Mental Health - general discussion

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becs said:
Struggling with having to stop in as I'm usually out and about all day. Everything I usually enjoy has gone - can't walk the dogs, can't go for a run, no football and the gym is closed. Even miss my job.

Not allowed any visitors. My younger son lives out and is still working in retail so he's too high risk. Hurts like hell not being allowed to see him. Missing my Mam as well as I usually see her regularly too.

Bob has lymphoma and is on end of life care. He's the best dog I've ever had.

Busy dealing with something that is complicated and stressful but has been put on hold indefinitely due to the current climate.

Worried about finances as I'm not working and seem to have fallen through the cracks with the help that has been announced.

I had a reserved slot with Ocado so I thought I would be ok for food shopping. They have decided to suspend the reserved scheme, so now I've lost my slot and none of the other online supermarkets have any free slots. Can send the bairn to the corner shop for food but it has a limited selection and costs a fortune.

My eldest is really bad with his mental health. I have to pretend to be happy in the house as I don't want to worry him.

I haven't slept properly for days and my crohns is kicking off as I'm chewed to bits.
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I logged on to Asda a couple of hours ago and managed to get a slot for a week tomorrow, I nearly fell off the chair I was so surprised to get one ! A couple of posters on here have mentioned that random slots keep popping up and also if you log on during the night you can get lucky . I’ve also found a few places that deliver fruit and veg , bread and meat through local Facebook groups
Hopefully while people actually have to start eating all that hoarded food it will give other people a chance .
I’m so sorry to hear about Bob , he sounds such a lovely dog xxx
I
 
I'm finding it comes and goes. Been a fairly positive week - weather ok, got stuff done in the house and had confirmation that i won't be losing my job. Then today. you read that nearly a thousand people have died in Italy and it's hard to stay positive.
 
Bit of a general blab about my perspective on it all from working in mental health and where we're at with this in historical perspective: Feel free to skip if you cant be arsed. TLDR: we're not conditioned by our society to live a daily existence, but you can learn.

As a society we have been protected from much of what has actually constituted the human condition for the whole of recorded history. The vast majority of us have lived without

Fear of the seasons, famine or food shortage, disease, injury, shelter, war, even death in many cases.

This might sound perverse but the more I have focussed on how priveleged we are, the easier it has been to take a step back. Humans have existed as long as they have knowing the anxieties we have known the past fortnight, and worse, pretty much all their life, without any of our advantages. And not only have they coped, they've thrived, had families, made culture, celebrated, mourned, everything in between. The same goes for people living outside of the West who have likewise had to endure hardships and live a less certain existence than we have.

The difference is their cultures have developed alongside these truths, whereas we've lived in one which has lived in denial of them. And as a result a lot of modern stuff is shit at helping you to live with it, because it was designed for a less challenging and more superficial climate. If anything it was designed to make incredibly important matters trivial and incredibly trivial matters important (note how absolutely no-one gives a fuck about celebrities and their perspective now? Almost overnight?)

Working in mental health for 10+ years it's been very similar seeing the resources available for people with MH issues, they arent designed for the realities of a life lived outside of a comfortable and secure capitalist bubble that protects you from the ravages of real, uncontrollable rhythms of life that most humans who ever lived have known as a matter of course.

Working with people who live at the margins and extremes has helped me understand that any one person actually has control over very little. Anxiety tends to come from a feeling of being out of control which is absolutely where people are at now: lack of control over your job, finances, social calendar, how often you can leave the house, what you can eat, bog roll supplies.

If you can accept that most things are always outside your control, it helps to focus on what you do control and what you can do, where you can put that one foot forward, where safety and stability
lies, rather than leave you feeling powerless and empty, as though everything is out of your grasp.

What that step forward entails differs from person to person. For some it might be going for a walk, for others going for a shower, for others getting out of bed at all will be a big win. If you put it together piece by piece though you can get through one day. Then two, then a week, then a fortnight, then a month etc.

