Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time

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Son of Stan said:
I'm sitting at work, doing a shift on reception. There's a pleasant bloke (mid 40s - I take note of such things) who comes in every day for the gym and one of the cleaners likes to have a bit crack with him. She mentioned that she saw him at the weekend and he said he was waiting for 'her' in a shop. Cleaner says 'I saw her...was it your Mam?'
No - it was his wife. :)
I bet he's not in tomorrow night.

Note: I am not the cleaner in this scenario! :)
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I was Chief of Diagnostics and Triage at Darlington Memorial Hospital in the 90’s.

Business was booming and we were back to back with patients all day- long before the Tory bastards starved us of funding.

Anyway, a typical Tuesday. I had a suspected pregnancy result to deliver, followed by an update on a chap who seemed fucked at first glances

So the appointments come - suspected pregnant lady is overjoyed to hear her tests were positive and the IVF could be put on hold. We cried together at the miraculous bearing of a child.

The next appointment, the fella who looked like he had aids even before we started, well his tests came back negative and we hugged in spite of his shedding skin.

At the time, despite being a multi billion pound industry, we didn’t bother with tailored results papers- a nurse would literally just give me an envelope that said positive or negative and, I’m hurried moments, they could easily be mixed up.

And so, after some soul searching and envelope auditing, we found the results were actually correct.

But On the way to our joint celebratory aids-free-and-having-a-miracle-baby meal I advised the roads were safe to cross when they most definitely weren’t and literally everyone was killed.

Talk about bad luck
 


Ken Tishtown said:
I was Chief of Diagnostics and Triage at Darlington Memorial Hospital in the 90’s.

Business was booming and we were back to back with patients all day- long before the Tory bastards starved us of funding.

Anyway, a typical Tuesday. I had a suspected pregnancy result to deliver, followed by an update on a chap who seemed fucked at first glances

So the appointments come - suspected pregnant lady is overjoyed to hear her tests were positive and the IVF could be put on hold. We cried together at the miraculous bearing of a child.

The next appointment, the fella who looked like he had aids even before we started, well his tests came back negative and we hugged in spite of his shedding skin.

At the time, despite being a multi billion pound industry, we didn’t bother with tailored results papers- a nurse would literally just give me an envelope that said positive or negative and, I’m hurried moments, they could easily be mixed up.

And so, after some soul searching and envelope auditing, we found the results were actually correct.

But On the way to our joint celebratory aids-free-and-having-a-miracle-baby meal I advised the roads were safe to cross when they most definitely weren’t and literally everyone was killed.

Talk about bad luck
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:neutral:
 
1997/98,

I was 18/19 and would buck owt. I got talking to a lass a bit older than me who seemed game, I was pretending to be interested when she was talking about her son. I asked what his name was, “lJ” she says, “is he black like” I said.

She told me to fuck off and walked away.
 
Ken Tishtown said:
I was Chief of Diagnostics and Triage at Darlington Memorial Hospital in the 90’s.

Business was booming and we were back to back with patients all day- long before the Tory bastards starved us of funding.

Anyway, a typical Tuesday. I had a suspected pregnancy result to deliver, followed by an update on a chap who seemed fucked at first glances

So the appointments come - suspected pregnant lady is overjoyed to hear her tests were positive and the IVF could be put on hold. We cried together at the miraculous bearing of a child.

The next appointment, the fella who looked like he had aids even before we started, well his tests came back negative and we hugged in spite of his shedding skin.

At the time, despite being a multi billion pound industry, we didn’t bother with tailored results papers- a nurse would literally just give me an envelope that said positive or negative and, I’m hurried moments, they could easily be mixed up.

And so, after some soul searching and envelope auditing, we found the results were actually correct.

But On the way to our joint celebratory aids-free-and-having-a-miracle-baby meal I advised the roads were safe to cross when they most definitely weren’t and literally everyone was killed.

Talk about bad luck
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Literally everyone means you were killed as well. RIP there marra. Life’s a bitch at times.
 
Was running a training course years ago and got onto the subject of football teams. One of the lasses said she wasn't interested in football, but her Mum "used to support Sunderland"

I went into a 2 min rant about fair weather fans and glory hunters and how they made me sick

She then informed me that her Mum had passed away 6 months previous
:eek::oops:
 
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Wansbeck Viking said:
1997/98,

I was 18/19 and would buck owt. I got talking to a lass a bit older than me who seemed game, I was pretending to be interested when she was talking about her son. I asked what his name was, “lJ” she says, “is he black like” I said.

