Depression thread continued...

[Mr Redknapp]

Nice to see the thread still going strong .

Quick update from me as things are still canny..I'm drinking again but it's calorie monitored. Every now and again (this morning in particular) I got myself into an overthinking negative spiral for about 30 mins about the lack of female interest again (at work I either don't get regular contact so I feel pressure when i have 5 minutes with someone or they just flat out aren't interested...not saying they are obligated too btw its just what im feeling ) But thanks to the exercise and losing a lot of unwanted weight I'm coping better when they attack the self esteem..the same thoughts that gets me really self conscious and leaps on it as proof of my inadequacy when nothing goes right..fuck its hars being a 39 year old and always single . The sad thing is Ive seen how not to treat someone in a relationship so believe I would be a great option.. just feel I'm not getting a chance. Got rid of tinder again after trying it again for a couple of months and getting nothing at all again.

But I'm honestly fine ha, I'm grateful for what I do have being fully independent and having a stable job..I'm happy in the main .

 

[70s traveller]

Nice to see the thread still going strong .

Quick update from me as things are still canny..I'm drinking again but it's calorie monitored. Every now and again (this morning in particular) I got myself into an overthinking negative spiral for about 30 mins about the lack of female interest again (at work I either don't get regular contact so I feel pressure when i have 5 minutes with someone or they just flat out aren't interested...not saying they are obligated too btw its just what im feeling ) But thanks to the exercise and losing a lot of unwanted weight I'm coping better when they attack the self esteem..the same thoughts that gets me really self conscious and leaps on it as proof of my inadequacy when nothing goes right..fuck its hars being a 39 year old and always single . The sad thing is Ive seen how not to treat someone in a relationship so believe I would be a great option.. just feel I'm not getting a chance. Got rid of tinder again after trying it again for a couple of months and getting nothing at all again.

But I'm honestly fine ha, I'm grateful for what I do have being fully independent and having a stable job..I'm happy in the main .

With women; try the casual approach i.e. sit & wait. One will get curious and begin a chat. But be careful not to pounce too soon but get yourself ready there's a weekend close . The weight loss can only help.

As an aside, it's good to know your drinking is under control - but possibly not yourself .

 

[Swindon On Tour]

Hi all,

Just wanted to check in with a positive story and to thank a few on here who sent me some nice messages last year. I don't know if many remember but a year or so back me and my partner were going through a tough time and she eventually came to me and said she didn't love me anymore and wanted us the go our separate ways. We were engaged and 9 months before had booked our wedding. We had 2 young children who were 1 and 4 at the time. Everything i'd been working for for the years prior to build a better life for my family was taken away at that point. My world fell apart, wedding was cancelled and i'd hit rock bottom not knowing how i could still be a dad to my kids or what the future would look like for me/them. I felt like i'd let them down which was the worst of it all for me.

We had a week or 2 of living together but at the time accepting it was short term until we sorted the house out etc. But then we managed to sit down for half an hour to talk and understand what caused these problems. Some things on my side and some things on her side just weren't working. That chat cleared the air and we agreed some changes and agreed to have another go of it but make sure we find time for ourselves away from being mam/dad. Some posters on here sent me some lovely messages at the time and provided some great advice which meant the world to me and gave me hope at a time when i didn't feel there was any.

One poster in particular (i can't remember who!) said to do things which make us both laugh and remember why we got together. That changed things for us as the little time we got together felt more important and enjoyable again.

Anyway, long story short. We have built our relationship back to where we were a few years back and now have a better understanding of what we both need from each other to be happy. Last weekend, she walked in with her engagement ring back on and said she wanted to get married again (not gonna lie, i cried) - but this time she wants a nice small local church wedding (the one we booked before was your typical flashy type which deep down wasn't what she wanted). A couple of phonecalls later we have now paid a deposit to secure our date at the venue she has always wanted. 269 days and counting.

I felt it was important to put this message here as a reminder to those going through tough times that this board and the posters on here can really make a difference. I genuinely thought there was no way back for me and my family, people on here made me believe again. I'm now hoping i can be that person for someone else x

That is just superb.

 

[Mackem in Berlin]

Nice to see the thread still going strong .

