Tough situation, need advice

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I totally get that, I'm up in Scotland and have been for years now (with a stint in Belfast too). We're settled here but I still get feelings of wanting to be back in the north-east, usually when I've just visited. Mostly it's missing family, rather than the place. How much of it is that for you? Do you miss the north-east as a place or miss the family you have there? If it's the latter, maybe asking them to visit you more might be a positive step?
 
Idlewild Mackem said:
I totally get that, I'm up in Scotland and have been for years now (with a stint in Belfast too). We're settled here but I still get feelings of wanting to be back in the north-east, usually when I've just visited. Mostly it's missing family, rather than the place. How much of it is that for you? Do you miss the north-east as a place or miss the family you have there? If it's the latter, maybe asking them to visit you more might be a positive step?
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Both really mate but probably family more than anything, I’ve spoke to my dad about how I feel he just says wait and see if the homesickness wears off and don’t do anything rash.
 
safcrhys said:
Both really mate but probably family more than anything, I’ve spoke to my dad about how I feel he just says wait and see if the homesickness wears off and don’t do anything rash.
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I had to actually say to my family, "come and visit more please" - it might be worth doing that if you haven't. It definitely helps marra.
 
What ties us exiles to a place once we move. I suppose it's the ties we make, maybe seeing your kids being born and settled where they are, work and career progression. You really sound as if you are on the horns of a dilemma though. I guess sometimes though you have to stick with a decision and tough it out. Any choice like this will involve losses and gains and they will echo down the years. No one can advise you what's right. There is no easy answer. Maybe do a list of strengths weaknesses opportunities and threats of both outcomes. Try and weight each item. Then steel yourself to the fact that every life decision comes at some cost. Good luck
 
safcrhys said:
I moved away from the north east 5 years ago when I was 21 to be with my mrs in the Midlands, I realise now that I was just a kid and I never really thought it through properly. My GF was battling leukaemia at the time and I felt like I had to be there for her and look after her so I moved in with her and her mam and dad. It’s a big house and we don’t tread on each other’s toes, plenty of space etc...

Thankfully these days my mrs is in good health however we still live with her mam and dad although we have started to save a substantial amount of money for a deposit on our own house.

The problem is since Xmas I’ve become really homesick. Every time I return to the north east to see my parents etc... it breaks my heart to leave again. I’ve queried whether my GF will move up with me but she has categorically stated that she will not even entertain the idea.

So I’m kind of stuck in limbo, I’m quite miserable tbf. I count down the days until I’m able to go back home to see my family. I’ve started to think about giving my GF an ultimatum - you can either move up with me or I’ll go by myself. Of course this would break both our hearts.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
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Get yourself an Amazon FireTV. Troubles over.
 
It sounds as though you really want to move back in with your parents and be looked after.
If your relationship with your lass is strong you should resist your urge to move home.
If I could correct the mistakes I have made in my life I would have left home at 17 and made my own way in life.
 
Would you miss her marra? Thing is if she moved north with you shel probably have the same feelings as you..homesick as owt..
 
HerdnMulhall said:
What ties us exiles to a place once we move. I suppose it's the ties we make, maybe seeing your kids being born and settled where they are, work and career progression. You really sound as if you are on the horns of a dilemma though. I guess sometimes though you have to stick with a decision and tough it out. Any choice like this will involve losses and gains and they will echo down the years. No one can advise you what's right. There is no easy answer. Maybe do a list of strengths weaknesses opportunities and threats of both outcomes. Try and weight each item. Then steel yourself to the fact that every life decision comes at some cost. Good luck
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Maybe the op should get a bairn or two to fix the situation.

bryc1 said:
Would you miss her marra? Thing is if she moved north with you shel probably have the same feelings as you..homesick as owt..
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In 5 years time she can give him an ultimatum.
 
I felt sick as a pig when I first moved away. I followed a lass and her family when they moved and we split very shortly after and it was only then that I settled down and started to actually live where I was as opposed to feeling as though I was just stopping there.
We moved from London to Cornwall 17 yrs ago and I live here 100%, this is home and has felt like that since very shortly after we got here.
Ower lass ( nope) has offered to move up to Sunderland (she's a Londoner) as that's where my Mam is but I chose to live in Cornwall and can't see myself living anywhere else. My life is better here than it would be up there I think.
The bairn however would move up tomorrow even though she has never lived up there.
I've been away 28 yrs now and the visits we do is enough for me to actually want to get back down here. Driving south west past Exeter is knowing I'm about an hour away from no street lights, not locking my door, no sirens or traffic noise and clear sky's ( when it's not raining)
The point I'm getting at........... there's more reasons to be here than there for me. Where has the most benefits for you?
 
I lived away from the North East for about 5 years and been back a couple now.

Was good at first but feel like moving again, hopefully to Spain/Gibraltar next year.

Either way there's no point sticking around if you're unhappy.
 
I'd give it till the end of the summer as everything look worse in the cold of winter. A bit warm weather so you can get out and about may put a different slant on things. If it isn't just winter blues then you have to make a tough decision that only you can make.

One piece of advice though, keep an eye on those substantial savings as if the other half gets wind of you potentially buggering off and she feels rejected/hurt, then they may prove difficult to get your hands on.
 
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I moved away 40 years ago. I only live in North Yorkshire but rarely go back. Parents are gone and brothers and sister in NE and I keep in touch with them regular but doubt if I would move back now.
 
What sort of occupational mobility do you have?

What sort of job prospects would you have in the north east? (I heard Nissan is a fantastic place to work).

Why not compromise somewhere half way like The Lakes or Leeds?

Can’t offer much more advice as I scarpered as a youngun with zero regrets or homesickness but that was as much to do with the shite British weather as anything else.
 
If you are both serious about your relationship together, then try to have a sensible conversation about this. Suggest that you rent in the NE for a while before you buy to see if that works for her as living away isn't working for you. The upside is that you may miss where you are living now and it's just a case of the grass being greener.
 
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