T_Bone]

This is a timely thread for me. I'm currently going through my worst bout of depression since 1991. This is my second really bad bout, I also suffer from mild very short term depression sporadically. The difficulty I have is that whereas that time, I spent 6 - 12 months in total gloom, even though there was no reason to (objectively speaking), this time it is all confused and mixed up with very real problems like likely redundancy, finance, other personal stuff that I dont want to go into here. So Im confused as to whether it is stress, and by sorting out a new job, etc, I can beat it, or not.

Things came to a bit of a head at the weekend when my wife made a comment about the fact that I had dropped the hoover and the contents had gone all over the place, and Im ashamed to say I absolutely lost it with her, and with our two lovely sons. No violence I should stress.

Im not really sure why I am typing this - I suppose answering the OP point about what to do, how to know, what I would say is if someone says something like 'Im not having the best of times at the moment', 'Im just a bit fed up', 'Im not in a great place at the moment' (all things Ive found myself saying recently), they may mean 'I dont really want to bother you with this, but I can barely function, Im in total despair, and I cant see a way out, please will you help me, even just by listening and showing an interest'?

Talking, and being listened to, always, always, helps.

It's easier said than done but try to focus on the positives in your life, you obviously appreciate your family so try to be more involved with them.
Like I have said the one thing my missus drummed into me is that you have to want to beat it.
Eventually that worked for me.
Never put off going to your GP.
Good Luck mate.

 

[pragmatic optimism]

This is a timely thread for me. I'm currently going through my worst bout of depression since 1991. This is my second really bad bout, I also suffer from mild very short term depression sporadically. The difficulty I have is that whereas that time, I spent 6 - 12 months in total gloom, even though there was no reason to (objectively speaking), this time it is all confused and mixed up with very real problems like likely redundancy, finance, other personal stuff that I dont want to go into here. So Im confused as to whether it is stress, and by sorting out a new job, etc, I can beat it, or not.

Things came to a bit of a head at the weekend when my wife made a comment about the fact that I had dropped the hoover and the contents had gone all over the place, and Im ashamed to say I absolutely lost it with her, and with our two lovely sons. No violence I should stress.

Im not really sure why I am typing this - I suppose answering the OP point about what to do, how to know, what I would say is if someone says something like 'Im not having the best of times at the moment', 'Im just a bit fed up', 'Im not in a great place at the moment' (all things Ive found myself saying recently), they may mean 'I dont really want to bother you with this, but I can barely function, Im in total despair, and I cant see a way out, please will you help me, even just by listening and showing an interest'?

Talking, and being listened to, always, always, helps.

Fella, its totally admirably to acknowledge it...more so because youve done it on RTG. I honestly believe admission that things arent right is the first part of healing yourself.

The positive thing is people who read these posts might see the signs of depression earlier and may seek help sooner.

Good luck marra

 

[sonson]

I work for a mental health charity, and my wife suffers from depression quite severely. My dad is going through a vicious bout of it just now as well.

As rubbish as it is often there is no obvious sign; if people have had it for long enough they often work out how to push it down or hide it well to the extent that even people who know them the most still can’t see it. Often someone will tell you and then a lot of behaviour afterwards will start to “make sense”, but that isn’t always the way, and it’s a big jump from assuming, for example, that someone who doesn’t want to go out is in mental anguish rather just tired/can’t be arsed. I’ve had days when my wife has been laughing, having a great time and seemingly content as you like, only for the evening to end with me negotiating that she’ll stay with me that night at least rather than kill herself.

Sounds to me that you’re already doing the most important thing, i.e caring about the individual in question and wanting to help. Depression and mental problems are statistically often nastier where blokes are concerned ‘cos there’s a culture of not talking about how you’re actually feeling, or hiding it to make it look like it’s no big deal and just “soldiering on”. The most important thing in question is that you make it known to the individual that you care about them, aren’t going to judge them, and are available for them if they decided that’s what they want, and continue in that from thereon. That way they’ll know that if they do want to talk, they can do it with someone who has their best interests at heart and won’t tell them to man up/judge them/ or belittle the situation.

