Depression

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joemcdokes said:
One thing that hasn't been mentioned is how people with depression have a really bad effect on those around them, it is a me me me illness and they don't give a shit about anyone else.
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As with most illnesses, the person afflicted will become very selfish and appear to wallow in it. Maybe you're trying to say people with depression can be very high maintenance? I definitely was, and I my fiance at the time broke off our whole relationship as she couldn't handle it.
 


Had a couple of bouts when I was 22/23. Never known anything like it, it was like all purpose and hope had suddenly gone out of the world. When you start thinking like that then it's very easy to see how people self-harm or kill themselves.

All the best to those suffering with this.
 
My ex is bi-polar.

Not fun.

However I do have this joke.

I hate being bi-polar. It's f***ing wonderful!
 
divvydave said:
As with most illnesses, the person afflicted will become very selfish and appear to wallow in it. Maybe you're trying to say people with depression can be very high maintenance? I definitely was, and I my fiance at the time broke off our whole relationship as she couldn't handle it.
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It's tough, very tough being around it, no one is taught how to deal with it, there is no support, you have to try to cope as best you can, some do, some don't.

Hope you have managed to get yourself sorted.
 
I've had mates that've killed themselves through it, it's an illness I hate because it never seems to be taken seriously.
 
Georgey Squaat Pants said:
ayesane, if you want enlightened read the posts by sufferers.
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I am doing just that as the thread goes on, as I said 3/4 pages further back it's clear that my interpretation of depressed differs somewhat from those who are depressed in actuality. I already read your blog when you first posted it.. a decent candid read, very sad but hard for me to comprehend.

All I know of real depression is a lass i know 10 years ago for about 5 weeks.. and she was not very nice.
 
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The Great Perhaps said:
I've had mates that've killed themselves through it, it's an illness I hate because it never seems to be taken seriously.
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I've had 2 mates end it.. one with pills and another with a dog lead.. horrific mate - horrible stuff.

but as for understanding.. it's most likely because as soon as someone who wants to know about it and understand it is called clueless from the off by people who are suffering with it - it's like some kind of secret society that people who have never faced the same issues will never comprehend.
 
YorkMackem said:
You have been lucky mate. Stan Collymore tweeted about his experiences suffering with it and iirc he described the bouts as "When the black dogs come calling". Very emotional and brave writing.
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I have indeed and I thank my lucky stars. I have a few mates who's lives have been crippled, even ended by it. Heartbreaking to watch the changes they go through.
 
ayesane said:
I've had 2 mates end it.. one with pills and another with a dog lead.. horrific mate - horrible stuff.

but as for understanding.. it's most likely because as soon as someone who wants to know about it and understand it is called clueless from the off by people who are suffering with it - it's like some kind of secret society that people who have never faced the same issues will never comprehend.
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Unless you suffer it you will never fully understand. The best you can do really is read the thread again ignoring your own posts and you will get an idea of what it's like. Not having a go at you, just offering a bit advice...
 
ayesane said:
I've had 2 mates end it.. one with pills and another with a dog lead.. horrific mate - horrible stuff.

but as for understanding.. it's most likely because as soon as someone who wants to know about it and understand it is called clueless from the off by people who are suffering with it - it's like some kind of secret society that people who have never faced the same issues will never comprehend.
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I'm sorry that you may feel that way, I'm happy to answer any questions that would help anyone gain more insight, obviously I can only comment on my own experience but the offer is there. I offer that to everyone else too, even if you'd prefer to PM me rather than talk on here :)
 
mackem_jo2 said:
you're very welcome, i've drawn strength reading your blog too, sometimes just knowing there's someone else out there who feels the same can ease the isolation for a while... i actually feel a little rattled & uneasy & tearful now after typing these posts out. honesty really bloody hurts sometimes.
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Chin up flower, you seem to be a canny lass. I bet everybody effected with this illness or having it will be emotional talking about it.
 
