Suicide must be a dark place

rudd said:
It's shit. The pressures of modern life and the influences of social media and projection of a perfect artificial life certainly play a part in many people's experiences of mental ill health.
I think as a society we're certainly getting better at acknowledging and understanding mental health but there's much more work to be done. This place is brilliant and supportive to those that need it but we still use mental health as a slur and an insult and then wonder why people, especially men, don't seek help. Actions do speak louder than words, but words are still hugely powerful and can be massively negative or positive.

I could ramble on for hours about this but today is a self care day for me. Instead I'll leave one my own personal experiences of suicidal thoughts Trying to break the loop and urge anyone who identifies with any of the parts to reach out to someone, anyone, and be honest how you feel, people may never totally understand but they don't have any chance if they don't know. Likewise, if you're concerned about anyone ask twice how they're doing, you may never understand but if someone is feeling low or suicidal knowing someone is there to listen is a huge step forward.
My messages are always open and like others on here I'll respond to anyone who messages but there might be a delay. Please reach out to someone. A GP, a friend, family, professional or anonymous online services.

There's huge amounts of services out there to listen such as:
Samaritans: 116 123 24/7 Homepage
Campaign against living miserably: 5pm-12am 0800 58 58 58 www.thecalmzone.net. Webchat - Webchat - Campaign Against Living Miserably
Crisis Text Line | Text HOME To 741741 free, 24/7 Crisis Counseling - text to 85258

Newcastle and Gateshead NHS Crisis Team 24/7 0191 814 8899 or freephone 0800 652 2863.
Sunderland and South Tyenside NHS Crisis Team 24/7 0303 123 1145 or freephone 0800 652 2867. For Deaf service users please text 07889 036 280
www.cntw.nhs.uk

Home

Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust (NTW) provides mental health and disability services and support across the north of England.
www.cntw.nhs.uk www.cntw.nhs.uk
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Just read through that marra and im glad you got it down in writing, ive lost a good mate recently who was struggling and we didnt even realise he was feeling that bad, but hearing what you said about sitting quiet in the corner then moving to another group of friends sounds exactly like him i wish we seen it or knew what to look for, it must have took some courage to write that down and even more to keep going through it all but just talking about it like that will help not just yourself but many others who are struggling with the same thoughts, god bless ya mate and keep your chin up
 


Great thread and good to see people being so open and understanding.

Had many ups and downs over the years. Always lived with a sadness since I was a young child. Not always at the forefront but always at the back of my mind and it wouldn't take much for me to slip into that mood.

Never really pinpointed why but my brother died when I was 3 and think that may have been the trigger.

Even during the happiest times at a young age I would suddenly have a feeling of dread and ponder the seemingly pointlessness of it all.
Remember being on holiday with the family at 8 years old, having the time of my life. We were at Durdle Door sitting at the top of a quite steep hill/cliff above the sea with the family. I suddenly had the dark thoughts and pushed myself down, luckily only slid a short distance before my dad came chasing down after me. Told them I'd slipped but the reality is I didn't and I regretted it the second I pushed off, I was terrified. It has always stuck in my mind and I've never done anything like it since.

Struggled again the last couple of years for various reasons. Tried both CBT and tablets without success but at the moment I'm in a good place and enjoying life again. Despite the above not working for me I'd recommend anyone to give them a go as some people swear by it.

To anyone struggling don't give up. That feeling as I was sliding down instantly gave me clarity that it is not something I want to do, and the pure terror/upset in the face of my family made me realise what it would do to them.

Ps sorry for the massive post.
 
LondonMackem said:
It’s truly awful. One of my close mate’s lass killed herself about 6 months ago. They had an argument, she stormed out and never came back. She was found hanging in the woods. She suffered with mental health problems but we never thought it was as bad as it was. I can’t imagine the pain he must feel.
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It’s just horrible mate still think of my mate every day and wonder what we could or should of done to help him or stop him but if I’m totally honest I didn’t see the signs, nothing at all would of made me think he was going to do that
Squirrel said:
Great thread and good to see people being so open and understanding.

Had many ups and downs over the years. Always lived with a sadness since I was a young child. Not always at the forefront but always at the back of my mind and it wouldn't take much for me to slip into that mood.

Never really pinpointed why but my brother died when I was 3 and think that may have been the trigger.

Even during the happiest times at a young age I would suddenly have a feeling of dread and ponder the seemingly pointlessness of it all.
Remember being on holiday with the family at 8 years old, having the time of my life. We were at Durdle Door sitting at the top of a quite steep hill/cliff above the sea with the family. I suddenly had the dark thoughts and pushed myself down, luckily only slid a short distance before my dad came chasing down after me. Told them I'd slipped but the reality is I didn't and I regretted it the second I pushed off, I was terrified. It has always stuck in my mind and I've never done anything like it since.

Struggled again the last couple of years for various reasons. Tried both CBT and tablets without success but at the moment I'm in a good place and enjoying life again. Despite the above not working for me I'd recommend anyone to give them a go as some people swear by it.

To anyone struggling don't give up. That feeling as I was sliding down instantly gave me clarity that it is not something I want to do, and the pure terror/upset in the face of my family made me realise what it would do to them.

