Break up of a relationship/marriage

That’s what it appears like isn’t it but there’s always an underlying reason for it, the affair is just the outcome
Nah. Pissed fumbles and lads/lasses chasing the tail is just easy pleasure. Plenty would shag about if it was acceptable.
 


I've got the financial stuff to go through today with the ex, i think I can get her paid off and keep the former marital home, just depends if she wants to start getting greedy, we shall see!

Good luck to everyone in a similar situation!
Try to sort out the financials between your two selves...if you involve solicitors they introduce conflict because it ups their charges...I’ve seen it so many times with people,the only winners are solicitors...good luck
 
This is the thing that puts me off. After a long time with someone it seems improbable to build something with someone else. Someone who will bring their own separate history with no shared experienced etc. It terrifies me actually and makes the future seem like it's for other people and not for me.
Don't feel that way. I'm 45 and I'm bucking a 26 year old. There's always something coming round the corner when you least expect it
I think you're exactly right there!

Cookie what is your situation at the moment?
How long were you together?
Kids?
Home?
Married?
Are you back amongst mates / family?
 
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This thread resonates with me so much. Been through a breakup earlier this year after being married for 11 years & 2 kids. She had an affair then moved the bloke in immediately after moving out of the family home. That was tough to take as we have the kids on a 50:50 basis so the lies she told to the kids to say a 'friend' is staying over constantly was tough to take. In the end I just told the kids the truth. In the early days it was just a shitshow but things do get easier although I'm still struggling to get a good nights sleep.
My issues are that we work together and she is constantly getting dropped off/picked up by the bloke. I just can't get away from anything and every day is a constant reminder of the hurt she put me and the kids through. While I don't care for her any more(we've been split for 8 months now) the anger is still there about how she treated me and the kids, I'm still wanting to spark out the bloke as he chased her in the early days but its best just to take a step back and think of the kids.

As some of the guys have said on here, get out and about. Work on yourself such as gym/running and eat healthy food. I did the North run last year then gave up running, I'm back on it now and running is a great stress reliever, plus you get fit as fuck and drop the weight if you stick to it.

Bucking girls hasn't quite been what I was expecting, met a lovely lady but timing was just wrong, this was around 4 months after the breakup and as someone else had said i just wasn't so interested in sex, she had her shit together too but timing was just totally wrong for me. Now 8 months down the line i feel more prepared and up for anything now so it does get easier.

I found that talking it through with a therapist really helped, in the early days i thought it was all my fault but after some soul searching and chatting things through with an independant person its given me a new perspective on how things were wrong in the relationship. If you can get Therapy through your works health insurance just do it, it really helped me.

I've got the financial stuff to go through today with the ex, i think I can get her paid off and keep the former marital home, just depends if she wants to start getting greedy, we shall see!

Good luck to everyone in a similar situation!
I Get the first chunk of this
5 years for me and the only thing that hurt me and still does it how it was done and how the lass I did so much for behaved .The lies and bullshit she told to me and everyone close to cover herself .Totally happy single now .Had a few relationships as they came along but it is tough to manage when you are happy and set in your single life . Nice house,job, mates ,great son and a few quid in the bank .Sorted
 
This is the thing that puts me off. After a long time with someone it seems improbable to build something with someone else. Someone who will bring their own separate history with no shared experienced etc. It terrifies me actually and makes the future seem like it's for other people and not for me.
Some people like the new adventures and that’s even in relationships but I don’t think it’s much fun being told I’m wrong all over again
 
Nah. Pissed fumbles and lads/lasses chasing the tail is just easy pleasure. Plenty would shag about if it was acceptable.
But if you’re in a monogamous relationship that fulfils you why would you want to have a pissed fumble? That’s my point, if you’re having a pissed fumble then I dare say you’re not with the right person. I reckon there’s an awful lot of people who are together out of habit rather than because they want to be
There is some truth in what you say but there is also the fact that a lot of blokes are just as capable of behaving like arseholes after a break-up.
True, very true, but not ALL blokes behave that way like the media has us believe. It’s like that view that blokes shag about, well who do they shag about with...women. Therefore women are just as bad as men but the image that’s presented is that it’s only blokes who shag about and women get away Scot free.
 
