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Depression thread continued...

So in February i posted that my brother commit suicide. It’s been a massive process and it’s still a lot of up and down days. I’m coming out the other end of it now.

Personally I don’t understand depression but I do understand the other side and the effects of depression and suicide on the families left behind.

I’m not expert by any means but if anyone is ever feeling down or wants to chat please from me a private message.

I’ve been surprised cos i’ve had people come up to me at work and it’s been people who i wouldn’t expect who wanted to either talk cos they were having a bad time, their family were, and ben a few people who had lost a family member to suicide. I didn’t realise how common it was and people who I spoke to every day at work and didn’t know come and spoke to me about it.

It’s a hard thing to speak about and it’s possibly the hardest moment of your life but i’d give anything for my brother back so i’d rather someone spoke to me than do what he did.

Please dont hesitate to message me or the many other great men and women of this board cos the alternative isn’t worth thinking about!
Oh that is so thoughtful in the midst of your grief. Suicide has always been appealing to me but also in my lucid moments could think of trying to cope with the pain I left behind. And your post definitely illustrates the pain your brother left behind.

Thanks for your invitation to reach out
Can see myself taking it up sometime
 

Oh that is so thoughtful in the midst of your grief. Suicide has always been appealing to me but also in my lucid moments could think of trying to cope with the pain I left behind. And your post definitely illustrates the pain your brother left behind.

Thanks for your invitation to reach out
Can see myself taking it up sometime
Hopefully taking up messaging myself and not suicide!

I can only speak for he people left behind but it’s horrific for everyone. I’m sorry if this is blunt but I hope it helps. My dad had to go identify his own sons body. I was the 7th feb my brother took him own life and we are still waiting on the coroners report. We don know if is gunna end up in the news or not yet. Me and my dad carried my younger brothers coffin.

Life may seem bleak but there’s so many people around you whose lives are gunna be ruined forever. Lots of devastation is left behind no matter how worthless you feel.

If you would like to chat in private i’d love to hear from you when you’re ready. My inbox is genuinely open open to anyone who wants to talk and i genuinely mean that.

Please anyone who wants to vent don’t feel selfish or like you’re bothering anyone. come speak to me in private. I will give you every second of my available time to you!
 
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Hopefully taking up messaging myself and not suicide!

I can only speak for he people left behind but it’s horrific for everyone. I’m sorry if this is blunt but I hope it helps. My dad had to go identify his own sons body. I was the 7th feb my brother took him own life and we are still waiting on the coroners report. We don know if is gunna end up in the news or not yet. Me and my dad carried my younger brothers coffin.

Life may seem bleak but there’s so many people around you whose lives are gunna be ruined forever. Lots of devastation is left behind no matter how worthless you feel.

If you would like to chat in private i’d love to hear from you when you’re ready. My inbox is genuinely open open to anyone who wants to talk and i genuinely mean that.

Please anyone who wants to vent don’t feel selfish or like you’re bothering anyone. come speak to me in private. I will give you every second of my available time to you!
Massive respect mate ❤️
 
Dont know if this is the right place for this but here goes.

My divorce is getting nasty and it's battering me atm

Highlights include.

Being told to kill myself (including instructions)
Being told one of my best mates who did was a bigger man than me because he knew to take himself out of the world
Being told my 2 dead children are better off than the 2 that made it because they dont have me as a father.
Having my wedding stuff destroyed
Having access to my children denied for no other reason than "youre a ****"

The access to my kids is half and half atm and she wavers on that (when they drive her crazy i imagine)

Its a hell of a lot atm. Im still contributing financially the same as before I left the house so there's no issue there. How the hell do you find the joy when youre dealing with this?

Even if nobody reads or answers this i feel better for writing it out and getting it off my chest.

And breathe.
 
Dont know if this is the right place for this but here goes.

My divorce is getting nasty and it's battering me atm

Highlights include.

Being told to kill myself (including instructions)
Being told one of my best mates who did was a bigger man than me because he knew to take himself out of the world
Being told my 2 dead children are better off than the 2 that made it because they dont have me as a father.
Having my wedding stuff destroyed
Having access to my children denied for no other reason than "youre a ****"

The access to my kids is half and half atm and she wavers on that (when they drive her crazy i imagine)

Its a hell of a lot atm. Im still contributing financially the same as before I left the house so there's no issue there. How the hell do you find the joy when youre dealing with this?

Even if nobody reads or answers this i feel better for writing it out and getting it off my chest.

And breathe.
God I think some of the behaviours you are describing are abusive, coercive, cruel and manipulative and maybe, possibly against the law.

