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Disposing of your parents' stuff

Discussion in 'SMB' started by Patch, Jan 13, 2019.

  1. Patch

    Patch Winger

    My mam died a couple of years back and my dad is now in a home so we're clearing out the house. Some of the stuff, I've put on eBay or gumtree... stuff that none of us wanted.

    However, the whole process seems so fucking tawdry and I'm in bits here. To think that I'm selling stuff my mam loved just feels so wrong but the alternative would be to just let someone else do it and take the money.

    I'd thought of spending the money on a big family meal on her birthday but that just seems frivolous when I think about it. I think it will have to go to charity as that's what she would want.

    I know I'm soft as shite but others must have felt this way too... right?
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2019
  2. I've got all this to come. I feel for you.
  3. Frijj

    Frijj Striker Contributor

    Sorry for your loss mate.

    If it going to charity would be want she wants, then I think that’s the right thing to do.

    Never easy sorting out the stuff a relative leaves behind. I’m sure you will of course but make sure you keep something of hers.

    Sounds daft I know but I wish I’d been able to keep some of my Nana’s fridge magnets as she had them for years, and seeing them would be a very pleasant reminder of happy times spent there.

    All the best mate.
    BiffaBeercan, kossoff, PTR and 5 others like this.
  4. Patch

    Patch Winger

    It doesn't sound remotely daft. Maybe just buy another one if the whole fridge magnet thing reminds you of her.
    Stevie Freestein II and Frijj like this.
  5. Frijj

    Frijj Striker Contributor

    Knowing my family they’ll be stored away somewhere. I should ask.

    What was her favourite charity, do you know?
  6. The soap powder

    The soap powder Full Back

    Hard job mate. Do what you think is right and I may be speaking out of turn but spend the money on something you want not what they or anybody else wants ..... Just my opinion
  7. Johnap

    Johnap Midfield Contributor

    I know what you mean. My wife died 6 months ago and her clothes, jewellery etc are still with me. We talked and said we would do it all together when we were ready. Not looking forward to it.
  8. Skandhaless

    Skandhaless Striker

    Hard to bare mate, my mam is 91 and not over well so at some point this will be me. The way I look at it is Momentos are fine but beyond that the stuff that's not needed is what it is and it's just stuff, everything else I make it would be just in my head so why bother.
    SAFCOldie likes this.
  9. Patch

    Patch Winger

    Oxfam or Christian Aid.
  10. The soap powder

    The soap powder Full Back

    wow thoughts with you pal, hard job there
    harmy, Stevie Freestein II and Johnap like this.
  11. bold, do that if it feels right.
  12. Another vote for charity here. Especially in these times when I’m sure a lot of folk could benefit from a kind act. I’m sure your mam would be chuffed to see some good coming out of her stuff.
  13. Sorry to hear that mate. It's a tough thing to do and I'm dreading it. Sending the stuff to a charity she liked is a good thing to do. If you think she would have liked that and you are happy with that, then do it.

    Is there anything from the 50's? Beamish were collecting for the new 1950's village. My great-Nana did a lot of sewing. We sent her sewing machine, patterns and other associated stuff and they were pleased with it. I'm looking forward to going and visiting her things when it opens. She loved Beamish and I think she'd like that.

    We've got stuff from my grandparents houses that we couldn't chuck out. There's several boxes of photographs in a cupboard at my parents. We haven't got a clue who some of the people are in the pictures but it didn't seem right throwing them in the bin.
  14. Bloody hell. Sorry for your loss John
  15. Patch

    Patch Winger

    I wish I knew what to say mate. That is really tough and I don't think there are words in the English language that I could offer as solace. I know that the "imaginary bloke in the sky" takes a panning on here but I'll say a prayer for you and your family.
  16. I'm aware of a family that when the second parent died a whole load of family vultures came in and took all the things they thought had " value".

    Happily they left a few things of " no value" such as the mother's pastry making bowl and some photos which were appreciated by the non vultures.
  17. Big Dave 53

    Big Dave 53 Winger

    It is tough - one of the hardest things was shredding credit cards and official documents - it was like wiping my mum out of existence. Parasitic family members don’t help either - brings out the worst in people when they think there might be some money. Wouldn’t have minded but she didn’t have a fat lot of anything really.

    Feel for you mate - take care of yourself.
  18. Tman87

    Tman87 Midfield

    I had to do the same last month moving out the place where we lived for the last 12+ years, the two weeks in between moving everything out and moving to my new places I was in constant state, and got next to no sleep. She loved her garden, had even built her own manger/shed, had lots of ornaments and such, council rules meant I had to rip the shed down and move on most of the items. Spent one afternoon in near tears swinging a sledgehammer. Loved her crafting/sewing, boxes of wool, sewing machines, fabric went to creative friends, bags of clothes went to charity shops, furniture was sold on or sent to the skip. In the end only a few things were kept, gutted at some things I got rid of, but ultimately I'd rather it, and I'd like to think she would like knowing it is getting used/appreciated.
  19. Son of Stan

    Son of Stan Striker

    Yeah, we had to clear Mam's stuff out when she died. The worst thing was discovering that she had got my sisters and me some Christmas presents (Ringtons jugs which she loved) - she died in May.

    Then we had to empty the house when Dad went three years later. It was a horrendous task.

    It's one of the reasons I'm obsessing about having a huge clear out as the constant thought that someone will have to go through the absolute shite I've hung onto almost keeps me awake nights.

    Try not to stress too much, my sister took a lot of Mam's things she had no room for simply because she couldn't bear to give them away.
  20. JJH

    JJH Midfield

    Just had to clear the family home of 50+ yrs when dad died last yr. Took me a year to do it as kept putting it off then I decided to do a bit every week and go thru everything very carefully as you would be amazed at what you find.
    Keep things that have sentimental value to the family. Everything else give away.
    I gave stuff like wheel chairs , electric comfy chairs , expensive bath aids to people I knew who needed them, then all new clothes went to a local charity , clothes that weren’t great went to the clothes banks in supermarkets.
    Furniture etc went to British heart foundations who also take electrical stuff and they come and collect everything.
    Have about 5 boxes of sentimental stuff in garage that I will probably end up putting in loft that will be chucked out by my kids when I kick the bucket .
    It’s not easy but comes to us all mate.
    House sold and still seems weird someone else living there.
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2019

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