Domestic violence.....

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Said this before. Dad's old mate used to get abused by their lass. Cups of tea hoyed owa him, stabbed with scissors etc. Was the one who was so desperate to keep the family together he'd even go out for a few pints whilst her other fella came over and gave her the good news. She eventually left him and he pretty much lost the plot, complete breakdown, lost his job etc.
 


Only been made aware of one instance. Two friends, had no idea until they broke up that he had beaten her for the duration of the 7 year relationship. Recall her once having a huge black eye (told was a drunken fall down the stairs), often had bruises on arms (from sports) and Other things here and there. Nobody in our circle even had an inkling until she told us.

It’s weird how you then look back and think, how did I never put two and two together! Felt guilty for a bit. Takes a certain level of scum to make another human live in such suffering for so long. Unforgivable.
 
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Joe Public said:
They had two children together so it’s not as clean a separation as you would hope, the courts have given him online access at present so he has a weekly Skype call with them, which has to be attended by an adult so one of the family has to sit there for an hour while he awkwardly tries to hold their interest for an hour, he sits there with no top on asking them the same questions each week.

Her little boy is having tests for autism as he now also has behavioural issues but I can’t help but feel it’s related to what he has witnessed and indeed been on the receiving end of near the end.

IMO he is a danger to them all and should be given no access at all, online or not.
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Poor attachment because of abuse can look like autism and historically Doctors often used to state poor parents as the cause for autism although that’s thoroughly debunked now. Can cause delayed development though so hopefully, if it’s that, with early intervention then progress can be made. If it is autism then good it’s being assessed, loads of interventions that can make life easier for everyone.
 
Swindon On Tour said:
Sadly Mate she won’t take the offers. The kids are ruined and that alone is tragic. They have let it go on for too long now. The lad hasn’t been to school for 5 years !! and the Daughter has simply followed now 1 year since school.
They are forgotten and being brutal both parents are a disgrace and selfish to not have nipped this in the bud.
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Social Services involved? They claiming they're homeschooling them?
 
The King of Um said:
Social Services involved? They claiming they're homeschooling them?
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They have tried the lad is taking the piss and she is too bloody soft.
The school gave up.
Left school now went to college, panic attack and walked out.
Back at home and away we go again. Honestly I blame both parents. They never dealt with it. The bloke is a cock and jealous of his own kids getting attention from his Wife. One messed up family.
 
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Lefty Frizzell said:
Only been made aware of one instance. Two friends, had no idea until they broke up that he had beaten her for the duration of the 7 year relationship. Recall her once having a huge black eye (told was a drunken fall down the stairs), often had bruises on arms (from sports) and Other things here and there. Nobody in our circle even had an inkling until she told us.

It’s weird how you then look back and think, how did I never put two and two together! Felt guilty for a bit. Takes a certain level of scum to make another human live in such suffering for so long. Unforgivable.
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Perpetrators are very good at making you doubt what you can see in front of you. Very often, when someone speaks out, they’re not believed because it is unbelievable - that person is so nice in public and you can’t square it that they could be like that. That’s why it’s important to believe victims.

This is grim, but eye opening.
 
Muppet said:
Perpetrators are very good at making you doubt what you can see in front of you. Very often, when someone speaks out, they’re not believed because it is unbelievable - that person is so nice in public and you can’t square it that they could be like that. That’s why it’s important to believe victims.

This is grim, but eye opening.
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On appearance they were the most loving couple. Always happy as Larry when we all met up. Turns out it was an act. The lass was basically acting in fear. He would act the doting boyfriend, was always going the extra mile but in reality he was over compensating for what had gone on behind closed doors. He did a runner as soon as it came out, just left everything and moved to the other end of the country. Think he knew what would have happened to him and his career if he had stayed.
 
CatRyan said:
Many women with children in that situation don't have the option to leave.
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If you mean that a woman in that situation has so much to contend with then I agree, but I don't agree they have no option other than to stay. I'm not judging anyone, ultimately it is the woman who has been placed in that situation by someone else by no fault of her own, and it is completely understandable that she will choose 'security' for her child. But, it's the wrong option because there is no security for the child as the abuse will keep on going until someone either leaves or dies and the child has to witness all of that.
 
