HABA87
Striker
That's what happened to us with the MIL.
I don't know what the exact rules were but she died on the weekend and the place was empty by the Wednesday. That was through council rather than private.
Disposing of your parents' stuff
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I don't know what the exact rules were but she died on the weekend and the place was empty by the Wednesday. That was through council rather than private.
Dark Traveller
Striker
We wouldn’t have dared recording my Dad’s interaction with our budgie that we had in the seventies, there was always a lot of swearing involved whenever it came to feeding or cleaning.
Thanks to my Dad and one of my cousins, that budgie could swear like a fan watching a bad day at Sunderland. Hard as nails that bird
(Still miss that budgie
)
B
becs
Guest
Not in sheltered accomodation. We were only given a few days to clear out my Gran's flat. Her body had barely left the building when the warden approached my Mam and asked how soon we could clear the flat. Mam found that hard to deal with as my Gran was in good health so her death was a shock. Thought the warden could have been more sympathetic and left it for a day or so before talking about clearing out her stuff. A charity took the furniture but most of the small stuff ended up chucked in boxes and piled up in my parents garage until after the funeral when we felt up to going through it and sorting it out.
Son of Stan
Striker
I think I can quote the dialogue, sadly. Plus, embarrassingly, the budgie was called Bimbo (Mam was a Jim Reeves fan).We wouldn’t have dared recording my Dad’s interaction with our budgie that we had in the seventies, there was always a lot of swearing involved whenever it came to feeding or cleaning.
Thanks to my Dad and one of my cousins, that budgie could swear like a fan watching a bad day at Sunderland. Hard as nails that bird
(Still miss that budgie
'Give us a kiss, Bimbo. Give us a kiss Bim. Cheeky boy Bimbo. Give us a kiss.' The budgie actually responds but Dad misses it and them starts to say through gritted teeth 'Bimbo, give us a kiss, give us a kiss'. I can be heard giggling in the background then Dad says 'Slap it off, waste of bloody time.'
That's how we passed our time in the 70s!
alisafc
Central Defender
That's horrible, you would think they'd be more sympathetic. The lady who died in this case was only in her early 60s so although ill it was unexpected.
Again, it seems life is just like a conveyor belt. I know people are waiting to move into homes but you'd think they'd give you at least a week after a bereavement
HABA87
Striker
We had the option of longer but would have had to stump up any rent ourselves, which we weren't in a position to do.
offshore
Midfield
When dad died last year it wasn’t very easy sorting out his stuff for family to have. ( army medals/warrants/Freemason stuff) clothes went to charity and I asked family members if they wanted anything. The worst part for me was his army stuff all the way back when he first joined as a boy soldier. I have all that stuff now in a box just cos I don’t know what to do with it. Some of the masons stuff we sold and also to the lodge for new members. It’s not easy and I feel for you..
arthursboy
Striker
Aweful my mother dies in an Anchor housing complex, we had a few days to clear the lot.
Not complaining about them, they were very supportive and my mother loved it there, the warden was class.
Memories for me are in my head and heart, we were ruthless and cleared most of the items.
Just small personnel stuff still remain with me several years later.
Do want you think is emotionally ok for you, for me the furniture, clothes etc were not my mother, just items that I didn’t want to look at or keep.
Not complaining about them, they were very supportive and my mother loved it there, the warden was class.
Memories for me are in my head and heart, we were ruthless and cleared most of the items.
Just small personnel stuff still remain with me several years later.
Do want you think is emotionally ok for you, for me the furniture, clothes etc were not my mother, just items that I didn’t want to look at or keep.
Lord Potts
Striker
I know that disposing of a loved one's possessions can be heartbreaking I have done it a few times myself but there was one occasion when matters did raise a bit of a laugh.
Years ago my dad's best mate Stan - who lived alone and was a keen golfer - turned up at me dad's directly from an afternoon on the course and asked for help as he felt really ill. Dad took him to hospital immediately but very sadly Stan had a stroke within a hour and died. Dad was devastated Stan had been like a brother to him and all of his golfing gear and car was in dad's garage. Dad was not a golfer himself but a day or so later one of Stan's golfing chums who lived out of town knocked on Dad's door.
The chap said he was sorry to hear about Stan's death however Stan had promised him his new golfing trolley which the man had come to collect and by the way he was going to stay at Stan's flat over the weekend as previously arranged with Stan a few weeks before as there was a golf competition on at their club and could he have Stan's flat keys. Dad was so upset and shaken by Stan's death and taken aback by this guy's affront he just agreed to everything although he told me later that when he had time to think about it he realised that as he was not family none of it had really been up to him which of course made him feel even more upset.
Anyway the weekend passed and the next thing me dad knew was this fellow was knocking on his door again. The chap was in right lather. Did me dad have a contact number for Stan's family it was important that he got in touch with them as soon as possible. Naturally dad asked what all the panic was about. The fellow told him that as he had been staying in Stan's flat he had obviously left all of his possessions and dinner jacket there while he was out at the golf. However while he was gone Stan's family had been in and cleared the whole flat and everything including his gear had been taken. We discovered later it had all been given to the Sally Army and disposed of including the chaps dinner jacket best duds and other valuables.
Well my poor old dad just roared and later raised a glass to old Stan who would surely have been delighted in his revenge "from beyond the grave".
Years ago my dad's best mate Stan - who lived alone and was a keen golfer - turned up at me dad's directly from an afternoon on the course and asked for help as he felt really ill. Dad took him to hospital immediately but very sadly Stan had a stroke within a hour and died. Dad was devastated Stan had been like a brother to him and all of his golfing gear and car was in dad's garage. Dad was not a golfer himself but a day or so later one of Stan's golfing chums who lived out of town knocked on Dad's door.
