Depression

[Turner the Cat]

Hope everyone is doing okay. I’ve been plodding along focussing on work etc looking forward to being paid this months wage with a ton of overtime on.

Mother once again, mouth before brain. “Your dads got to go to the doctors again, prostate trouble, needs to do a blood test”. She then turns to me and says “This will be because of you causing us stress because of your money” (because I asked him for a few quid to tide me over to payday, and she lost her rag with both of us over it)

After challenging her about it, she says “stress causes cancer, your uncles mate died from it and the doctor told the family stress causes it”

Not to sound selfish or anything, but the amount of stress I’ve been under with her, the kids, work, money finally getting a handle on my situation, then she comes out with that

Overused phrase but if I didn’t laugh I’d cry

Sorry to hear it - thats an awful thing to say tbh. I mentioned before my mother and her criticisms of me. I dont tell my mother anything now to avoid anything like this. She has no idea ive been on anti depressants for years, no idea I had a cancer misdiagnosis last year, no idea ive left my job for another career or that my wife and I are going through IVF all because I fear the judgement and reaction from telling her.

In a way I hate to say but I'd repeat what I and others said before and suggest focusing more on your partner and kids and the positive relationships in your life if you can.

 

[CPLforever]

Sorry to hear it - thats an awful thing to say tbh. I mentioned before my mother and her criticisms of me. I dont tell my mother anything now to avoid anything like this. She has no idea ive been on anti depressants for years, no idea I had a cancer misdiagnosis last year, no idea ive left my job for another career or that my wife and I are going through IVF all because I fear the judgement and reaction from telling her.

In a way I hate to say but I'd repeat what I and others said before and suggest focusing more on your partner and kids and the positive relationships in your life if you can.

Ha ha, laughing cos I didn't tell my parent I had finished work for 4 months. Everytime I discussed finishing work with them I got all the reasons why I shouldn't do it. So when I did I just couldn't bring myself to tell them cos couldn't cope (at that time) with being told I had done the wrong thing.

I have had a diagnosis of a very serious personality disorder plus a debiliting (at times) serious depressive disorder and I have never disclosed this to family even though the diagnosis is decades old. Treatment is always ongoing (I can go for a year or so sometimes without it being so debilitating) but other times I can't function and have to have more robust medical intervention.

I once tried to discuss it with family and was told I was too sensitive and live my life like I was on a merry go round (?).

Nope I don't tell them anything. Luckily I live far enough away to be able to mask it.

 

[Turner the Cat]

Ha ha, laughing cos I didn't tell my parent I had finished work for 4 months. Everytime I discussed finishing work with them I got all the reasons why I shouldn't do it. So when I did I just couldn't bring myself to tell them cos couldn't cope (at that time) with being told I had done the wrong thing.

I have had a diagnosis of a very serious personality disorder plus a debiliting (at times) serious depressive disorder and I have never disclosed this to family even though the diagnosis is decades old. Treatment is always ongoing (I can go for a year or so sometimes without it being so debilitating) but other times I can't function and have to have more robust medical intervention.

I once tried to discuss it with family and was told I was too sensitive and live my life like I was on a merry go round (?).

Nope I don't tell them anything. Luckily I live far enough away to be able to mask it.

Yes, all sounds very familiar! My mum knew I'd been to the doctor when I was about 18 for depression. Her response was to tell me "to just pull myself together" which I think is one of the worst things you can say to someone in that position. I decided then to never talk to her about it again and 20 odd years later I still havent.

 

[MustardAndOnions]

I had a really really bad period about 6 weeks ago, just wanted to stay in bed...I sometimes think just waiting out is the way....sometimes like a walk, or seeing friends does help etc, but sometimes you are just in a dark spell and nothing will help

I think the key is, if its something you have had for a while and had ups n downs for years, is just reminding yourself that it doesnt last forever.

I am almost trying to treat it like a fever or like Covid or having the shits....just get through it and you will feel better.

I'm not sure if I can do that with the current kitchen. It's from the 80's and it's literally falling apart! It's clean and ok for family and I haven't poisoned anyone, but I don't think it would pass a council food inspection.

All the trim is peeling off through wear and tear. The stopcock is in the cupboard under the sink. It had a slight leak on it which I didn't know about until I noticed a manky smell under the sink and realised the chipboard was wet and swollen. That cupboard is all warped and split now from the water damage. The cupboard under the boiler is damaged as it had to be removed when the boiler broke and the cupboard back had to come off it to access the gas pipe. The drawers are plastic. They've all gone brittle and the runners don't work properly anymore. I was just looking at drawer kits recently to see if I can salvage the drawer fronts and put new drawer boxes and runners in as I'm sick of the drawers kind of like balancing on top of each other and keep jamming.


