Break up of a relationship/marriage



cornish mackem said:
People live together now and not all get married. Does that change numbers ?
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According to the article the number of divorces per 1,000 marriages is still lower than prior decades.

So even if less people are getting married, fewer of those who do are getting divorced.
 
buster said:
Has people’s fascination and constant use with social media contributed to any break up of a relationship ?

The op as an example has posted over 100,000 times just on here , that’s a lot of time in total , maybe his partner felt left out ?

Just a thought.
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Your first point is undoubtedly true imo.
Pop said:
I’ll chuck in my story as it’s been interesting to read everyone else going through something similar.

Split after being together 9 years and married for four back in August. Things hadn’t been great for a while, not that we were fighting or any toxic behaviour, just very distant and felt like you were living with a roommate as opposed to your wife.

I tried on several occasions to ask what’s wrong, is it me, what do you want to do different, counselling etc. I felt like I was the only one making an effort for a long time so after several shit months and an awful holiday I pushed and she said she wanted to end it. Felt we had drifted apart, gotten together too young, she’d ‘grown up’ and she’d only ever done things in her life to make other people happy. I took exception to the last point as I did everything for her to ensure she had a nice life and didn’t have to worry about anything.

Communication was definitely an issue for us in hindsight, we were both so polite we wouldn’t say anything/react if we’d done something to piss each other off/upset one another.

On the face of it we had the perfect life, good jobs, nice house, holidays, no money worries etc. I got on great with her family/friends and she got on great with mine. We hid what was going on well so it was a shock when we told everyone.

There were a few odd bits of behaviour from her post split, for example, she told her parents we had split up via Facebook messenger. Not the behaviour from someone who claiming to have grown up/matured. People struggled to accept why we’ve split as there’s not a traditional for lack of a better word reason for the split.

She admitted to having developed feelings for someone she works with as a result of discussing his/our marriage problems. She’s adamant nothing happened/is happening but didn’t tell me about it until the very end. I and others aren’t inclined to believe her but I’m not angry or obsessing over it.

Thankfully no kids involved so a clean break was relatively easy. Paid her off for her share of the house equity and let her take whatever she wanted from the house. It was and still is amicable so that’s made it a bit easier.

I did all the things everyone is told to do, get on tinder and shag some bewers, went to the gym more, went out with friends more, distracted myself with work and went on holiday.

It worked for a while and I think I suppressed things by dealing with the practical elements of the split (I did most of the leg work) but I realised a few weeks ago I wasn’t happy. Which isn’t really a surprise given a 9 year relationship had just ended but what was making me feel this way (low enthusiasm for anything) was that I was telling people I was fine and everything was alright when it wasn’t. I’ve started being more open about things and found that’s starting to help.

Had some counselling which has been good to let it all out to someone who is impartial and not just going to blow smoke up my arse.

It’s only been three months and I’ve realised I was expecting far too much from myself with regards to timescales for moving on. I feel better now accepting it’s going to take time and I can walk away knowing I tried my best and i couldn’t have done anything that would made a material difference as she had checked out a while ago.
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Are you going to try and claim part of her public sector pension still mate?

Hope this joke is received in the way it was intended. ;)
 
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Anyone feel hugely short changed and completely conned by being sold the social convention of monogamy? Should it even be 'normal'?
 
Pop said:
According to the article the number of divorces per 1,000 marriages is still lower than prior decades.

So even if less people are getting married, fewer of those who do are getting divorced.
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The point I’m trying to get at is that I bet there’s more broken homes than ever before. You don’t have to be married to split up but those arnt going to show up
 
Hang in there Rocky. It does get easier with time but no two people will run to the same clock. I'm three and a half years into it. I'm quite settled in my own place and she's settled with her new bloke.

We kept solicitors out of it and agreed everything ourselves. Our son now comes and goes from either house whenever he wants.

I've no desire to be in a relationship and no longer care that she is.

I went through some really dark times but for the sake of my son kept going.

Talk to your friends, don't be hard on yourself. Try and keep active, don't be afraid to ask the doctor for help if you feel you aren't coping. Try and take up a new hobby or get back into some old ones.

Treat all the hookers and blow comments as jokes. Assume all the Tinder Lotharios are liars or virgins and you'll do alright.

It takes time, but there's no timetable. Just keep reminding yourself it will get better.

For all the piss taking on here, it's still a great place to vent and get support.

Chin up mate, you've got this.
 
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cornish mackem said:
The point I’m trying to get at is that I bet there’s more broken homes than ever before. You don’t have to be married to split up but those arnt going to show up
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I think you’re right, less are getting married so they won’t show on the marriage/divorce stats.
JAZZMANB said:
New butcher in the Village ! could be turf wars

It won't help ,modern life is a relationship killer and the old clichés are true .You have to work at and communicate and make time for each other etc ,kids turn you into shift workers comparing who's the best etc

loads of blokes are very lucky (and maybe lasses) because their other half is probably bored shitless but will stay together .Strangely I think a wobbly episode is the key to waking people up and realising what they have etc .Unfortunately fighting to stop together after an episode doesn't always happen
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I’ve reverted back to pounders for my dips, the 2* food hygiene rating adds some extra flavour.
 
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Pop said:
I think you’re right, less are getting married so they won’t show on the marriage/divorce stats.


I’ve reverted back to pounders for my dips, the 2* food hygiene rating adds some extra flavour.
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The Spar garage has had a makeover
New butcher section and Deli.. I used the shop bit a lot but putting those in when there's two local butchers is bad crack imo
Soss to here about your split
It's tough trying to make sense of stuff
 
JAZZMANB said:
The Spar garage has had a makeover
New butcher section and Deli.. I used the shop bit a lot but putting those in when there's two local butchers is bad crack imo
Soss to here about your split
It's tough trying to make sense of stuff
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Cheers marra, I think I’m getting there.

My dad has an unhealthy obsession with the pies from the spar garage.
 
Pop said:
Cheers marra, I think I’m getting there.

My dad has an unhealthy obsession with the pies from the spar garage.
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Being a single lad I get some right bargains from the reduced bit .
I pop in for milk and feed myself for two days on a fiver !
 
buster said:
Has people’s fascination and constant use with social media contributed to any break up of a relationship ?

The op as an example has posted over 100,000 times just on here , that’s a lot of time in total , maybe his partner felt left out ?

Just a thought.
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Split up with me ex earlier this year and this definitely played a part. The amount of time she would spend on her Facebook/Snapchat even when we were out having a meal or a few drinks absolutely took the piss.
 
Maravilla said:
Split up with me ex earlier this year and this definitely played a part. The amount of time she would spend on her Facebook/Snapchat even when we were out having a meal or a few drinks absolutely took the piss.
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Myself and a good mate have both been through similar this year. My ex wanted what all her single mates or rich auntie had (nights out/flash handbags/ cars/ holidays) without ever realising you have to work for those things (there all way better off than we were) and my mates missus was living her life through others facebooks and instas telling him they didn’t do anything (2 holidays a year, every year minimum) because she can’t understand insta is a showing off tool.
 

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