The chap said he was sorry to hear about Stan's death however Stan had promised him his new golfing trolley which the man had come to collect and by the way he was going to stay at Stan's flat over the weekend as previously arranged with Stan a few weeks before as there was a golf competition on at their club and could he have Stan's flat keys. Dad was so upset and shaken by Stan's death and taken aback by this guy's affront he just agreed to everything although he told me later that when he had time to think about it he realised that as he was not family none of it had really been up to him which of course made him feel even more upset.
Anyway the weekend passed and the next thing me dad knew was this fellow was knocking on his door again. The chap was in right lather. Did me dad have a contact number for Stan's family it was important that he got in touch with them as soon as possible. Naturally dad asked what all the panic was about. The fellow told him that as he had been staying in Stan's flat he had obviously left all of his possessions and dinner jacket there while he was out at the golf. However while he was gone Stan's family had been in and cleared the whole flat and everything including his gear had been taken. We discovered later it had all been given to the Sally Army and disposed of including the chaps dinner jacket best duds and other valuables.
Well my poor old dad just roared and later raised a glass to old Stan who would surely have been delighted in his revenge "from beyond the grave".
Shack
Midfield
We took a lot of stuff to charity when my mam passed away. Clothes to a woman's refuge, ornaments etc. to SCOPE. We sold her place furnished so didn't have to move bulky things. She only lived in a flat so there wasn't tons of stuff but still enough to have to sort through properly. My brother and his wife live abroad so come for the funeral and to help us with the clearing etc. We kept a few momento's but very little. I had to sort out the flat sale so was back and forth to the flat several times as it took ages to sell. Was hard at times going in there thinking of the times we sat and talked and laughed etc. Life goes on though and it gets easier but it is tough going through stuff. It's scary that your life can be reduced to a few documents and photo's. All the other stuff is just shit really we accumulate! Good luck with it.
Would the Regiment be interested in the Army stuff?
PinzaC55
Striker
My mam went into a care home 2 years ago and died last May. She had an Alba stereo we had since like 1971 and my brother farmed it out to someone but I was gutted I couldn't take it. When she went into the home and I went round our council house for the last time all the memories came flooding back. I saw her in the hospital and didn't recognise her she looked so frail.
Deleted User 11453
Striker
The last time I saw my mother alive was when she was being wheeled to the garden at the hospice that she stayed at for her final few days.
“Hey! Bring back that old woman!” I shouted to the carer. We did have a little chat in her room but I didn’t think that was the final time that I would speak with her.
Rick O Shea
Striker
My kids and potential future grandkids will have a shock when they work through some of my belongings
I am now going to have a clear out this weekend.
Porn stash? That reminds me - I need to clear out my loft...............
My parents are both still with us (81 & 80 this year) - their house is jammed to the rafters with stuff (my Dad is a hoarder - has actually been diagnosed as having an obsessive compulsive disorder). I know there is some stuff with a lot of value (real and sentimental) - pre-war home movies, Frogeye Sprite in the garage, Sunderland glassware, etc. But he's also kept almost every copy of the Financial Times for the last 40 years. I've taken possession of some stuff - 1913 & 1937 FA cup final ticket stubs for example.
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Deleted User 11453
Striker
Your dad was at both cup finals?
Wouldn’t have been born for the first if he’s 81
Deleted User 11453
Striker
I couldn’t be arsed to work it out!
Edit: I skim read it as 1937 and 1973 (which was impossible) but 1913 and 1937 is a bit more impossible for an 81 year old
S
stephen cartwright
Guest
What your feeling, imo, is perfectly acceptable and what the vast majority of people go through
My dad appeared to never toss away a single letter that came through the letterbox, when I was doing the clean out.
D
Deleted member 15970
Guest
Sorry for your loss marra. Have you considered asking the regimental museum if they would like it?
Really feel for the OP but I'd like to share some things I've learned form clearing parents and relatives houses after they have passed on.
Determine if there is a will and if it is still valid. This is needed to determine who is the executor of the estate and if there are any specific bequests. Last thing you need is for a family feud to develop over something that was 'promised to me in the will' but got thrown out beforehand by well meaning siblings.
The first thing is to do is remember that the older generation thought very differently about savings so, before anything is given to someone else, sold or thrown away is to do a thorough search. Through the pockets of everything, coats, jackets, trousers; inside of old shoes, socks, stacks of towels, suitcases, the lot. We found over £500 rolled up in me dad's socks that would have ended up in the bin if my sister hadn't insisted on doing this and another £1500 folded inside the bottom towel in his airing cupboard. This from an old man who had barely a bean to his name and was living in a council flat on a normal OAP pension!
Don't just get rid of old photos. If you don't know who is on them then people at the wake (or later on) may - and a photo you would just throw away could be the only one they have ever seen of a particular relative.
If not of sentimental value, old stuff like letters and receipts may be financially worthless but can have a great historical value - consider donating them to a museum, your local authority's record office (where they could be kept, but restricted from public viewing for a specific time). Same thing with old furnishings and equipment.
Lastly, what you consider meaningless now you may kill to have a few years down the line. Do not go through things in a hurry just to meet the needs of the council or some other landlord. Remember, it takes time to get a repossession order - keep paying the full rent for a week or so if you need that extra time to come to terms with things.
And above all else, love them whilst you still have them! I have so many 'If only's'
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Rick O Shea
Striker
No - family heirlooms. We both went in '92, my Dad was at '73. My Nana and my great-grandad dad were at '37 and it was either great or great-great-grandad at '13. My Nana's side were Sunderland - my Grandad came from Harrogate (moved to Sunderland in the 20's I think). The maternal side of the family are from Galloway (around Kirkcudbright).
I should get as much of it on paper as possible before it's too late.
