Break up of a relationship/marriage

[Old Prestonian]

You talk sense brother, that post should be given to every lad at school to recite and meme prose before they’re set free into the world of women and bucking

It should be printed on a card and handed to them along with the strapline 'Snakes with tits'.

 

[cornish mackem]

I’m guessing it’s a bit early on the path to get back on the horse but the thing I would hate about being single is learning someone else. Obviously some parts of a new relationship would be canny but learning someone’s querks is something at 48 I just couldn’t be bothered with.
All the best OP and I hope once Christmas is out the way you can start to put things in some kind of order.

One thing I’ve noticed since splitting up from the ex wife and talking to quite a few women online is that the vast majority of women after a split use the kids as an emotional crutch and come up with crap like that. It’s awful, I don’t know why women have to do that. You’re right though, you’ve just got to laugh about it

One of the lasses at work split up with her ex husband years ago and she was talking about it the other day. She’s canny for a Mag but she’s one of the first women I’ve met that didn’t use their kids as a tool. She has said all along that he was a shite husband but a brilliant dad and to this day, the kids don’t know why their Mam and dad broke up. It’s nice to see really and they still communicate and buy joint presents for the kids at Christmas ( both are in their 20s now) and still very much have a Mam and dad.
She’s a nice lass who’s been through more than her fair share

 

[Metalmicky]

She’s a nice lass who’s been through more than her fair share

I know what you meant, but that comes across like she's a cock hungry milf.....

 

[CatRyan]

Nailed on that the first buck he gets will be a big fat mess who insists on him getting his brown wings

Cow man those were meant to be private chats

 

[Jockster]

This thread resonates with me so much. Been through a breakup earlier this year after being married for 11 years & 2 kids. She had an affair then moved the bloke in immediately after moving out of the family home. That was tough to take as we have the kids on a 50:50 basis so the lies she told to the kids to say a 'friend' is staying over constantly was tough to take. In the end I just told the kids the truth. In the early days it was just a shitshow but things do get easier although I'm still struggling to get a good nights sleep.
My issues are that we work together and she is constantly getting dropped off/picked up by the bloke. I just can't get away from anything and every day is a constant reminder of the hurt she put me and the kids through. While I don't care for her any more(we've been split for 8 months now) the anger is still there about how she treated me and the kids, I'm still wanting to spark out the bloke as he chased her in the early days but its best just to take a step back and think of the kids.

As some of the guys have said on here, get out and about. Work on yourself such as gym/running and eat healthy food. I did the North run last year then gave up running, I'm back on it now and running is a great stress reliever, plus you get fit as fuck and drop the weight if you stick to it.

Bucking girls hasn't quite been what I was expecting, met a lovely lady but timing was just wrong, this was around 4 months after the breakup and as someone else had said i just wasn't so interested in sex, she had her shit together too but timing was just totally wrong for me. Now 8 months down the line i feel more prepared and up for anything now so it does get easier.

I found that talking it through with a therapist really helped, in the early days i thought it was all my fault but after some soul searching and chatting things through with an independant person its given me a new perspective on how things were wrong in the relationship. If you can get Therapy through your works health insurance just do it, it really helped me.

I've got the financial stuff to go through today with the ex, i think I can get her paid off and keep the former marital home, just depends if she wants to start getting greedy, we shall see!

Good luck to everyone in a similar situation!

 

[CatRyan]

I agree, I have been involved with many over the years have a child with one and I also have a mother with it. Once your aware of what Narcisstic Personality Disorder is its so easy to spot a narc. They are evil. The mind games are unreal then the discard at the end. Mentally scars people and hard to recover from the abuse

My ex was full blown Narcissist. He had been diagnosed as a child and was a case study in a book. His parents chose to completely ignore this and do nothing. Absolutely f***ing impossible living with them.

When I eventually binned him I was very happy but still felt the failure thing and had to have a mourning period for the relationship that could have been. So even though I was very happy to bin him and be free I haven't got involved in a relationship until now about 3 years later.

Good to have you back. Bigger and better than before too.

Hellooooo

Yes mate, abused as a child/teenager and just buried it and didn't get help. I'm no angel myself mind and have my own issues. I have pleaded with her to get help but the only problem she has is me apparently!

There have been various issues, including a similar thing as you with other lasses on a night out etc. I've lost friendships as she made me feel uncomfortable going out etc. Wasn't allowed to go into nightclubs (not that I'm bothered particularly) as people only went there for one thing according to her...needless to say I was never allowed to go on any lads holidays. She's Italian and and to help me learn I was on a language exchange app and was talking to several people including a couple of lasses - there was nothing going on at all but she found out and she's always held that against me and it was over 3 years ago. I once called in to a female friends house (I'm the godfather to her daughter) in the late evening as I was travelling from my mum's (hadn't gone earlier because I was watching Rugby!) and had a coffee and left after half an hour. She went mental and thought I'd been up to no good (Now lost contact with them too). But yet when she has gone back to Italy on her own, it was okay for her to meet with a previous boyfriend for a coffee (because it was in public was her justification). She has few friends, and the main one she does have is with a jealous and controlling moron. On nights out he'd be texting her and acting up due to jealousy, whereas I wanted her to have a life and to enjoy herself but apparently not showing jealousy was because I didn't care about her and she could have slept with anyone else and I wouldn't have reacted! Mental!

