Depression thread continued...

[Gennaro Savastano]

Been feeling down for the last year and a half or so, without really acknowledging it. Mostly to do with career to be honest and how unhappy I am in it.

Felt that my 7.5 year relationship with my fiancée was starting to drift a bit, then started to get suspicions a month ago that she might be cheating on me, which I confirmed 3 nights ago.

Annoying thing is I voiced my concerns at least 3 times, but I was gaslit and told that I had nothing to worry about and that he's probably gay. Well look how that turned out.

We were supposed to go on holiday together on Saturday for a week in Slovenia. Was part of her Christmas present. In the end I've gone by myself and it's been my first full day here today. Felt totally lost all day and my head's in the clouds. Really not enjoying it, which is a shame because from what I've seen today, you can tell it's a beautiful country. And the weather's been great.

I've got to face the music when I come back. Need to get her out the house, which is in my name only, as I bought the house before we met. But 3/4s of the possessions in the house are probably hers. I've even had thoughts of selling the house, because there's too many memories in there, but people in my corner have told me to keep it.

I've booked a GP appointment when I get back. Don't know if I can get hold of a therapist or a councillor somehow. Think that would be useful for me.

Been messaging and chatting to some mates since it all happened, which was very helpful and good to get some perspective. And long overdue as well, because I've not prioritised spending time with them since I've been in my funk.

Can't believe I've ended up in this situation. Thought I had everything sorted, and now it feels like I have to rebuild my life from scratch at 39 (end of the year).

Sounds like an awful situation mate but atleast the house is yours so that is one less thing to worry about. Your GP will be able to refer you to a therapist if needed. Might take a while though depending where you are.

 

[SPUFF]

Been feeling down for the last year and a half or so, without really acknowledging it. Mostly to do with career to be honest and how unhappy I am in it.

Felt that my 7.5 year relationship with my fiancée was starting to drift a bit, then started to get suspicions a month ago that she might be cheating on me, which I confirmed 3 nights ago.

Annoying thing is I voiced my concerns at least 3 times, but I was gaslit and told that I had nothing to worry about and that he's probably gay. Well look how that turned out.

We were supposed to go on holiday together on Saturday for a week in Slovenia. Was part of her Christmas present. In the end I've gone by myself and it's been my first full day here today. Felt totally lost all day and my head's in the clouds. Really not enjoying it, which is a shame because from what I've seen today, you can tell it's a beautiful country. And the weather's been great.

I've got to face the music when I come back. Need to get her out the house, which is in my name only, as I bought the house before we met. But 3/4s of the possessions in the house are probably hers. I've even had thoughts of selling the house, because there's too many memories in there, but people in my corner have told me to keep it.

I've booked a GP appointment when I get back. Don't know if I can get hold of a therapist or a councillor somehow. Think that would be useful for me.

Been messaging and chatting to some mates since it all happened, which was very helpful and good to get some perspective. And long overdue as well, because I've not prioritised spending time with them since I've been in my funk.

Can't believe I've ended up in this situation. Thought I had everything sorted, and now it feels like I have to rebuild my life from scratch at 39 (end of the year).

Things will improve mate, they do.

In the meantime one of my best mates owns the living room bar in Maribor. Pop in there or get the cable car up the mountain to clear yer head a little. Lovely place.

 

[lucky]

Been feeling down for the last year and a half or so, without really acknowledging it. Mostly to do with career to be honest and how unhappy I am in it.

Felt that my 7.5 year relationship with my fiancée was starting to drift a bit, then started to get suspicions a month ago that she might be cheating on me, which I confirmed 3 nights ago.

Annoying thing is I voiced my concerns at least 3 times, but I was gaslit and told that I had nothing to worry about and that he's probably gay. Well look how that turned out.

We were supposed to go on holiday together on Saturday for a week in Slovenia. Was part of her Christmas present. In the end I've gone by myself and it's been my first full day here today. Felt totally lost all day and my head's in the clouds. Really not enjoying it, which is a shame because from what I've seen today, you can tell it's a beautiful country. And the weather's been great.