But If someone has depression, the nature of the beast is that in the vast majority of cases, if the person themselves don’t first admit to it and seek/want help, no one will be able to help them with it. It’s not a state of mind, it’s an illness, and like any illness, needs professional treatment in most cases. That doesn’t necessarily mean drugs or counselling, but it usually does mean a different routine for a while and the ability to monitor yourself in a way that most folks who aren’t ill don’t need to.

Sorry to hear you’ve experienced what you have mate. Just keep being a good mate and make it clear that you’re there for folks if that’s what they need. And if you have your suspicions, a friendly word just to check is always better than wondering what if. But like I say, depression can be pretty well hidden and unless someone outs it.

My utmost respect and admiration and sincere best wishes to any reading this or who have posted in the thread who are struggling with it themselves, be it in person or second hand as it where as I do. My own personal and professional experience is that if you can maintain the slightest flicker of hope, hold onto those who can for you in the times you can't, and keep on fighting, you will beat it. There are more ways and methods to do so than ever before now as well, to fit all types of personality.

 

[Georgey Squaat Pants]

This is a timely thread for me. I'm currently going through my worst bout of depression since 1991. This is my second really bad bout, I also suffer from mild very short term depression sporadically. The difficulty I have is that whereas that time, I spent 6 - 12 months in total gloom, even though there was no reason to (objectively speaking), this time it is all confused and mixed up with very real problems like likely redundancy, finance, other personal stuff that I dont want to go into here. So Im confused as to whether it is stress, and by sorting out a new job, etc, I can beat it, or not.

Things came to a bit of a head at the weekend when my wife made a comment about the fact that I had dropped the hoover and the contents had gone all over the place, and Im ashamed to say I absolutely lost it with her, and with our two lovely sons. No violence I should stress.

Im not really sure why I am typing this - I suppose answering the OP point about what to do, how to know, what I would say is if someone says something like 'Im not having the best of times at the moment', 'Im just a bit fed up', 'Im not in a great place at the moment' (all things Ive found myself saying recently), they may mean 'I dont really want to bother you with this, but I can barely function, Im in total despair, and I cant see a way out, please will you help me, even just by listening and showing an interest'?

Talking, and being listened to, always, always, helps.

If you ever want any help or owt, same goes for anyone, feel free to PM any time, it can sometimes be good to get perspective from other people going through stuff.

 

[sonson]

Aye, am happy to talk things through with people if anyone wants n arl

 

[callaghan08]

If you ever want any help or owt, same goes for anyone, feel free to PM any time, it can sometimes be good to get perspective from other people going through stuff.

aye, me too.
can't offer much more than empathy as I ain't even bottomed out yet after 5 years, but I know it helps to talk - especially with a fellow sufferer.

 

[socrates]

I work for a mental health charity, and my wife suffers from depression quite severely. My dad is going through a vicious bout of it just now as well.

As rubbish as it is often there is no obvious sign; if people have had it for long enough they often work out how to push it down or hide it well to the extent that even people who know them the most still can’t see it. Often someone will tell you and then a lot of behaviour afterwards will start to “make sense”, but that isn’t always the way, and it’s a big jump from assuming, for example, that someone who doesn’t want to go out is in mental anguish rather just tired/can’t be arsed. I’ve had days when my wife has been laughing, having a great time and seemingly content as you like, only for the evening to end with me negotiating that she’ll stay with me that night at least rather than kill herself.

Sounds to me that you’re already doing the most important thing, i.e caring about the individual in question and wanting to help. Depression and mental problems are statistically often nastier where blokes are concerned ‘cos there’s a culture of not talking about how you’re actually feeling, or hiding it to make it look like it’s no big deal and just “soldiering on”. The most important thing in question is that you make it known to the individual that you care about them, aren’t going to judge them, and are available for them if they decided that’s what they want, and continue in that from thereon. That way they’ll know that if they do want to talk, they can do it with someone who has their best interests at heart and won’t tell them to man up/judge them/ or belittle the situation.

But If someone has depression, the nature of the beast is that in the vast majority of cases, if the person themselves don’t first admit to it and seek/want help, no one will be able to help them with it. It’s not a state of mind, it’s an illness, and like any illness, needs professional treatment in most cases. That doesn’t necessarily mean drugs or counselling, but it usually does mean a different routine for a while and the ability to monitor yourself in a way that most folks who aren’t ill don’t need to.

