Disposing of your parents' stuff



My mam died a couple of years back and my dad is now in a home so we're clearing out the house. Some of the stuff, I've put on eBay or gumtree... stuff that none of us wanted.

However, the whole process seems so f***ing tawdry and I'm in bits here. To think that I'm selling stuff my mam loved just feels so wrong but the alternative would be to just let someone else do it and take the money.

I'd thought of spending the money on a big family meal on her birthday but that just seems frivolous when I think about it. I think it will have to go to charity as that's what she would want.

I know I'm soft as shite but others must have felt this way too... right?


Worst thing in the world mate. I feel your pain

I know what you mean. My wife died 6 months ago and her clothes, jewellery etc are still with me. We talked and said we would do it all together when we were ready. Not looking forward to it.

Sorry for your loss, that’s heartbreaking
 
I've been there for the in laws. Messy.

My mother and I ( and siblings) have sorted what is symbolic and sentimental and these things will definitely be kept. Happily my mother is slowly sorting stuff ie for charities, the bin, grandchildren etc. ...will make it easier I guess when the time comes...
 
Very tough reading this thread. Thoughts with those that have gone or are going through this ordeal.

I'm in tears like, my uncle past last January and my auntie has a few days left (found out today) and my dad was diagnosed in the summer and lost his kidney a few months back, touch wood is doing fine but it's hit me pretty hard, a slippery slope and have to admit the SMB is the salvation to keeping focused. We are all in it together people.
 
Everybody should own a musical instrument whether it be a triangle, flute or Guitar its a good distraction to Disposing of your parents's s... X
 
My mam died a couple of years back and my dad is now in a home so we're clearing out the house. Some of the stuff, I've put on eBay or gumtree... stuff that none of us wanted.

However, the whole process seems so f***ing tawdry and I'm in bits here. To think that I'm selling stuff my mam loved just feels so wrong but the alternative would be to just let someone else do it and take the money.

I'd thought of spending the money on a big family meal on her birthday but that just seems frivolous when I think about it. I think it will have to go to charity as that's what she would want.

I know I'm soft as shite but others must have felt this way too... right?
Iv had to do it, its horrible. Do whatever you want mate, theres no rulebook.
 
My mam died a couple of years back and my dad is now in a home so we're clearing out the house. Some of the stuff, I've put on eBay or gumtree... stuff that none of us wanted.

However, the whole process seems so f***ing tawdry and I'm in bits here. To think that I'm selling stuff my mam loved just feels so wrong but the alternative would be to just let someone else do it and take the money.

I'd thought of spending the money on a big family meal on her birthday but that just seems frivolous when I think about it. I think it will have to go to charity as that's what she would want.

I know I'm soft as shite but others must have felt this way too... right?

Any grandkids or younger family members you could maybe open an account for with the money..you know bit to them and a bit to charity??...I recently had to clear my Mam and Dads house and I got in touch with a lad through FB who works for a charity in Sunderland..they provide stuff for low income families and basically folk who haven't got a lot..even stuff like cutlery and crockery..i know how you must feel 'getting rid' of your parents things but you've just got to..keep a couple of things that have a bit importance to yourself and let charities do some good with the rest..i actually felt quite pleased that stuff i'd thought would be going out could be helping someone in the future.
 
My Dad died just over two years ago and two months later my Mam had to go in a home. They had been in their house for 38 years and they had built up a lot of possessions.

I put Dad’s clothes in charity bags without thinking too much about it so as not to get too emotional. No charities would take their bedroom furniture as not fashionable at present, so I had to dismantle two big wardrobes and a dressing table. I gave dozens of books to charities and bedding and blankets to the Salvation Army.

The worst part was going through personal possessions which they had built up over the years. Mam was District Commissioner for the Girl Guides and a regular churchgoer and had lots of paperwork, momentous, and photos going back 70 years of all relatives and friends and holidays etc. I looked at every photo but binned most as I decided I had to be firm otherwise my house would be filled.

As for the potential valuables, I have wedding rings from grandparents and coin collections which I will get valued in time. The money is not really important, I just don’t want to let go of everything at present.

My wife decided that we needed to get rid of items we never used and I am slowly removing things from the loft which “will come in useful one day”, but never will in reality.

Take a big breath, get rid of items to charity shops who will always be grateful and move on. You will always have memories of your parents and they are worth more than anything in the world.
 
My Mam is still alive, but my Dad passed away a few years ago.
Their (her) house is so full of stuff it's one of the things I'm dreading, The amount of stuff they've accumulated is staggering, although obviously they're from a different generation.
 
Spend the money on a family meal or weekend away, I’m sure ya ma would rather you enjoyed it than a stranger. But whatever you decide to do won’t be the wrong thing.
This.

As parents, we're always providing, in one way or another for our kids. The proceeds of our "estate" would be just another form of that.

I'd want my kids to do whatever they wanted with any proceeds of my estate, and for them to not feel guilty about any of it. When I'm gone, I'll not be bothered anyway.
 
