Phoenix Nights

[Tin Soldier]

Tastes like horseshit that and I've tasted horseshit

 

[Dennis]

When the clubs burnt down, and the fireman says it was a discarded fag.
Lesley asks him what's happened, he says some queer has burnt the club down

 

[Deleted member 40035]

'The things I'm going to do to you'

 

[Disco_Pants93]

It was a kind of midget..

Isn’t that a queen song?

Other favourite part is when Jerry has the builders singing on stage.
“Are my eyes dreaming Jerry, or have you got two of my builders singing Acapulco?”

“DYA WANNA SING AT ME FUNERAL LADS? COS ITS COMING”

 

[redandwhiterob]

'Flowers for the lady' ?

'Fuck off'

 

[Xtal99]

oo me angina

 

[glen]

The pub quiz:

The answer to that question was The Shroud of Turin. What did we put? Kenny, "Lisa Stansfield"

 

[Ben Gardner]

I’m getting the word.....

 

[ChrisAshley]

Fireman 'It started in the gents toilet, there's your culprit'
Brian 'Him?'
Fireman 'discarded fag'
Leslie 'What's happened?'
Brian 'Some queers burnt me club down Leslie'

 

[hudson88]

DALGLISH?!?!

 

[shadowplay]

Sick animals, laughing at death half past three in the morning.

 

[ChrisAshley]

Sick animals, laughing at death half past three in the morning.

'Who's this at half three in the pissing morning?'
'It's Mixu Paatelainen'

 

[glen]

The auditions they played at the end of the show were apparently real acts. I think most of them finished with "next" apart from the old dancing couple. While the rest of the committee were stifling their laughs, Brian Potter was transfixed. It finished with "you're booked, we'll have you"

 

[hudson88]

'Who's this at half three in the pissing morning?'
'It's Mixu Paatelainen'

I know who you are, who are ya??

 

[ChrisAshley]

The auditions they played at the end of the show were apparently real acts. I think most of them finished with "next" apart from the old dancing couple. While the rest of the committee were stifling their laughs, Brian Potter was transfixed. It finished with "you're booked, we'll have you"

Is that true?! Class if so.

 

[Marty Moose]

Keith Lard "do you know what my biggest fear is?"

"Rabies?"

"You ever smelt burning flesh son?"

 

[Deleted member 361]

so underrated .

 

[Deleted member 37549]

It was a kind of midget..

Isn’t that a queen song?

Other favourite part is when Jerry has the builders singing on stage.
“Are my eyes dreaming Jerry, or have you got two of my builders singing Acapulco?”

“DYA WANNA SING AT ME FUNERAL LADS? COS ITS COMING”

"There's not going to be an opening, not with the pissin' lighthouse family up there singing instead of graftin'"

 

[toxic tracksuit]

"A bit of juggling?"

"No?"

"Oooohhh. She's got no............I can see that Leslie. Next! Next"

"Where're they coming from? She only had 4!"

 

[The Voice Of Reason]

NEXT.......