Funeral directors

Kevsgreat said:
Wondering if anyone can help or advise on a funeral director? I did search but nothing really came up and it is a bit of a morbid area.

We lost my mam this week and now we're trying to make arrangements. She wasn't particularly religious so we don't want to go down that route, but when we mentioned she was more into spiritualism and believed in an afterlife we were told that a humanist service might not be suitable. Are there only the two options?

I've looked online but I can't really find much past the usual suspects locally. Does anyone have any experience with something like this?
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Sorry for your loss mate.
 


peachy said:
Could you ring a funeral parlour and ask their advice? I'm sure a lot of people don't want the religious side, but need to sort something. If the parlour can't help they likely will point you in the right direction.

Sorry to hear about your mam.
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This is good advice. The parlours have loads of contacts so hopefully can point you in the right direction.

So sorry for your loss.
 
Sorry to hear of your loss.
I paid for me mams funeral this year( she’s still kicking and screaming) but she wants on of them pure cremation thing. Basically, they turn up and take her away and you get the ashes back via the post.
It’s what she wants which I think is important, our kid on the other hand disagrees, proper disagreement. She thinks a funeral is for those left behind.
There used to be a spiritual “church” on Newcastle road just down from the grange iirc , @horatiopugwash might confirm if it’s still there. I’m sure it’s something they could advise on if that’s the pathway you want for her/others .
 
cornish mackem said:
Sorry to hear of your loss.
I paid for me mams funeral this year( she’s still kicking and screaming) but she wants on of them pure cremation thing. Basically, they turn up and take her away and you get the ashes back via the post.
It’s what she wants which I think is important, our kid on the other hand disagrees, proper disagreement. She thinks a funeral is for those left behind.
There used to be a spiritual “church” on Newcastle road just down from the grange iirc , @horatiopugwash might confirm if it’s still there. I’m sure it’s something they could advise on if that’s the pathway you want for her/others .
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A lot of people going down the pure cremation route (though I think some have been mis-sold), I can see the appeal of it and then putting some money behind a bar or whatever you want to do to celebrate the person's life in that. As others have said you can pretty much have whatever service you want these days.

Condolences to kevsgreat, tough times, mate.
 
Kevsgreat said:
Wondering if anyone can help or advise on a funeral director? I did search but nothing really came up and it is a bit of a morbid area.

We lost my mam this week and now we're trying to make arrangements. She wasn't particularly religious so we don't want to go down that route, but when we mentioned she was more into spiritualism and believed in an afterlife we were told that a humanist service might not be suitable. Are there only the two options?

I've looked online but I can't really find much past the usual suspects locally. Does anyone have any experience with something like this?
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Sorry for your loss Kev. Try Delanoys of Easington. Won loads of awards, they'll look after you. 0191 527 0265. Speak to John
 
Sorry for your loss.

I used George Hodgson in Low Fell as a humanist celebrant for my dad's funeral. He was very good. I'll PM you the details of you want them.
 
Really sorry for your loss Kev mate. We lost my gran last month and went with Co-op although that was Chester-le-st. We went for a humanist called Val Cranston for her, we also had her for my dad. Found her to give a nice service both times but understand humanist service not everyone.

If you need owt though DM or still got same mobile number.
 
Thanks again everyone, it sounds like a celebrant is what we need to be looking at. I don't know why that wasn't mentioned to my sister, or maybe it was and she got the wrong end of the stick speaking to them. There's lots to look through in this thread and I'll look into the more local places. I don't want to go round the doors with it but I know my sister didn't feel particularly comfortable with the people she's spoken to so far.
whitey said:
Really sorry for your loss Kev mate. We lost my gran last month and went with Co-op although that was Chester-le-st. We went for a humanist called Val Cranston for her, we also had her for my dad. Found her to give a nice service both times but understand humanist service not everyone.

If you need owt though DM or still got same mobile number.
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Sorry to hear that mate, thanks for passing the name on. Think I still have your number saved under "Whitey who scored the most incredible goal the SoL has ever seen".
pride of the north said:
Sorry for your loss. Just went through this with my Dad a couple of weeks ago, again with a humanist celebrant. When we spoke with a funeral director (Co-op in our case) I explained that Dad wasn't religious and we thought a humanist celebrant was more appropriate. He'd also done that when Mam went, and seemed happy with how it worked out.