That's the hardest part - juggling work and running the household as there's nobody else here to pick up the slack.

I'm already on the immunosuppressants long term. If the steroids don't work this time, they're talking a week in hospital on IV steroids

Ah sorry Becs. I have colitis and had some bad periods too...I know how frustrating it is when the meds just dont work when they previously had.

stick in there like.

 

[Becs]

Ah sorry Becs. I have colitis and had some bad periods too...I know how frustrating it is when the meds just dont work when they previously had.

stick in there like.

Thanks marra. The crohns is still not settling down and I can't shake off this cough/cold bug that I picked up. I'm really struggling.

I've dropped one big project at work and I'm going to do part time hours from now till Christmas and then take two weeks off altogether over the festive period. It'll be a financial hit as being freelance, if I don't work, I don't get paid, but I need to look after my health and get well again.

 

[lucky]

Thanks marra. The crohns is still not settling down and I can't shake off this cough/cold bug that I picked up. I'm really struggling.

I've dropped one big project at work and I'm going to do part time hours from now till Christmas and then take two weeks off altogether over the festive period. It'll be a financial hit as being freelance, if I don't work, I don't get paid, but I need to look after my health and get well again.

Health and your kids come before anything, I know it's easier said than done as I worried about everything money wise but really had my eyes opened recently. As long as you got something to eat and a roof over your head I always think I am so much luckier than a lot of people out there.

I had a really really bad period about 6 weeks ago, just wanted to stay in bed...I sometimes think just waiting out is the way....sometimes like a walk, or seeing friends does help etc, but sometimes you are just in a dark spell and nothing will help

I think the key is, if its something you have had for a while and had ups n downs for years, is just reminding yourself that it doesnt last forever.

I am almost trying to treat it like a fever or like Covid or having the shits....just get through it and you will feel better.


Ah sorry Becs. I have colitis and had some bad periods too...I know how frustrating it is when the meds just dont work when they previously had.

stick in there like.

I think that's a good way of looking at things tbh as never really looked at things that way. If you ever need anything and I can help in anyway and same goes for anyone on this thread I will.

 

[MustardAndOnions]

Thanks marra. The crohns is still not settling down and I can't shake off this cough/cold bug that I picked up. I'm really struggling.

I've dropped one big project at work and I'm going to do part time hours from now till Christmas and then take two weeks off altogether over the festive period. It'll be a financial hit as being freelance, if I don't work, I don't get paid, but I need to look after my health and get well again.

100% health most important, hopefully it can help..I know that is easy to say like, especially at this time of year.

 

[Becs]

More ill informed health opinions.

https://www.readytogo.net/smb/threads/idle-chit-chat-36.1411537/page-1584#post-39515676

I can eat nuts and granola and neither foods are trigger foods for me. I know the foods I can't eat and I avoid them. Everyone is different with crohns and everyone has their own personal collection of triggers. My weirdest one is that I can't eat things made with gluten free flour as the protein they use to mimic the gluten is a trigger for me!

 

[Provider]

Did they come to your home or did you go to them? I know you find it difficult but getting out and about would do you could. Feel free to tell me to jog on mind as I can't put myself into your personal situation and we all have different issues that others can't understand.

You mate, are a top bloke. I've never met you but you can tell by your posts on here that you are.

 

[Ciro_DiMarzio]

You mate, are a top bloke. I've never met you but you can tell by your posts on here that you are.

I just try to be nice to the people who are nice to me mate. Always had good interactions with LOP so although I've never met her in real life I can relate to her and care about the lass. Thanks for the compliment though marra. I don't get many.

 

[Harry Gates]

Wrong thread for this but i've got my parents down for 5 days from Sunday, that's 5 days spent with two people that don't listen to you, father just doesn't listen, never has and plays the victim role when he imagines he's being ostracized.

Mam doesn't listen because she's too busy telling you what she thinks and any pointing out of this is met with " that's not what i heard" "didn't come across to me like that" etc,etc. never wrong.

Sure you'll all be familiar with the shite.

Horrible to dread a parental visit but the lazy bastards only had me so they've no where else to go.