I find that people tend to blame their partners for everything if they aren't happy rather than taking responsibility for their own happiness.
So they bin them and then find someone else to have unrealistic expectations of and blame for not fulfilling.

One thing I’ve noticed since splitting up from the ex wife and talking to quite a few women online is that the vast majority of women after a split use the kids as an emotional crutch and come up with crap like that. It’s awful, I don’t know why women have to do that. You’re right though, you’ve just got to laugh about it

Hang on... I'm not excusing deplorable behaviour like that but surely it is not most women.
I don't know the stats but I know there seem to be lots of women who get no support from the father after they fuck off and I know plenty of adults now whose father's left and never bothered with them.

Let us not make this a gender specific thing.

 

[Cow]

My ex was full blown Narcissist. He had been diagnosed as a child and was a case study in a book. His parents chose to completely ignore this and do nothing. Absolutely f***ing impossible living with them.

When I eventually binned him I was very happy but still felt the failure thing and had to have a mourning period for the relationship that could have been. So even though I was very happy to bin him and be free I haven't got involved in a relationship until now about 3 years later.

Hellooooo


I find that people tend to blame their partners for everything if they aren't happy rather than taking responsibility for their own happiness.
So they bin them and then find someone else to have unrealistic expectations of and blame for not fulfilling.

That’s possibly one of the most truthful things I’ve read on here. There’s not many people, especially lasses, who will take responsibility for their own shortcomings and say they were as much to blame as the bloke.

All this nonsense you hear about ‘he had an affair that’s why we broke up’ is rubbish, an affair is never the reason for a marriage going tits up. The reason is what led to the affair in the first place and that generally comes down to lack of communication. People seem to be scared to ask for what they want and put up with shit sex, no emotional needs being met and all that. I’d rather be single than live like that

 

[CatRyan]

I’m guessing it’s a bit early on the path to get back on the horse but the thing I would hate about being single is learning someone else. Obviously some parts of a new relationship would be canny but learning someone’s querks is something at 48 I just couldn’t be bothered with.
All the best OP and I hope once Christmas is out the way you can start to put things in some kind of order.

One of the lasses at work split up with her ex husband years ago and she was talking about it the other day. She’s canny for a Mag but she’s one of the first women I’ve met that didn’t use their kids as a tool. She has said all along that he was a shite husband but a brilliant dad and to this day, the kids don’t know why their Mam and dad broke up. It’s nice to see really and they still communicate and buy joint presents for the kids at Christmas ( both are in their 20s now) and still very much have a Mam and dad.
She’s a nice lass who’s been through more than her fair share

Thank you for that post. I know many mother's who put aside extremely righteous and deserved anger for the benefit of their children.

That’s possibly one of the most truthful things I’ve read on here. There’s not many people, especially lasses, who will take responsibility for their own shortcomings and say they were as much to blame as the bloke.

All this nonsense you hear about ‘he had an affair that’s why we broke up’ is rubbish, an affair is never the reason for a marriage going tits up. The reason is what led to the affair in the first place and that generally comes down to lack of communication. People seem to be scared to ask for what they want and put up with shit sex, no emotional needs being met and all that. I’d rather be single than live like that

Cow this isn't gender specific. As a barmaid I saw men on the pub every night giving out about her indoors and then they were absolutely devastated when she fucked him off.
People need to take responsibility for making themselves a whole and happy person. It is insane to put that on your partner. But I see it all the time... people aren't happy so they just blame their partner and take it out on them rather than looking to themselves.

 

[Cow]

My ex was full blown Narcissist. He had been diagnosed as a child and was a case study in a book. His parents chose to completely ignore this and do nothing. Absolutely f***ing impossible living with them.

When I eventually binned him I was very happy but still felt the failure thing and had to have a mourning period for the relationship that could have been. So even though I was very happy to bin him and be free I haven't got involved in a relationship until now about 3 years later.

Hellooooo


I find that people tend to blame their partners for everything if they aren't happy rather than taking responsibility for their own happiness.
So they bin them and then find someone else to have unrealistic expectations of and blame for not fulfilling.


Hang on... I'm not excusing deplorable behaviour like that but surely it is not most women.
I don't know the stats but I know there seem to be lots of women who get no support from the father after they fuck off and I know plenty of adults now whose father's left and never bothered with them.

Let us not make this a gender specific thing.

