Disposing of your parents' stuff

I did this when my Dad died and it was the first time I broke down in tears after his death. Going through his things was heartbreaking. The breaking point was when I found a red-handled teaspoon which I used to use as a bairn to eat cereal. God I f***ing loved that spoon, he must've had it for 25 years.

Apart from mementos all of his kitchenware, stereo, CD's etc was given to the nearest charity shop. I kept a few suitcases of his personal belongings like jewelry, false teeth, letters, photos etc, and the brand new 42" telly he'd bought the week before his death (which I gave to my sister), but everything else was given to charity.

It's a part of death. Keep the things that mean something to you and get rid of the rest. You can't carry around a house full of your Mam's stuff for the rest of your life.
 


Patch said:
My mam died a couple of years back and my dad is now in a home so we're clearing out the house. Some of the stuff, I've put on eBay or gumtree... stuff that none of us wanted.

However, the whole process seems so f***ing tawdry and I'm in bits here. To think that I'm selling stuff my mam loved just feels so wrong but the alternative would be to just let someone else do it and take the money.

I'd thought of spending the money on a big family meal on her birthday but that just seems frivolous when I think about it. I think it will have to go to charity as that's what she would want.

I know I'm soft as shite but others must have felt this way too... right?
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Getting rid of the stuff they scrimped and saved for out of insulting f***ing wages is heartbreaking . I found it harder than the funerals . I had about 15 trips to Trimdon st and I blubbed 2 or 3 times .
 
The dragon lost her mother a few years ago , the Heart foundation ended up getting loads of stuff and still do to this day.

One thing that did boil my piss , was the driver who came to collect the household stuff mentioned he couldn’t take some furniture but if she paid him £20 he’d sort it for her.

Twat took advantage of someone who’d lost her mother for f***ing £20 , boils my piss just thinking about it.
 
Rick O Shea said:
No - family heirlooms. We both went in '92, my Dad was at '73. My Nana and my great-grandad dad were at '37 and it was either great or great-great-grandad at '13. My Nana's side were Sunderland - my Grandad came from Harrogate (moved to Sunderland in the 20's I think). The maternal side of the family are from Galloway (around Kirkcudbright).

I should get as much of it on paper as possible before it's too late.
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Thank you for the reply and sorry for my daft post yesterday.
 
Rick O Shea said:
No problem - doesn't bother me - and who hasn't posted something daft on here?
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That’s a good point!

After you mentioned the tickets I realised that I’ve kept loads from over the years so I hope that my kids keep some as mementos of me. Some are for music events and from when I travelled a bit, as well as football matches so maybe they’ll explain that I led a very different life until my late 20s.

I also have photos of me with my own grandparents and pieces of family history memorabilia. My dad’s brother is custodian of most of the family artefacts and it’ll be interesting to see who inherits them as only I’ve shown an interest.
 
Stevie Freestein II said:
That’s a good point!

After you mentioned the tickets I realised that I’ve kept loads from over the years so I hope that my kids keep some as mementos of me. Some are for music events and from when I travelled a bit, as well as football matches so maybe they’ll explain that I led a very different life until my late 20s.

I also have photos of me with my own grandparents and pieces of family history memorabilia. My dad’s brother is custodian of most of the family artefacts and it’ll be interesting to see who inherits them as only I’ve shown an interest.
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I suppose apart from the family we leave behind it's the things we collect that make us who we are. Both my parents are only children and I have a sister but she had no kids - eventually I suppose everything will end up going to my 2 lads. I would like some things to stay in the family but I wouldn't mind if they gave some collectable stuff to a museum - I don't the thought of it going to a tip.
 
Draig said:
Sorry for your loss marra. Have you considered asking the regimental museum if they would like it?

Really feel for the OP but I'd like to share some things I've learned form clearing parents and relatives houses after they have passed on.

Determine if there is a will and if it is still valid. This is needed to determine who is the executor of the estate and if there are any specific bequests. Last thing you need is for a family feud to develop over something that was 'promised to me in the will' but got thrown out beforehand by well meaning siblings.

The first thing is to do is remember that the older generation thought very differently about savings so, before anything is given to someone else, sold or thrown away is to do a thorough search. Through the pockets of everything, coats, jackets, trousers; inside of old shoes, socks, stacks of towels, suitcases, the lot. We found over £500 rolled up in me dad's socks that would have ended up in the bin if my sister hadn't insisted on doing this and another £1500 folded inside the bottom towel in his airing cupboard. This from an old man who had barely a bean to his name and was living in a council flat on a normal OAP pension!

Don't just get rid of old photos. If you don't know who is on them then people at the wake (or later on) may - and a photo you would just throw away could be the only one they have ever seen of a particular relative.

If not of sentimental value, old stuff like letters and receipts may be financially worthless but can have a great historical value - consider donating them to a museum, your local authority's record office (where they could be kept, but restricted from public viewing for a specific time). Same thing with old furnishings and equipment.

Lastly, what you consider meaningless now you may kill to have a few years down the line. Do not go through things in a hurry just to meet the needs of the council or some other landlord. Remember, it takes time to get a repossession order - keep paying the full rent for a week or so if you need that extra time to come to terms with things.

And above all else, love them whilst you still have them! I have so many 'If only's'
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I’ve kept it marra but it’s just hard to think they are just in a box so I think I’m gonna get them framed and hang them on the wall.

EDGE said:
Would the Regiment be interested in the Army stuff?[/QUOTE

My brother still works for the army after 30 years of service and has gave some stuff to the Royal Engineers Museum that he took. My stuff I’m gonna frame them up and get them on the wall. It’s still a bit to hard to go through the stuff.
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Very aged parents, married 64 years, not hoarders but don' throw much out. It's not going to be easy when they pop their clogs.

Except the the half a dozen native American 12 inch statues that some friends keep getting them, they'll be the first to go
 
charities and tip for old giddy. there wasn't a ebay or gumtree back then. though I hear charity stop taking a lot of stuff these days on account of health and safety. mcginty had some blokes turn up to clear his old man's gaff for the heart foundation or summat and they cherry picked, left behind owt they reckon they couldn't take in case it had lead in it or it was not fireproofed. poor sod mate ended up having to hire a van to dump it ffs
 
Patch said:
My mam died a couple of years back and my dad is now in a home so we're clearing out the house. Some of the stuff, I've put on eBay or gumtree... stuff that none of us wanted.

However, the whole process seems so f***ing tawdry and I'm in bits here. To think that I'm selling stuff my mam loved just feels so wrong but the alternative would be to just let someone else do it and take the money.

I'd thought of spending the money on a big family meal on her birthday but that just seems frivolous when I think about it. I think it will have to go to charity as that's what she would want.

I know I'm soft as shite but others must have felt this way too... right?
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It’s far better you feel this way than some of the families I have witnessed who can’t wait to get their grubby mitts on their parents possessions.
 
I feel the pain of the OP
I’m taking a part my old nan and grandads house ( my Nan died 14 years ago and my grandad is an a home) the house has been the same since I was a nipper and taking apart cabinets and carpets etc feels like an end of an era I’ve found loads of old photos going back to the fifties and seeing my great grandparents I’ve spent more time sitting around looking at them then doing any work
I’ve also found old cigarette boxes , a cabinet that turns into a record player and all sorts of stuff that is mind blowing, they really did make things to last in them days not like today’s tat
It’s hard and it’s made me think that my daughter is going to be doing this one day
 

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