They put us in touch with a celebrant, he spent time talking to my sister and I (and diplomatically navigated a bit of a family feud, which hopefully won't be an issue for you). After that he wrote up a draft text and sent it to me to review. I picked out a couple of things that didn't sound quite right for Dad and we amended them. Some of it was daft stuff - when we were chatting I couldn't remember his Mam's name - some of it was a detail I remembered later, some was just not hitting the right tone somehow. We got it sorted OK in the end, which was the main thing for me.

One thing surprised me: when we spoke, he asked me directly if Dad had any religious faith. I'm sure if I'd wanted to incorporate something more spiritual, he'd have done so (in fact, the main thing I wanted to cut was a slightly airy-fairy thing about death being another step on our journey - nowt wrong with it in theory, but not something we really believe). From that experience, I'd assume a good celebrant will work with you to get what you want, including references to spiritualism / afterlife etc if that's appropriate for you.

Remember that if you have a celebrant, you're not stuck with him/her speaking. If you, your sister, other family and friends etc want to say something in the ceremony (whether that's your own words, reading a favourite poem or quotation, five minutes or five seconds), you can work that in. You'll also be able to choose music for arriving and leaving, plus usually a piece of music in the middle to accompany a moment of private reflection / prayer / whatever seems appropriate. Same as you can request Abide With Me or whatever if you want to sing a hymn - it really should be about you saying farewell to your loved one in a way that works for you and your family. The big thing is that you leave the crematorium (or wherever) feeling that you were able to pay your respects in a way that makes sense for you, not whether you ticked someone else's boxes.

Someone mentioned that you can do it yourself. I thought about that (I do a fair bit of public speaking in my working life, and felt that I knew Dad better than almost anyone else alive, so was tempted). But I'm glad I didn't. I did get up and say a few words of my own at the ceremony, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done just to keep it together. From that experience, I'd say have someone there to hold it all together. No way I could have stretched to half an hour of that, or even divvied up the 'presenter' duties with someone else.
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Sorry about your dad and thanks for taking the time to write this. Reading through this thread I'm pretty sure the services I've been to that have had a celebrant I've just seen as humanist services, not realising people can put what they want in there.

As for getting up and speaking, that's something I've thought about, maybe I could write something but it would take me longer than the service to get it out, I'm soft as shite at the best of times! I remember my cousin speaking about her dad and she did it so well. Some people just have that strength, well done for doing it.
houst69 said:
Where are you Kev? Sorry for your loss
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I'm in Sunderland mate.
 
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Just to follow up on this, we had the fella from John Duckworth out this morning and he ran through everything, some stuff we could answer, some stuff I've got to get back to him about, but it feels a weight off to at least get what we got sorted out done.

I mentioned the celebrants in this thread but for various reasons he didn't think they would be suitable, which is fair enough at least he's listened to what we've been saying.

He was a big help though, and everyone who's posted in this thread has been a help too, so thank you everyone.
 
Thewper1 said:
As for the service, like your Mam, neither were particularly religious and we had it at the crem and used a celebrant who came recommended. She was called Maggy (or Maggie) Edge if I remember correctly and was excellent. She spent time with us to really get a feel for them and their life and delivered it perfectly.....me Ma wanted a double slot at the crem as figured there'd be so much to cram in, and she was right :lol:
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We went with Maggie Edge for the service and she was perfect for the job. Everything we told her she got in and she hit just the right tone with it all. Thanks for mentioning her @Thewper1.

The funeral was yesterday and it's a weight off it all went well. Thanks again to everyone who offered up advice.
 
Kevsgreat said:
We went with Maggie Edge for the service and she was perfect for the job. Everything we told her she got in and she hit just the right tone with it all. Thanks for mentioning her @Thewper1.

The funeral was yesterday and it's a weight off it all went well. Thanks again to everyone who offered up advice.
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It really is isn't it.
I'm glad it went well. We had a good time at my Mam's wake too, wasn't anywhere near as harrowing as I expected it to be.
You did her proud Kev mate, well done.
 
Kevsgreat said:
We went with Maggie Edge for the service and she was perfect for the job. Everything we told her she got in and she hit just the right tone with it all. Thanks for mentioning her @Thewper1.

The funeral was yesterday and it's a weight off it all went well. Thanks again to everyone who offered up advice.
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Glad it all went off ok.
Take care
 
Kevsgreat said:
We went with Maggie Edge for the service and she was perfect for the job. Everything we told her she got in and she hit just the right tone with it all. Thanks for mentioning her @Thewper1.

The funeral was yesterday and it's a weight off it all went well. Thanks again to everyone who offered up advice.
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Mate, that makes me really happy, Me ma loved Maggie for me Da, and we loved Maggie for me Ma.

Hope you’re doing ok
 

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