But it can't last forever
Find some peace in rhe fact that the divorce will eventually happen and you will be able to start to have a semblance of a normal life again.

Be the bigger person throughout tho. There are children witnessing her behaviour. You never want them to think this is a normal way to behave
 
Apologies for the self-indulgence and I can’t believe I’m typing this in a public forum but I’ve had a serious wobble of late, if my daughter wasn’t here today then I may have not been.
I don’t know about anyone else but I feel like I don’t have many, if any mates these days. I used to have a massive circle of them but I feel as I’m an embarrassment these days. I was made redundant a few months back and really struggling to get back on my feet here as all of them are successful with 2.4 children, big houses etc. I’m in a tiny house, on my Tod (apart from weekends when my daughter comes to stay), struggling to pay bills and have nothing to offer them any more, I’m not sure I ever did, then now and again find out different groups have been meeting-up socially. I don’t receive any invites of any sort any more, not even for a pint. Is this just a by-product t of getting older?
If I didn’t have my daughter and step dad to go for a couple once a week, Inloterally wouldn’t see a soul for weeks and it’s having a big effect.
I went for an interview the other day for a job I’d actually done previously and very successfully but could tell as soon as I walked in and they took a look at me, I wasn’t getting it. I’m 50 now and properly on the scrap heap.

Anyway, thanks to anyone who has had to endure this self-indulgent drivel. I’m not in the best of places and even typing this has helped, a bit.
 
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Apologies for the self-indulgence and I can’t believe I’m typing this in a public forum but I’ve had a serious wobble of late, if my daughter wasn’t here today then I may have not been.
I don’t know about anyone else but I feel like I don’t have many, if any mates these days. I used to have a massive circle of them but I feel as I’m an embarrassment these days. I was made redundant a few months back and really struggling to get back on my feet here as all of them are successful with 2.4 children, big houses etc. I’m in a tiny house, on my Tod (apart from weekends when my daughter comes to stay), struggling to pay bills and have nothing to offer them any more, I’m not sure I ever did, then now and again find out different groups have been meeting-up socially. I don’t receive any invites of any sort any more, not even for a pint. Is this just a by-product t of getting older?
If I didn’t have my daughter and step dad to go for a couple once a week, Inloterally wouldn’t see a soul for weeks and it’s having a big effect.
I went for an interview the other day for a job I’d actually done previously and very successfully but could tell as soon as I walked in and they took a look at me, I wasn’t getting it. I’m 50 now and properly on the scrap heap.

Anyway, thanks to anyone who has had to endure this self-indulgent drivel. I’m not in the best of places and even typing this has helped, a bit.
Mate you need to speak out more especially if your feeling that way 100%.
Mate wise I'm the same but don't really have much of a social life as I struggle from day to day.
But even if you feel like that again I can't drink but I'd be more than happy to have a 0% if you ever need stuff off your chest ❤️
One thing I can say is never compare yourself to others as just makes you worse and most the shit what gets put on social media is usually just a glimpse of someone's life and not the full story , think a lot of them may feel the way we do on here but just keeping up appearances.
 
Mate you need to speak out more especially if your feeling that way 100%.
Mate wise I'm the same but don't really have much of a social life as I struggle from day to day.
But even if you feel like that again I can't drink but I'd be more than happy to have a 0% if you ever need stuff off your chest ❤️
One thing I can say is never compare yourself to others as just makes you worse and most the shit what gets put on social media is usually just a glimpse of someone's life and not the full story , think a lot of them may feel the way we do on here but just keeping up appearances.
Thanks very much mate, really appreciate that.
 
Apologies for the self-indulgence and I can’t believe I’m typing this in a public forum but I’ve had a serious wobble of late, if my daughter wasn’t here today then I may have not been.
I don’t know about anyone else but I feel like I don’t have many, if any mates these days. I used to have a massive circle of them but I feel as I’m an embarrassment these days. I was made redundant a few months back and really struggling to get back on my feet here as all of them are successful with 2.4 children, big houses etc. I’m in a tiny house, on my Tod (apart from weekends when my daughter comes to stay), struggling to pay bills and have nothing to offer them any more, I’m not sure I ever did, then now and again find out different groups have been meeting-up socially. I don’t receive any invites of any sort any more, not even for a pint. Is this just a by-product t of getting older?
If I didn’t have my daughter and step dad to go for a couple once a week, Inloterally wouldn’t see a soul for weeks and it’s having a big effect.
I went for an interview the other day for a job I’d actually done previously and very successfully but could tell as soon as I walked in and they took a look at me, I wasn’t getting it. I’m 50 now and properly on the scrap heap.