Embracing the certainties we have obscures the scary things we cant control, which are scary precisley because they are unknown or unknowable. You might have noticed how routine masks and social distance queuing already feels. We can adapt sucsessfuly and remarkably quickly to new things, much better than we think we can. But until it happens, you dont know. And not knowing is something foreign to most of us, and alien.

I've been out several days this week to care for people and was shitting myself prior to going out the first time- what if I get it, what if I give it to someone else, what if my wife comes home from hospital and neither of us know and then I go out and give it to the vulnerable people I'm supposed to be helping etc. All legitimate fears but also things I have absolutely no control over.

But if i focus on what I can control: I can control wearing PPE; I can control using hand sanitiser regularly when outside; I can wash my hands regularly inside; I can walk rather than take the bus; I can social distance; i can take my clothes off and stick them in the wash when i come home etc- those allow me to move forward. They dont stop me getting the virus or transmitting it, that could stil happen. But I cant ever stop that risk entirely and also still do my job. If I want to live my life I have to accept risk, then do what I can to minimise that risk, and that leaves me with direction.

It dosent make life easy but it makes it easier and crucially, manageable. Over the next few months a lot of people are going to find themselves in an existential pit that has only one way out, which is one move at a time. But if you can learn to keep moving, slowly, very slowly some days so slow it's like you arent moving at all, but moving all the same, you can avoid that pit, or at least stop yourself from falling all the way in most days.

One thing I've found really interesting in all this is that people I support who I was really concerned about coping with isolation etc due to their mental health have been relatively untouched by the whole thing. I think its because to keep purpose in their life they've had to learn not to look forward or trust in anything more than one day at a time anyway. Naturally in better times I try to challenge this mentality and encourage optimism and being vulnerable and open to new experiences.

But the thing is, sometimes you just have to grope through the mist and put one foot forward until things feel safe. It's no less part of the human experience than being excited about the future is. Dont try and deny it, dont try and short circuit it with a positivity or optimism that isnt genuine. Fall back into your loved ones, be honest about your feelings, name your anxieties honestly, recognise that 95% of them are outside of any control, control the risk within the rest, and live slowly, day by day. It will get better, but we cant know when, that's another unknown, so just gan steady.
 
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A run cant be underestimated. Felt shite today/a little hungover. Keeping as positive as poss for both our family of 5 n parents on the phone. Done 10k tonight in a lovely route n felt brand new.
 
sonson said:
Bit of a general blab about my perspective on it all from working in mental health and where we're at with this in historical perspective: Feel free to skip if you cant be arsed. TLDR: we're not conditioned by our society to live a daily existence, but you can learn.

As a society we have been protected from much of what has actually constituted the human condition for the whole of recorded history. The vast majority of us have lived without

Fear of the seasons, famine or food shortage, disease, injury, shelter, war, even death in many cases.

This might sound perverse but the more I have focussed on how priveleged we are, the easier it has been to take a step back. Humans have existed as long as they have knowing the anxieties we have known the past fortnight, and worse, pretty much all their life, without any of our advantages. And not only have they coped, they've thrived, had families, made culture, celebrated, mourned, everything in between. The same goes for people living outside of the West who have likewise had to endure hardships and live a less certain existence than we have.

The difference is their cultures have developed alongside these truths, whereas we've lived in one which has lived in denial of them. And as a result a lot of modern stuff is shit at helping you to live with it, because it was designed for a less challenging and more superficial climate. If anything it was designed to make incredibly important matters trivial and incredibly trivial matters important (note how absolutely no-one gives a fuck about celebrities and their perspective now? Almost overnight?)

Working in mental health for 10+ years it's been very similar seeing the resources available for people with MH issues, they arent designed for the realities of a life lived outside of a comfortable and secure capitalist bubble that protects you from the ravages of real, uncontrollable rhythms of life that most humans who ever lived have known as a matter of course.

Working with people who live at the margins and extremes has helped me understand that any one person actually has control over very little. Anxiety tends to come from a feeling of being out of control which is absolutely where people are at now: lack of control over your job, finances, social calendar, how often you can leave the house, what you can eat, bog roll supplies.

