Depression

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DBStar said:
It is working, it's just so slow and I kept a lot of stuff back I didn't wish to speak about as I didn't think it was relevant.

No good family memories from childhood as such. It's mostly repetition compulsion I need to deal with now but it's massive. I think it stems from guilt as it was the only emotion I was allowed to have as a child that wasn't invalidated. It was actively encouraged in fact. It is like a cycle of guilt over even the most trivial things and desiring consequences. In my head I know what it is, that it's unhelpful and I need to move forward. But my thought patterns have the equal and opposite effect.
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Ah my mate please try and say everything and get everything off your chest to your therapist as you may think it's not relevant but that is what they get paid for to maybe pick up on things. Like when the police say when there has been a serious crime if you see something even if you think it's not relevant please report it. I know its gonna be a hard battle and can tell you seem at rock bottom but you really can do this and the fact your getting help shows that you wanna beat whatever is making you feel this way.
 


Ah yeah everything is out in therapy. It's just not something I am up to repeating outside it presently.

Feel a bit better today. Managed to go to the match ok and feel ok after it. I've had a lot of sensory problems at games so I was pleasantly surprised for a little victory. Thanks everyone for your support.
 
Evening people. How are we all doing? Been a few weeks since my post. I’m still off work on sick but I’m feeling a bit better.

100mg of sertraline seem to have me on an even keel. Just the side effects do me head in. Sweating and feeling of me tits no appetite.

I’ve actually had jeans and a nice top on the day and went to see me mam and dad In Penshaw and popped in to see me grandma and granda. Then went food shopping!

All by mesel! Might not seeem much to the normal man but massive step for me haha.

Got another week off then I’m Gona see if I keep feeling like this I’ll go back to work.

It’s been a rough one this like. Closest I’ve ever been to ending it to be honest.

Keep on keeping on people and if anyone needs a chat just msg.

Lots of love Rhubarb. Xx
 
Rhubarb said:
Evening people. How are we all doing? Been a few weeks since my post. I’m still off work on sick but I’m feeling a bit better.

100mg of sertraline seem to have me on an even keel. Just the side effects do me head in. Sweating and feeling of me tits no appetite.

I’ve actually had jeans and a nice top on the day and went to see me mam and dad In Penshaw and popped in to see me grandma and granda. Then went food shopping!

All by mesel! Might not seeem much to the normal man but massive step for me haha.

Got another week off then I’m Gona see if I keep feeling like this I’ll go back to work.

It’s been a rough one this like. Closest I’ve ever been to ending it to be honest.

Keep on keeping on people and if anyone needs a chat just msg.

Lots of love Rhubarb. Xx
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Well done mate and your right might not seem a lot to some people but mentally it's massive so well done and keep it going 👍
 
Rhubarb said:
Evening people. How are we all doing? Been a few weeks since my post. I’m still off work on sick but I’m feeling a bit better.

100mg of sertraline seem to have me on an even keel. Just the side effects do me head in. Sweating and feeling of me tits no appetite.

I’ve actually had jeans and a nice top on the day and went to see me mam and dad In Penshaw and popped in to see me grandma and granda. Then went food shopping!

All by mesel! Might not seeem much to the normal man but massive step for me haha.

Got another week off then I’m Gona see if I keep feeling like this I’ll go back to work.

It’s been a rough one this like. Closest I’ve ever been to ending it to be honest.

Keep on keeping on people and if anyone needs a chat just msg.

Lots of love Rhubarb. Xx
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Don’t get too disheartened if you do have another bad day/week. The road to recovery is full of ups and downs. I’d fall into despair thinking I was back to square one whenever I’d have a shit week after having a good one. But I should have been celebrating the fact that I wasn’t feeling awful all the time now and that the fact I was having ups and downs was a sign of progress.
 
Waskerly Mackem said:
I'm with you. The AD-HD element of AD-HD / Autism diagnosis I'm facing in the next few weeks explains why I'm not great at repetitive tasks. My current post involves, you've guessed it, lots of repetitive tasks. So I'm sure won't be in my current job in a few months.