I've got to face the music when I come back. Need to get her out the house, which is in my name only, as I bought the house before we met. But 3/4s of the possessions in the house are probably hers. I've even had thoughts of selling the house, because there's too many memories in there, but people in my corner have told me to keep it.

I've booked a GP appointment when I get back. Don't know if I can get hold of a therapist or a councillor somehow. Think that would be useful for me.

Been messaging and chatting to some mates since it all happened, which was very helpful and good to get some perspective. And long overdue as well, because I've not prioritised spending time with them since I've been in my funk.

Can't believe I've ended up in this situation. Thought I had everything sorted, and now it feels like I have to rebuild my life from scratch at 39 (end of the year).

Am so sorry mate , is it repairable your relationship or is that out the question ? .

 

[Mjsafc86]

Things will improve mate, they do.

In the meantime one of my best mates owns the living room bar in Maribor. Pop in there or get the cable car up the mountain to clear yer head a little. Lovely place.

Cheers mate. My accommodation's a little out the way of Maribor, towards Kranskja Gora, Llubljana and Piran sadly.

Set myself a target of seeing 4 things today, saw 3 of them so far. Lago di Fusine, Zelensi springs and Vintgar Gorge. Really enjoyed strolling around Lago di Fusine. The springs were a bit meh and the gorge a bit of a tourist trap. But heading over to St Thomas church now to get some pics and drone footage.

And that's all the objectives completed for the day after that. Got a plan to go to Bled super early tomorrow to beat the crowds, then heading to the capital.

Was managing well given the circumstances til I was coming back from the gorge and found myself replaying things in my head again, wondering and knowing what I should have done differently.

Am so sorry mate , is it repairable your relationship or is that out the question ? .

All communication so far suggests she'll be moving out. Haven't had any communication since Saturday afternoon. I may suggest to her if there's any chance of reconciliation when I come back, but at the same time, I'm not hopeful, and I'm not a doormat, so I'll not be begging.

I'm so angry about it all, because the guy she's been messing around with has a lot less to offer than me on paper. I've got a home, a well paid job and he's working a minimum wage job part time with no vehicle, property or prospects (no offence intended).

One of the last things she told me was that if we'd communicated better over the last couple of years, we'd already be married with a kid, which was like a dagger to the heart, as that's all I ever wanted was to be married to her and have a kid with her .

Before I left, she was helping me find a couple of last minute things for my suitcase in the house. I then asked her to shave excess hair off my back, as I don't like to be walking around like Teen Wolf when I'm on holiday. She did that, and I was just staring at the door for a minute or two, then broke down when she was finished. I was no use to anybody at that stage.

 

[Gennaro Savastano]

Cheers mate. My accommodation's a little out the way of Maribor, towards Kranskja Gora, Llubljana and Piran sadly.

Set myself a target of seeing 4 things today, saw 3 of them so far. Lago di Fusine, Zelensi springs and Vintgar Gorge. Really enjoyed strolling around Lago di Fusine. The springs were a bit meh and the gorge a bit of a tourist trap. But heading over to St Thomas church now to get some pics and drone footage.

And that's all the objectives completed for the day after that. Got a plan to go to Bled super early tomorrow to beat the crowds, then heading to the capital.

Was managing well given the circumstances til I was coming back from the gorge and found myself replaying things in my head again, wondering and knowing what I should have done differently.

All communication so far suggests she'll be moving out. Haven't had any communication since Saturday afternoon. I may suggest to her if there's any chance of reconciliation when I come back, but at the same time, I'm not hopeful, and I'm not a doormat, so I'll not be begging.

I'm so angry about it all, because the guy she's been messing around with has a lot less to offer than me on paper. I've got a home, a well paid job and he's working a minimum wage job part time with no vehicle, property or prospects (no offence intended).

