LondonBlackCat
Winger
I tell you what I find hard and weird
I’m at heart a very logical person, its how I work etc and how my mind works
Last few years my thoughts are just illogical but even though I kind of know that they feel logical
That make sense?
I can identify with this 100%. I consider myself to be logical almost to a fault, on the downside I find myself over-analysing almost everything and always following my head rather than my heart which has ultimately cost me.
I've relapsed lately in to fairly bad depression and anxiety to the point where I'm struggling to get out of bed in the morning, feel sick to my stomach all the time, tired despite having done nothing and reticent to leave the house. I made something of an attempt on my own life around 3 months ago which luckily I backed out of whilst there was still time, I still struggle with suicidal ideations but fortunately no longer have a desire to act on them.
I'm desperately trying to get myself back on escitalopram, after 8 months or more off of it, as it used to be the only one I'd found that I could tolerate; unfortunately it's making me feel a bit out of it every time I take it and I've been unable to stick to it to date.
Hopefully I come out the other side of this in a much better place, at the moment however that seems a long way off and my anxiety has really started to control my life to the point that I feel quite hopeless.