Tough situation, need advice

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Bladecat said:
One of my Sheff United mates split from his ex wife when she gave him an ultimatum that if he went to Exeter away to watch the Blades, she wouldn't be there when he came back.

He said he would have binned Sheff United if they told him he couldn't go with women so wasn't accepting that from her.
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Sounds like she wanted him under the thumb & he's dodged a bullet.

As ive been going to the match a lot longer than ive known owa lass, she knows where she stand with regards to that. (Although dont get to many aways these days)
 


safcrhys said:
I moved away from the north east 5 years ago when I was 21 to be with my mrs in the Midlands, I realise now that I was just a kid and I never really thought it through properly. My GF was battling leukaemia at the time and I felt like I had to be there for her and look after her so I moved in with her and her mam and dad. It’s a big house and we don’t tread on each other’s toes, plenty of space etc...

Thankfully these days my mrs is in good health however we still live with her mam and dad although we have started to save a substantial amount of money for a deposit on our own house.

The problem is since Xmas I’ve become really homesick. Every time I return to the north east to see my parents etc... it breaks my heart to leave again. I’ve queried whether my GF will move up with me but she has categorically stated that she will not even entertain the idea.

So I’m kind of stuck in limbo, I’m quite miserable tbf. I count down the days until I’m able to go back home to see my family. I’ve started to think about giving my GF an ultimatum - you can either move up with me or I’ll go by myself. Of course this would break both our hearts.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
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I'm wondering if what you're taking to be 'homesickness' is actually a desire on your behalf to get out of the relationship?

In your own words "you were just a kid" when you moved to the Midlands. Looking after a partner who has a life-threatening illness is difficult for a kid to do, you have to grow up quickly and leave childish things behind. I'm wondering whether you feel like you've had your childhood (adolescence) taken from you?

Now you're saving for a deposit for your first home together (grown up) but still living at your girlfriend's family home (childish). This dichotomy is perhaps making you feel unsettled. Had you thought about renting your own home together first? Something modest that won't cost a fortune. This might help you put things in perspective better. I know from experience that having a joint mortgage with a partner involves more commitment to that person than actually being married to them.
 
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safcrhys said:
I moved away from the north east 5 years ago when I was 21 to be with my mrs in the Midlands, I realise now that I was just a kid and I never really thought it through properly. My GF was battling leukaemia at the time and I felt like I had to be there for her and look after her so I moved in with her and her mam and dad. It’s a big house and we don’t tread on each other’s toes, plenty of space etc...

Thankfully these days my mrs is in good health however we still live with her mam and dad although we have started to save a substantial amount of money for a deposit on our own house.

The problem is since Xmas I’ve become really homesick. Every time I return to the north east to see my parents etc... it breaks my heart to leave again. I’ve queried whether my GF will move up with me but she has categorically stated that she will not even entertain the idea.

So I’m kind of stuck in limbo, I’m quite miserable tbf. I count down the days until I’m able to go back home to see my family. I’ve started to think about giving my GF an ultimatum - you can either move up with me or I’ll go by myself. Of course this would break both our hearts.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
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If you love your girlfriend and want to be together it doesn't matter where you live.

If you love your parents more than your girlfriend , and feel home sick when you are not there, time to split with girlfriend.

People are more important than places. I've been to many great places, but I'd rather be in a rubbish place with a loved one than a great place without them.
 
from the tone of the OP id suggest securing your share of the savings asap.

then having a chat about the homesickness and being honest if that is really the driver here.

sounds like you've been through a lot already but that's no reason to stay together if you're not happy.
 
I think all of us exiles get homesick. Given that I moved away in 1989 I think I pine for my youth which is interwoven with Sunderland rather than Sunderland itself.
 
Le Chuck said:
Sounds like she wanted him under the thumb & he's dodged a bullet.

As ive been going to the match a lot longer than ive known owa lass, she knows where she stand with regards to that. (Although dont get to many aways these days)
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Got to say I could understand a lass being pissed off with her fella going to every match home and away.
 
I've been gone just shy of 20 years now.
I do miss friends but on the upside whenever I go up its an event so we go to town. If I was there all the time it wouldn't be.
 
Some Random Guy said:
Got to say I could understand a lass being pissed off with her fella going to every match home and away.
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But she got with him knowing what his hobby was. And it just mentioned 1 long away game, not every week.
Mine likes it that she can get rid of me for a few hours & can catch up on her shite telly programmes.
 
Seems to me like you're looking for a way out?

As already said, secure your proportion of the savings.
Tell her you want to move back and if she wants to be with you she'll have to move too.
She'll say no, you move back with a load of cash and find yourself a woman who wants to be with you.
 
Le Chuck said:
But she got with him knowing what his hobby was. And it just mentioned 1 long away game, not every week.
Mine likes it that she can get rid of me for a few hours & can catch up on her shite telly programmes.
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Before I met my lass I used to go to the pub 5 or 6 nights a week and play computer games until 4am. Shit changes. :lol:
 
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