Right away you’re compounding the gender issue, not most fathers fuck off, there’s a high proportion of fathers who want to see their kids but the women put obstacles in the way and use an antiquated board system for their own gain.

i know plenty of blokes who want to see their kids, have fought and fought and fought and got nowhere because there is no recourse to the woman’s behaviour.

Just to back that up, I have my kids 50/50, when I speak to women online they all say the same, that it’s excellent and they wish their ex would do the same or show at least a little bit of interest in the kids. It then turns out that the women would be horrified if the ex did actually have the kids and they put blocks in the way to stop it happening. It’s all bullshit, it really is.
As for not making it a gender issue, yes, maybe we should, women have the upper hand in many many things, it’s about time something as important as kids was addressed and the balance addressed

 

[Mackem00]

That’s possibly one of the most truthful things I’ve read on here. There’s not many people, especially lasses, who will take responsibility for their own shortcomings and say they were as much to blame as the bloke.

All this nonsense you hear about ‘he had an affair that’s why we broke up’ is rubbish, an affair is never the reason for a marriage going tits up. The reason is what led to the affair in the first place and that generally comes down to lack of communication. People seem to be scared to ask for what they want and put up with shit sex, no emotional needs being met and all that. I’d rather be single than live like that

I'd say a daft affair is often the reason for break ups. People with no restraint not being able to resist temptation. It's pretty normal to fancy other people. There doesn't have to be an underlying issue for it.

 

[Abu Dhabi Red and White]

People seem to be scared to ask for what they want and put up with shit sex, no emotional needs being met and all that. I’d rather be single than live like that

Never knew you were a lass.

 

[cornish mackem]

I know what you meant, but that comes across like she's a cock hungry milf.....

She’s that aswell

 

[Cow]

I'd say a daft affair is often the reason for break ups. People with no restraint not being able to resist temptation. It's pretty normal to fancy other people. There doesn't have to be an underlying issue for it.

That’s what it appears like isn’t it but there’s always an underlying reason for it, the affair is just the outcome

 

[CatRyan]

That’s what it appears like isn’t it but there’s always an underlying reason for it, the affair is just the outcome

I don't do infidelity. If I looked at another man while in a relationship I'd know there were issues and end my relationship.

 

[Cow]

I don't do infidelity. If I looked at another man while in a relationship I'd know there were issues and end my relationship.

Agree 100%...apart from I’m a bloke and don’t look at other blokes but if it was a lass, you know what I mean

 

[CatRyan]

Agree 100%...apart from I’m a bloke and don’t look at other blokes but if it was a lass, you know what I mean

I should point out that agreements of groping that predate relationships obviously do not count as infidelity and should be honoured.

 

[pinewaves1868]

I’m guessing it’s a bit early on the path to get back on the horse but the thing I would hate about being single is learning someone else. Obviously some parts of a new relationship would be canny but learning someone’s querks is something at 48 I just couldn’t be bothered with.

This is the thing that puts me off. After a long time with someone it seems improbable to build something with someone else. Someone who will bring their own separate history with no shared experienced etc. It terrifies me actually and makes the future seem like it's for other people and not for me.

 

[The Cookie Monster]

My ex was full blown Narcissist. He had been diagnosed as a child and was a case study in a book. His parents chose to completely ignore this and do nothing. Absolutely f***ing impossible living with them.

When I eventually binned him I was very happy but still felt the failure thing and had to have a mourning period for the relationship that could have been. So even though I was very happy to bin him and be free I haven't got involved in a relationship until now about 3 years later.

Hellooooo


I find that people tend to blame their partners for everything if they aren't happy rather than taking responsibility for their own happiness.
So they bin them and then find someone else to have unrealistic expectations of and blame for not fulfilling.


Hang on... I'm not excusing deplorable behaviour like that but surely it is not most women.
I don't know the stats but I know there seem to be lots of women who get no support from the father after they fuck off and I know plenty of adults now whose father's left and never bothered with them.

Let us not make this a gender specific thing.

I think you're exactly right there!

 

[zwartekat]

Right away you’re compounding the gender issue, not most fathers fuck off, there’s a high proportion of fathers who want to see their kids but the women put obstacles in the way and use an antiquated board system for their own gain.

i know plenty of blokes who want to see their kids, have fought and fought and fought and got nowhere because there is no recourse to the woman’s behaviour.

Just to back that up, I have my kids 50/50, when I speak to women online they all say the same, that it’s excellent and they wish their ex would do the same or show at least a little bit of interest in the kids. It then turns out that the women would be horrified if the ex did actually have the kids and they put blocks in the way to stop it happening. It’s all bullshit, it really is.
As for not making it a gender issue, yes, maybe we should, women have the upper hand in many many things, it’s about time something as important as kids was addressed and the balance addressed

There is some truth in what you say but there is also the fact that a lot of blokes are just as capable of behaving like arseholes after a break-up.

 

[Bear]

Is awful @rocky you'll be fine though mate