I've had a phone chat with another NHS mental health nurse. I am heading for a mild AD-HD / Autism diagnosis.

It's a matter now of how I go, whether it's to another job that does suit my mindset or I find myself at Job Centre Plus again.

Sleep all over the place plus regular gym is my life at the moment too.
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Update time and oh boy it's a roller coaster.

I returned to work recently on phased return. The two managers above me are now different people, with the problem manager having walked off the job while I was on the sick. I also decided that to avoid issues by basically asking and asking again if not sure of something if only to cover my arse. That I am doing for sure.

So it was hugs all around from the people I was closest to once I walked through the door. And boy things had changed.

The number of people in my department is about two thirds what it was. One person has left with depression and might have been moved on. Two people have left for other jobs, with one going before potential dismissal. Two people have been sacked. Two are on final warnings and others have also had varying sick leave. These are people that were okay prior to last August.

So it appears since my problems started with problem manager last August, others have had similar. It's only because people have started talking to each other that people have realised the scale of the problem. It turns out it wasn't just me dealing with a problem manager, more a case of a more general management problem. There seems to have been a concerted effort to get the head count down without having to pay people off and there's some very unhappy people.

Only a few weeks back and I got told bluntly not to help two colleagues, with a minor concern over a minor typo in a document dismissed out of hand. So it's a toxic atmosphere.

I and two work buddies all applied for a job in another area and all of us have been made offers (by coincidence two of the prettier ladies in the department - no!!!). So we're coordinating and seeing if we can all stay together. I've accepted the offer and I've background checks in progress.

It really is time to go.

My mild AD-HD and mild ASD diagnoses will go through, with my mental health appointment in the not too distant future for initial assessment. These are admittedly three months late, apparently due to an outbreak of flu in the mental health department. Occupational Health and phone chats with NHS mental health nurses concur that there will be diagnoses.
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At the rate people are leaving, the department will not be able to function properly before long unless they recruit and recruitment just isn't happening.

I've seen this before with a previous employer, there were mass redundancies and the plant (a manufacturer) is now closed.
 
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Waskerly Mackem said:
Update time and oh boy it's a roller coaster.

I returned to work recently on phased return. The two managers above me are now different people, with the problem manager having walked off the job while I was on the sick. I also decided that to avoid issues by basically asking and asking again if not sure of something if only to cover my arse. That I am doing for sure.

So it was hugs all around from the people I was closest to once I walked through the door. And boy things had changed.

The number of people in my department is about two thirds what it was. One person has left with depression and might have been moved on. Two people have left for other jobs, with one going before potential dismissal. Two people have been sacked. Two are on final warnings and others have also had varying sick leave. These are people that were okay prior to last August.

So it appears since my problems started with problem manager last August, others have had similar. It's only because people have started talking to each other that people have realised the scale of the problem. It turns out it wasn't just me dealing with a problem manager, more a case of a more general management problem. There seems to have been a concerted effort to get the head count down without having to pay people off and there's some very unhappy people.

Only a few weeks back and I got told bluntly not to help two colleagues, with a minor concern over a minor typo in a document dismissed out of hand. So it's a toxic atmosphere.

I and two work buddies all applied for a job in another area and all of us have been made offers (by coincidence two of the prettier ladies in the department - no!!!). So we're coordinating and seeing if we can all stay together. I've accepted the offer and I've background checks in progress.

It really is time to go.

My mild AD-HD and mild ASD diagnoses will go through, with my mental health appointment in the not too distant future for initial assessment. These are admittedly three months late, apparently due to an outbreak of flu in the mental health department. Occupational Health and phone chats with NHS mental health nurses concur that there will be diagnoses.
.
At the rate people are leaving, the department will not be able to function properly before long unless they recruit and recruitment just isn't happening.

I've seen this before with a previous employer, there were mass redundancies and the plant (a manufacturer) is now closed.
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Jesus mate it's all been going on and think your spot on when you said you need out of that place as soon as you can. It sounds awful and you staying there would only even effect you more in the long run. Keep going mate and go for something else , health and happiness comes before anything.
 
