Chemo. Maybe no more

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foggy said:
I think it would have been 38. I didn’t really say much during the last two as they were tablet form. Nowhere near the hell that is the infusion based stuff that was due to go in now.

A recap. I had a scan back at the beginning of last month which showed control in the peri mets but not the liver. Then I was supposed to go back on to Folfox infusions but a bad liver blood diagnosis put paid to that. Well that and me turning up blinking trying to hide the pain in front of the not to be fooled chemo nurses.

Then a wait to see oncologist last week who said I could go ahead at the risk of damage to my liver. Like the bad type of damage. It’s giving me plenty of gyp anyway so fuck it. I take steroids to try and control the liver ‘capsule’ pain. These keep me awake and have mood affects but they work.

Another call this morning to cancel today’s treatment. Liver still no good. Bollocks.

The rest of my pain has hit new heights meaning a few visits from Macmillan to try and get a hold on it. Next visit is tomorrow. It’s all made worse by eating but I find that as necessary as everyone else. I’ve lost weight again although the steroids have got my sweet tooth buzzing.

I’m also pretty much housebound. No longer able to walk the dog. Movement ramps up the pain levels so unless there is a wonder drug to come then this is my lot. Accept and move on. I have plenty of help with the dog so I can enjoy the company side of things. She goes without nothing in the exercise stakes. My network of family and friends are tippety top. Plus she’s the world’s best dog so they love having her.

The bairn has been up and around before she goes back for post grad. I’m still up in the air about the degree result. When most things in life are a bit tough then the good bits shine out like a beacon.

I’m obsessed with leaving things organised. For her. Inheritance. The homey house stuff. It’s like a big bag pack. I’m long past the scared of death phase. I had anxiety last year but not now. I found the best way was to let the fear and desperation have its time. I couldn’t stop it happening so it was welcome to run its course. And it always did. I can’t stay scared of the same monster. It just becomes familiar. Unwanted but familiar.

I managed two outings to Northumberland. First with Bec in July. Then with our lass at the end of August. Just as Storm Bitchtits was here pissing down. The last one was tough pain wise but the cottage was cosy as.

Just off a video call with GP. The same GP who couldn’t sanction a scan back when I was 47. Yes really. To look and no doubt discover the first tumour. Instead I had an emergency op later on which allowed the baddies to plant themselves elsewhere leading to where I am now. Bygones. I could stress about it but it never helps.


All the best
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So so sorry Foggy. Your take on life and what it has thrown at you will remain with me forever. Truly inspiring and very heart felf in sincerity.

The Video call from the Doc who cocked up big style how you held back would have been too much for me to hide as I'd have called him a C👀👀👀t and put the phone down. But you took it on the chin and I would assume that would have hurt him more than my reaction if I were in your plsce

Hope you manage to get most of what you have got left to be as pain-free as is possible for someone in your position and to be with the apple of your eyes whenever she gets the chance.


ATB from Barnsley
 
Man, we need to get these memoirs published, it would be inspirational to so many people. Raise a few quid for McMillans and also for a trip for you to Barry's in Consett.

Pain is a bastard, but as my da said when he had his own dalliance with colon cancer, if he could feel it, it was a sure sign he was still alive. And he sat through our away match at QPR in 1983 so he knew all about pain.

Hopefully things can become more manageable for you, enough for you to kick that GP squarely in the bollocks.
 
Foggy, that was almost concise and barely a ramble to be seen.
I don’t take that as a good sign so hope the Mac lads/ lasses are able to help soothe your days.
I always sign off these things with the Redskins song title “Keep on keeping on” you’ve done more than your share of that bud. Tell the nurses to bump up the happy juice and enjoy your trips.
We’re all proud of you
 
Said it before but I'm more than happy to say it again, you're a real life hero to me Foggy marra. I have my moments when I get worked up and spit my dummy out over nowt if I'm honest while you have gone through years of pain and real shite but managed to keep a great outlook on it all. Hero and legend, god bless you marra.
 
Billy Fish said:
Foggy, that was almost concise and barely a ramble to be seen.
I don’t take that as a good sign so hope the Mac lads/ lasses are able to help soothe your days.
I always sign off these things with the Redskins song title “Keep on keeping on” you’ve done more than your share of that bud. Tell the nurses to bump up the happy juice and enjoy your trips.
We’re all proud of you
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No drugs this time Billy lad. Curtailed my droning rambleness
 
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