Quick update from me as things are still canny..I'm drinking again but it's calorie monitored. Every now and again (this morning in particular) I got myself into an overthinking negative spiral for about 30 mins about the lack of female interest again (at work I either don't get regular contact so I feel pressure when i have 5 minutes with someone or they just flat out aren't interested...not saying they are obligated too btw its just what im feeling ) But thanks to the exercise and losing a lot of unwanted weight I'm coping better when they attack the self esteem..the same thoughts that gets me really self conscious and leaps on it as proof of my inadequacy when nothing goes right..fuck its hars being a 39 year old and always single . The sad thing is Ive seen how not to treat someone in a relationship so believe I would be a great option.. just feel I'm not getting a chance. Got rid of tinder again after trying it again for a couple of months and getting nothing at all again.

But I'm honestly fine ha, I'm grateful for what I do have being fully independent and having a stable job..I'm happy in the main .

Tinder is the absolute worst for self esteem with women like. Im always in decent shape and fairly fit for 43. My face is no Hollywood movie star but it's no right off either, and I have pretty cool interesting photos on my profile..

I'm lucky if I get one right swipe every 2 weeks... Not a match, but someone actually just swiping right. It was the same in sunderland and it's the same over here..
Weirdly I was consistently hot shit in Edinburgh everytime I went up... I should of moved there instead

There's a lot of research into dating apps and such.. they found that the top 80% of women are all trying for the top 20% of men..

Leaving the remaining 80% of men left with the 20% scraps of women.. they found basically a lot of women have unrealistic standards and opinions of what they deserve. Which is understandable really considering most men will swipe right on just about owt and fill lasses with shit in hope of a shag. It's really interesting... But doesn't help us lads in the 80% much. Plus the algorithms won't help. Designed to try get money out of you. Pay for boosts and be seen more etc

I would suggest, obviously keep up with weight loss, and join some kind of club. Where you will naturally meet women with same interests... Running, art class, book club, owt you think you could get on board with.

Mind I've been pretty much single for the last decade. Minus a one year relationship and some casual dating along the way. So I'm probably not the person to listen to

 

[DBStar]

Tinder is the absolute worst for self esteem with women like. Im always in decent shape and fairly fit for 43. My face is no Hollywood movie star but it's no right off either, and I have pretty cool interesting photos on my profile..

I'm lucky if I get one right swipe every 2 weeks... Not a match, but someone actually just swiping right. It was the same in sunderland and it's the same over here..
Weirdly I was consistently hot shit in Edinburgh everytime I went up... I should of moved there instead

There's a lot of research into dating apps and such.. they found that the top 80% of women are all trying for the top 20% of men..

Leaving the remaining 80% of men left with the 20% scraps of women.. they found basically a lot of women have unrealistic standards and opinions of what they deserve. Which is understandable really considering most men will swipe right on just about owt and fill lasses with shit in hope of a shag. It's really interesting... But doesn't help us lads in the 80% much. Plus the algorithms won't help. Designed to try get money out of you. Pay for boosts and be seen more etc

I would suggest, obviously keep up with weight loss, and join some kind of club. Where you will naturally meet women with same interests... Running, art class, book club, owt you think you could get on board with.

Mind I've been pretty much single for the last decade. Minus a one year relationship and some casual dating along the way. So I'm probably not the person to listen to

Have you got a profile written out properly? I was getting a few matches per day when I was out of shape, not hiding it, and I have dysmorphia over my looks. My dog is f***ing beautiful though

 

[Mackem in Berlin]

Have you got a profile written out properly? I was getting a few matches per day when I was out of shape, not hiding it, and I have dysmorphia over my looks. My dog is f***ing beautiful though

A daft could of lines in English. Ha sounds like I need to improve it though

 

[Rhubarb]

Evening all. How are we all doing?

Well after the goings on of last few weeks doctor has decided to change my medication as I was on highest dose of citalopram so five days of going cold turkey I’m Gona start my next ones tomorrow. I’ve had them before like and it’s just a f***ing merry go round.

But I’m keeping on and no more suicidal thoughts like the other week. Got a week off work so will help.
Sunderland winning makes me happy haha.