If you can accept that most things are always outside your control, it helps to focus on what you do control and what you can do, where you can put that one foot forward, where safety and stability
lies, rather than leave you feeling powerless and empty, as though everything is out of your grasp.

What that step forward entails differs from person to person. For some it might be going for a walk, for others going for a shower, for others getting out of bed at all will be a big win. If you put it together piece by piece though you can get through one day. Then two, then a week, then a fortnight, then a month etc.

Embracing the certainties we have obscures the scary things we cant control, which are scary precisley because they are unknown or unknowable. You might have noticed how routine masks and social distance queuing already feels. We can adapt sucsessfuly and remarkably quickly to new things, much better than we think we can. But until it happens, you dont know. And not knowing is something foreign to most of us, and alien.

I've been out several days this week to care for people and was shitting myself prior to going out the first time- what if I get it, what if I give it to someone else, what if my wife comes home from hospital and neither of us know and then I go out and give it to the vulnerable people I'm supposed to be helping etc. All legitimate fears but also things I have absolutely no control over.

But if i focus on what I can control: I can control wearing PPE; I can control using hand sanitiser regularly when outside; I can wash my hands regularly inside; I can walk rather than take the bus; I can social distance; i can take my clothes off and stick them in the wash when i come home etc- those allow me to move forward. They dont stop me getting the virus or transmitting it, that could stil happen. But I cant ever stop that risk entirely and also still do my job. If I want to live my life I have to accept risk, then do what I can to minimise that risk, and that leaves me with direction.

It dosent make life easy but it makes it easier and crucially, manageable. Over the next few months a lot of people are going to find themselves in an existential pit that has only one way out, which is one move at a time. But if you can learn to keep moving, slowly, very slowly some days so slow it's like you arent moving at all, but moving all the same, you can avoid that pit, or at least stop yourself from falling all the way in most days.

One thing I've found really interesting in all this is that people I support who I was really concerned about coping with isolation etc due to their mental health have been relatively untouched by the whole thing. I think its because to keep purpose in their life they've had to learn not to look forward or trust in anything more than one day at a time anyway. Naturally in better times I try to challenge this mentality and encourage optimism and being vulnerable and open to new experiences.

But the thing is, sometimes you just have to grope through the mist and put one foot forward until things feel safe. It's no less part of the human experience than being excited about the future is. Dont try and deny it, dont try and short circuit it with a positivity or optimism that isnt genuine. Fall back into your loved ones, be honest about your feelings, name your anxieties honestly, recognise that 95% of them are outside of any control, control the risk within the rest, and live slowly, day by day. It will get better, but we cant know when, that's another unknown, so just gan steady.
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This is one of the most profound posts I’ve ever read on here

Makes so much sense and yet I’ve never considered any of it until you spelled it out

Not sure I’ll be able to apply it and make me feel better as that’s how my brains wired, but thanks for the post anyway
 
sonson said:
Bit of a general blab about my perspective on it all from working in mental health and where we're at with this in historical perspective: Feel free to skip if you cant be arsed. TLDR: we're not conditioned by our society to live a daily existence, but you can learn.

As a society we have been protected from much of what has actually constituted the human condition for the whole of recorded history. The vast majority of us have lived without

Fear of the seasons, famine or food shortage, disease, injury, shelter, war, even death in many cases.

This might sound perverse but the more I have focussed on how priveleged we are, the easier it has been to take a step back. Humans have existed as long as they have knowing the anxieties we have known the past fortnight, and worse, pretty much all their life, without any of our advantages. And not only have they coped, they've thrived, had families, made culture, celebrated, mourned, everything in between. The same goes for people living outside of the West who have likewise had to endure hardships and live a less certain existence than we have.

The difference is their cultures have developed alongside these truths, whereas we've lived in one which has lived in denial of them. And as a result a lot of modern stuff is shit at helping you to live with it, because it was designed for a less challenging and more superficial climate. If anything it was designed to make incredibly important matters trivial and incredibly trivial matters important (note how absolutely no-one gives a fuck about celebrities and their perspective now? Almost overnight?)