Just waiting on a phone call from occ health and I’m reaching and shaking like a shitting dog.

Sicknote runs out today and I was going to try and go back but I’m not sure.

Also has anyone had a side effect from sertraline biting ya tongue when you are asleep. My mouth is sore as fuck and I’ve bit my and made it bleed a few times now.

Hope everyone is plodding on. Love Rhubabrb. X
 
Rhubarb said:
Just waiting on a phone call from occ health and I’m reaching and shaking like a shitting dog.

Sicknote runs out today and I was going to try and go back but I’m not sure.

Also has anyone had a side effect from sertraline biting ya tongue when you are asleep. My mouth is sore as fuck and I’ve bit my and made it bleed a few times now.

Hope everyone is plodding on. Love Rhubabrb. X
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Aaah mate it's shit when you just waiting around but I think the fact you saying your not sure about going back to work says it all to me cos if you were and in a good place you would be taking going back to work in your stride. Never had any side effects like that mate but everyone is different so get it checked and whatever you decide you stay strong and everybody here to help ya 💪. If you don't mind as well mate let us know how you get on with occupational health and am sure you need to be seen anyway by them before even thinking about going to work.
 
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lucky said:
Aaah mate it's shit when you just waiting around but I think the fact you saying your not sure about going back to work says it all to me cos if you were and in a good place you would be taking going back to work in your stride. Never had any side effects like that mate but everyone is different so get it checked and whatever you decide you stay strong and everybody here to help ya 💪. If you don't mind as well mate let us know how you get on with occupational health and am sure you need to be seen anyway by them before even thinking about going to work.
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Had my call mate. She said I’m not ready for work and advised me to go back to my gp and tell them about my biting of the tongue.

I just can’t be chewed already today I need to get ready and brush me teeth otherwise I’ll end up back in bed and wasting away again.

Sick of this shit. I like work as well. But I can’t even face going to the bastard shop without shaking and feeling like an idiot.

Cheers for the reply mate.
 
Rhubarb said:
Had my call mate. She said I’m not ready for work and advised me to go back to my gp and tell them about my biting of the tongue.

I just can’t be chewed already today I need to get ready and brush me teeth otherwise I’ll end up back in bed and wasting away again.

Sick of this shit. I like work as well. But I can’t even face going to the bastard shop without shaking and feeling like an idiot.

Cheers for the reply mate.
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Mate totally take there advice and it got to the stage with me I wasn't showering or shaving , lost all interest in the gym and didn't/couldn't cope with seeing anyone as felt so shit in myself and my lass tried everything to get me out the house but when I felt shit in myself the last thing I wanted was bump into someone I knew. Please please though never say your an idiot cos the fact that your talking about it is amazing and I bet your helping loads who are reading this and giving them the courage to speak out too or at least others realising there not alone and that others are going through the same shit after reading how you feeling 👏 .
 
lucky said:
Mate totally take there advice and it got to the stage with me I wasn't showering or shaving , lost all interest in the gym and didn't/couldn't cope with seeing anyone as felt so shit in myself and my lass tried everything to get me out the house but when I felt shit in myself the last thing I wanted was bump into someone I knew. Please please though never say your an idiot cos the fact that your talking about it is amazing and I bet your helping loads who are reading this and giving them the courage to speak out too or at least others realising there not alone and that others are going through the same shit after reading how you feeling 👏 .
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Cheers mate. Sometimes I just feel like I’m done! I’ve brushed me teeth and walked up shop for a paper for the father in law and walked down to see him for a cuppa.

Sitting here wanting to be sick. Thanks for the kind words mate. Means a lot. Hope you are well.
 
Rhubarb said:
Cheers mate. Sometimes I just feel like I’m done! I’ve brushed me teeth and walked up shop for a paper for the father in law and walked down to see him for a cuppa.

Sitting here wanting to be sick. Thanks for the kind words mate. Means a lot. Hope you are well.
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More than welcome my mate and does the father in law actually need a paper or do you reckon its his way of trying to help you out like give you a purpose.
 
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