I’ve been commissioned for a third season of chemotherapy

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So sorry you are having to go through all this again @foggy but have to say I absolutely love reading your posts. You are a fantastic writer. Your posts really remind me of Hazey's who used to post on here during his cancer battle years ago and he was absolutely inspirational, yours are just the same. Loads of luck with your treatment xx
 
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Keep fighting until the end my friend, you're an inspirational, brave man and your words give everyone strength. Much love to you and the family, positive thoughts on the treatment and praying we get that win on Thursday to put a massive smile on your face xxx
 
Gerrin, the third part of the trilogy. We all know the hero wins in the end. Get its arse kicked you beautiful wordsmithing bastard.
 
I was having a bad day till I read that @foggy. Things not going to plan and some niggly buggers to deal with. And then eating on me tod in some out of the way hotel.

Now I’m just glad that I’m having a day at all and looking forward to getting back to loved ones tomorrow night.

Good luck fella. You are truly inspirational.
 
@foggy - amazing mate another inspirational post. we are all with you here although even I can't imagine what you are going through at this stage. Keep up the fight
 
foggy said:
At the end of the Coventry match my abdominal pain hit new heights. I’d had a few episodes, some ending in vomiting but this was a new level. A group of lads saw me at a table and said ‘the result wasn’t that bad man’ I managed to say it was pain before my head went down again. Four Ubers cancelled until one finally turned up on some price premium thing for what was the longest journey of my life. Even though it’s 13 miles. My eyes were closed but I knew which roundabouts we were on on the Wessy Way. Anyway got home, puked and puked and just suffered. And the bairn witnessed it all for the first time. It may be adhesions from the surgeries or an obstruction or worst of all more disease.

That’s everyone up to date so here I am, metal mickey carrying the bags and pumping the poison in through a port in my chest. It needs a big vein, little ones can break down. I have had a chemo drug added to end of treatment. Avastin. It was taken off NICE’s list of NHS drugs in 2010 so I am paying for it. There was a general election that year but I’m not being political or owt. Just saying. It will be almost £10000 for five rounds. I’m not rich but what choice do I have. I was retired off from work last October so the lumper will have a bite taken out of it. The oncologist told me the price, the chances of heart attack, stroke, perforated bowel ‘which in your case would be catastrophic’ she said. She’s a proper doom and gloomer. If she was in the Ant Hill mob she would be the fucker screaming about crashing all the time. Anyway I signed up immediately for it. Fuck it. It has good results. What price life?

Back in October when I was upright again and expecting to make a proper recovery I got myself a puppy. She’s a small red fox colour Labrador cross. I’m not sure entirely what with but I do know she is simply quite amazing. Despite the being thought of as strong and all that stuff there are moments let me assure you when I am quite the opposite. I have fantastic support from family and friends but she is the one who is always there. Our lass reckons I talk to the dog the way I used to talk to her back in the day.

The surgeon up here said hello, it’s bad news, no more surgery and shook my hand. So with a little help from a private Facebook group of fellow stage 4 Bowelies I found a surgeon in that London with a reputation for doing things when the rest have written you off. I went to my GP and asked for a referral to him. She talked of budgets and whatnot so I said I would pay. She asked me if I knew how much it was, I said I didn’t care. So she said something like fuck the budget and referred me anyway.

In the space of a week the London surgeon wrote to me, had my scans looked at and agreed to ‘remove the lesion’ if there was no more progression after chemotherapy. My Oncologist of Doom assures me my cancer had showed resistance to my last chemo so I have little chance of that. I like her in an odd way.

But I do have a chance. I’m 26 months into a 12 month life expectancy. I’m 50 soon. Not that it matters too much. I’m listening to Bill Bryson’s A Short History Of Nearly Everything’. I like everyone else am just a shit ton of atoms bunched up into cells. Cells that divide, copy a new one and die off. Everyone has a few snags with this. Which is why we grow old, grey and wrinkly. Or in my case, where they have gone badly wrong and are busy dividing in a way that is just not cricket. My atoms will eventually say ta’ra to each other and go off to do something else in the universe. Some of my atoms came about in the big bang. I’m millions of years old man, it just so happened that relatively recently a very unlikely mix of conditions allowed us to be us.

What makes up my conscious is the bit I can’t fathom. Just like everyone else, they’re all stuck on that one. Or believe in a deity for a better time somewhere else later on. I have no fear of death. I’m selfish as anyone just to have some more of life but we’re all on the way and this has given me a good bit time to make peace with everything now that I’m racing down the fast lane on the road to the end of me. It pains me the grief those I love will have to suffer. It pains me more than I can explain but I’ve even started to come to terms with that. I’m already enjoying memories of life had and appreciating the moment. I can’t plan for the ahead but don’t worry about it. My daughter is sorted materially and that is all I need.

I’m sure the best way to live your life is to have cancer without the fatal side to it. But then you still wouldn’t really get it. Ah fuck it, try and imagine you are going to die, not knowing when or how awful the journey may be but inevitably sooner than anything you ever thought. If you have even thought about death. We all know we’re mortal, but I lived preferring the put-that-shit-in-a-bucket immortal way we do, while worrying about the nowt and the next to nowt stuff.

Right I’m off to pick up the dog and get me anti-sicks in. 3 more days of pumped into me heart chemo then bottle disconnect just in time to get back and watch us tear Portsmouth a new one

All the best
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This is a tremendous post, your writing style and way with words is- to use the youthspeak- unreal mate
Good luck, and keep on keepin' on
 
f***ing hell Foggy, some people will do anything for a bit attention ;)

Get it walloped again. Everyone on this board is right behind you. Well, maybe behind and off to the side, just in case.
 
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