I suffered from it in my last 2 years at school to the point where I had a breakdown one day cos I needed to get out; got worse but I don't like to talk/think about it now, the effect it had on me and my family is something I'd forget completely if it was possible. It's like this other being living in your head trying so hard to make you hate yourself... my nan died not long after it all started and I managed to convince myself it was my fault. Those thoughts still pop up sometimes, completely randomly... I tell myself they're ridiculous but they just won't go away.

Luckily the school were very helpful & I got a lot of support and managed to finish my education... 5 years later and I'm just about getting over it. I still get the f***ing ridiculous 'swings', for example I can be doing something upstairs and I'll be in a great mood, decide to go downstairs and by the time I get there I'll just be completely flat, absurd thoughts appearing from nowhere... from one extreme to the other in 10 seconds. Just had to accept it now, my dad was diagnosed as bi-polar and its weird watching someone else go through what I go through, yet I would say he has it worse. I wish I had the bollocks to talk to him about it.

I think the self-awareness has helped a lot, the acceptance of just having it. I still wonder what makes me go into the depressions and it's still horrible even though its nowhere near as bad as it used to be & at its worst I do forget what is happening.

Stan Collymore put up an excellent article on it and it was a real eye-opener for me personally as I had no idea some of the problems I had were linked (insomnia to hypersomnia cycles etc)... I just thought I had shit luck with all these things coming together and the doctors just thought it was because of puberty :neutral:

http://www.twitlonger.com/show/ecoqm1
 
SexyMackemBastard said:
I suffered from it in my last 2 years at school to the point where I had a breakdown one day cos I needed to get out; got worse but I don't like to talk/think about it now, the effect it had on me and my family is something I'd forget completely if it was possible. It's like this other being living in your head trying so hard to make you hate yourself... my nan died not long after it all started and I managed to convince myself it was my fault. Those thoughts still pop up sometimes, completely randomly... I tell myself they're ridiculous but they just won't go away.

Luckily the school were very helpful & I got a lot of support and managed to finish my education... 5 years later and I'm just about getting over it. I still get the f***ing ridiculous 'swings', for example I can be doing something upstairs and I'll be in a great mood, decide to go downstairs and by the time I get there I'll just be completely flat, absurd thoughts appearing from nowhere... from one extreme to the other in 10 seconds. Just had to accept it now, my dad was diagnosed as bi-polar and its weird watching someone else go through what I go through, yet I would say he has it worse. I wish I had the bollocks to talk to him about it.

I think the self-awareness has helped a lot, the acceptance of just having it. I still wonder what makes me go into the depressions and it's still horrible even though its nowhere near as bad as it used to be & at its worst I do forget what is happening.

Stan Collymore put up an excellent article on it and it was a real eye-opener for me personally as I had no idea some of the problems I had were linked (insomnia to hypersomnia cycles etc)... I just thought I had shit luck with all these things coming together and the doctors just thought it was because of puberty :neutral:

http://www.twitlonger.com/show/ecoqm1
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f***ing hell thats exactly me
 
Gremlin said:
It's the reason I don't teach full-time anymore - I know the impact the job has on my mental health and I'm not ever prepared to go back to the state it put me in on more than one occasion.

I've been severely depressed probably 3-4 times in my life (it runs very very strongly down the women in my family - gran was in and out of Cherry Knowle lots of her life - we ain't the best bunch in the head our lot).

First time I could probably have coped through it - ended up on prozac and it lifted fairly well.