Working in mental health for 10+ years it's been very similar seeing the resources available for people with MH issues, they arent designed for the realities of a life lived outside of a comfortable and secure capitalist bubble that protects you from the ravages of real, uncontrollable rhythms of life that most humans who ever lived have known as a matter of course.

Working with people who live at the margins and extremes has helped me understand that any one person actually has control over very little. Anxiety tends to come from a feeling of being out of control which is absolutely where people are at now: lack of control over your job, finances, social calendar, how often you can leave the house, what you can eat, bog roll supplies.

If you can accept that most things are always outside your control, it helps to focus on what you do control and what you can do, where you can put that one foot forward, where safety and stability
lies, rather than leave you feeling powerless and empty, as though everything is out of your grasp.

What that step forward entails differs from person to person. For some it might be going for a walk, for others going for a shower, for others getting out of bed at all will be a big win. If you put it together piece by piece though you can get through one day. Then two, then a week, then a fortnight, then a month etc.

Embracing the certainties we have obscures the scary things we cant control, which are scary precisley because they are unknown or unknowable. You might have noticed how routine masks and social distance queuing already feels. We can adapt sucsessfuly and remarkably quickly to new things, much better than we think we can. But until it happens, you dont know. And not knowing is something foreign to most of us, and alien.

I've been out several days this week to care for people and was shitting myself prior to going out the first time- what if I get it, what if I give it to someone else, what if my wife comes home from hospital and neither of us know and then I go out and give it to the vulnerable people I'm supposed to be helping etc. All legitimate fears but also things I have absolutely no control over.

But if i focus on what I can control: I can control wearing PPE; I can control using hand sanitiser regularly when outside; I can wash my hands regularly inside; I can walk rather than take the bus; I can social distance; i can take my clothes off and stick them in the wash when i come home etc- those allow me to move forward. They dont stop me getting the virus or transmitting it, that could stil happen. But I cant ever stop that risk entirely and also still do my job. If I want to live my life I have to accept risk, then do what I can to minimise that risk, and that leaves me with direction.

It dosent make life easy but it makes it easier and crucially, manageable. Over the next few months a lot of people are going to find themselves in an existential pit that has only one way out, which is one move at a time. But if you can learn to keep moving, slowly, very slowly some days so slow it's like you arent moving at all, but moving all the same, you can avoid that pit, or at least stop yourself from falling all the way in most days.

One thing I've found really interesting in all this is that people I support who I was really concerned about coping with isolation etc due to their mental health have been relatively untouched by the whole thing. I think its because to keep purpose in their life they've had to learn not to look forward or trust in anything more than one day at a time anyway. Naturally in better times I try to challenge this mentality and encourage optimism and being vulnerable and open to new experiences.

But the thing is, sometimes you just have to grope through the mist and put one foot forward until things feel safe. It's no less part of the human experience than being excited about the future is. Dont try and deny it, dont try and short circuit it with a positivity or optimism that isnt genuine. Fall back into your loved ones, be honest about your feelings, name your anxieties honestly, recognise that 95% of them are outside of any control, control the risk within the rest, and live slowly, day by day. It will get better, but we cant know when, that's another unknown, so just gan steady.
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Good post. Spot on with the control thing. A way to conquer a fear of flying is to accept it's out of your control and put your faith in the crew, which does work.
 
sonson said:
Bit of a general blab about my perspective on it all from working in mental health and where we're at with this in historical perspective: Feel free to skip if you cant be arsed. TLDR: we're not conditioned by our society to live a daily existence, but you can learn.

As a society we have been protected from much of what has actually constituted the human condition for the whole of recorded history. The vast majority of us have lived without

Fear of the seasons, famine or food shortage, disease, injury, shelter, war, even death in many cases.

This might sound perverse but the more I have focussed on how priveleged we are, the easier it has been to take a step back. Humans have existed as long as they have knowing the anxieties we have known the past fortnight, and worse, pretty much all their life, without any of our advantages. And not only have they coped, they've thrived, had families, made culture, celebrated, mourned, everything in between. The same goes for people living outside of the West who have likewise had to endure hardships and live a less certain existence than we have.