One of the last things she told me was that if we'd communicated better over the last couple of years, we'd already be married with a kid, which was like a dagger to the heart, as that's all I ever wanted was to be married to her and have a kid with her .

Before I left, she was helping me find a couple of last minute things for my suitcase in the house. I then asked her to shave excess hair off my back, as I don't like to be walking around like Teen Wolf when I'm on holiday. She did that, and I was just staring at the door for a minute or two, then broke down when she was finished. I was no use to anybody at that stage.

I don't know the lass but just bare in mind it will be very tough to forgive and forget that she cheated if you do get back together. Her using poor communication as an excuse defence isn't valid imo.

 

[TAD]

It's understandable you feel the way you do now. Good on you for going away on Holiday and taking each day at a time. Relationships do recover from someone being unfaithful or alternatively this could eventually lead to a new, different and better part of your life.
As part of this process, I think it's important not to forget that you mentioned you'd been feeling really low for 18 months. Maybe you need to get to the bottom of why that is.
Good luck and enjoy what you can of your holiday. Setting small goals is a great way to go.

 

[SPUFF]

It's understandable you feel the way you do now. Good on you for going away on Holiday and taking each day at a time. Relationships do recover from someone being unfaithful or alternatively this could eventually lead to a new, different and better part of your life.
As part of this process, I think it's important not to forget that you mentioned you'd been feeling really low for 18 months. Maybe you need to get to the bottom of why that is.
Good luck and enjoy what you can of your holiday. Setting small goals is a great way to go.

Seconded, good post.

 

[lucky]

Cheers mate. My accommodation's a little out the way of Maribor, towards Kranskja Gora, Llubljana and Piran sadly.

Set myself a target of seeing 4 things today, saw 3 of them so far. Lago di Fusine, Zelensi springs and Vintgar Gorge. Really enjoyed strolling around Lago di Fusine. The springs were a bit meh and the gorge a bit of a tourist trap. But heading over to St Thomas church now to get some pics and drone footage.

And that's all the objectives completed for the day after that. Got a plan to go to Bled super early tomorrow to beat the crowds, then heading to the capital.

Was managing well given the circumstances til I was coming back from the gorge and found myself replaying things in my head again, wondering and knowing what I should have done differently.

All communication so far suggests she'll be moving out. Haven't had any communication since Saturday afternoon. I may suggest to her if there's any chance of reconciliation when I come back, but at the same time, I'm not hopeful, and I'm not a doormat, so I'll not be begging.

I'm so angry about it all, because the guy she's been messing around with has a lot less to offer than me on paper. I've got a home, a well paid job and he's working a minimum wage job part time with no vehicle, property or prospects (no offence intended).

One of the last things she told me was that if we'd communicated better over the last couple of years, we'd already be married with a kid, which was like a dagger to the heart, as that's all I ever wanted was to be married to her and have a kid with her .

Before I left, she was helping me find a couple of last minute things for my suitcase in the house. I then asked her to shave excess hair off my back, as I don't like to be walking around like Teen Wolf when I'm on holiday. She did that, and I was just staring at the door for a minute or two, then broke down when she was finished. I was no use to anybody at that stage.

Am so sorry mate , can't believe saying if we communicated better over the last few years.
If it was a problem why did she not say this a year ago ?
If there is a chance of reconciliation what I would say is don't be worried what your friends think as I think that may effect you personally.
Hope everything works out I really do .

 

[Egg and Beans]

@Mjsafc86 one day at a time, my friend. It really easy to say this now, but you will look back on this at some point in the future, when you've moved on and are in a better place, and your life will be better. It might take time to sort things out, but you will get there. Going back to your ex if the chance arises.....well, that's your call. But I would be careful on that front after what has happened, but only you can decide on that. In the meantime, enjoy your holiday and the headspace it will give you.

 

[scotch]

found myself replaying things in my head again, wondering and knowing what I should have done differently.