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Imagine thinking if another person catches your eye it means there's issues in your relationship.
Some people like the new adventures and that’s even in relationships but I don’t think it’s much fun being told I’m wrong all over again

That's definitely why affairs happen. Some will go with someone less attractive than their other half because its different/new. As others have said, if it was deemed okay/acceptable loads would roll about with other people.
 
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Imagine thinking if another person catches your eye it means there's issues in your relationship.


That's definitely why affairs happen. Some will go with someone less attractive than their other half because its different/new. As others have said, if it was deemed okay/acceptable loads would roll about with other people.
That’s not what I’m saying numbnuts
 
Don't feel that way. I'm 45 and I'm bucking a 26 year old. There's always something coming round the corner when you least expect it


Cookie what is your situation at the moment?
How long were you together?
Kids?
Home?
Married?
Are you back amongst mates / family?
Still living together which isn't the greatest of situations...house is for for sale. She is going into rented accommodation next week so that will help. We have a 3 year old which is partly why I am still there for the convenience with him. 5 years we were together. Yes we are married. Pretty much the full house...

Been going out much more and have family on hand if needed so it's not all bad.
 
Try to sort out the financials between your two selves...if you involve solicitors they introduce conflict because it ups their charges...I’ve seen it so many times with people,the only winners are solicitors...good luck

I'm trying but after todays meeting she's complaining about an 8k discrepancy. I've got a feeling she will take it to solicitors and that 8k will end up in fee's. What she doesn't realise is this will just open up a huge can of worms where all financial assets need to be disclosed, bank details of her and her new partner(something which she had previously shunned). I'm offering something fair so we can both move on but as usual she is starting to get greedy. If she carries on the kids then lose stability in their lives which is something I'm keen to avoid obviously.

I Get the first chunk of this
5 years for me and the only thing that hurt me and still does it how it was done and how the lass I did so much for behaved .The lies and bullshit she told to me and everyone close to cover herself .Totally happy single now .Had a few relationships as they came along but it is tough to manage when you are happy and set in your single life . Nice house,job, mates ,great son and a few quid in the bank .Sorted
My ex still thinks its all my fault with no responsiibility being taken by her. I wanted to work on it, go to marriage councelling and work on it together. She went the opposite way, kissed the kids goodnight then went out and shagged another bloke and before you know it she's shacked up with him within 1 week of moving into a new house, but obviously it's all my fault it all ended.

After everything I actually feel free now, after reflecting back I'm glad I'm out of it as you look back and recognise bad behaviours in both myself as well as her, at least I've recognised my flaws and can work on them, she can't and won't and will repeat the same relationship mistakes which will make her unhappy again.

Just as long as the kids are happy is the main thing for me now. Times been a healer, still hurts sometimes but life goes on.
 
I'm trying but after todays meeting she's complaining about an 8k discrepancy. I've got a feeling she will take it to solicitors and that 8k will end up in fee's. What she doesn't realise is this will just open up a huge can of worms where all financial assets need to be disclosed, bank details of her and her new partner(something which she had previously shunned). I'm offering something fair so we can both move on but as usual she is starting to get greedy. If she carries on the kids then lose stability in their lives which is something I'm keen to avoid obviously.


My ex still thinks its all my fault with no responsiibility being taken by her. I wanted to work on it, go to marriage councelling and work on it together. She went the opposite way, kissed the kids goodnight then went out and shagged another bloke and before you know it she's shacked up with him within 1 week of moving into a new house, but obviously it's all my fault it all ended.

After everything I actually feel free now, after reflecting back I'm glad I'm out of it as you look back and recognise bad behaviours in both myself as well as her, at least I've recognised my flaws and can work on them, she can't and won't and will repeat the same relationship mistakes which will make her unhappy again.

Just as long as the kids are happy is the main thing for me now. Times been a healer, still hurts sometimes but life goes on.
Good post 👍
 
I'm trying but after todays meeting she's complaining about an 8k discrepancy. I've got a feeling she will take it to solicitors and that 8k will end up in fee's. What she doesn't realise is this will just open up a huge can of worms where all financial assets need to be disclosed, bank details of her and her new partner(something which she had previously shunned). I'm offering something fair so we can both move on but as usual she is starting to get greedy. If she carries on the kids then lose stability in their lives which is something I'm keen to avoid obviously.