The difference is their cultures have developed alongside these truths, whereas we've lived in one which has lived in denial of them. And as a result a lot of modern stuff is shit at helping you to live with it, because it was designed for a less challenging and more superficial climate. If anything it was designed to make incredibly important matters trivial and incredibly trivial matters important (note how absolutely no-one gives a fuck about celebrities and their perspective now? Almost overnight?)

Working in mental health for 10+ years it's been very similar seeing the resources available for people with MH issues, they arent designed for the realities of a life lived outside of a comfortable and secure capitalist bubble that protects you from the ravages of real, uncontrollable rhythms of life that most humans who ever lived have known as a matter of course.

Working with people who live at the margins and extremes has helped me understand that any one person actually has control over very little. Anxiety tends to come from a feeling of being out of control which is absolutely where people are at now: lack of control over your job, finances, social calendar, how often you can leave the house, what you can eat, bog roll supplies.

If you can accept that most things are always outside your control, it helps to focus on what you do control and what you can do, where you can put that one foot forward, where safety and stability
lies, rather than leave you feeling powerless and empty, as though everything is out of your grasp.

What that step forward entails differs from person to person. For some it might be going for a walk, for others going for a shower, for others getting out of bed at all will be a big win. If you put it together piece by piece though you can get through one day. Then two, then a week, then a fortnight, then a month etc.

Embracing the certainties we have obscures the scary things we cant control, which are scary precisley because they are unknown or unknowable. You might have noticed how routine masks and social distance queuing already feels. We can adapt sucsessfuly and remarkably quickly to new things, much better than we think we can. But until it happens, you dont know. And not knowing is something foreign to most of us, and alien.

I've been out several days this week to care for people and was shitting myself prior to going out the first time- what if I get it, what if I give it to someone else, what if my wife comes home from hospital and neither of us know and then I go out and give it to the vulnerable people I'm supposed to be helping etc. All legitimate fears but also things I have absolutely no control over.

But if i focus on what I can control: I can control wearing PPE; I can control using hand sanitiser regularly when outside; I can wash my hands regularly inside; I can walk rather than take the bus; I can social distance; i can take my clothes off and stick them in the wash when i come home etc- those allow me to move forward. They dont stop me getting the virus or transmitting it, that could stil happen. But I cant ever stop that risk entirely and also still do my job. If I want to live my life I have to accept risk, then do what I can to minimise that risk, and that leaves me with direction.

It dosent make life easy but it makes it easier and crucially, manageable. Over the next few months a lot of people are going to find themselves in an existential pit that has only one way out, which is one move at a time. But if you can learn to keep moving, slowly, very slowly some days so slow it's like you arent moving at all, but moving all the same, you can avoid that pit, or at least stop yourself from falling all the way in most days.

One thing I've found really interesting in all this is that people I support who I was really concerned about coping with isolation etc due to their mental health have been relatively untouched by the whole thing. I think its because to keep purpose in their life they've had to learn not to look forward or trust in anything more than one day at a time anyway. Naturally in better times I try to challenge this mentality and encourage optimism and being vulnerable and open to new experiences.

But the thing is, sometimes you just have to grope through the mist and put one foot forward until things feel safe. It's no less part of the human experience than being excited about the future is. Dont try and deny it, dont try and short circuit it with a positivity or optimism that isnt genuine. Fall back into your loved ones, be honest about your feelings, name your anxieties honestly, recognise that 95% of them are outside of any control, control the risk within the rest, and live slowly, day by day. It will get better, but we cant know when, that's another unknown, so just gan steady.
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Excellent mate should be a sticky so people can read it throughout this.
 
The people I am concerned about are those like my mum, she is a widow of 88 and lives alone. She is already struggling with being stuck inside and was almost n tears yesterday when I dropped the dog off after walking her. I fear for her mental health if this has to go on for another 11 weeks of lockdown for her. Walking home I felt tears welling up in me and anger at this virus for putting her in this awful position.

i so want to sit down, even at the opposite end of the room, with no contact, and have a cup of tea and a chat with her. However neither do I want to put her at risk. This is so f***ing shit!
 