Locke's SAFC said:
If you mean that a woman in that situation has so much to contend with then I agree, but I don't agree they have no option other than to stay. I'm not judging anyone, ultimately it is the woman who has been placed in that situation by someone else by no fault of her own, and it is completely understandable that she will choose 'security' for her child. But, it's the wrong option because there is no security for the child as the abuse will keep on going until someone either leaves or dies and the child has to witness all of that.
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I know.
So a woman being abused with a child. Where should she go?
 
It's a horrendous situation that abused women find themselves in particularly if they're dependent on their abuser for child maintenance/care.

I became friendly with a lass at work and she opened up to me about her ex who he she has two children with. After 7 years of abuse she'd kicked him out but his mother provided him with a home and therefore a base from which to carry on his abuse only 3 streets from my friend (even though his mother was fully aware of most of the abuse). I'd only known her for about 6 months when, horrifically, he got into her house one night and raped her while their two children slept upstairs.

For some reason she turned to me for support and, as I was already aware that her mother and sister are absolutely hopeless, i didn't want to 'abandon' her. I saw her 2 days after the rape and she hadn't told a soul other than me because he'd already been texting her and making her doubt that it wasn't consensual saying things like "i'd never ever do something like that to you, i love you". Fortunately I managed to convince her to get a second opinion from the rape crisis charity. Amongst his friends he's thought of as a "really sound lad" but in the time i've known her he's tried to put cigarettes out on her, kicked and punched her (but never, ever on the face, that's how "sound" a lad he is), invaded her home on several occasions, strangled her twice (on both occasions while their youngest lay asleep nearby) and tried to attack their children (which his mother witnessed and still didn't kick him out). That's not including the endless personal abuse, manipulation, gas-lighting and coercive control. After suffering an almost complete mental breakdown a year after the rape, to the point where she was ringing me just to stop herself from self-harming and on one occasion from killing herself, she eventually sought counselling but lost faith in it as the abuse was continuing and there was simply no way out in her mind because she's heavily reliant on his child maintenance (which was sporadic) and his ever so wonderful mother for transport to and from work.

I'd love to say there was a happy ending but she's withdrawn further and further into herself, no longer speaks to me about much and seems to have now decided that this is her life and is going to put up with his abuse until her children leave home. Her youngest child is currently 4 years old.
 
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The Truth said:
It's a horrendous situation that abused women find themselves in particularly if they're dependent on their abuser for child maintenance/care.

I became friendly with a lass at work and she opened up to me about her ex who he she has two children with. After 7 years of abuse she'd kicked him out but his mother provided him with a home and therefore a base from which to carry on his abuse only 3 streets from my friend (even though his mother was fully aware of most of the abuse). I'd only known her for about 6 months when, horrifically, he got into her house one night and raped her while their two children slept upstairs.

For some reason she turned to me for support and, as I was already aware that her mother and sister are absolutely hopeless, i didn't want to 'abandon' her. I saw her 2 days after the rape and she hadn't told a soul other than me because he'd already been texting her and making her doubt that it wasn't consensual saying things like "i'd never ever do something like that to you, i love you". Fortunately I managed to convince her to get a second opinion from the rape crisis charity. Amongst his friends he's thought of as a "really sound lad" but in the time i've known her he's tried to put cigarettes out on her, kicked and punched her (but never, ever on the face, that's how "sound" a lad he is), invaded her home on several occasions, strangled her twice (on both occasions while their youngest lay asleep nearby) and tried to attack their children (which his mother witnessed and still didn't kick him out). That's not including the endless personal abuse, manipulation, gas-lighting and coercive control. After suffering an almost complete mental breakdown a year after the rape, to the point where she was ringing me just to stop herself from self-harming and on one occasion from killing herself, she eventually sought counselling but lost faith in it as the abuse was continuing and there was simply no way out in her mind because she's heavily reliant on his child maintenance (which was sporadic) and his ever so wonderful mother for transport to and from work.

I'd love to say there was a happy ending but she's withdrawn further and further into herself, no longer speaks to me about much and seems to have now decided that this is her life and is going to put up with his abuse until her children leave home. Her youngest child is currently 4 years old.
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That's exactly why I started this thread mate to get people talking. What you have done for the lady is amazing.
 
Must be awful. If you're a female victim it must be terrifying having someone stronger than you abuse you. If you're the bloke, you're going to struggle to get support and be believed. Both are going to probably blame themselves. Know a couple lads where their lass has threatened to kill themselves if they leave them.
 
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