Depression

[Quinninho]

"it could be worse" and such phrases are not helpful. It dismisses your feelings and makes you feel like your upset isn't valid. What you have said above is how you are feeling now and it's perfectly alright to feel like that. Many people are struggling to find the positives right now. It's a pretty shit situation all round to be brutally honest!

I've said before but lack of sleep is a killer both physically and mentally. Hopefully a combination of the tablets and a rest away from work over the weekend will help a bit.

Take care xx

Totally agree.
Even worse are the 'Keep your pecker up', 'Chin up' or 'What have you got to be miserable about?' comments...it's patronising and ..well, not helpful.

The ground opening up and swallowing me is often an attractive proposition these days. I'd take it now if offered.

Been in to work today for only the second time since lockdown. Hardly a soul around. Pissed off from the word go as PAT testers had been in and literally created a bomb site of my desk / workstation. Under pressure to get a job out and security hassling me, saying I hadn't notified site that I was going in (I had - but our HR dept hadn't forwarded on the clearance forms)

Terrible sleep at the moment due to a restless 11 month old who has just started nursery, worries about the future, a house that I wont be able to keep should my job go tits up - which is literally falling to bits anyway - and a missus who is out of her maternity and ramping up her days at work. She is struggling to cope and wishes she wasn't a mum.

Its perpetual misery at present.

 

[Rhubarb]

Try to slow down on the drink marra. It won't be helping. I am a hypocrite here like because I'm hammering the booze too.

I’m trying mate. I’ve had nowt since last Sunday. Not having any this weekend either.

 

[xmfd]

Totally agree.
Even worse are the 'Keep your pecker up', 'Chin up' or 'What have you got to be miserable about?' comments...it's patronising and ..well, not helpful.

The ground opening up and swallowing me is often an attractive proposition these days. I'd take it now if offered.

Been in to work today for only the second time since lockdown. Hardly a soul around. Pissed off from the word go as PAT testers had been in and literally created a bomb site of my desk / workstation. Under pressure to get a job out and security hassling me, saying I hadn't notified site that I was going in (I had - but our HR dept hadn't forwarded on the clearance forms)

Terrible sleep at the moment due to a restless 11 month old who has just started nursery, worries about the future, a house that I wont be able to keep should my job go tits up - which is literally falling to bits anyway - and a missus who is out of her maternity and ramping up her days at work. She is struggling to cope and wishes she wasn't a mum.

Its perpetual misery at present.

You sound like George Bailey in Its a Wonderful Life before he has the epiphany that makes him realise all his achievements and the good things he's got in his life.

 

[Flash Gordon]

After putting up with severe night sweats for weeks on end and then waking up as if I’d never fell asleep doctor took me off sertraline.

had to lower dosage then I actually did not take any for about four days. I actually felt great I felt normal I slept great woke up fresh. Then started taking fluoxetine Monday. Felt like shot since and had my first panic attack tonight for a long time.f***ing foaming here. Don’t know what to do whether to stick or twist. I’ll ring doctor again tom.

sending love to everyone. Rhubarb. X

Look after yourself mate. I've been on Sertraline (which is f***ing evil) and Citalopram over the years and I haven't found either to be of great use. I've done independent reading and it appears that they have little positive effect on 85% of people. I've decided to go without medication and work more on routin, exercise and social prescribing instead. I feel better about that decision despite my current mood.

 

[Ciro_DiMarzio]

I’m trying mate. I’ve had nowt since last Sunday. Not having any this weekend either.

Keep going marra, its hard like especially with nothing being normal at the minute.

 

[Deleted member 43869]

Terrible sleep at the moment due to a restless 11 month old who has just started nursery, worries about the future, a house that I wont be able to keep should my job go tits up - which is literally falling to bits anyway - and a missus who is out of her maternity and ramping up her days at work. She is struggling to cope and wishes she wasn't a mum.

That's a tonne of shit to be dealing with mate. I have no useful advice whatsoever to give you and I won't throw the usual clichés at you. Sometimes it helps a tiny bit to know that some randomer (me) knows what you're going through and completely empathise. I know I promised you no clichés but the 11 month olds sleeping will get better. As for your wife, she used to yell at me saying she didn't want to be a mum and I'd pressured her into it etc. Going to work after no sleep with a wife who is also going through turmoil is hard. I wish you all the best.

 

[Deleted member 46623]

Totally agree.
Even worse are the 'Keep your pecker up', 'Chin up' or 'What have you got to be miserable about?' comments...it's patronising and ..well, not helpful.

The ground opening up and swallowing me is often an attractive proposition these days. I'd take it now if offered.

