Depression

[Deleted member 2014]

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such heartfelt words. I really appreciate it. The one thing that I have taken from all of this is how much people care. The cards, phone calls, messages from family, friends, acquaintances and even people who I`ve never met have brought me a lot of comfort. I spent half an hour on the day of her funeral at the chapel of rest talking to her about everything and nothing. I did of course tell her how much I am enjoying her book. I told her how much I miss her and that she has been a great Mum to me and how much that I loved her. I think she knew that, even though I didn`t say it a lot. I did tell her in hospital a few weeks before she died. She taught me well and to be respectful and considerate regardless of race, religion or any differences in people and those are lessons I`ve passed on to my kids I hope she will be proud of me and her grandchildren.

I collected her ashes a few days ago and I spoke to her on the drive to my home through Durham passed the church where she married my Dad, passed a couple of places where she had worked, the place where she was born and lived as a child and passed where I went to school and where we all lived as a family. I spoke to her the whole time telling her where we were. The only place I didn`t take her was to M&S for a coffee although I`m sure she`d have loved that.

I went up to Durham Cathedral on Monday to sit and listen to the Holocaust Memorial Service. She knew how I loved history and knew how I`d sit and listen to people talking about their experiences. I gave her a lot of thought as I sat and listened and when I walked around the cathedral afterwards.

It`s a tough time and it`s hit me hard but I do value what I had so much and she has made me a big part of what I am today so I have a lot to be thankful for.

Thank you again for what you have said. SMB is a great place for banter, debate, general chat about this and that but also a wonderful place to share experiences like this so thankyou for your kind words.

Thank you Becs. I`m sorry to hear about your Dad. My Mum wasn`t really into football like I was but she always checked the scores and always mentioned it when I visited, usually commiserating in recent years but she shared my joy when we had the good times especially when heading off to Wembley.

I think a lot of the shock I`m feeling is the fact that she`s been through so much and seemed to be through the other end, to be taken after that is hard to take. Even the pneumonia that she was being treated for this time seemed on it`s way out to the extent she was expecting to be coming home in a couple of days. I spoke to the sister and doctor on the ward last week and they explained what had happened. She`d been up and waiting for her breakfast when she slipped away suddenly. At least I can take comfort from the fact that she was expecting me in to see her that day, as I did every day and that she was coming home soon. She wasn`t sitting feeling herself declining and slipping away. She was full of hope and didn`t suffer but I just wish more than anything we had just a little bit more time when she could have enjoyed a new lease of life after her heart operation in December. I am grateful for having her as my Mum and will always love her and just writing about this is helping. Thank you for listening.

You're most welcome Mick.b
Lovely words, btw.
Just reading your post, indicates how special your Mam was to you, and how much she influenced your life, in a very good and positive way, and I have no doubt whatsoever, she'll be very proud of you and the grandkids.
I'm sure your Mam would've loved a coffee in M&S (I was in the H/pool store having a coffee with my Mam, yesterday)
I'm pleased you were able to post about your feelings of sadness (something I'm not good at doing) and I'm also glad, you've found some comfort, from peoples responses to your post, on here.
You sound like a good bloke, with excellent values, and that's testament to the way, your Mam brought you up.

I wish you and your family well for the future.

 

[becs]

It`s a tough time and it`s hit me hard but I do value what I had so much and she has made me a big part of what I am today so I have a lot to be thankful for.

She sounds like a class Mam and you've got plenty of good memories about her. That line stood out for me. That's the way you should remember her. Sending my love xx

 

[mickb2112]

You're most welcome Mick.b
Lovely words, btw.
Just reading your post, indicates how special your Mam was to you, and how much she influenced your life, in a very good and positive way, and I have no doubt whatsoever, she'll be very proud of you and the grandkids.
I'm sure your Mam would've loved a coffee in M&S (I was in the H/pool store having a coffee with my Mam, yesterday)
I'm pleased you were able to post about your feelings of sadness (something I'm not good at doing) and I'm also glad, you've found some comfort, from peoples responses to your post, on here.
You sound like a good bloke, with excellent values, and that's testament to the way, your Mam brought you up.

I wish you and your family well for the future.

Thank you Horley Chorley. You have a great way with words. I sincerely appreciate everything you have said. You are clearly a good, considerate person. Thank you again.

She sounds like a class Mam and you've got plenty of good memories about her. That line stood out for me. That's the way you should remember her. Sending my love xx

Thank you Becs. It`s so comforting knowing that there`s good people around. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 2014]

Thank you Horley Chorley. You have a great way with words. I sincerely appreciate everything you have said. You are clearly a good, considerate person. Thank you again.

