Who is your best friend on this message board and why?

Somebody PMd me a few month back out of the blue to inform me that they had uncovered a conspiracy and that there was apparently 30 or so accounts on here that were somehow linked to one person and were ran with the purpose of pushing the agenda of the CCP.

Since then I’ve just assumed that most people are one of these accounts and so just to be safe I’m going to say that the CCP is my best friend.
I am quite new and to be honest finding it difficult to make friends as most of the people I've spoken to on here are of low intelligence, working class types. I would like to befriend someone who is middle to upper class with at least 3 Cocker Spaniels and Mole skin trousers
Please apply via my message box
How educated are you? I'm prepared to tolerate you as an internet acquaintance initially but only if you provide some essential information;

Mother and fathers occupation?

Level of academic achievement?

School/ University at which they were attained?