Always thinking about you all. As ever I’m here if anyone needs a chat. Love to you all. Rhubarb. Xx

 

[70s traveller]

Well after the goings on of last few weeks doctor has decided to change my medication as I was on highest dose of citalopram so five days of going cold turkey I’m Gona start my next ones tomorrow. I’ve had them before like and it’s just a f***ing merry go round.

But I’m keeping on and no more suicidal thoughts like the other week. Got a week off work so will help.
Sunderland winning makes me happy haha.

Good to hear you're looking positively at it. The lack of s thoughts are a very good sign, enjoy your week off - but don't get too carried away with a SAFC win because we all know what happens when you think like that

 

[Rhubarb]

Good to hear you're looking positively at it. The lack of s thoughts are a very good sign, enjoy your week off - but don't get too carried away with a SAFC win because we all know what happens when you think like that

Hahaha cheers mate. Don’t we all know that. But I’ll take any positive thoughts at the minute. Cheers for the reply mate and hope you are well.

 

[70s traveller]

Hahaha cheers mate. Don’t we all know that. But I’ll take any positive thoughts at the minute. Cheers for the reply mate and hope you are well.

Go with the positive thoughts & develop them. That's the way out of it. Positives are always there if you look for them.

No problem replying so if it's ever needed post on here. Some clot (like me) will generally reply

 

[Rhubarb]

Go with the positive thoughts & develop them. That's the way out of it. Positives are always there if you look for them.

No problem replying so if it's ever needed post on here. Some clot (like me) will generally reply

Hahaha it’s a good thing this chat. May be the best thing on the board for people who need to vent.

 

[70s traveller]

Hahaha it’s a good thing this chat. May be the best thing on the board for people who need to vent.

Good job it has some uses

 

[Roker SOL]

Tinder is the absolute worst for self esteem with women like. Im always in decent shape and fairly fit for 43. My face is no Hollywood movie star but it's no right off either, and I have pretty cool interesting photos on my profile..

I'm lucky if I get one right swipe every 2 weeks... Not a match, but someone actually just swiping right. It was the same in sunderland and it's the same over here..
Weirdly I was consistently hot shit in Edinburgh everytime I went up... I should of moved there instead

There's a lot of research into dating apps and such.. they found that the top 80% of women are all trying for the top 20% of men..

Leaving the remaining 80% of men left with the 20% scraps of women.. they found basically a lot of women have unrealistic standards and opinions of what they deserve. Which is understandable really considering most men will swipe right on just about owt and fill lasses with shit in hope of a shag. It's really interesting... But doesn't help us lads in the 80% much. Plus the algorithms won't help. Designed to try get money out of you. Pay for boosts and be seen more etc

I would suggest, obviously keep up with weight loss, and join some kind of club. Where you will naturally meet women with same interests... Running, art class, book club, owt you think you could get on board with.

Mind I've been pretty much single for the last decade. Minus a one year relationship and some casual dating along the way. So I'm probably not the person to listen to

If you want some more likes, put my mug shot next to yours. The ladies will flock to you for sure.

 

[70s traveller]

I was getting a few matches per day when I was out of shape, not hiding it, and I have dysmorphia over my looks. My dog is f***ing beautiful though

Thank the lord for having a dog, where there's a dog there's hope

If you want some more likes, put my mug shot next to yours. The ladies will flock to you for sure.

Aye, weird curiosity attracts all sorts

 

[Roker SOL]

Have you got a profile written out properly? I was getting a few matches per day when I was out of shape, not hiding it, and I have dysmorphia over my looks. My dog is f***ing beautiful though

Please don't, just don't mention showering with your dog...

Logon or register to see this image

...or you won't hear the last of it!

 

[Mackem in Berlin]

If you want some more likes, put my mug shot next to yours. The ladies will flock to you for sure.

Haha... Always appreciative of some help

 

[rey mysterio]

Hope everyone is doing well. I’ve got my licence back, passed my financial advice diploma and I am happy to put all the nonsense of the last two years behind me and hopefully move on to better things. Focussing on studying has helped me manage my mental state enormously. Whenever I feel down or start to feel it creeping in, I throw myself into studying/gym.

