Holiday nightmares

MackneyHackem said:
The Loud Canadian thread got my reminiscing about an absolutely minging holiday I went on the Christmas before last in Mexico.

The flight was delayed for about 4 hours, we got on the plane to find there was no in-flight entertainment.

Flew into Cancun and due to traffic, roadworks and a lack of fuel the journey to the apartment took absolutely ages.

Got there and the apartment complex was in the middle of a building site. We'd been given the wrong code for the lockbox so we were sat outside the gaff waiting for someone to let us in. When they finally came they'd brought the wrong keys.

The kip was half finished. There was no kitchen tap so water just sprayed all over when you turned on the water. There had been a tropical storm so the roof terrace/bbq/hot tub were unusable. It had also knocked the hot water and the power out.

There was non-stop digging and hammering all day long. We both got food poisoning and were shitting and spewing all over. The place was swarming with loud Americans, everything cost a fortune.

I fell asleep in the sun and got sun stroke. We broke up when we got home.

Can anyone beat that?
Click to expand...
Fuengirola '99
 


Thewper1 said:
We were canny skint in the late 90's having not that long been married and having to be sensible home owners etc.

Saw an advert for an Italian holiday via Shearings Coaches. All inclusive, nice little coastal resort (San Remo iirc)....seemed like a really good option.

Coach picked us up at park lane, made a couple of other stops and by the time we were on the A1, was only maybe 20 people on and loads of room....class I thought!

Couple of hours later, we went to what I recall being similar to sheep holding pen somewhere in the midlands, where we left the NE coach and were herded onto the one for our trip, along with the similar groups from over the UK.....coach was rammed, and it was another 24 hrs to the destination.

The novelty had well and truly worn off at about 4am, somewhere in France, stuck on that coach, hot, stinking and uncomfortable, sick of my life, everyone else seemed to be akip including the Mrs ($19.99) who'd had a nytol.....It got so bad that I wanted the driver to pull over and let me off, fuck my luggage, fuck the holiday, fuck Italy.....but persevered and once it got light and we stopped for a bit, I rallied and toughed out the remaining 12 hours.

The Holiday itself was ace....small hotel, great food with a load of seafood, and unlimited Moretti (before it was available over here) on tap...oh and also found a little shop that stocked Stone Island (PM if want knocking out) so I was content....but....couldn't really enjoy the last couple of days due to the impending journey home.

That day came, and I decided to join the Mrs on the Nytol and Red wine diet on the coach......got about an hour down the road, supped me wine, took me nytol and waited.....started actually feeling sleepy, and before long was akip......next thing I know, we were stopping...it was light...gerrin I thought, I've slept through the night and we're 12hrs closer to home.......NAH MATE....we're at a f***ing famous Nougat shop about 2 hrs in, wasn't even out of cunting Italy....wanted to strangle the driver and gan proper Michael Douglas in falling down!

The rest of the journey home, was the same as the journey there, and when we were stood at a stop somewhere in Middle England, waiting for the feeder coach to the North East, I made the Mrs promise, that no matter how poor we were, no matter how much we wanted to go somewhere, and no matter how good the price seemed, we would never ever ever ever consider that type of holiday again.

I still shudder when I see a blue Shearings coach to this day.
Click to expand...
We did 3 years on the trot in the mid 80s !
We hadn’t long been married and money was tight so we did Italy twice and Spain once . Honestly we managed ok as we were that desperate for a holiday, mind you I couldn’t do it now !
 
My sister - who was terrified of flying , finally plucked up courage before her first flight aged 50 - to The Algarve.

She was with her husband and she rang from Portugal that she’s never flying ever again and was coming home on a coach.

It was a complex journey pre internet and my dad eventually picked them up somewhere near Knutsford days later.

She loved the Algarve but never flew again.
 
I shit myself on a street in San Antonio in Ibiza after downing wine like it was going out of fashion with a couple of lasses from the Lake District in 2016.

Was up my back and had to use me new beige Fred Perry t-shirt as a makeshift wipe. Does not get much more nightmarish than that. Think it was my first night as well.
 
Pnematic1 said:
My sister - who was terrified of flying , finally plucked up courage before her first flight aged 50 - to The Algarve.

She was with her husband and she rang from Portugal that she’s never flying ever again and was coming home on a coach.

It was a complex journey pre internet and my dad eventually picked them up somewhere near Knutsford days later.

She loved the Algarve but never flew again.
Click to expand...
after a bad flight in the 80's i stopped flying. we always go to the algarve. the mrs would fly and i would ride the bike down. only started flying again about 6 years ago but still take the bike down now and then.
 
zinedine said:
We had a weekend away in that area and ended up staying in a guesthouse halfway between Cockermouth and Maryport. I didn't mind Maryport it has some interesting shops and pubs. I think the worst place I've been to in the UK is Barnsley. Or possibly Pontefract.
Click to expand...
There’s a nightclub in Ponte called Big Fella’s pretty much sums the place up 🤣
 
MackneyHackem said:
The Loud Canadian thread got my reminiscing about an absolutely minging holiday I went on the Christmas before last in Mexico.

