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safcrhys.
Guest
During a long drive to Cornwall about 5 or so years back the GF actually asked me if Jesus came before the dinosaurs, nearly swerved off the f***ing road.
D
Deleted member 634
Guest
The bairn (She was 16 at the time) once asked if I believed in dinosaurs. I said it wasn't a question of belief, they were there, skeletons etc have been found.
The missus piped up, well I don't believe in them. I asked her calmly who had been burying these massive skeletons around the world then?
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safcrhys.
Guest
She's a Houghton lass and when we met she thought I was a proper 'Townie'.Fantastic.
About two dates in,t we were chatting about our respective work and I mentioned something that had happened at our place, mentioning peoples names and so on. She started making funny coughing noises every time I mentioned one particular lass's name. In the end I asked if she was alright.
"Helen", she said, emphasizing the 'H'. "Her name's Helen'.
"Is it shite", I said. "It's Ellen".
She thought I was dropping my aitches.
This is a wind-up, right?
The Snockerty Friddle
Winger
Sadly no. University educated too, must've been nearly 30 by the time she undertood.
tunstallhill
Striker
You should do a podcast and she can be the Karl PilkingtonTwo particularly "special" stories for me.
Firstly when the Mrs (no) thought there were some scuffs on our walls and decided to touch up the paint. Went to the shops, brought back 3 tins of paint and proceeded to touch up 2 bedrooms, the landing, the stairs and the living room.
She'd thought that all paint companies used the exact same shades and had covered most of the walls in our house in patches of the wrong shade of paint. Ended up getting a painter & decorator in to fix her "improvements".
Secondly, the Mrs (still no) & her sister (no) talking while I'm watching the telly:
Sister: So did you enjoy your holiday?
Mrs: Yeah it was lovely thanks.
Sister: So you know when you're up in the sky in the plane? How come you can't see the stars?
Mrs: Because you're above them.
Must have been 7 years ago and I still tell the second one to anyone I get the opportunity to.
SeahamMackem
Winger
Looks photoshopped
Lass at work burst into tears in the hairdressers thinking about haggis because we'd convinced her the day before that haggis were small rodent-like creatures that lived in heather, from where they were chased by haggis-beaters, then clubbed to death before having their heads, tails and legs pulled off before being boiled in a massive pot.
Same lass asked about riderless horses in horse-racing and we told her they were there for training and had sandbags across their saddles to weigh them down while they followed the other horses round the course.
Same lass asked about riderless horses in horse-racing and we told her they were there for training and had sandbags across their saddles to weigh them down while they followed the other horses round the course.
SAFCOldie
Striker
PTR
Striker
I like how a minor mistake in mixing up two very similar words is used as the counter argument to people thinking dinosaurs never existed.
As if that's just as bad.
Lettuce pray
Mostly starts from our own galaxy, surely?
Different solar systems.
Geniune question can we see any stars from other galaxies with a naked eye?
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alisafc
Central Defender
We also had a lass at work convinced haggis was like a Scottish rabbit that was an endangered species and only lived in the Highlands
I'm pathetic at pranks as I can't keep a straight face but we had her going for a good few days till she told her mam did she know.....
StripedPaddy
Winger
FootballFan
Striker
Banter
PinzaC55
Striker
As long as his wife has the dominant genes the kids will be ok.
vinegar hill
Striker
I remember watching a documentary about the Atlas Mountains in North Africa. There were beautiful snow capped images of them and the wild life.
The wife looked up and asked “where are they?” I replied “Africa” she said “they can’t be in Africa, they’ve got snow on the top”
The wife looked up and asked “where are they?” I replied “Africa” she said “they can’t be in Africa, they’ve got snow on the top”
We also had a lass at work convinced haggis was like a Scottish rabbit that was an endangered species and only lived in the Highlands
My favourite wind-up about the haggis is that it is a type of rabbit that lives on small steep hillocks and, because it always runs round the hillock in one direction, has evolved to have the legs on one side of its body shorter than the other side to keep its body level on the steep sides of the hillock.
That usually gets a quizzical look, and then a "you're not serious?" look, then "That's bollocks........isn't it??"