RE online dating - I met my lass on Hinge and have been with her eight months, started talking a year ago and we were both quite nervous to go out but we hit it off straight away. Makes a hell of a difference when you have someone amazing in your corner. You’ve just got to avoid the absolute crackpots and vast numbers of lasses with generic pictures (bikini in Dubai, Striding Edge hike, Sycamore gap with a puppy etc) and unrealistic expectations and not let it get to you until you find someone genuine.

 

[Rhubarb]

Hi all. Hope we are all keeping as well as can be.
I’ve been off my citalopram for a week now been hard but I feel champion. Neet to start my next meds soon.

I’ve actually been to gym today with the bairn and had a drive out with bairn wife and dogs last night and been to metrocentre the day with wife.

Bloody hell man I must not be right in the head haha.

As always I’m here if anyone needs a chat. Sending love to you all. Love Rhubarb. X

 

[Roker SOL]

I'll add to the above by saying things are certainly better now. Now former boss has send me a special voucher for my recent efforts, especially the Kilimanjaro climb.

Training for a new team is going well too. Hopefully be back on another team part-time in the near future.

One little fly in the ointment. I was involved in an office conversation about holidays today and I asked a question, not realising someone had moved the conversation on. I know with ASD I can sometimes miss the point.

This someone who's been a friend to me mouthed "F*** off" under breath then bluntly told me the conversation was private. I said straight away I hadn't realised. She responded "Well not that private, but still". Strained situation. I moved to another desk for a bit, obsessively to concentrate on training, but actually putting an ASD stress relief measure into practice.

I got that perhaps they'd moved things on and private is private, later apologising for that bit but saying "You did tell me to f*** off", making it clear I'd heard and seen her though moore as a joke. She denied it, walking away, not making eye contact, basically lying to me.

She has a neurdiverse son, liable in the same way as me to sometimes not get it.

Part of me wants to point this out to her and there's times she'll have to pick up the pieces for her son.

The person she was talking to didn't see the fuss about the privacy and I think the remark came out of blue for her too. She (the other person) was fine with me later on.

A male colleague overhearing said they should have taken the conversation elsewhere if it was private. He 'd thought she was joking until I pointed out the "F*** off" bit.

I'll point out the person who I had the altercation with has been a friend over the last couple of years of struggle.

Thoughts. Say nothing more, with having made my point at the end?

But the "F*** off" hurt, especially from her. All I'd done was I hadn't keyed onto a simple change in the conversation moving on.

The next time I see her is next Tuesday.

 

[70s traveller]

I'll add to the above by saying things are certainly better now. Now former boss has send me a special voucher for my recent efforts, especially the Kilimanjaro climb.

Training for a new team is going well too. Hopefully be back on another team part-time in the near future.

One little fly in the ointment. I was involved in an office conversation about holidays today and I asked a question, not realising someone had moved the conversation on. I know with ASD I can sometimes miss the point.

This someone who's been a friend to me mouthed "F*** off" under breath then bluntly told me the conversation was private. I said straight away I hadn't realised. She responded "Well not that private, but still". Strained situation. I moved to another desk for a bit, obsessively to concentrate on training, but actually putting an ASD stress relief measure into practice.

I got that perhaps they'd moved things on and private is private, later apologising for that bit but saying "You did tell me to f*** off", making it clear I'd heard and seen her though moore as a joke. She denied it, walking away, not making eye contact, basically lying to me.

She has a neurdiverse son, liable in the same way as me to sometimes not get it.

Part of me wants to point this out to her and there's times she'll have to pick up the pieces for her son.

The person she was talking to didn't see the fuss about the privacy and I think the remark came out of blue for her too. She (the other person) was fine with me later on.

A male colleague overhearing said they should have taken the conversation elsewhere if it was private. He 'd thought she was joking until I pointed out the "F*** off" bit.

I'll point out the person who I had the altercation with has been a friend over the last couple of years of struggle.

Thoughts. Say nothing more, with having made my point at the end?

But the "F*** off" hurt, especially from her. All I'd done was I hadn't keyed onto a simple change in the conversation moving on.

The next time I see her is next Tuesday.

Awkward situation; remain calm & pick your words carefully when you next see the person. Try to forget the fo comment, that person needs to look into the situation. Playing it as a light hearted throw away comment does not get them out of it. If it leads anywhere else mention the under breath (but clear) fo comment. That's a disciplinary matter itself.