Both wife and I are a only months from out 70th birthdays both in full time employment and thankfully relatively fit and well.

We bought our home in 1976 and raised 4 children in the same house, they are all frequent visitors with their husbands/wife's and 8 grandchildren.
A couple of home extensions over the years means we are "just" able to accommodate the lot of them which 7 days over X'mas proved, believe me it was terrific fun for all of us.
Back on topic:
Oddly enough we spoke of this matter in some detail and the "what to do with" etc.
Its no good been morbid about it as we know the inevitable is going to happen and have taken a pragmatic point of view.
We agreed it has to be a giant leap for us all, but we see the need to remove the weight the emotional strain of the situation.
It was considered there is no real need for our stuff to remind us of "parents" as there are traces of us everywhere: in the way we act, in the way we treat others, even in the way we smile.
There is stuff in the attic that has been sealed up for years and in truth when will we open them again just to say "do you remember this teddy"?
I (we) are not about "stuff" ; we must be valued more than our possessions. Memories are within us, not our things.

It is a dilemma for sure and a horrid thing to face up to but probably its best to hold on to the memoires and cherish what you need to.
 
I cleared my wifes parents house a couple of years ago, after about 2 hours her and her sister hadn't chucked or decided on anything, they were just reminiscing about old glass fish and wooden bowls.

In the end we had to decide, do either of you want it, if its no, can we sell it or give it away, if it's no, it goes in the bin. We chucked loads of stuff in the end.

I kept a load of tools from her dad and the wife kept a few sewing things from her mam, so that made it a little less final.

It is hard but you can't keep everything like a museum and you need to move on. Once you start to throw a few things, it gets easier.
 
My mam died a couple of years back and my dad is now in a home so we're clearing out the house. Some of the stuff, I've put on eBay or gumtree... stuff that none of us wanted.

However, the whole process seems so f***ing tawdry and I'm in bits here. To think that I'm selling stuff my mam loved just feels so wrong but the alternative would be to just let someone else do it and take the money.

I'd thought of spending the money on a big family meal on her birthday but that just seems frivolous when I think about it. I think it will have to go to charity as that's what she would want.

I know I'm soft as shite but others must have felt this way too... right?

Not soft as shite at all. It's awful when it happens and a heartbreaking thing to do.
After my mam died we put all her aynsley pottery on ebay, some of it went around the world. She had ercol furniture that got sold to a woman who'd been looking for ages for that particular style.
The money we hot was split between the heart foundation and alzheimers uk.
Other stuff was given to family or charity shops.
The worst thing was selling her house. There was a few interested but was between someone that just wanted to rent it out and a young family just starting out. The young family got it even though their offer was slightly lower as my mam would've wanted that. Also i thought it better for the neighbours who had been great with my mam. I think they're still in it.
Sorry for rambling.
 
My mam died a couple of years back and my dad is now in a home so we're clearing out the house. Some of the stuff, I've put on eBay or gumtree... stuff that none of us wanted.

However, the whole process seems so f***ing tawdry and I'm in bits here. To think that I'm selling stuff my mam loved just feels so wrong but the alternative would be to just let someone else do it and take the money.

I'd thought of spending the money on a big family meal on her birthday but that just seems frivolous when I think about it. I think it will have to go to charity as that's what she would want.

I know I'm soft as shite but others must have felt this way too... right?

I'll have this to come to twice over, but I would think that my Parents would like the money to go to their grandchildren to secure their future.
 
My Mam and Dad had loads of stuff but when Dad died a lot of it was 're-allocated'... or simply left in the garage. About three years ago my Mam sold the house and moved in sheltered accommodation. No space for anything. Whereupon the realisation that the 'getting rid of a lot of stuff' when Dad died was a very, very incomplete task. It was nightmare #2

There's been conversations since with my two brothers and sister about what will happen with her stuff when Mam pops off. One or two. All the practical conversations became necessary when she moved. But then there's all the sentimental stuff, the knick-nacks and the ornaments and the pictures and the bit and pieces. I have a brother who believes that because he's the first born, he is entitled... and he gets particularly energised about it all.

But when she does go I think my siblings will be surprised at what I'd like to retain as keepsakes and memories; because I don't want anything. Not a single item. All the important stuff is already allocated to a place that has no physical characteristics
 
Spend the money on a family meal or weekend away, I’m sure ya ma would rather you enjoyed it than a stranger. But whatever you decide to do won’t be the wrong thing.
I agree
We did it. We sold off some of the stuff, gave some stuff to charity and what we made me and my 4 brothers and wives had a weekend at my mam & dad's favourite caravan site in Scotland. Stayed in these wooden pod things. A bit bbq and a bit drink. Mam and dad would have loved it.
Loads of folk on the site found out who we were and came over for a drink cos they knew our parents even though they hadn't been for a good few years since their health started failing.

We have done it for the last 2 years and going back again this year
 

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