It is what it is mate, these things happen, it'll do you no good to think upon all the things you could have done or should have done.
However, reflecting on what you would change and using that going forward can only help make you better in the long run, got to look to the future and not the past.

All communication so far suggests she'll be moving out. Haven't had any communication since Saturday afternoon. I may suggest to her if there's any chance of reconciliation when I come back, but at the same time, I'm not hopeful, and I'm not a doormat, so I'll not be begging.

I'm so angry about it all, because the guy she's been messing around with has a lot less to offer than me on paper. I've got a home, a well paid job and he's working a minimum wage job part time with no vehicle, property or prospects (no offence intended).

One of the last things she told me was that if we'd communicated better over the last couple of years, we'd already be married with a kid, which was like a dagger to the heart, as that's all I ever wanted was to be married to her and have a kid with her .

Before I left, she was helping me find a couple of last minute things for my suitcase in the house. I then asked her to shave excess hair off my back, as I don't like to be walking around like Teen Wolf when I'm on holiday. She did that, and I was just staring at the door for a minute or two, then broke down when she was finished. I was no use to anybody at that stage.

Reconciliation- it'll be your decision end of the day and in this scenario, it's got to be something you can live with, will you be happier with her or without.

What I will say, and it's important, is that you both have to want it. It will need work, effort and most of all time.

 

[GTG]

Sounds like an awful situation mate but atleast the house is yours so that is one less thing to worry about. Your GP will be able to refer you to a therapist if needed. Might take a while though depending where you are.

Given that there are often significant delays in accessing support, has anybody tried using AI as an interim option to 'real' counselling/therapy. I'm dealing with medical issues (my partner) which I'm not able to talk with anyone about at the moment and I'm in bits every time I let myself think about the situation. I went on Chatgpt in search of information about the problem, treatment options etc and I've been astounded by the responses I've had, right from the start reallyand I'm finding it really supportive as well as educational. It sounds daft but it is like having a really good, non-judgmental, supportive friend or counsellor who is available 24/7!

I've got all sorts of reservations and concerns about AI and this won't rid me of them, but at the moment I am incredibly grateful for it. I really think it might be helpful to some of you in this thread and it obviously has the advantages of being totally confidential as well as something you can just switch off if you dont like the way its going, plus that massive thing of always being available.

 

[Gennaro Savastano]

Given that there are often significant delays in accessing support, has anybody tried using AI as an interim option to 'real' counselling/therapy. I'm dealing with medical issues (my partner) which I'm not able to talk with anyone about at the moment and I'm in bits every time I let myself think about the situation. I went on Chatgpt in search of information about the problem, treatment options etc and I've been astounded by the responses I've had, right from the start reallyand I'm finding it really supportive as well as educational. It sounds daft but it is like having a really good, non-judgmental, supportive friend or counsellor who is available 24/7!

I've got all sorts of reservations and concerns about AI and this won't rid me of them, but at the moment I am incredibly grateful for it. I really think it might be helpful to some of you in this thread and it obviously has the advantages of being totally confidential as well as something you can just switch off if you dont like the way its going, plus that massive thing of always being available.

Not a bad idea. I am the same with AI, much like the internet I think it will be great and terrible in equal measure.

 

[TAD]

Given that there are often significant delays in accessing support, has anybody tried using AI as an interim option to 'real' counselling/therapy. I'm dealing with medical issues (my partner) which I'm not able to talk with anyone about at the moment and I'm in bits every time I let myself think about the situation. I went on Chatgpt in search of information about the problem, treatment options etc and I've been astounded by the responses I've had, right from the start reallyand I'm finding it really supportive as well as educational. It sounds daft but it is like having a really good, non-judgmental, supportive friend or counsellor who is available 24/7!

I've got all sorts of reservations and concerns about AI and this won't rid me of them, but at the moment I am incredibly grateful for it. I really think it might be helpful to some of you in this thread and it obviously has the advantages of being totally confidential as well as something you can just switch off if you dont like the way its going, plus that massive thing of always being available.