Thank you too, my friend.
You're more than welcome.
My words are nothing special, - like the many good and caring posters on here, our words and advice, comes from our own personal experiences we've gone through.
It's a great place to seek help and advice, from people who've known how it feels, to suffer with depression and the problems that go with it.
I'm glad you posted, and have found some comfort in peoples posts on here, because there are times in life, when we all could do with reassurance, help and advice, from those who've experienced our problems, and are in a position to help us, in our hour of need.

Very best wishes to yourself and your family, and thanks again, for your kind words.
Take care, mate.

 

[The Hesford Diet]

Grief and bereavement can be very hard to deal with even decades on. I popped in to see my mam last week and I could still feel her pain when talking about my da. That was 23 years on.

I was going to say I think I am fortunate, but it's a bad turn of phrase. My partner took her own life this month six years ago. Her last words to me that morning was "I'll never leave you," which I thought was odd at the time. By the afternoon it was too late to ask what she meant.

The first year afterwards I can hardly remember. I was physically hurting with the loss. I can't remember going out, apart from a Stranglers gig, even though I know I did, can't remember doing any work, even though I recall taking the odd day off because I was overcome with grief.

This year? I was looking through Sunderland fixtures this month and it was only when I had a look on this thread that I realised one of the games was on the anniversary. I'd like to think that's pretty healthy rather than a slur on her memory.

However long it takes you, you will get there. It's a natural part of the life cycle, so don't be frightened of feeling like you do, or needing help to get through it. We all have our own ways and find our own path.

If this is of help to anyone, there's an online guide, and even online therapy, in the link below. The big plus is that it's available 24/7 so can help at the moment you need it, day or night.

Therapy For You

Therapy For You is the free NHS counselling and talking therapies service for people in South East and North East Essex. Find treatments and online CBT courses today.

www.therapyforyou.co.uk

 

[Rainhill]

Grief and bereavement can be very hard to deal with even decades on. I popped in to see my mam last week and I could still feel her pain when talking about my da. That was 23 years on.

I was going to say I think I am fortunate, but it's a bad turn of phrase. My partner took her own life this month six years ago. Her last words to me that morning was "I'll never leave you," which I thought was odd at the time. By the afternoon it was too late to ask what she meant.

The first year afterwards I can hardly remember. I was physically hurting with the loss. I can't remember going out, apart from a Stranglers gig, even though I know I did, can't remember doing any work, even though I recall taking the odd day off because I was overcome with grief.

This year? I was looking through Sunderland fixtures this month and it was only when I had a look on this thread that I realised one of the games was on the anniversary. I'd like to think that's pretty healthy rather than a slur on her memory.

However long it takes you, you will get there. It's a natural part of the life cycle, so don't be frightened of feeling like you do, or needing help to get through it. We all have our own ways and find our own path.

If this is of help to anyone, there's an online guide, and even online therapy, in the link below. The big plus is that it's available 24/7 so can help at the moment you need it, day or night.

Therapy For You

Therapy For You is the free NHS counselling and talking therapies service for people in South East and North East Essex. Find treatments and online CBT courses today.

www.therapyforyou.co.uk

Bloody ell. What an amazing post

 

[Giggity]

Arrgghhhh so f***ing tired.
My body is aching all over from constant lack of sleep, and then last night, I'd not managed to get more than a few minutes of sleep due to the babies, and it was 2.30am, and I just knew I was fucked. They are usually awake from 5.30-6 - so on top of being already knackered, I knew the best outcome would be 3.5hrs sleep all night.

I just want to crawl up in a corner and cry. I'll get zero sympathy though, as the wife has it worse, but manages loads better and doesn't really see what I'm on about.

Lying in bed last night, and all I could think was "I'm trapped". Nobody cares, there's nothing I can do about it and there's no way out.

 

[Curlyteeth]

Arrgghhhh so f***ing tired.
My body is aching all over from constant lack of sleep, and then last night, I'd not managed to get more than a few minutes of sleep due to the babies, and it was 2.30am, and I just knew I was fucked. They are usually awake from 5.30-6 - so on top of being already knackered, I knew the best outcome would be 3.5hrs sleep all night.

I just want to crawl up in a corner and cry. I'll get zero sympathy though, as the wife has it worse, but manages loads better and doesn't really see what I'm on about.

Lying in bed last night, and all I could think was "I'm trapped". Nobody cares, there's nothing I can do about it and there's no way out.