She told me to fuck off and walked away.
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But you're only 14 now.
 
Not me and I also fully accept this may be an urban myth; Lass I knew years ago had a job with springboard as a nursing assistant in Sunderland Royal.

She was asked to accompany a porter to take a patient between wards and employed the usual small talk.

Anyway, she said to the patient, ‘Soon have you up and back on your feet again’ cliche.

Turns out the patient had been in to have a lower leg amputated due to diabetes.
 
Goat Eyes said:
Similar... My niece passed away at 5 months old (this was 15 years ago).

I got a call at work and rushed out leaving everything unlocked etc. It was almost 5pm so nobody really noticed too much.

Had the final two days of the week off work and went back in on the Monday.

Only person who knew what had happened was my manager and couple of people who had got wind.

Went for bait in the canteen and we were talking about something when one of the lads said “you can talk, you pulled a sickie just in time for the weekend”.

I didn’t say anything in front of everyone, that wouldn’t have been nice. I left the bait room just slightly before everyone else and someone told him.

He came and apologised straight away, didn’t need an apology, it’s the sort of thing anyone would have said, he was just the unfortunate one. He felt absolutely shite though...
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That's awful mate, I can't even say 'good on you' for understanding when you were that low yourself, as it's wholly inadequate considering the circumstances. Tragic.

makumstu said:
Was at @foolzy ’s wedding, asked his sisters which one was due first.

Then there was an incident whilst on my work placement from university where I wished the ground would open up and swallow me, thankfully @TheWanderer took it quite well!
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Was he actually pregnant like?
 
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'Of course you can, pull up a chair' is a fairly innocuous phrase, but not when uttered to a quadriplegic who asked if he could join us at a table we were sitting at. Good job he's a mate - he saw the funny side.
 
The other year when I spent a little holiday in intensive and critical care wards, I had the game on. Opposite me was a fella surrounded by eight relatives, clearly at death's door, as they were saying their final goodbyes.

It sounded as if things were going badly wrong until we scored, and then again. Without thinking, with the surge of adrenaline that a goal gives you, I raised my hands and shouted "Back from the dead!"

Then I realised where I was when eight pairs of eyes were looking daggers at me. :oops:
 
I was delivering a management training course when the bloke who was doing the session on Managing Disabled Employees and Disability Legislation turned up early ... and caught me by surprise as he approached behind me.

I said “oops. Sorry. You caught me on the hop”

He had one leg.
 
George Kaplan said:
I was delivering a management training course when the bloke who was doing the session on Managing Disabled Employees and Disability Legislation turned up early ... and caught me by surprise as he approached behind me.

I said “oops. Sorry. You caught me on the hop”

He had one leg.
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:lol:

Reminds me of the time I dropped a pound coin in a crowded pub, and the bloke next to me pointed it out under a table several yards away. "You haven't half got good eyesight!", I said. Little did I know, he had a glass eye.
 
I could probably fill an entire thread of these.

A woman on my team got the lift up the one flight of stairs, I walked and got up before her and said "what's wrong with your legs like" turns out she'd been run over.
 
Playing cricket for the works team a few years ago in Nottinghamshire. - It had been raining and the local groundsman was struggling to get the ground sorted.

One of our lads asked if he wanted a bit of a hand and got a funny look in reply.

Saw the groundsman later in the day and realised he was missing all the fingers on his right hand - turned out he'd lost them years earlier after an incident with one of the big power mowers.
 
An old ambulance crew mate of mine during a night shift made a cracking mess of things which i still laugh about now.
Went out to a lass (wad) who was having complications following the birth of her kid. Massive house in the middle of an estate which was not the Marley Potts type. We had to take her in and my mate was in the back with her. He asked her her name to which she replied Nel Jones ( not her real name ) he asked if she had any other names to which she replied Lady.

We handed the patient over at hosp and went out for a cuppa. My mate said, "her family must have thought they were a bit special, her middle name was LADY" to which i replied, no mate, put them names in another order, a bit like the pub name round the corner named after her husband........... pure embarasment and piss taking ensued as he had called the husband "mate" her "me love" etc.
 
I told our lass (no) about a lad at work who, because of his black, tight curly hair and beard, was known behind his back as 'Taliban <name>'.

She knew him as he used to take his car to be serviced at the dealership she worked at and she told some of the other lasses on the service desk about his 'nickname'.

Next time he came in, one of the other lasses turns round while he's at the counter and shouts for our lass, '<our lass's name>, Taliban <name>'s here for his service!'
 
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