Partner's kids

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Keith S30S said:
He has refused to go out for mother's day with her with me there. Then there will be birthday's and Xmas to come. I'm not expecting to see much of him but he just needs to be civil IMO.
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You're scuttling the lad's Mother, he may feel that the situation is a little awkward and it could take some time for him to come to terms with this.
 
Keith S30S said:
Struggled with this myself.

The ex's daughter was 14 when we got a new place together. She was moody, distant and lazy but she could do no wrong in the ex's eyes. She never challenged her on anything.

I drove her places, took her for family meals, paid for a couple of holidays but she was just miserable. She had a big bedroom, all mod cons and her boyfriend even moved in towards the end. We split up 7 years later and nothing much had changed. She'd put on 3 or 4 stone through eating shite and no exercise and unsurprisingly had low self exteme. I never gelled with her at all. I think she saw me as driving a wedge between her and her mother. Ho hum.

My new girlfriend's son is 28, lives in his own place and has met me once for 10 minutes in 8 months. He doesn't want me to be part of the family. His Dad died 13 years ago. I'm not that bothered about being part of the family but being civil would be a start, especially at birthdays and Xmas. Bizarre?
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He sounds like he needs to grow up
 
Banks said:
Not really seeing why you need to be there mother's Day like bit strange. If your missus has asked you to be there that's also strange on her part.

Mother's Day is a family occasion where the mother's children show their appreciation. Not seeing how her latest bf fits into that day.

Birthdays and Xmas fair enough but from your posts you aren't taking this lads view into consideration.
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My GF wants to do things as a family. He rufuses to do anything with me there.

How can I alter those views? He and you are being ridiculous.
 
Jakata said:
Hard work isn't it

A moody 15 yr old girl.
Complete mystery to me

5 yr old little sh*t of the male variety
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If you plan on hanging around, they are your kids de facto. You and your partner need to have a discussion about her ex's position, and perhaps re-assure the kids about your role. (Assuming you weren't the cause of the break-up, which would be a different story!) Their hostility or ambivalence is to be expected to some degree, so you'd be wise to work out a strategy, again with your partner, for each of them. The girl sounds like every teenager I have known, and the lad sounds like he's hurting.
My experience of taking on a 4yr-old boy was to treat him like my own, but to respect my partner's ex regarding access, extended family ties and even educational decisions. We had two more boys and I always treat them the same and their bond is incredibly strong.
@General Zod has good advice too. Good luck again.
 
MickeyV said:
If you plan on hanging around, they are your kids de facto. You and your partner need to have a discussion about her ex's position, and perhaps re-assure the kids about your role. (Assuming you weren't the cause of the break-up, which would be a different story!) Their hostility or ambivalence is to be expected to some degree, so you'd be wise to work out a strategy, again with your partner, for each of them. The girl sounds like every teenager I have known, and the lad sounds like he's hurting.
My experience of taking on a 4yr-old boy was to treat him like my own, but to respect my partner's ex regarding access, extended family ties and even educational decisions. We had two more boys and I always treat them the same and their bond is incredibly strong.
@General Zod has good advice too. Good luck again.
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Cheers for that. Absolutely hanging around. And defo not reason for breakup

Unfamiliar territory. For all. I tend to just keep fairly quiet. They do their bits and bobs. We have trips out. Park for a bit footy
 
Jakata said:
Cheers for that. Absolutely hanging around. And defo not reason for breakup

Unfamiliar territory. For all. I tend to just keep fairly quiet. They do their bits and bobs. We have trips out. Park for a bit footy
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But then you have the ‘starer’. He’ll wear you down that lad.
 
njmackem said:
Been there. Went through some rough years but things are good now. Although that said I have been with her mom for 12 years now. Also she has grown up got married, joined the military and has a home of her own. Remain close though.
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Are you from California??
 
I've known my Mrs daughter now since she was 4......almost 11 years.
In the main we've got on great and ive brought her up if she was biologically mine.
She can barely remember life without me being around and she's pretty much called me Dad for the past 6/7 years. We've never forced that and it was her decision.
She still drives me up the wall now and again....typical teenager I suppose.
 
Goat Eyes said:
But then you have the ‘starer’. He’ll wear you down that lad.
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'Eternalising' a problem is a sure way to let it beat you. He's not 'staring' and 'smelling' the OP because he is a psycho; the kid's got a situation he doesn't know how to deal with. The OP has no experience with kids either, by the sound of it. They need experienced advice, a belief in a united strategy, and some time. It's not an insurmountable problem, just the rocky road to making a new family.
 
Old Prestonian said:
It's about allowing them to have their own space and develop independence. She's off to study Medicine in September (hopefully) so she's reasonably well adjusted. i was much the same at her age and I think in our case a fair bit is down to being the only child.
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If she’s well adjusted then medicine isn’t up her street. Most are on some spectrum imo with some very quirky behaviour
 
cornish mackem said:
If she’s well adjusted then medicine isn’t up her street. Most are on some spectrum imo with some very quirky behaviour
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Aye, went on a lads skiing holiday and a newly qualified doctor turned up, a mate of everyone going (I was the outsider) and he brought his own pillow so he could have a rest on the plane. Just downright weird.

We then got stuck waiting for people on a run and he said let’s play a game, you basically had to ask questions until you got to the word kind of thing. I got none of his and he was confused, the penny dropped for the lad when I told him I was only a mechanic FFS.

He could also finish a game of chess in about 4 moves.
 
cornish mackem said:
If she’s well adjusted then medicine isn’t up her street. Most are on some spectrum imo with some very quirky behaviour
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I know exactly what you mean, hence my use of the word 'reasonably'. She is a bit different to the average child of her age and she has completed a Medical Pharmacology degree then took a year out. A number of her pals from the original degree went straight into Medicine and her half cousin is studying Medicine at Cambridge and they're all oddballs in their own little ways. Belinda Bauer wrote a book entitled 'Rubberneckers' and she exhibits some of the traits associated with the main character who was on the autistic spectrum although I do believe that it's too easy to label children who are a bit different these days.
 
dangermows said:
They don't man. Especially if married.
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Lad who does the odd day here and there for me is still on the nest twice a week.Hes a fit bloke he keeps himself rite (their lass is still smart By the way)and off the drink through the week so he’s still bang at it.

what he did say which is intriguing is that after he’s shot his muck he goes into a fit of sneezing .
 
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