The flight was delayed for about 4 hours, we got on the plane to find there was no in-flight entertainment.

Flew into Cancun and due to traffic, roadworks and a lack of fuel the journey to the apartment took absolutely ages.

Got there and the apartment complex was in the middle of a building site. We'd been given the wrong code for the lockbox so we were sat outside the gaff waiting for someone to let us in. When they finally came they'd brought the wrong keys.

The kip was half finished. There was no kitchen tap so water just sprayed all over when you turned on the water. There had been a tropical storm so the roof terrace/bbq/hot tub were unusable. It had also knocked the hot water and the power out.

There was non-stop digging and hammering all day long. We both got food poisoning and were shitting and spewing all over. The place was swarming with loud Americans, everything cost a fortune.

I fell asleep in the sun and got sun stroke. We broke up when we got home.

Can anyone beat that?
Click to expand...
Did the apartment have windows?
 
Went to Sri Lanka in 2018, both came down with sickness and shitting bug about 2 days in, which lasted the best part of a week. Spent our 3 days in Kandy moreorless confined to the hotel.

We were travelling around by train and bus which are an experience at the best of times, but even more so when you're trying not to puke.

We watched the England Croatia semi final in Ella and the locals in the pub were giving us grief when we lost, so we left. The missus then shat herself 20 yards from the hotel.

Quite the trip.
 
look out piano said:
I went to Canada to meet some bloke I'd met on a porn forum back in 2009.
We'd only ever chatted on msn messenger and I'd only seen 1 picture.

Flight to Canada was good, got into the airport and I was taken to one side and questioned heavily about my stay, they asked questions about him and I only knew minimal stuff, but I'd remembered he was a painter and photographer (so they rang him and confirmed, he was waiting outside of the airport for me).

They also stamped my passport and put dates I had to leave by etc (I'd explained I was only there for a fortnight and I had a home and job to go back to).

Got outside and saw his white Pontiac Firebird (I'd been told about it / seen a pic), walked towards the car and he got out (had short grey hair and was missing a front tooth from an apparent ice hockey incident, he also looked about 20 years older than the pic I'd seen).

There's me getting into a strange man's car (who'd already lied to me), being taken back to his house and I'm thinking "please god don't let him be a serial killer").

Gets to his house, he shows me to a creepy bedroom and by the time I get out of the bedroom back to the living room he's introducing me to Marty who lived in his basement with his ma :lol: (I shit thee not :confused:).

Transpired Marty was getting catfished by some russian chicken who he'd already sent a grand to for a relatives funeral, I made sure he realised what was going on bless him.

Luckily everyone was cool, we smoked a load of pot and Warren even got the Sunderland games on for me as well as taking me to Niagara falls and Wonderland amusement park.

He also took me to his German parents house for a barbecue, his sister was there too. I said "Ahh you're the older sister?", she replied "is that what he's told you?" I just grimaced and realised he was full of shit.

Oh and the photography he did was pornographic in nature as he showed me all of his portfolios (not at his dad's barbecue obviously :confused::lol:).

In all fairness it was a mint holiday, I thoroughly enjoyed it 😎
Click to expand...


Did u buck him
Becs said:
Playa del Ingles, Gran Canaria. My ex said I'd love it as I like Spain. It wasn't Spanish at all. He booked an apartment with a balcony overlooking the Yumbo centre, which was eye opening!

Everyday was stay in bed till dinner time. Go to the English pub over the road for an all day fried breakfast. Lay around the pool. Go out for either a Chinese or the all you can eat buffet. Spend the evening drinking in English or Irish pubs and join in the quiz/bingo/karaoke.

Was bored shitless.
Click to expand...

That sounds like my idea of hell
 
Last edited:
Onslow said:
I shit myself on a street in San Antonio in Ibiza after downing wine like it was going out of fashion with a couple of lasses from the Lake District in 2016.

Was up my back and had to use me new beige Fred Perry t-shirt as a makeshift wipe. Does not get much more nightmarish than that. Think it was my first night as well.
Click to expand...
The first night I was in Ibiza I copped off with some lass from Derby then in the morning walked out of her apartment and thought 'Where the fuck am I?' This was pre-mobile phones/Google Maps days of course so things were a bit more difficult. So anyway, not having a clue about where anything was I walked in the general direction of where I thought our resort was. I walked along this country road which merged into a motorway for what seemed like years. By the time I got home I looked like Clint Eastwood in 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly' when he's been walking through the desert for days, red faced and burnt to fuck :oops:
 

Back
Top