Ps sorry for the massive post.
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Don’t apologize mate just glad your in a good place right now and long may that continue
Ceverton said:
I would never do anything like this ever I hope. However last year, due to someone online that is quite well known on social media, they made me think of killing myself live on facebook if it meant everyone would see this person for who he is, and not the fake nice guy he perceives on social media (in my opinion). I rang Samaratans etc and felt like nobody was listening. Luckily it was just a fleeting idea, genuinely not a consideration. I hope Samaratans would offer more help if I was really low.
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Jesus that sounds serious hope you got this person reported for shit like that

hope your well as well and not thinking about anything like that again
Jimmy riddle said:
I’ve stood on the pipes at the side of the Queen Alex, never felt peace like it knowing it could all be over in seconds. Thought about my family and it saved me. Always carry photos of them with me now to remind me.
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Stay away from that place pal and always think of the people you would leave behind, they need you
 
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Ceverton said:
It is a hard one mate because he has hundreds of thousands of social media followers can't be too arsed with the aggro, but his karma is coming. However I am starting to see lots of people see through him which is good.
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That's one thing about Social Media or even projected personas in general - eventually the mask slips.
Fight the good fight
 
Only just reading this thread, @West_Winger I have tried to PM you but it wouldn’t let me, hope you are OK, if you want to talk then feel free to get in touch, I totally understand if you don’t though, that also goes for anyone else on here who is going through similar.

This goes to anyone on here as we are all one big family when it comes down to the basics. Yes I can be a cock on here at times, yes I may have disagreed with you in the past about something and vice versa but mental health is something I feel very strongly about having dealt with it through work for so long. Please, if you get to such a bad place, speak to someone, anyone! It could be the one message, text, phonecall etc that makes the difference.
 
duff_man said:
Only just reading this thread, @West_Winger I have tried to PM you but it wouldn’t let me, hope you are OK, if you want to talk then feel free to get in touch, I totally understand if you don’t though, that also goes for anyone else on here who is going through similar.

This goes to anyone on here as we are all one big family when it comes down to the basics. Yes I can be a cock on here at times, yes I may have disagreed with you in the past about something and vice versa but mental health is something I feel very strongly about having dealt with it through work for so long. Please, if you get to such a bad place, speak to someone, anyone! It could be the one message, text, phonecall etc that makes the difference.
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I wish you would finish your posts with "OOOHHH YEAH!"
It would make me smile.
 
Squirrel said:
Great thread and good to see people being so open and understanding.

Had many ups and downs over the years. Always lived with a sadness since I was a young child. Not always at the forefront but always at the back of my mind and it wouldn't take much for me to slip into that mood.

Never really pinpointed why but my brother died when I was 3 and think that may have been the trigger.

Even during the happiest times at a young age I would suddenly have a feeling of dread and ponder the seemingly pointlessness of it all.
Remember being on holiday with the family at 8 years old, having the time of my life. We were at Durdle Door sitting at the top of a quite steep hill/cliff above the sea with the family. I suddenly had the dark thoughts and pushed myself down, luckily only slid a short distance before my dad came chasing down after me. Told them I'd slipped but the reality is I didn't and I regretted it the second I pushed off, I was terrified. It has always stuck in my mind and I've never done anything like it since.

Struggled again the last couple of years for various reasons. Tried both CBT and tablets without success but at the moment I'm in a good place and enjoying life again. Despite the above not working for me I'd recommend anyone to give them a go as some people swear by it.

To anyone struggling don't give up. That feeling as I was sliding down instantly gave me clarity that it is not something I want to do, and the pure terror/upset in the face of my family made me realise what it would do to them.

Ps sorry for the massive post.
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I don't think it ever goes away, I had a friend ask me about medication I had been on and how long did it take to cure it, but it doesn't. It never goes away but you learn to deal with it better, and you understand yeah you might not be happy, but your a long way away from the darkness you have been in and that's bloody great!

I still get thoughts and have bad times that start to drag you back to the place but you can stop yourself from slipping into it better once you know what it is and who the people you can talk to are, I feel anyway.
 
andysafc85 said:
Social media is going to fuck a lot of people up IMO, especially this generation who are growing up with it. Imagine being in school with instagram and posionous whatsapp groups.

Will never happen but I’d love to see camera phones and social media be illegal for the negative impact it has on so many.
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I used to look after teenagers in a homeless hostel in London and one of them, who was Bi, had tried to kill herself after someone at school leaked nude pictures around her entire year.

Can you imagine it? it disgusts me to think about to this day.
Flash Gordon said:
Take care mate.

Just remember "sorting your head out" doesn't mean putting on a brave face and trying to crack on with things.

I've battled with my mental health for a few years now. Originally I had no idea why, then I thought it was about some superficial things (a relationship that didn't work out) and I'm now starting to recognise patterns of things that affect me.