Been in to work today for only the second time since lockdown. Hardly a soul around. Pissed off from the word go as PAT testers had been in and literally created a bomb site of my desk / workstation. Under pressure to get a job out and security hassling me, saying I hadn't notified site that I was going in (I had - but our HR dept hadn't forwarded on the clearance forms)

Terrible sleep at the moment due to a restless 11 month old who has just started nursery, worries about the future, a house that I wont be able to keep should my job go tits up - which is literally falling to bits anyway - and a missus who is out of her maternity and ramping up her days at work. She is struggling to cope and wishes she wasn't a mum.

Its perpetual misery at present.

Not sure if its your first child, but 11 months in is a really hard time, even in normal circumstances - the gloss has worn off, the bairn isn't sleeping through, you're knackered, the house and equipment is battered, you can't leave them for a minute, you're both back to work, it's bloody hard. Even without lockdown. And although it's not how you're 'meant' to feel, you haven't reached the bit, to be honest, where you get much back from your child, but you will get through it, and the best bits about being a parent will soon be here.

It's really easy to say, and I'm not good at this myself, try not to catastrophise about the future. It's such an uncertain time at the moment, but it was a real trap I fell into, and actually doing CBT was good for understanding that and addressing it. It's only now that I look back and realise that I would take one thing (say uncertain job prospects) and turn them into sleeping rough on the streets. That doesn't mean 'keep your pecker up', but maybe try not to look too far ahead, because when you're in a bad place, if you look ahead, you will only see misery.

It gets better, promise.

 

[Deleted member 43869]

Not sure if its your first child, but 11 months in is a really hard time, even in normal circumstances - the gloss has worn off, the bairn isn't sleeping through, you're knackered, the house and equipment is battered, you're both back to work, it's bloody hard. Even without lockdown. And you haven't reached the bit, to be honest, where you get much back from your child, but you will get through it, and the best bits about being a parent will soon be here.

Absolutely. And if anyone tells you that this is a time that you should be enjoying tell them to get ******. It's bloody hard!

 

[Quinninho]

That's a tonne of shit to be dealing with mate. I have no useful advice whatsoever to give you and I won't throw the usual clichés at you. Sometimes it helps a tiny bit to know that some randomer (me) knows what you're going through and completely empathise. I know I promised you no clichés but the 11 month olds sleeping will get better. As for your wife, she used to yell at me saying she didn't want to be a mum and I'd pressured her into it etc. Going to work after no sleep with a wife who is also going through turmoil is hard. I wish you all the best.

Cheers fella appreciate that.

Not sure if its your first child, but 11 months in is a really hard time, even in normal circumstances - the gloss has worn off, the bairn isn't sleeping through, you're knackered, the house and equipment is battered, you can't leave them for a minute, you're both back to work, it's bloody hard. Even without lockdown. And although it's not how you're 'meant' to feel, you haven't reached the bit, to be honest, where you get much back from your child, but you will get through it, and the best bits about being a parent will soon be here.

It's really easy to say, and I'm not good at this myself, try not to catastrophise about the future. It's such an uncertain time at the moment, but it was a real trap I fell into, and actually doing CBT was good for understanding that and addressing it. It's only now that I look back and realise that I would take one thing (say uncertain job prospects) and turn them into sleeping rough on the streets. That doesn't mean 'keep your pecker up', but maybe try not to look too far ahead, because when you're in a bad place, if you look ahead, you will only see misery.

It gets better, promise.

Yeah its our first. I'm an 'older' dad too so the energy levels aren't what they used to be.

I've done a course of CBT some years back and it did help. I still use the coping mechanisms to this day, but I feel crippled at the minute ...to the point where I feel sick at the thought of doing some of the things that might actually make the situation better.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[monkeytassle]

Cheers fella appreciate that.



Yeah its our first. I'm an 'older' dad too so the energy levels aren't what they used to be.

I've done a course of CBT some years back and it did help. I still use the coping mechanisms to this day, but I feel crippled at the minute ...to the point where I feel sick at the thought of doing some of the things that might actually make the situation better.

Thank you for your kind words.

Ours just passed the 1y mark and the real hard yards are done mate. They become more interactive and start to get more autonomous. It's hard mate so keep the chin up.

 

[Jakata]

"it could be worse" and such phrases are not helpful. It dismisses your feelings and makes you feel like your upset isn't valid. What you have said above is how you are feeling now and it's perfectly alright to feel like that. Many people are struggling to find the positives right now. It's a pretty shit situation all round to be brutally honest!

I've said before but lack of sleep is a killer both physically and mentally. Hopefully a combination of the tablets and a rest away from work over the weekend will help a bit.

Take care xx

Good point that

I always think, is it so hard to just say are you ok?