Second time - basically I had the class of kids from hell, no support at all, the school was going into meltdown and then I "lost" my job (applied for the perm version of what I was doing, the governors wanted the head knocked into shape and refused to shortlist me as an existing member of staff - I'd put my heart and soul into that place so it absolutely shredded me to the quick). Hubby now reckons he could tell how low I was getting by the way my replies to him saying he was home on a night had faded into almost nothing - I'd put the front on at work perfectly fine (no one knew for months how bad I was getting) and then I'd get behind the wheel of the car on a night and the second the car door was shut and people couldn't hear - I'd sob like nothing else, then I'd get home and just lie on the bed wishing I was dead. Ended up falling apart completely - taught a day where I'd been kicked the shit out, and spent most of the day trying to stop the resident little psycho kicking the shit out of the girl he'd taken a dislike to, and a colleague had walked past where I was teaching earlier that day and remarked how together I was and how well the class was running (she'd had the bunch of nightmares the year before)... kids left, I started to shake like nowt else, then walked to the pigeon holes to find letters to go out announcing that I was leaving at the end of the term - finished me off totally - was found sat at my desk tears rolling down my face, shaking like a leaf (I'd been having panic attacks for a while and was running on about 2 hours sleep a night for the best part of a couple of months by then) - found by two colleagues - one of whom did the tea and sympathy bit, one of whom marched to the head, whom promptly delivered the biggest verbal arsekicking you'd ever seen, threatened to throttle me if she saw me back at work before I was well again (I really really appreciate this now - sounds a horrid way to handle it then) and kicked me off the premises, having called home to make sure I wasn't going back to an empty house. Took me a good year or so to recover fully from that one - had panic attacks for a good couple of years, it's left me with a stammer when I'm upset about things and I ended up on anti-depressants and diazepam for the anxiety bit of it all. Think I spent about a fortnight just lying in a dark room unable to deal with anything.

Crashed again quite spectacularly last year after the run of miscarriages - that was probably the closest I've come to ending it all - had to be physically stopped from overdosing - and my twat of a GP was persisting in trying to get me through it with a peptalk and a cheery smile. That time I hit the point of not being able to leave the house for a good few months - prior to that I've always always been able to drag myself through a working day and function relatively normally for appearances' sake - this time it was like a brick wall, and I'm convinced it was only getting the lunatic dog that gave me some sanity back into my life (and forced me to get out and about and do stuff).

It's really hard to describe if you've not been there - the best way I've managed to get close is that it's like someone's been f***ing with the colour controls of your telly and all the colour and brightness is drained out of the world, and I feel almost as if I'm behind a glass window in a bank or something - I can see the world, I can hear the world and they can hear me - but I can't get the emotional warmth out of the world... and when I take anti-depressants, it then feels like someone wraps you emotionally in a duvet - the lows are muffled down to be bearable, but I always felt like the highs were as well which I really didn't like very much.
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I spent 8 years teaching kids like this and when the new manager came in and didn't understand what it took out of you and then started making the job even harder, that was the end for me. You have to have support and you cannot just be left to "cope" indefinitely just because you seem to be managing. I had massive stand up rows with her during the last few weeks. I loved the job, loved it, but it nearly did for me, or rather the manager nearly did.

We had a colleague who put far too much into his group too, to the extent that he was spending hours at night writing massive assignment feedback sheets and contacting them via email etc to try to impart his knowledge and support. He ended up having to leave for a couple of years as he developed symptoms similar to Tourettes and was drugged up to buggery. When he did come back his symptoms started again and he had to reduce his hours.
 
YorkMackem said:
Chin up flower, you seem to be a canny lass. I bet everybody effected with this illness or having it will be emotional talking about it.
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thanks mate, I'm determined not to let the bugger ruin my life, i'm a very optimistic depressive :) sadly that's what makes it hard when it does hit but I'm a stubborn sod & it's a fight.... i might lose the occasional battle but I'll be damned if I lose the war!!

naughtynose said:
Its like there is someone else there and you have to run everything by them, but you know its daft. And yet you cant just stop yourself, and flick it off like a switch
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you're right, sometimes i see it like those daft cartoons when you have the devil on one shoulder & the angel on the other.... except you only have the devil, feeding every little paranoia or anxiety you have... telling you that every self doubt you might have is true etc.
 
mackem_jo2 said:
thanks mate, I'm determined not to let the bugger ruin my life, i'm a very optimistic depressive :) sadly that's what makes it hard when it does hit but I'm a stubborn sod & it's a fight.... i might lose the occasional battle but I'll be damned if I lose the war!!
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PM anytime you want, its a bastard but keep fighting
 
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