My ex still thinks its all my fault with no responsiibility being taken by her. I wanted to work on it, go to marriage councelling and work on it together. She went the opposite way, kissed the kids goodnight then went out and shagged another bloke and before you know it she's shacked up with him within 1 week of moving into a new house, but obviously it's all my fault it all ended.

After everything I actually feel free now, after reflecting back I'm glad I'm out of it as you look back and recognise bad behaviours in both myself as well as her, at least I've recognised my flaws and can work on them, she can't and won't and will repeat the same relationship mistakes which will make her unhappy again.

Just as long as the kids are happy is the main thing for me now. Times been a healer, still hurts sometimes but life goes on.

You sound like a good egg marra. She will know in truth its not all your fault. Pretending it's yours will be an attempt to justify her actions. Best of luck.
 
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Has people’s fascination and constant use with social media contributed to any break up of a relationship ?

The op as an example has posted over 100,000 times just on here , that’s a lot of time in total , maybe his partner felt left out ?

Just a thought.


Less divorces post social media according to that in total and per 1,000 marriages.
 

Less divorces post social media according to that in total and per 1,000 marriages.
New butcher in the Village ! could be turf wars
Has people’s fascination and constant use with social media contributed to any break up of a relationship ?

The op as an example has posted over 100,000 times just on here , that’s a lot of time in total , maybe his partner felt left out ?

Just a thought.
It won't help ,modern life is a relationship killer and the old clichés are true .You have to work at and communicate and make time for each other etc ,kids turn you into shift workers comparing who's the best etc

loads of blokes are very lucky (and maybe lasses) because their other half is probably bored shitless but will stay together .Strangely I think a wobbly episode is the key to waking people up and realising what they have etc .Unfortunately fighting to stop together after an episode doesn't always happen
 
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I’ll chuck in my story as it’s been interesting to read everyone else going through something similar.

Split after being together 9 years and married for four back in August. Things hadn’t been great for a while, not that we were fighting or any toxic behaviour, just very distant and felt like you were living with a roommate as opposed to your wife.

I tried on several occasions to ask what’s wrong, is it me, what do you want to do different, counselling etc. I felt like I was the only one making an effort for a long time so after several shit months and an awful holiday I pushed and she said she wanted to end it. Felt we had drifted apart, gotten together too young, she’d ‘grown up’ and she’d only ever done things in her life to make other people happy. I took exception to the last point as I did everything for her to ensure she had a nice life and didn’t have to worry about anything.

Communication was definitely an issue for us in hindsight, we were both so polite we wouldn’t say anything/react if we’d done something to piss each other off/upset one another.

On the face of it we had the perfect life, good jobs, nice house, holidays, no money worries etc. I got on great with her family/friends and she got on great with mine. We hid what was going on well so it was a shock when we told everyone.

There were a few odd bits of behaviour from her post split, for example, she told her parents we had split up via Facebook messenger. Not the behaviour from someone who claiming to have grown up/matured. People struggled to accept why we’ve split as there’s not a traditional for lack of a better word reason for the split.

She admitted to having developed feelings for someone she works with as a result of discussing his/our marriage problems. She’s adamant nothing happened/is happening but didn’t tell me about it until the very end. I and others aren’t inclined to believe her but I’m not angry or obsessing over it.

Thankfully no kids involved so a clean break was relatively easy. Paid her off for her share of the house equity and let her take whatever she wanted from the house. It was and still is amicable so that’s made it a bit easier.

I did all the things everyone is told to do, get on tinder and shag some bewers, went to the gym more, went out with friends more, distracted myself with work and went on holiday.

It worked for a while and I think I suppressed things by dealing with the practical elements of the split (I did most of the leg work) but I realised a few weeks ago I wasn’t happy. Which isn’t really a surprise given a 9 year relationship had just ended but what was making me feel this way (low enthusiasm for anything) was that I was telling people I was fine and everything was alright when it wasn’t. I’ve started being more open about things and found that’s starting to help.

Had some counselling which has been good to let it all out to someone who is impartial and not just going to blow smoke up my arse.

It’s only been three months and I’ve realised I was expecting far too much from myself with regards to timescales for moving on. I feel better now accepting it’s going to take time and I can walk away knowing I tried my best and i couldn’t have done anything that would made a material difference as she had checked out a while ago.
 
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Less divorces post social media according to that in total and per 1,000 marriages.
People live together now and not all get married. Does that change numbers ?
 

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