Chemo. Maybe no more

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foggy said:
I think it would have been 38. I didn’t really say much during the last two as they were tablet form. Nowhere near the hell that is the infusion based stuff that was due to go in now.

A recap. I had a scan back at the beginning of last month which showed control in the peri mets but not the liver. Then I was supposed to go back on to Folfox infusions but a bad liver blood diagnosis put paid to that. Well that and me turning up blinking trying to hide the pain in front of the not to be fooled chemo nurses.

Then a wait to see oncologist last week who said I could go ahead at the risk of damage to my liver. Like the bad type of damage. It’s giving me plenty of gyp anyway so fuck it. I take steroids to try and control the liver ‘capsule’ pain. These keep me awake and have mood affects but they work.

Another call this morning to cancel today’s treatment. Liver still no good. Bollocks.

The rest of my pain has hit new heights meaning a few visits from Macmillan to try and get a hold on it. Next visit is tomorrow. It’s all made worse by eating but I find that as necessary as everyone else. I’ve lost weight again although the steroids have got my sweet tooth buzzing.

I’m also pretty much housebound. No longer able to walk the dog. Movement ramps up the pain levels so unless there is a wonder drug to come then this is my lot. Accept and move on. I have plenty of help with the dog so I can enjoy the company side of things. She goes without nothing in the exercise stakes. My network of family and friends are tippety top. Plus she’s the world’s best dog so they love having her.

The bairn has been up and around before she goes back for post grad. I’m still up in the air about the degree result. When most things in life are a bit tough then the good bits shine out like a beacon.

I’m obsessed with leaving things organised. For her. Inheritance. The homey house stuff. It’s like a big bag pack. I’m long past the scared of death phase. I had anxiety last year but not now. I found the best way was to let the fear and desperation have its time. I couldn’t stop it happening so it was welcome to run its course. And it always did. I can’t stay scared of the same monster. It just becomes familiar. Unwanted but familiar.

I managed two outings to Northumberland. First with Bec in July. Then with our lass at the end of August. Just as Storm Bitchtits was here pissing down. The last one was tough pain wise but the cottage was cosy as.

Just off a video call with GP. The same GP who couldn’t sanction a scan back when I was 47. Yes really. To look and no doubt discover the first tumour. Instead I had an emergency op later on which allowed the baddies to plant themselves elsewhere leading to where I am now. Bygones. I could stress about it but it never helps.


All the best
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Keep fighting fella.
 
I had to stop following your posts for a while foggy. I'd lost my dad with cancer during your ordeal and it all got a bit too raw.

I'm really pleased you've got to terms with it, as terrible as it is, and you're leaving no loose ends. It'll mean so much to the rest of the family even if it's not on their minds right now as you're rightfully the number one concern.

You're a great inspiration and you'll live on dearly in the memories of many people, there's really not that many will pass through life with such a legacy.
 
r@mside said:
I had to stop following your posts for a while foggy. I'd lost my dad with cancer during your ordeal and it all got a bit too raw.

I'm really pleased you've got to terms with it, as terrible as it is, and you're leaving no loose ends. It'll mean so much to the rest of the family even if it's not on their minds right now as you're rightfully the number one concern.

You're a great inspiration and you'll live on dearly in the memories of many people, there's really not that many will pass through life with such a legacy.
Click to expand...

Sorry for your loss. Your words mean a great deal to me. As do all the others who express their feelings on here. I really do appreciate all of it.

But your last paragraph is something else. I’m a bit choked.
 
I don't know you personally Foggy but as a fellow member of the Sunderland family I wish you all the best for the time you have left. Take comfort in your family, in particular your daughter who seems to be making you proud, Stay strong mate. All the best.
 
foggy said:
I think it would have been 38. I didn’t really say much during the last two as they were tablet form. Nowhere near the hell that is the infusion based stuff that was due to go in now.

A recap. I had a scan back at the beginning of last month which showed control in the peri mets but not the liver. Then I was supposed to go back on to Folfox infusions but a bad liver blood diagnosis put paid to that. Well that and me turning up blinking trying to hide the pain in front of the not to be fooled chemo nurses.

Then a wait to see oncologist last week who said I could go ahead at the risk of damage to my liver. Like the bad type of damage. It’s giving me plenty of gyp anyway so fuck it. I take steroids to try and control the liver ‘capsule’ pain. These keep me awake and have mood affects but they work.

Another call this morning to cancel today’s treatment. Liver still no good. Bollocks.

The rest of my pain has hit new heights meaning a few visits from Macmillan to try and get a hold on it. Next visit is tomorrow. It’s all made worse by eating but I find that as necessary as everyone else. I’ve lost weight again although the steroids have got my sweet tooth buzzing.

I’m also pretty much housebound. No longer able to walk the dog. Movement ramps up the pain levels so unless there is a wonder drug to come then this is my lot. Accept and move on. I have plenty of help with the dog so I can enjoy the company side of things. She goes without nothing in the exercise stakes. My network of family and friends are tippety top. Plus she’s the world’s best dog so they love having her.

The bairn has been up and around before she goes back for post grad. I’m still up in the air about the degree result. When most things in life are a bit tough then the good bits shine out like a beacon.

I’m obsessed with leaving things organised. For her. Inheritance. The homey house stuff. It’s like a big bag pack. I’m long past the scared of death phase. I had anxiety last year but not now. I found the best way was to let the fear and desperation have its time. I couldn’t stop it happening so it was welcome to run its course. And it always did. I can’t stay scared of the same monster. It just becomes familiar. Unwanted but familiar.

I managed two outings to Northumberland. First with Bec in July. Then with our lass at the end of August. Just as Storm Bitchtits was here pissing down. The last one was tough pain wise but the cottage was cosy as.

Just off a video call with GP. The same GP who couldn’t sanction a scan back when I was 47. Yes really. To look and no doubt discover the first tumour. Instead I had an emergency op later on which allowed the baddies to plant themselves elsewhere leading to where I am now. Bygones. I could stress about it but it never helps.


All the best
Click to expand...

Amazing how you articulate this - amazing
 
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