It won't always be like this. You just need to get through each day for now. Good luck

 

[becs]

Arrgghhhh so f***ing tired.
My body is aching all over from constant lack of sleep, and then last night, I'd not managed to get more than a few minutes of sleep due to the babies, and it was 2.30am, and I just knew I was fucked. They are usually awake from 5.30-6 - so on top of being already knackered, I knew the best outcome would be 3.5hrs sleep all night.

I just want to crawl up in a corner and cry. I'll get zero sympathy though, as the wife has it worse, but manages loads better and doesn't really see what I'm on about.

Lying in bed last night, and all I could think was "I'm trapped". Nobody cares, there's nothing I can do about it and there's no way out.

I know it doesn't help now but it will get better as the twins get older and sleep for longer. It goes full circle mind and you'll end up getting stressed yelling at them to get out of bed and get ready for school

Do you ever get a break from the babies? Maybe just one night get a babysitter just so you get a full nights sleep? Or take turns having a lay in so one can catch up on sleep? It's hard work with with one baby so I can only imagine how difficult it is with two.

 

[Giggity]

I know it doesn't help now but it will get better as the twins get older and sleep for longer. It goes full circle mind and you'll end up getting stressed yelling at them to get out of bed and get ready for school

Do you ever get a break from the babies? Maybe just one night get a babysitter just so you get a full nights sleep? Or take turns having a lay in so one can catch up on sleep? It's hard work with with one baby so I can only imagine how difficult it is with two.

I go to the office 2-3 days a week, and work from home the other 2. My missus does most of the night time stuff, especially when she's not at work the next day (she recently want back to work a couple of days a week - I try to help a bit on those nights). She even lets me lie in for about an extra hour after everyone is up if I need it.

Even when she does most of it, Im' still awake. The cumulative effect is the killer - the help I get just isn't enough, but I couldn't possibly ask for more, its bordering on being unfair as it is.

Yeah, the 5 year old is fine - if I'm tired, I could just go to be when she does, then I'd be fine. I've been doing that more and more recently - 40 years old, and 7.30pm has become a totally fine time to go to bed. I don't tend to settle though, even when I do.
Plus, if I have no time with my wife, we start to feel like strangers. She's already mentioned she sometimes gets lonely when I'm never around

They are sleeping out one night this week, so I'll get a chance for one good nights' sleep, thankfully

 

[Kubicki85]

I have never really posted on here about mental health but since I was a young teen I have suffered from frequent Panic Attacks and occasional anxiety. But last June something changed for the worst. I was ravelling on rain to London and had a Panic Attack that last he whole journey and from that day onward I was constantly flipping between severe anxiety and extreme depressive moods. It has lasted pretty much non sop until a few weeks ago I started to feel a little better. Honestly you wouldn't wish that on your worst enemy. It's like being trapped in a box you can't escape but can still see the world around you.

My huge fears at the moment are not being able to travel very far. I can hardly be in a car for too long and a metro journey is testing. I'm self employed and my work has suffered now that I'm on the mend its been really hard trying to get work.

Right now I just want to get my normal life back.

 

[Curlyteeth]

I have never really posted on here about mental health but since I was a young teen I have suffered from frequent Panic Attacks and occasional anxiety. But last June something changed for the worst. I was ravelling on rain to London and had a Panic Attack that last he whole journey and from that day onward I was constantly flipping between severe anxiety and extreme depressive moods. It has lasted pretty much non sop until a few weeks ago I started to feel a little better. Honestly you wouldn't wish that on your worst enemy. It's like being trapped in a box you can't escape but can still see the world around you.

My huge fears at the moment are not being able to travel very far. I can hardly be in a car for too long and a metro journey is testing. I'm self employed and my work has suffered now that I'm on the mend its been really hard trying to get work.

Right now I just want to get my normal life back.

I had an incident that changed my life and flipped my existence in a somewhat similar way to what you describe. Also anxiety based. I could hardly walk a 100 yards without wanting to run home. Medication eventually took the edge off it. Time helps. Try and remember that you don't feel anxiety all the time. I know it can feel like it takes over everything . It takes a lot of courage to keep doing things when you're scared of the anxiety but keep trying, be brave. You can be happy and still be anxious

 

[becs]

I have never really posted on here about mental health but since I was a young teen I have suffered from frequent Panic Attacks and occasional anxiety. But last June something changed for the worst. I was ravelling on rain to London and had a Panic Attack that last he whole journey and from that day onward I was constantly flipping between severe anxiety and extreme depressive moods. It has lasted pretty much non sop until a few weeks ago I started to feel a little better. Honestly you wouldn't wish that on your worst enemy. It's like being trapped in a box you can't escape but can still see the world around you.

