Domestic violence.....

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CatRyan said:
It isn't that simple.

How can a mother walk out and leave her child with an abuser?
How many women let their career take a back seat when having children?
Most women don't stay because they are entangled emotionally etc but because of financial reasons.
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I do understand it isn't easy. But the consequences of not leaving an abusive relationship could be fatal
 
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Whilst the OP deserves credit for bringing domestic violence to the fore.. He/She deserves just as much ridicule for watching East f***ing Enders.
 
Therokerroar said:
I do understand it isn't easy. But the consequences of not leaving an abusive relationship could be fatal
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So tell me... what does a single mother do with a child in school and needing childcare? A mother who needs help with pick ups and drop offs to keep her job? Where does she go? You think these women are f***ing stupid and like being beaten up and down?
 
I don’t watch any soaps so don’t know if it’s being well portrayed but it’s an important subject especially now. Lockdown saw a huge drop in reporting because people had no one to turn to but the abuse hadn’t gone away, was just behind even more closed doors than usual. Figures then rocketed once those subjected had contact with services and friends again.
It’s complicated because the abuser usually gradually takes coercive control, destroying self esteem and reducing the chance their partner will have confidence to leave. Statistics suggest that abused partners make eleven attempts to leave before doing so successfully. Try to imagine being so bereft of options self esteem and support that you’d go back to that ten times.
 
Joe Public said:
It happened to my niece, he did some horrendous things to her, I never knew until she left him and told my sister and parents everything. It must have been hard to admit to the things she had been subjected to. f***ing pig I’d love to get my hands on him.
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Just be glad she's away from him and don't get yourself into bother over him. I'm sure he'll find his own path to his own comeuppance.
 
CatRyan said:
So tell me... what does a single mother do with a child in school and needing childcare? A mother who needs help with pick ups and drop offs to keep her job? Where does she go? You think these women are f***ing stupid and like being beaten up and down?
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Not stupid, no. But, maybe not thinking straight, or if thinking straight then choosing the wrong option.

It won't end until one of them leaves that relationship and inevitably most of those relationships end. So, better to leave now, take the time to come to terms with what has happened to them and start again.
 
Locke's SAFC said:
Not stupid, no. But, maybe not thinking straight, or if thinking straight then choosing the wrong option.

It won't end until one of them leaves that relationship and inevitably most of those relationships end. So, better to leave now, take the time to come to terms with what has happened to them and start again.
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Many women with children in that situation don't have the option to leave.
 
CatRyan said:
Many women with children in that situation don't have the option to leave.
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It upsets me just to think of it.
...and then the mental scars on the Children.
My Wife has a friend (they also work together) who has a husband that mentally bully’s her. Both kids are an absolute mess , not going to school, anxiety issues etc. In this case she should and could have walked out years ago, made enough threats and just been left her Mother’s house.
As you say though it’s all very easy on the outside to judge and give advice but some people are without doubt trapped and it’s difficult to get out, in addition to all of this everyone is wired up differently.
I only hope that these people who are the victims can find the strength and support to get out of the situation. Then it follows them looking over their shoulder in fear of retribution..... ffs @CatRyan its depressing.
 
Locke's SAFC said:
Not stupid, no. But, maybe not thinking straight, or if thinking straight then choosing the wrong option.

It won't end until one of them leaves that relationship and inevitably most of those relationships end. So, better to leave now, take the time to come to terms with what has happened to them and start again.
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It doesn’t end when they leave the relationship. That’s the point where perpetrators are most outraged that their victim has found the strength to leave. You’re looking at it too simplistically.

Have a look at the story of Luke and Ryan Hart. Their father, who was never violent up until then, was an absolute bastard. They had a horrific childhood, years of coercive control. As adults, they managed to move their Mam and sister out into a flat. Their Dad shot their Mam and sister dead a few days after they left. The letter he left is full of self righteous anger that his family had wronged him and that he was entitled to do this. Read their book if you can.
 
CatRyan said:
Many women with children in that situation don't have the option to leave.
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Do abusers only become abusive once they have children or get married? Imo no, you see it time and time again, with blokes it tends to be fanny whipped (passive aggressiveness). They stop coming out, turning up for footie or texting shit jokes/porn or when they do turn out the new missus is in tow. They completely change.
We need to make our kids aware of the early signs. I can’t imagine an abuser just turning into one over night it seems to be systematic. The sil used to punish my daughter for going out (not physically) but I knew what he was up to. I made her aware and they worked through it.
 
Swindon On Tour said:
It upsets me just to think of it.
...and then the mental scars on the Children.
My Wife has a friend (they also work together) who has a husband that mentally bully’s her. Both kids are an absolute mess , not going to school, anxiety issues etc. In this case she should and could have walked out years ago, made enough threats and just been left her Mother’s house.
As you say though it’s all very easy on the outside to judge and give advice but some people are without doubt trapped and it’s difficult to get out, in addition to all of this everyone is wired up differently.
I only hope that these people who are the victims can find the strength and support to get out of the situation. Then it follows them looking over their shoulder in fear of retribution..... ffs @CatRyan its depressing.
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Can you not offer them the safe haven to get out? Or put them in touch with a charity that can?
 
the boot said:
Do abusers only become abusive once they have children or get married? Imo no, you see it time and time again, with blokes it tends to be fanny whipped (passive aggressiveness). They stop coming out, turning up for footie or texting shit jokes/porn or when they do turn out the new missus is in tow. They completely change.
We need to make our kids aware of the early signs. I can’t imagine an abuser just turning into one over night it seems to be systematic. The sil used to punish my daughter for going out (not physically) but I knew what he was up to. I made her aware and they worked through it.
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No but my point is when you don't have children you can leave more easily and manage yourself. If you have children it is more difficult to leave, keep your job, home and children etc
 
HarrogateMackem said:
Can you not offer them the safe haven to get out? Or put them in touch with a charity that can?
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Sadly Mate she won’t take the offers. The kids are ruined and that alone is tragic. They have let it go on for too long now. The lad hasn’t been to school for 5 years !! and the Daughter has simply followed now 1 year since school.
They are forgotten and being brutal both parents are a disgrace and selfish to not have nipped this in the bud.

He suffers from depression and won’t seek help which brings the rest of the family down. How she hasn’t broke just amazes me. It’s a real fucked up family Mate. They have tried counselling but he refuses to go.
She should get out, could get out but won’t get out.
 
Nukehasslefan said:
Just be glad she's away from him and don't get yourself into bother over him. I'm sure he'll find his own path to his own comeuppance.
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They had two children together so it’s not as clean a separation as you would hope, the courts have given him online access at present so he has a weekly Skype call with them, which has to be attended by an adult so one of the family has to sit there for an hour while he awkwardly tries to hold their interest for an hour, he sits there with no top on asking them the same questions each week.

Her little boy is having tests for autism as he now also has behavioural issues but I can’t help but feel it’s related to what he has witnessed and indeed been on the receiving end of near the end.

IMO he is a danger to them all and should be given no access at all, online or not.
 
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Joe Public said:
They had two children together so it’s not as clean a separation as you would hope, the courts have given him online access at present so he has a weekly Skype call with them, which has to be attended by an adult so one of the family has to sit there for an hour while he awkwardly tries to hold their interest for an hour, he sits there with no top on asking them the same questions each week.

Her little boy is having tests for autism as he now also has behavioural issues but I can’t help but feel it’s related to what he has witnessed and indeed been on the receiving end of near the end.

IMO he is a danger to them all and should be given no access at all, online or not.
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I sincerely hope it all turns out for the good for you all....excluding him, of course.
 

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