Old Timer said:
The people I am concerned about are those like my mum, she is a widow of 88 and lives alone. She is already struggling with being stuck inside and was almost n tears yesterday when I dropped the dog off after walking her. I fear for her mental health if this has to go on for another 11 weeks of lockdown for her. Walking home I felt tears welling up in me and anger at this virus for putting her in this awful position.

i so want to sit down, even at the opposite end of the room, with no contact, and have a cup of tea and a chat with her. However neither do I want to put her at risk. This is so f***ing shit!
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I live 2 streets away from my elderly mother who has 10 weeks to go fortunately she is very upbeat. I cook and take her evening meal down she takes it through her front window and we chat for 10 minutes keeping it light hearted. I even took the mower down yesterday to cut her front lawn. I hope your mam can stay well and sane throughout this. They have been through hard times in the past and are made of stern stuff. Keep reassuring her and try create a relaxed atmosphere as tough as it is.
 
chuckyroll said:
I live 2 streets away from my elderly mother who has 10 weeks to go fortunately she is very upbeat. I cook and take her evening meal down she takes it through her front window and we chat for 10 minutes keeping it light hearted. I even took the mower down yesterday to cut her front lawn. I hope your mam can stay well and sane throughout this. They have been through hard times in the past and are made of stern stuff. Keep reassuring her and try create a relaxed atmosphere as tough as it is.
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Think I will get the garden chairs out take a flask and sit a distance away in the garden and have a cuppa with her , writhing the patio door open.
 
Been a bit of a mess the last couple of days. Went for a really long walk this morning. I am lucky I live in a very rural area so have farm tracks, fields and woodland to walk through. Was out for ages but only saw 1 person. It definitely helps to wear yourself out.
 
Its f***ing crazy how many people are anxious and depressed in current society but have no reason to be..... its a weird twist of fate that god has now put something on earth that genuinely does give us all something to be upset and anxious and worried and scared to leave our homes for.
 
TopCat said:
I'm finding it comes and goes. Been a fairly positive week - weather ok, got stuff done in the house and had confirmation that i won't be losing my job. Then today. you read that nearly a thousand people have died in Italy and it's hard to stay positive.
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Same here...positive thoughts turn quickly to negative ones. So scary for everybody. The preparations being made here for huge mortuaries made me feel ill today. Unreal times to be living through.
Mackem DJ said:
Its f***ing crazy how many people are anxious and depressed in current society but have no reason to be..... its a weird twist of fate that god has now put something on earth that genuinely does give us all something to be upset and anxious and worried and scared to leave our homes for.
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God ate a bat’s intestines? Bet his son didn’t have that on the menu at the Last Supper...
 
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Was supposed to be moving into me own place yesterday, was a big deal for me since break up of my marriage. Absolutely gutted it hasn't happened. Currently with parents who have been great with me and they'll never know how much I really appreciate what theyre doing for me but I'm absolutely gutted I couldn't get my own place. 2 kids are with their mam and although I still talk to them it's tearing me apart how little I see if them.
 
rocky said:
Was supposed to be moving into me own place yesterday, was a big deal for me since break up of my marriage. Absolutely gutted it hasn't happened. Currently with parents who have been great with me and they'll never know how much I really appreciate what theyre doing for me but I'm absolutely gutted I couldn't get my own place. 2 kids are with their mam and although I still talk to them it's tearing me apart how little I see if them.
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FaceTime them marra
It’s not the same but the best alternative
You will get there it’s just gonna take a bit longer
keep your chin up & stay safe
 
Arguments with the missus and loads of slurping. Being stuck in for months is going to be horrendous.
rocky said:
Was supposed to be moving into me own place yesterday, was a big deal for me since break up of my marriage. Absolutely gutted it hasn't happened. Currently with parents who have been great with me and they'll never know how much I really appreciate what theyre doing for me but I'm absolutely gutted I couldn't get my own place. 2 kids are with their mam and although I still talk to them it's tearing me apart how little I see if them.
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Stick in there marra, will all work out.
 
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