Anyway, thanks to anyone who has had to endure this self-indulgent drivel. I’m not in the best of places and even typing this has helped, a bit.
Not sure if you've seen your GP but if not medication can help. You're there for your daughter every weekend, you have loads to offer (time, security and love are the main things she needs) and it probably makes your step dad's day when you see him. I've found my friends group changed as I get older.
Parkrun on a Saturday morning will get you out the house and is a great community. They can always do with more volunteers, marshalling and encouraging people round is really rewarding, or you could walk round. Lots of good reports on here for Andy's man club or man health so I'm sure someone will come along with more details.
Keep posting, keep going, it will get better.
 
Not sure if you've seen your GP but if not medication can help. You're there for your daughter every weekend, you have loads to offer (time, security and love are the main things she needs) and it probably makes your step dad's day when you see him. I've found my friends group changed as I get older.
Parkrun on a Saturday morning will get you out the house and is a great community. They can always do with more volunteers, marshalling and encouraging people round is really rewarding, or you could walk round. Lots of good reports on here for Andy's man club or man health so I'm sure someone will come along with more details.
Keep posting, keep going, it will get better.
Again, really appreciated mate. Thanks very much.
 
Apologies for the self-indulgence and I can’t believe I’m typing this in a public forum but I’ve had a serious wobble of late, if my daughter wasn’t here today then I may have not been.
I don’t know about anyone else but I feel like I don’t have many, if any mates these days. I used to have a massive circle of them but I feel as I’m an embarrassment these days. I was made redundant a few months back and really struggling to get back on my feet here as all of them are successful with 2.4 children, big houses etc. I’m in a tiny house, on my Tod (apart from weekends when my daughter comes to stay), struggling to pay bills and have nothing to offer them any more, I’m not sure I ever did, then now and again find out different groups have been meeting-up socially. I don’t receive any invites of any sort any more, not even for a pint. Is this just a by-product t of getting older?
If I didn’t have my daughter and step dad to go for a couple once a week, Inloterally wouldn’t see a soul for weeks and it’s having a big effect.
I went for an interview the other day for a job I’d actually done previously and very successfully but could tell as soon as I walked in and they took a look at me, I wasn’t getting it. I’m 50 now and properly on the scrap heap.

Anyway, thanks to anyone who has had to endure this self-indulgent drivel. I’m not in the best of places and even typing this has helped, a bit.
I have no idea where you're at, but if you fancy a beer, coffee, walk, chat, just having someone's ear. Just shout, if I can assist in anyway I will.
 
Apologies for the self-indulgence and I can’t believe I’m typing this in a public forum but I’ve had a serious wobble of late, if my daughter wasn’t here today then I may have not been.
I don’t know about anyone else but I feel like I don’t have many, if any mates these days. I used to have a massive circle of them but I feel as I’m an embarrassment these days. I was made redundant a few months back and really struggling to get back on my feet here as all of them are successful with 2.4 children, big houses etc. I’m in a tiny house, on my Tod (apart from weekends when my daughter comes to stay), struggling to pay bills and have nothing to offer them any more, I’m not sure I ever did, then now and again find out different groups have been meeting-up socially. I don’t receive any invites of any sort any more, not even for a pint. Is this just a by-product t of getting older?
If I didn’t have my daughter and step dad to go for a couple once a week, Inloterally wouldn’t see a soul for weeks and it’s having a big effect.
I went for an interview the other day for a job I’d actually done previously and very successfully but could tell as soon as I walked in and they took a look at me, I wasn’t getting it. I’m 50 now and properly on the scrap heap.

Anyway, thanks to anyone who has had to endure this self-indulgent drivel. I’m not in the best of places and even typing this has helped, a bit.
Stop it, there is nothing self indulgent about opening yourself up and talking about difficulties you are having.

Funny, I am thinking about that daft thread Alexander opened on Grok (still not sure what it is mind) an how it said you were a solid poster, engaging, level headed. Keeps the board ticking over.

OK we are your "internet friend" but hey friends nevertheless. And if your other mates are maybe not reaching out as much as they should maybe you reach out and get yourself some new hobbies and make some new mates.

Your daughter sounds terrific....loves her old Da, wants to spend quality time with him. Remember that and remember....there's always people hanging around here for a chin wag.
 
Stop it, there is nothing self indulgent about opening yourself up and talking about difficulties you are having.

Funny, I am thinking about that daft thread Alexander opened on Grok (still not sure what it is mind) an how it said you were a solid poster, engaging, level headed. Keeps the board ticking over.