But no one really wants the answer. You're supposed so say "aye".

But if someone does say no. It doesn't mean they want practical advice or platitudes such as it'll get better and look at the positives. Maybe just listen for a few minutes

 

[Rhubarb]

Look after yourself mate. I've been on Sertraline (which is f***ing evil) and Citalopram over the years and I haven't found either to be of great use. I've done independent reading and it appears that they have little positive effect on 85% of people. I've decided to go without medication and work more on routin, exercise and social prescribing instead. I feel better about that decision despite my current mood.

mom swaying towards this. As I had to wean off the sertralineI know they would still be in my system but I felt champion. Felt like I actually had feelings for a change. Fuck knows. We shall keep plodding on. Been for walk along fatfield river with the dog so at least I’ve been out. Keep loving life people. Love rhubarb x

 

[Kingdom Bhoy]

"it could be worse" and such phrases are not helpful. It dismisses your feelings and makes you feel like your upset isn't valid. What you have said above is how you are feeling now and it's perfectly alright to feel like that. Many people are struggling to find the positives right now. It's a pretty shit situation all round to be brutally honest!

I've said before but lack of sleep is a killer both physically and mentally. Hopefully a combination of the tablets and a rest away from work over the weekend will help a bit.

Take care xx

Well said I don't think some people realise how hard depression can be to endure unless you have experienced it.

 

[Flash Gordon]

The painting of a mild panic attack.

I wake up feeling lost today.
My body is lying there in a familiar room but I am detached in some way.
Something is wrong with the air. I can breathe but can't take in air like I normally do. I am suddenly so aware of this fact, each breath is just a little shorter than what I need to satisfy my lungs.
And it's warm, in fact everything has an overbearing stuffy feeling. I need fresh air.
I throw on the first clothes I find and go out for a walk. It's 5.37am.
I'm trying hard to act natural, because suddenly it's something I have to really think about and work on.
The air is cooler but I still can't get as much as I need. The smell of the freshly cut grass after the thunder storm and rain last night is the first thing that seems normal, but even then it's distant. Like how you can identify something with orange flavouring but it's not the same as eating an orange.
To say everything else feels wrong would be to say that I could feel everything else which isn't true. I cant even feel my legs. They are there, I can touch them and I guess I'm in control of them, but it's like auto-pilot. I actively try to feel the sensation of my legs moving or the ground upon which they are treading over but cant.
This uncomfortable uncertainty is now turning into minor terror. What is happening? What do I do now? I can't keep walking, what if something happens and I'm too far away from home? But I can't go back the same way, someone will see me and think that my behaviour is weird. So I walk the shortest route home that isn't the way I came. I'm feeling terribly uncomfortable now. I keep telling myself to breathe and put a lot of effort into acting normal for the one car that passes me at that time in the morning.
As I get home, I shut the door and lock it behind me and almost slump to the floor next to it. I'm still struggling with my breathing, I'm still lost, but at least I'm not out there where other people can see me cracking. It's now 5.55am.

 

[Deleted member 43869]

The painting of a mild panic attack.

I wake up feeling lost today.
My body is lying there in a familiar room but I am detached in some way.
Something is wrong with the air. I can breathe but can't take in air like I normally do. I am suddenly so aware of this fact, each breath is just a little shorter than what I need to satisfy my lungs.
And it's warm, in fact everything has an overbearing stuffy feeling. I need fresh air.
I throw on the first clothes I find and go out for a walk. It's 5.37am.
I'm trying hard to act natural, because suddenly it's something I have to really think about and work on.
The air is cooler but I still can't get as much as I need. The smell of the freshly cut grass after the thunder storm and rain last night is the first thing that seems normal, but even then it's distant. Like how you can identify something with orange flavouring but it's not the same as eating an orange.
To say everything else feels wrong would be to say that I could feel everything else which isn't true. I cant even feel my legs. They are there, I can touch them and I guess I'm in control of them, but it's like auto-pilot. I actively try to feel the sensation of my legs moving or the ground upon which they are treading over but cant.
This uncomfortable uncertainty is now turning into minor terror. What is happening? What do I do now? I can't keep walking, what if something happens and I'm too far away from home? But I can't go back the same way, someone will see me and think that my behaviour is weird. So I walk the shortest route home that isn't the way I came. I'm feeling terribly uncomfortable now. I keep telling myself to breathe and put a lot of effort into acting normal for the one car that passes me at that time in the morning.
As I get home, I shut the door and lock it behind me and almost slump to the floor next to it. I'm still struggling with my breathing, I'm still lost, but at least I'm not out there where other people can see me cracking. It's now 5.55am.

