Ah my mate please try and say everything and get everything off your chest to your therapist as you may think it's not relevant but that is what they get paid for to maybe pick up on things. Like when the police say when there has been a serious crime if you see something even if you think it's not relevant please report it. I know its gonna be a hard battle and can tell you seem at rock bottom but you really can do this and the fact your getting help shows that you wanna beat whatever is making you feel this way.It is working, it's just so slow and I kept a lot of stuff back I didn't wish to speak about as I didn't think it was relevant.
No good family memories from childhood as such. It's mostly repetition compulsion I need to deal with now but it's massive. I think it stems from guilt as it was the only emotion I was allowed to have as a child that wasn't invalidated. It was actively encouraged in fact. It is like a cycle of guilt over even the most trivial things and desiring consequences. In my head I know what it is, that it's unhelpful and I need to move forward. But my thought patterns have the equal and opposite effect.