Sorry to hear you’ve experienced what you have mate. Just keep being a good mate and make it clear that you’re there for folks if that’s what they need. And if you have your suspicions, a friendly word just to check is always better than wondering what if. But like I say, depression can be pretty well hidden and unless someone outs it.

My utmost respect and admiration and sincere best wishes to any reading this or who have posted in the thread who are struggling with it themselves, be it in person or second hand as it where as I do. My own personal and professional experience is that if you can maintain the slightest flicker of hope, hold onto those who can for you in the times you can't, and keep on fighting, you will beat it. There are more ways and methods to do so than ever before now as well, to fit all types of personality.

a very very good post.

i have suffered twice.

work related, but fortunatelyn old enough and solvent enough to remove the cause. retired.

i sympathise with other sufferers and if i can help PM me.

 

[mackem_jo2]

If you ever want any help or owt, same goes for anyone, feel free to PM any time, it can sometimes be good to get perspective from other people going through stuff.

same here.

 

[matt228]

It's so refreshing to see a thread so maturely handled on the SMB, kudos to all of those who've offered their support and shared their experiences. As it happens, I was already in a good mood today, but the next time I hit a low, I'll read through it for advice. I had a feeling you guys were alright, really. :-D

 

[not spavin]

This is a timely thread for me. I'm currently going through my worst bout of depression since 1991. This is my second really bad bout, I also suffer from mild very short term depression sporadically. The difficulty I have is that whereas that time, I spent 6 - 12 months in total gloom, even though there was no reason to (objectively speaking), this time it is all confused and mixed up with very real problems like likely redundancy, finance, other personal stuff that I dont want to go into here. So Im confused as to whether it is stress, and by sorting out a new job, etc, I can beat it, or not.

Things came to a bit of a head at the weekend when my wife made a comment about the fact that I had dropped the hoover and the contents had gone all over the place, and Im ashamed to say I absolutely lost it with her, and with our two lovely sons. No violence I should stress.

Im not really sure why I am typing this - I suppose answering the OP point about what to do, how to know, what I would say is if someone says something like 'Im not having the best of times at the moment', 'Im just a bit fed up', 'Im not in a great place at the moment' (all things Ive found myself saying recently), they may mean 'I dont really want to bother you with this, but I can barely function, Im in total despair, and I cant see a way out, please will you help me, even just by listening and showing an interest'?

Talking, and being listened to, always, always, helps.

What you describe is something a lot of people go through. Acknowledging the fact is half the battle. You're poorly and need medical assistance, just as you would if you had a broken arm.

Talking about it to people close to you is sometimes the hardest thing in the world. However, if you can get to a GP, you can rest assured that you're describing a set of symptoms that they hear every day of every week. That's a practical solution to a practical problem.

Good luck fella.

 

[The Great Perhaps]

What you describe is something a lot of people go through. Acknowledging the fact is half the battle. You're poorly and need medical assistance, just as you would if you had a broken arm.

Talking about it to people close to you is sometimes the hardest thing in the world. However, if you can get to a GP, you can rest assured that you're describing a set of symptoms that they hear every day of every week. That's a practical solution to a practical problem.

Good luck fella.

Our lass spoke to her GP who referred her to MIND it took nearly a month for them to get back in touch and she was given 5 one hour sessions and then discharged, every now and then she has an hysterical laugh and says "look I'm cured it's a miracle" it's only her sense of humour that's keeping her sane the depression just keeps getting deeper.

 

[SuperKevin]

I have today received a letter advising that I will have to have a medical regarding my eligibility for disability living allowance. It is the first medical since I received an award 'indefinitely' over 4 years ago. My own GP said given my condition it was unlikely I would ever be called again but he is a liar.

I have not been myself since I received it. My official diagnosis is borderline personality disorder with mid to high functioning autism. I am agoraphobic and rarely have any contact with people so that will be an issue in itself. I tried earlier to make sure that I will be assessed in my own home but I was just told that somebody will ring me back today. It is now after 5PM and I have received no call back so I will not sleep tonight.

 

[kingbant1]

This is a brilliant thread and although my own experiences aren't anywhere near as bad as some posted it's been human nature at it's best. Some stories have been really humbling and it puts life and my own problems into perspective.