OK we are your "internet friend" but hey friends nevertheless. And if your other mates are maybe not reaching out as much as they should maybe you reach out and get yourself some new hobbies and make some new mates.

Your daughter sounds terrific....loves her old Da, wants to spend quality time with him. Remember that and remember....there's always people hanging around here for a chin wag.
That really means a lot, thanks very much mate. Got a year in me eye, reading it. Thank you
 
God I think some of the behaviours you are describing are abusive, coercive, cruel and manipulative and maybe, possibly against the law.

But it can't last forever
Find some peace in rhe fact that the divorce will eventually happen and you will be able to start to have a semblance of a normal life again.

Be the bigger person throughout tho. There are children witnessing her behaviour. You never want them to think this is a normal way to behave
Absolutely, the lad is doing nothing wrong and it speaks more to the person delivering it who must have serious issues going on. We all have our battles and remember just getting out of bed and living your life is a victory in itself 💪
 
Apologies for the self-indulgence and I can’t believe I’m typing this in a public forum but I’ve had a serious wobble of late, if my daughter wasn’t here today then I may have not been.
I don’t know about anyone else but I feel like I don’t have many, if any mates these days. I used to have a massive circle of them but I feel as I’m an embarrassment these days. I was made redundant a few months back and really struggling to get back on my feet here as all of them are successful with 2.4 children, big houses etc. I’m in a tiny house, on my Tod (apart from weekends when my daughter comes to stay), struggling to pay bills and have nothing to offer them any more, I’m not sure I ever did, then now and again find out different groups have been meeting-up socially. I don’t receive any invites of any sort any more, not even for a pint. Is this just a by-product t of getting older?
If I didn’t have my daughter and step dad to go for a couple once a week, Inloterally wouldn’t see a soul for weeks and it’s having a big effect.
I went for an interview the other day for a job I’d actually done previously and very successfully but could tell as soon as I walked in and they took a look at me, I wasn’t getting it. I’m 50 now and properly on the scrap heap.

Anyway, thanks to anyone who has had to endure this self-indulgent drivel. I’m not in the best of places and even typing this has helped, a bit.
Apologies for the self-indulgence and I can’t believe I’m typing this in a public forum but I’ve had a serious wobble of late, if my daughter wasn’t here today then I may have not been.
I don’t know about anyone else but I feel like I don’t have many, if any mates these days. I used to have a massive circle of them but I feel as I’m an embarrassment these days. I was made redundant a few months back and really struggling to get back on my feet here as all of them are successful with 2.4 children, big houses etc. I’m in a tiny house, on my Tod (apart from weekends when my daughter comes to stay), struggling to pay bills and have nothing to offer them any more, I’m not sure I ever did, then now and again find out different groups have been meeting-up socially. I don’t receive any invites of any sort any more, not even for a pint. Is this just a by-product t of getting older?
If I didn’t have my daughter and step dad to go for a couple once a week, Inloterally wouldn’t see a soul for weeks and it’s having a big effect.
I went for an interview the other day for a job I’d actually done previously and very successfully but could tell as soon as I walked in and they took a look at me, I wasn’t getting it. I’m 50 now and properly on the scrap heap.

Anyway, thanks to anyone who has had to endure this self-indulgent drivel. I’m not in the best of places and even typing this has helped, a bit.
Fella keep your head up, it’s always darkest before the dawn. Fake it until you make it, that’s what everyone else is doing man…… it will get better but you have to make a move
 
Dont know if this is the right place for this but here goes.

My divorce is getting nasty and it's battering me atm

Highlights include.

Being told to kill myself (including instructions)
Being told one of my best mates who did was a bigger man than me because he knew to take himself out of the world
Being told my 2 dead children are better off than the 2 that made it because they dont have me as a father.
Having my wedding stuff destroyed
Having access to my children denied for no other reason than "youre a ****"

The access to my kids is half and half atm and she wavers on that (when they drive her crazy i imagine)

Its a hell of a lot atm. Im still contributing financially the same as before I left the house so there's no issue there. How the hell do you find the joy when youre dealing with this?

Even if nobody reads or answers this i feel better for writing it out and getting it off my chest.

And breathe.
Having met you briefly, I can’t see how you would deserve that kind of treatment. As said above, it’s someone else hurt, low self esteem and vile behaviour being projected onto you.