My best advice for now would be to ring Samaritans and read out this post. I imagine writing this would have helped a tiny bit but speaking it out loud and having someone listen will help more. I wanted to reply to this just to show you that someone is reading and that someone knows what you're going through but I strongly advise ringing the Samaritans just to see how it makes you feel. It certainly won't make you feel worse.

 

[becs]

The painting of a mild panic attack.

I wake up feeling lost today.
My body is lying there in a familiar room but I am detached in some way.
Something is wrong with the air. I can breathe but can't take in air like I normally do. I am suddenly so aware of this fact, each breath is just a little shorter than what I need to satisfy my lungs.
And it's warm, in fact everything has an overbearing stuffy feeling. I need fresh air.
I throw on the first clothes I find and go out for a walk. It's 5.37am.
I'm trying hard to act natural, because suddenly it's something I have to really think about and work on.
The air is cooler but I still can't get as much as I need. The smell of the freshly cut grass after the thunder storm and rain last night is the first thing that seems normal, but even then it's distant. Like how you can identify something with orange flavouring but it's not the same as eating an orange.
To say everything else feels wrong would be to say that I could feel everything else which isn't true. I cant even feel my legs. They are there, I can touch them and I guess I'm in control of them, but it's like auto-pilot. I actively try to feel the sensation of my legs moving or the ground upon which they are treading over but cant.
This uncomfortable uncertainty is now turning into minor terror. What is happening? What do I do now? I can't keep walking, what if something happens and I'm too far away from home? But I can't go back the same way, someone will see me and think that my behaviour is weird. So I walk the shortest route home that isn't the way I came. I'm feeling terribly uncomfortable now. I keep telling myself to breathe and put a lot of effort into acting normal for the one car that passes me at that time in the morning.
As I get home, I shut the door and lock it behind me and almost slump to the floor next to it. I'm still struggling with my breathing, I'm still lost, but at least I'm not out there where other people can see me cracking. It's now 5.55am.

Powerful words. How are you doing now mate? PM if you need too. Take care xx

 

[Shambo]

My best advice for now would be to ring Samaritans and read out this post. I imagine writing this would have helped a tiny bit but speaking it out loud and having someone listen will help more. I wanted to reply to this just to show you that someone is reading and that someone knows what you're going through but I strongly advise ringing the Samaritans just to see how it makes you feel. It certainly won't make you feel worse.

People can also write it to the Samaritans. They do email, as well as text if you are better with a shorter quicker conversation

 

[The soap powder]

People can also write it to the Samaritans. They do email, as well as text if you are better with a shorter quicker conversation

Yeah this the text option is great and works really well ..... We use it at work and ive heard some good stories from it so please speak to someone and as Shambo said you dont have to talk to them

 

[Flash Gordon]

Powerful words. How are you doing now mate? PM if you need too. Take care xx

I'm okay thanks. Actually had 5 good days on the bounce before this morning. And even this morning, the panic was there, but I managed to get past it eventually. I know what the triggers were - lack of sleep is my big one, so that feels a bit better because I can organise my environment to work for me.

The doctors actually prescribed me with some different anti-depressants as a sleep aid and they've been working wonders (until last night), though they leave me feeling groggy for a couple of hours the next day. They can only be a temporary measure though, because the biggest side effect is weight gain - and over 2 years on citalopram, I absolutely piled on the beef to the point where I'm concerned about my physical health. In the 6 weeks I've been off them, I dropped a stone without really changing anything else.

I finished an incredible book today - Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig. He speaks about his experiences with anxiety so vividly. He talks about the challenges of modern day life and how they inevitably cause anxiety, whilst threading through it the beauty of life and how to navigate these obstacles. It's a must read, especially if you're an anxiety sufferer.

 

[Jakata]

I'm okay thanks. Actually had 5 good days on the bounce before this morning. And even this morning, the panic was there, but I managed to get past it eventually. I know what the triggers were - lack of sleep is my big one, so that feels a bit better because I can organise my environment to work for me.

The doctors actually prescribed me with some different anti-depressants as a sleep aid and they've been working wonders (until last night), though they leave me feeling groggy for a couple of hours the next day. They can only be a temporary measure though, because the biggest side effect is weight gain - and over 2 years on citalopram, I absolutely piled on the beef to the point where I'm concerned about my physical health. In the 6 weeks I've been off them, I dropped a stone without really changing anything else.

I finished an incredible book today - Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig. He speaks about his experiences with anxiety so vividly. He talks about the challenges of modern day life and how they inevitably cause anxiety, whilst threading through it the beauty of life and how to navigate these obstacles. It's a must read, especially if you're an anxiety sufferer.

Mirtazapine? Is the only medication ever worked for me when it comes to sleep

Including prescription and over the counter sleep aids