I can't afford counselling but I know I should see a doctor. Been putting it off for years and years.
I think to clarify and the advice you've been given and make things more succinct.
1) Talk to your GP and perhaps in the short term if you need to take anti-depressants then do so. Anti-depressants aren't my gig as I like a clear head, but them may help you.
2) Don't worry about affording counselling. As about NHS Talking Therapies. Contact them and they'll give you options of online group sessions (everyone is anonymous to everyone else) and if you need it, face-to-face individual counselling. Note that you are asked to try the group sessions first, which are about techniques, but they in themselves are useful too.
In the second instance, it's been about me delevoping strategies to deal with my ASD traits (how to break out of negative self-loathing loops -
alexithymia, break hyperfocus on things that are unimportant).
I only experience certain symptoms when I feel I've hurt someone. My normal personality is laid back and easy going, but if someone makes me feel I've wronged them, I automatically blame myself rather than look at the situation as a whole.
An example is the lady I was seeing - I know I keep dwelling in her, but she's a good example of what I do to myself when things go wrong. She took offence at the off-the-cuff remark I made and meant nothing by after initially seeming to accept my initial apology. She basically told me to foxtrot oscar but did it in a way it was not clear it was that remark. I thought and assumed I'd done something far worse and ended up blaming myself for an unspecified event that had never happened, going round in harmful loops becuse of it. I still wonder if she didn't understand the consequences of her actions or did it a way she knew would cause the most harm.
Only once I stepped back, went through all the messages including ones I'd moved to recycling and actually thought through the situation did I realise she'd revisited the original remark and I think at the prompting of a third party. It was only then I realised how pathetic the situation was and took steps to walk away.
I admit I've residual, lingering feelings for her, but I cannot afford to have someone like that in my life again (she has her own issues though she was rarely clear on these and the sheer negativity to men her life especially was wow - ex-partners, male blood relatives, etc. - it was always them, not her, to blame). I need positive people around me.
You yourself will find the right kind of positivity in the people around you is also a big deal.