 

[Ciro_DiMarzio]

Wrong thread for this but i've got my parents down for 5 days from Sunday, that's 5 days spent with two people that don't listen to you, father just doesn't listen, never has and plays the victim role when he imagines he's being ostracized.

Mam doesn't listen because she's too busy telling you what she thinks and any pointing out of this is met with " that's not what i heard" "didn't come across to me like that" etc,etc. never wrong.

Sure you'll all be familiar with the shite.

Horrible to dread a parental visit but the lazy bastards only had me so they've no where else to go.

Very limited contact with my immediate family these days but I know what you mean. My only ambition in life is that my kids don't think of me like that. I'll fail no doubt.

 

[Harry Gates]

Very limited contact with my immediate family these days but I know what you mean. My only ambition in life is that my kids don't think of me like that. I'll fail no doubt.

The oscar wilde line of every woman's tragedy is she will become her mother, every man's tragedy is he won't,

you generally end up with traits of both and can only hope it's the best bits.

 

[Ciro_DiMarzio]

The oscar wilde line of every woman's tragedy is she will become her mother, every man's tragedy is he won't,

you generally end up with traits of both and can only hope it's the best bits.

Slim pickings for me as harsh as that sounds.

 

[Harry Gates]

Slim pickings for me as harsh as that sounds.

Be your own better man, sounds like it's what you're aiming at.


My problem is i don't have a quiet head and i'm still narked at shit from the 60's, none of which ever happened of course.

 

[Hetty]

Wrong thread for this but i've got my parents down for 5 days from Sunday, that's 5 days spent with two people that don't listen to you, father just doesn't listen, never has and plays the victim role when he imagines he's being ostracized.

Mam doesn't listen because she's too busy telling you what she thinks and any pointing out of this is met with " that's not what i heard" "didn't come across to me like that" etc,etc. never wrong.

Sure you'll all be familiar with the shite.

Horrible to dread a parental visit but the lazy bastards only had me so they've no where else to go.

Cherish everyday with them when they visit, and make memories that last forever

 

[lucky]

You mate, are a top bloke. I've never met you but you can tell by your posts on here that you are.

Wrong thread for this but i've got my parents down for 5 days from Sunday, that's 5 days spent with two people that don't listen to you, father just doesn't listen, never has and plays the victim role when he imagines he's being ostracized.

Mam doesn't listen because she's too busy telling you what she thinks and any pointing out of this is met with " that's not what i heard" "didn't come across to me like that" etc,etc. never wrong.

Sure you'll all be familiar with the shite.

Horrible to dread a parental visit but the lazy bastards only had me so they've no where else to go.

Good luck mate with the visit

 

[Turner the Cat]

Wrong thread for this but i've got my parents down for 5 days from Sunday, that's 5 days spent with two people that don't listen to you, father just doesn't listen, never has and plays the victim role when he imagines he's being ostracized.

Mam doesn't listen because she's too busy telling you what she thinks and any pointing out of this is met with " that's not what i heard" "didn't come across to me like that" etc,etc. never wrong.

Sure you'll all be familiar with the shite.

Horrible to dread a parental visit but the lazy bastards only had me so they've no where else to go.

Best wishes. It sounds familiar!

I could be at the dinner table watching my dad opposite drunk, slurring his words, stuffing his mouth with food, saying bitter things and insulting my wife. My mother is as diplomatic as a puch in the face tell me something like "you do know your father never wanted you".

I've just got used to it all now though so its a lot easier.

The oscar wilde line of every woman's tragedy is she will become her mother, every man's tragedy is he won't,

you generally end up with traits of both and can only hope it's the best bits.

Less eloquent but I think makes the point quite well

You must be logged on to see external links

 

[70s traveller]

Wrong thread for this but i've got my parents down for 5 days from Sunday, that's 5 days spent with two people that don't listen to you, father just doesn't listen, never has and plays the victim role when he imagines he's being ostracized.

Mam doesn't listen because she's too busy telling you what she thinks and any pointing out of this is met with " that's not what i heard" "didn't come across to me like that" etc,etc. never wrong.

Sure you'll all be familiar with the shite.

Horrible to dread a parental visit but the lazy bastards only had me so they've no where else to go.

Difficult few days ahead for you but put your brave face on. Looking postively it's only five days. Stay calm

 

[Harry Gates]

Difficult few days ahead for you but put your brave face on. Looking postively it's only five days. Stay calm

The duration is the only blessing, love them both but that diminishes the closer they get

We used to go away for a week at a time together, so it was two days before and two days after as well, that was a struggle.