Tough situation, need advice

S

safcrhys.

Guest
I moved away from the north east 5 years ago when I was 21 to be with my mrs in the Midlands, I realise now that I was just a kid and I never really thought it through properly. My GF was battling leukaemia at the time and I felt like I had to be there for her and look after her so I moved in with her and her mam and dad. It’s a big house and we don’t tread on each other’s toes, plenty of space etc...

Thankfully these days my mrs is in good health however we still live with her mam and dad although we have started to save a substantial amount of money for a deposit on our own house.

The problem is since Xmas I’ve become really homesick. Every time I return to the north east to see my parents etc... it breaks my heart to leave again. I’ve queried whether my GF will move up with me but she has categorically stated that she will not even entertain the idea.

So I’m kind of stuck in limbo, I’m quite miserable tbf. I count down the days until I’m able to go back home to see my family. I’ve started to think about giving my GF an ultimatum - you can either move up with me or I’ll go by myself. Of course this would break both our hearts.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
 


That sounds tough.

It sounds unfair also. You moved into her parents' home but she won't even entertain moving back up to the N.E?
 
safcrhys said:
I moved away from the north east 5 years ago when I was 21 to be with my mrs in the Midlands, I realise now that I was just a kid and I never really thought it through properly. My GF was battling leukaemia at the time and I felt like I had to be there for her and look after her so I moved in with her and her mam and dad. It’s a big house and we don’t tread on each other’s toes, plenty of space etc...

Thankfully these days my mrs is in good health however we still live with her mam and dad although we have started to save a substantial amount of money for a deposit on our own house.

The problem is since Xmas I’ve become really homesick. Every time I return to the north east to see my parents etc... it breaks my heart to leave again. I’ve queried whether my GF will move up with me but she has categorically stated that she will not even entertain the idea.

So I’m kind of stuck in limbo, I’m quite miserable tbf. I count down the days until I’m able to go back home to see my family. I’ve started to think about giving my GF an ultimatum - you can either move up with me or I’ll go by myself. Of course this would break both our hearts.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
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No, but it does seem you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you stay in the Midlands against your will - you'll always hold it against her in a way sadly. You need to weigh up the options, stay, keep her happy and all the while you'll feel sad or go, lose your woman possibly but return home to relative happiness.
Where is your work ? because obviously that will be a factor too and you'd need to try and ensure you had a job up here etc. My advice would be to sit down and calmly explain your feelings to your lady, there has to be compromise in a relationship but I guess it will be a case of who is willing to do that.
Best of luck xx
 
It’s a tough one.

For me I find homesickness comes and goes, so maybe give it a bit more time?

Also consider a few things:
- how much do you really want to be with her? As harsh as that sounds, you need to consider it
- is homesickness the issue? And would moving home even fix it?

Good luck
 
look out piano said:
No, but it does seem you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you stay in the Midlands against your will - you'll always hold it against her in a way sadly. You need to weigh up the options, stay, keep her happy and all the while you'll feel sad or go, lose your woman possibly but return home to relative happiness.
Where is your work ? because obviously that will be a factor too and you'd need to try and ensure you had a job up here etc. My advice would be to sit down and calmly explain your feelings to your lady, there has to be compromise in a relationship but I guess it will be a case of who is willing to do that.
Best of luck xx
Click to expand...

Work at Jaguar Land Rover in Solihull.
 
Does your girlfriend come with you when you come back “ home” ?
Is it worth her spending a bit more time in the NE to get more of a feel if she could live here ?

My wife is from Lancashire and moved up to the NE and she’s been here 25 years now and it’s home.
For example she’s still amazed how blasé I am about living 2-3 miles away from the sea
 
Does your girlfriend understand how you feel?

There's a big difference between querying whether she would move up north and having an actual conversation about it.

From the OP it seems like a discussion is needed rather than an ultimatum.
 
safcrhys said:
I moved away from the north east 5 years ago when I was 21 to be with my mrs in the Midlands, I realise now that I was just a kid and I never really thought it through properly. My GF was battling leukaemia at the time and I felt like I had to be there for her and look after her so I moved in with her and her mam and dad. It’s a big house and we don’t tread on each other’s toes, plenty of space etc...

Thankfully these days my mrs is in good health however we still live with her mam and dad although we have started to save a substantial amount of money for a deposit on our own house.

The problem is since Xmas I’ve become really homesick. Every time I return to the north east to see my parents etc... it breaks my heart to leave again. I’ve queried whether my GF will move up with me but she has categorically stated that she will not even entertain the idea.

So I’m kind of stuck in limbo, I’m quite miserable tbf. I count down the days until I’m able to go back home to see my family. I’ve started to think about giving my GF an ultimatum - you can either move up with me or I’ll go by myself. Of course this would break both our hearts.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
Click to expand...
Something I`ve never struggled with to be honest. Do you have much of a life of your own down there yet? mates that are yours rather than mates that you know through her etc?
 
I was ripped away from the north east to the Midlands when my daughter was born. My then wife gave me an ultimatum i ether move cos she wanted to be near her mam and dad or she would go without me. I felt compelled to go cos of the responsibility of having a bairn. We wernt together much longer but i stayed down here for my daughter that was 15 years ago. I was homesick for about 2 years.
 

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