My huge fears at the moment are not being able to travel very far. I can hardly be in a car for too long and a metro journey is testing. I'm self employed and my work has suffered now that I'm on the mend its been really hard trying to get work.

Right now I just want to get my normal life back.

Baby steps. You can do short car journeys and can get on a Metro. Be proud of yourself for overcoming it enough to be able to do that. It'll get better in time. Little bit longer in the car, little bit easier on the Metro and one day you'll be fine. Keep on hanging in there mate xx

 

[Schmarrnbeppi]

I am absolutely certain my general lethargy and lack of concentration is down to workplace anxiety. I dont feel 'down' day to day but I do have VERY flexible moods. I'm doing really well in my job, bosses confirm this regularly, just got a very large raise in terms of initial percentage. However the slightest little thing sets off doubts and lethargy and lack of concentration. Even the smallest negative v the biggest positive makes me wonder why I bother cos they'll just sack me. Even though deep down I'm certain they wont. Weird feeling for sure.

 

[Billericay Dichio]

I am absolutely certain my general lethargy and lack of concentration is down to workplace anxiety. I dont feel 'down' day to day but I do have VERY flexible moods. I'm doing really well in my job, bosses confirm this regularly, just got a very large raise in terms of initial percentage. However the slightest little thing sets off doubts and lethargy and lack of concentration. Even the smallest negative v the biggest positive makes me wonder why I bother cos they'll just sack me. Even though deep down I'm certain they wont. Weird feeling for sure.

I had that - went to a meeting on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which was followed by a series on online lectures designed to reduce stress and anxiety. Got a lot out of it including techniques to reduce stress which I still use. One of the most helpful things was that the initial meeting was packed. It made me realise I was not the only person who felt the way I did.

 

[The Hesford Diet]

I know this little tip will sound a bit left field, but it came from a therapist that I know rather than used, so I can vouch for her.

If you're about to so something that's stressful or induces panic or anxiety, try to find an aroma you really like, and inhale it.

It could be anything, such as a particular fragrance or the smell of bacon in the frying pan, whatever floats your boat.

After a while, your brain associates things causing your discomfort with the aroma that you really like, and your body subconsciously relaxes.

I don't know how successful it is, but it's definitely a positive action to consider, and I do know of one person that it's really worked for.

 

[Vore]

I know this little tip will sound a bit left field, but it came from a therapist that I know rather than used, so I can vouch for her.

If you're about to so something that's stressful or induces panic or anxiety, try to find an aroma you really like, and inhale it.

It could be anything, such as a particular fragrance or the smell of bacon in the frying pan, whatever floats your boat.

After a while, your brain associates things causing your discomfort with the aroma that you really like, and your body subconsciously relaxes.

I don't know how successful it is, but it's definitely a positive action to consider, and I do know of one person that it's really worked for.

Finally an excuse to put my hand down my pants at work.

 

[Schmarrnbeppi]

I had that - went to a meeting on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which was followed by a series on online lectures designed to reduce stress and anxiety. Got a lot out of it including techniques to reduce stress which I still use. One of the most helpful things was that the initial meeting was packed. It made me realise I was not the only person who felt the way I did.

Do you need specific CBT based around work or generic CBT? I am totally in the dark about it tbh but definitely feel like it holds me back and affects my life.

 

[Billericay Dichio]

Do you need specific CBT based around work or generic CBT? I am totally in the dark about it tbh but definitely feel like it holds me back and affects my life.

No, it was a general course. There was a wide range of people at the initial meeting so the on-line stuff had to be pretty general. Half the battle is actually doing something about the way you feel. Goodl uck.

 

[Vore]

These boards are all over the place on most topics so I'm always a bit amazed (in a good way) that there's a consistent consensus on here that mental health is an important issue, which isn't necessarily true in groups or workplaces.

We had a 'dealing with workplace stress' councillor come in to work (voluntary session) and I attended knowing I wasn't stressed, per se, but that things weren't right.

After looking at my questionnaire answers and having a bit of a chat, she kept me behind after to make sure I was aware that 'understress' is dangerous too. Stress is the body's reaction to adrenaline, it's not innately negative or positive. You feel like shit if you're not getting enough, or too much.

Generally speaking if I'm awake, I'm (casually but genuinely if that makes sense?) suicidal until at least 11am (which doesn't work well with my 9-5).

Was "prescribed" (among other tips) hi-tempo music on my way to work, which genuinely helps.
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As an aside, if you already have a bit of a grasp on psych, philosophy, history, then I can't recommend Derren Brown's Happy strongly enough. (Could be a bit inaccessible without that tho).