KEV_SAFC_FTM
Striker
Sorry for the forthcoming long post, just after a bit of advice from those on here that have gone through it all.
This is a synopsis, My Mrs and I have been in a relationship for 20 years, married for 12. We have two kids (9, 7) and we work opposite shifts for childcare reasons. Both kids have autism, although not on a serious scale.
I spend a lot of time exercising in my spare time, either down the gym or running/cycling and we don’t spend a great deal of time doing stuff together as a couple.
Over the last 12-18 months, we have grown apart. Little communication, little intimacy, not socialising together. Very much just Mam and Dad, not husband and wife. We’ve grown apart and were sniping at each other daily.
We made a decision to separate earlier this week and it appears to have gone okay, with practicalities being sorted out between ourselves regarding living arrangements and child access. We are not yet divorcing as there’s no cash there to do it and neither of us want to step into a new relationship.
The ironic thing is, I love my wife still but don’t feel ‘in love’ with her. I don’t hate her but we’ve grown so far apart, I wouldn’t even know where to start getting things back on track. Even being intimate now would feel ‘funny’. I feel it’s irreparable and beyond salvation now such is the devide.
I thought that I’d be relieved and can finally get on with my life and try to find some happiness. Instead, I feel hollow and upset. Even though the separation was largely my decision.
20 years is a long time, my Mrs has been a good wife until the last year or so and I know I’m responsible for a helluva lot of our decline.
It’s strange, she’s moved out to stay with relatives for a few days, until she gets her own place, and I have the kids staying here and yet the house no longer feels like a home. It feels empty.
I asked the kids earlier how they felt about it. They both said sad and broke down in tears, which surprised me as my daughter especially, doesn’t show any emotion ever. It was like being stabbed in the stomach.
So after all that and the reason for this post ....
Does it get better? Are these normal experiences? Can it be salvaged?
This is a synopsis, My Mrs and I have been in a relationship for 20 years, married for 12. We have two kids (9, 7) and we work opposite shifts for childcare reasons. Both kids have autism, although not on a serious scale.
I spend a lot of time exercising in my spare time, either down the gym or running/cycling and we don’t spend a great deal of time doing stuff together as a couple.
Over the last 12-18 months, we have grown apart. Little communication, little intimacy, not socialising together. Very much just Mam and Dad, not husband and wife. We’ve grown apart and were sniping at each other daily.
We made a decision to separate earlier this week and it appears to have gone okay, with practicalities being sorted out between ourselves regarding living arrangements and child access. We are not yet divorcing as there’s no cash there to do it and neither of us want to step into a new relationship.
The ironic thing is, I love my wife still but don’t feel ‘in love’ with her. I don’t hate her but we’ve grown so far apart, I wouldn’t even know where to start getting things back on track. Even being intimate now would feel ‘funny’. I feel it’s irreparable and beyond salvation now such is the devide.
I thought that I’d be relieved and can finally get on with my life and try to find some happiness. Instead, I feel hollow and upset. Even though the separation was largely my decision.
20 years is a long time, my Mrs has been a good wife until the last year or so and I know I’m responsible for a helluva lot of our decline.
It’s strange, she’s moved out to stay with relatives for a few days, until she gets her own place, and I have the kids staying here and yet the house no longer feels like a home. It feels empty.
I asked the kids earlier how they felt about it. They both said sad and broke down in tears, which surprised me as my daughter especially, doesn’t show any emotion ever. It was like being stabbed in the stomach.
So after all that and the reason for this post ....
Does it get better? Are these normal experiences? Can it be salvaged?
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