It's not an easy process and sometimes it feels hard to talk to someone - in those instances, talk to yourself, write stuff down. Be totally honest with yourself. I now have a gratitude journal to force myself to appreciate good things when my brain only wants to see the bad. Also, spend less time on social media and if you have people around you who are constantly negative, let them go. These things are more of a drain on you than you can possibly imagine.
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this is a good point and its true in my experience that sometimes it's just there and for no reason and to be honest, I've given up obsessing over how to stop it happening or control it and that has done me good because I can recognise when I'm not doing great and lower my expectations of myself. Also try a lot of exercise and healthy rest.

@West_Winger what helped me is to make a diary or something like Flash is saying here, or just something to look at that shows you that the down sides come and go. But also to remember that everything can seem difficult in a catastrophic way for a period, but however you interpret it isn't 'true'. The first time it happened to me I was convinced i'd never feel happiness, or anything else, ever again. But it did go away.

There are some days when I barely make it through work and I'm on the sofa afterward just stewing. And sometimes I cry over nowt. The first time I realised I had a problem properly was when I was watching Star Wars ROJ and I watched an Ewok get blown up and started just absolutely balling my eyes out.

If you fancy a good laugh, I also try to give the inner voice a name, like 'Derrick' and I just imagine he's like a bloke at work who skives off and never gets anything done and brings the team down with shite suggestions. So I'll work to answer the same routine negative thinking I get every time it comes along:
'you'll never feel love the way you did when you were young'
'you'll be a shit dad because you have no energy and you're clumsy''
'its too late for you to do that now, you're stuck as you are, you're too old mate'
'half your life has gone already and all the good stuff is past, everything from here on is just a shite version of what went before'

and I just try and say 'well thanks for that input Derrick, but I'm just going to carry on and do it anyhow'
 
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redflagflyinghigh said:
I used to look after teenagers in a homeless hostel in London and one of them, who was Bi, had tried to kill herself after someone at school leaked nude pictures around her entire year.

Can you imagine it? it disgusts me to think about to this day.


this is a good point and its true in my experience that sometimes it's just there and for no reason and to be honest, I've given up obsessing over how to stop it happening or control it and that has done me good because I can recognise when I'm not doing great and lower my expectations of myself. Also try a lot of exercise and healthy rest.

@West_Winger what helped me is to make a diary or something like Flash is saying here, or just something to look at that shows you that the down sides come and go. But also to remember that everything can seem difficult in a catastrophic way for a period, but however you interpret it isn't 'true'. The first time it happened to me I was convinced i'd never feel happiness, or anything else, ever again. But it did go away.

There are some days when I barely make it through work and I'm on the sofa afterward just stewing. And sometimes I cry over nowt. The first time I realised I had a problem properly was when I was watching Star Wars ROJ and I watched an Ewok get blown up and started just absolutely balling my eyes out.

If you fancy a good laugh, I also try to give the inner voice a name, like 'Derrick' and I just imagine he's like a bloke at work who skives off and never gets anything done and brings the team down with shite suggestions. So I'll work to answer the same routine negative thinking I get every time it comes along:
'you'll never feel love the way you did when you were young'
'you'll be a shit dad because you have no energy and you're clumsy''
'its too late for you to do that now, you're stuck as you are, you're too old mate'
'half your life has gone already and all the good stuff is past, everything from here on is just a shite version of what went before'

and I just try and say 'well thanks for that input Derrick, but I'm just going to carry on and do it anyhow'
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I know quite a few people who do similar in giving the negativity a persona, we tend to call it the poisonous parrot because it's stuck to you at the time, spouting of negativity.
 
Therokerroar said:
In my 20s I was going through a bad period in my life.... I decided I had enough of life so went to seaburn Roker cliffs... I sat down on a memorial seat looking on the sea... I was completely numb.... A man came over asked if I was OK... I said yes and when he was gone... I climbed over barriers and sat on the cliff edge.. I was crying uncontralably... I went to push myself off... And suddenly stopped...and to be honest I've been thankful for every day since... I imagine the heartbreak I would have caused my family that day.. Life is beautiful even in the bad periods

I have worked for the Samaritans aswell and I remember once speaking to a rape victim.. I spoke to her for 5 hours... A few days later I received a card addressed to me at the Samaritans from the young girl saying thank you..... You have saved my life. I have never forgot that because all I did was listen without interrupting her and that's power of listening

The one thing I say is talk about your problems. People will always listen to you... Never ever feel weak for showing your emotions and crying...don't bottle things up..
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Excellent and honest post!!
You are so right about the power of listening mate. I studied counselling and fancied being a counsellor but ended up working in education instead. The power of listening has served me well in helping many struggling students and staff, who have felt in a difficult situation.
Just to listen and 'genuinely' show you care, can have an impact on someone that makes them not feel alone. The weight of a trouble shared, can be the weigh of the trouble halved for that person'. Listening can really help someone understand themselves better and how to go forward in life.

Well done for saving that girls life!! Massive respect for that mate!
 
rudd said:
I know quite a few people who do similar in giving the negativity a persona, we tend to call it the poisonous parrot because it's stuck to you at the time, spouting of negativity.
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Yeah I've picked it up from somewhere and it works great until your walking down the street and someone here's you say 'fuck off derrick' to yoursel it loud
 

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