I’d step away and only have contact to sort the kids and if that means communicating via someone else, so be it. There’s no way back from the disgusting things she’s said to you.
Apologies for the self-indulgence and I can’t believe I’m typing this in a public forum but I’ve had a serious wobble of late, if my daughter wasn’t here today then I may have not been.
I don’t know about anyone else but I feel like I don’t have many, if any mates these days. I used to have a massive circle of them but I feel as I’m an embarrassment these days. I was made redundant a few months back and really struggling to get back on my feet here as all of them are successful with 2.4 children, big houses etc. I’m in a tiny house, on my Tod (apart from weekends when my daughter comes to stay), struggling to pay bills and have nothing to offer them any more, I’m not sure I ever did, then now and again find out different groups have been meeting-up socially. I don’t receive any invites of any sort any more, not even for a pint. Is this just a by-product t of getting older?
If I didn’t have my daughter and step dad to go for a couple once a week, Inloterally wouldn’t see a soul for weeks and it’s having a big effect.
I went for an interview the other day for a job I’d actually done previously and very successfully but could tell as soon as I walked in and they took a look at me, I wasn’t getting it. I’m 50 now and properly on the scrap heap.

Anyway, thanks to anyone who has had to endure this self-indulgent drivel. I’m not in the best of places and even typing this has helped, a bit.
You fancy taking up running, there’s a few social running clubs around and they really are very sociable, it’s never too late and you’ll surprise yourself.
 
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Dont know if this is the right place for this but here goes.

My divorce is getting nasty and it's battering me atm

Highlights include.

Being told to kill myself (including instructions)
Being told one of my best mates who did was a bigger man than me because he knew to take himself out of the world
Being told my 2 dead children are better off than the 2 that made it because they dont have me as a father.
Having my wedding stuff destroyed
Having access to my children denied for no other reason than "youre a ****"

The access to my kids is half and half atm and she wavers on that (when they drive her crazy i imagine)

Its a hell of a lot atm. Im still contributing financially the same as before I left the house so there's no issue there. How the hell do you find the joy when youre dealing with this?

Even if nobody reads or answers this i feel better for writing it out and getting it off my chest.

And breathe.
You may not think it now mate but whenever you’re in a really bad spell, just force yourself to remember that longer term, you are and will be better off without being with somebody who is capable of saying those sorts of things.

Apologies for the self-indulgence and I can’t believe I’m typing this in a public forum but I’ve had a serious wobble of late, if my daughter wasn’t here today then I may have not been.
I don’t know about anyone else but I feel like I don’t have many, if any mates these days. I used to have a massive circle of them but I feel as I’m an embarrassment these days. I was made redundant a few months back and really struggling to get back on my feet here as all of them are successful with 2.4 children, big houses etc. I’m in a tiny house, on my Tod (apart from weekends when my daughter comes to stay), struggling to pay bills and have nothing to offer them any more, I’m not sure I ever did, then now and again find out different groups have been meeting-up socially. I don’t receive any invites of any sort any more, not even for a pint. Is this just a by-product t of getting older?
If I didn’t have my daughter and step dad to go for a couple once a week, Inloterally wouldn’t see a soul for weeks and it’s having a big effect.
I went for an interview the other day for a job I’d actually done previously and very successfully but could tell as soon as I walked in and they took a look at me, I wasn’t getting it. I’m 50 now and properly on the scrap heap.

Anyway, thanks to anyone who has had to endure this self-indulgent drivel. I’m not in the best of places and even typing this has helped, a bit.
Stick in there mate and keep your chin up. I can tell from your posts on here you’re an absolutely top lad and I’m sure a great dad to your daughter. I haven’t forgotten by the way that I offered forwarding you my season ticket for a match if I’m going to miss one if I’m away etc. That offer still stands, if you don’t manage to get a season ticket sorted again this summer and I end up missing any next season I will happily forward on to you. Take care mate.
 
Dont know if this is the right place for this but here goes.

My divorce is getting nasty and it's battering me atm

Highlights include.

Being told to kill myself (including instructions)
Being told one of my best mates who did was a bigger man than me because he knew to take himself out of the world
Being told my 2 dead children are better off than the 2 that made it because they dont have me as a father.
Having my wedding stuff destroyed
Having access to my children denied for no other reason than "youre a ****"

The access to my kids is half and half atm and she wavers on that (when they drive her crazy i imagine)

Its a hell of a lot atm. Im still contributing financially the same as before I left the house so there's no issue there. How the hell do you find the joy when youre dealing with this?

Even if nobody reads or answers this i feel better for writing it out and getting it off my chest.

And breathe.
Hi Chubbs, For some reason I was reflecting on this today. That needs reporting and shared with family and friends… totally vile and unacceptable. I am guessing she wasn’t the most pleasant of individuals even before the split? Stay safe and keep your head up.
 
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