Well done to everyone who has dared post their problems and I sincerely hope things work out for you all.

Finally can I request the mods make this thread gold. Im sure alot of people would like to turn to it in future and since I've been on these boards I've never been so touched. For all the crazy threads and stupid bickering that goes on this thread proves that you're not a bad bunch really

 

[JimmyQuinn]

I have today received a letter advising that I will have to have a medical regarding my eligibility for disability living allowance. It is the first medical since I received an award 'indefinitely' over 4 years ago. My own GP said given my condition it was unlikely I would ever be called again but he is a liar.

I have not been myself since I received it. My official diagnosis is borderline personality disorder with mid to high functioning autism. I am agoraphobic and rarely have any contact with people so that will be an issue in itself. I tried earlier to make sure that I will be assessed in my own home but I was just told that somebody will ring me back today. It is now after 5PM and I have received no call back so I will not sleep tonight.

If you ever wanna talk mate I'd be willing to listen, and I'm sure plenty others on here (that are probably more informed that myself) would be too.

This is a brilliant thread and although my own experiences aren't anywhere near as bad as some posted it's been human nature at it's best. Some stories have been really humbling and it puts life and my own problems into perspective.

Well done to everyone who has dared post their problems and I sincerely hope things work out for you all.

Finally can I request the mods make this thread gold. Im sure alot of people would like to turn to it in future and since I've been on these boards I've never been so touched. For all the crazy threads and stupid bickering that goes on this thread proves that you're not a bad bunch really

This.

I've been feeling VERY low this past few days, but I have to say this thread has helped me today. Just knowing other people have the same sort of troubles is reassuring - though I'd never ever wish it on anyone.

Been out through the day today and kept busy. It's the returning home that always gets me down straight away, but this thread has helped me out massively tonight.

 

[not spavin]

Our lass spoke to her GP who referred her to MIND it took nearly a month for them to get back in touch and she was given 5 one hour sessions and then discharged, every now and then she has an hysterical laugh and says "look I'm cured it's a miracle" it's only her sense of humour that's keeping her sane the depression just keeps getting deeper.

That's terrible. Can she go to a different GP?

 

[luvulongtime]

I have today received a letter advising that I will have to have a medical regarding my eligibility for disability living allowance. It is the first medical since I received an award 'indefinitely' over 4 years ago. My own GP said given my condition it was unlikely I would ever be called again but he is a liar.

I have not been myself since I received it. My official diagnosis is borderline personality disorder with mid to high functioning autism. I am agoraphobic and rarely have any contact with people so that will be an issue in itself. I tried earlier to make sure that I will be assessed in my own home but I was just told that somebody will ring me back today. It is now after 5PM and I have received no call back so I will not sleep tonight.

a private firm called ATOS do the medicals for the dwp now mate.there's plenty on the web about them.

 

[Boss]

Classic symptoms, totally

well yes, they are. But how do you identify them? For example, i felt like that for everyday constantly for donkeys years (before i got proffessional help) and i was still able to function properly got to work and put on a brave face.

so from what i can gather off previous posts, signs will be..
not wanting company
bad temper
withdrawn?

For me, the first sign is social withdrawal

 

[SuperKevin]

If you ever wanna talk mate I'd be willing to listen, and I'm sure plenty others on here (that are probably more informed that myself) would be too.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

a private firm called ATOS do the medicals for the dwp now mate.there's plenty on the web about them.

Thank you. I have been researching them today. Apparently I will need to ask my GP to write them a letter confirming that I will require a home visit - but they can still refuse. I have read that quite a few people have been refused by them. I hope they will not make it more difficult than it needs to be.

I would almost prefer if they just turned up at the door one day, unannounced, so that I didn't have to worry about it until they do come.

Thank you both for the comments.

 

[The Great Perhaps]

That's terrible. Can she go to a different GP?

Wouldn't make any difference it seems to be standard practice these days either that or anti depressants.

 

[Bad_mother]

Antidepressants aren't a quick fix and are best used in conjunction with some type of talking/listening therapy, be it counselling, CBT, whatever.

Also more than happy to chat to anyone via PM... please if you're suffering this or are around someone who does, DON'T feel you're alone.