Can't comment on the AI but just a suggestion to consider contacting a charity related to the health issues you Re dealing with as a family. Sending you all best wishes.

 

[AstroSchwarz]

Given that there are often significant delays in accessing support, has anybody tried using AI as an interim option to 'real' counselling/therapy. I'm dealing with medical issues (my partner) which I'm not able to talk with anyone about at the moment and I'm in bits every time I let myself think about the situation. I went on Chatgpt in search of information about the problem, treatment options etc and I've been astounded by the responses I've had, right from the start reallyand I'm finding it really supportive as well as educational. It sounds daft but it is like having a really good, non-judgmental, supportive friend or counsellor who is available 24/7!

I've got all sorts of reservations and concerns about AI and this won't rid me of them, but at the moment I am incredibly grateful for it. I really think it might be helpful to some of you in this thread and it obviously has the advantages of being totally confidential as well as something you can just switch off if you dont like the way its going, plus that massive thing of always being available.

This is embarrassing but I used it for OCD but it ended up just becoming a reassurance tool.

OCD is the worst by the way - no idea how I’m going to navigate the rest of my life with it. Torture.

 

[The soap powder]

Kids slept over last night for the first time since I moved out. Was good to have them on Father's day but they have just left and it hurts. Dreading things like their birthdays and Christmas not being there when they wake up.

hey mate long time no speak but over the moon for you the kids stayed over

I went through my split and divorce 10 year ago and I promise it gets easier with the kids they see as they get older that you love them cos thats all they need.

I was lucky i met someone else and she is bloody amazing and fights my corner at every step of the way and she has two girls and all is good in the world

Keep being positive and hope everything gets better with the kids

 

[Springwell Mackem]

Given that there are often significant delays in accessing support, has anybody tried using AI as an interim option to 'real' counselling/therapy. I'm dealing with medical issues (my partner) which I'm not able to talk with anyone about at the moment and I'm in bits every time I let myself think about the situation. I went on Chatgpt in search of information about the problem, treatment options etc and I've been astounded by the responses I've had, right from the start reallyand I'm finding it really supportive as well as educational. It sounds daft but it is like having a really good, non-judgmental, supportive friend or counsellor who is available 24/7!

I've got all sorts of reservations and concerns about AI and this won't rid me of them, but at the moment I am incredibly grateful for it. I really think it might be helpful to some of you in this thread and it obviously has the advantages of being totally confidential as well as something you can just switch off if you dont like the way its going, plus that massive thing of always being available.

One of the lads at my support group mentioned using AI for giving him something to talk to while struggling with social anxiety but felt shame for using it.

I can see the benefits if using it, explained to him that he shouldn't feel shame in finding a way to help himself but made a point not to become dependent on it. AI won't keep checking in on him, meet up for a coffee when he's needing a break from home or give him a hug when he's at a low point.

 

[Hetty]

Really struggling today, this heat doesn't help either.

 

[CPLforever]

Just catching up with the thread.....a few people seem to be struggling at the moment.

The funny thing is we can look out the window the sun is shining, it is lovely. And we berate ourselves. Why do 8 feel like this, I shouldn't feel like this. Then the guilt gives us another reason to get down on ourselves.

Try and work through it, try and get out, set yourself a task or two. But if everything is beyond you don't beat yourself up.....deep breath....try again tomorrow.

Try to stay strong everyone

 

[AmblerThorn]

"If you put a highly sensitive person in an environment where they’re brow-beaten or reduced, they’ll basically want to kill themselves. It’s the worst. If you put a highly sensitive person in an environment where they’re supported, championed and listened to, they thrive"

Alanis Morisette, 2025

Simple enough concept having been there. Dangerously underemployed out in the wide world

I've just broken one of my golden rules of not regurgitating potential psychobabble to others like but it's simple enough

Sigh

 

[lucky]

Really struggling today, this heat doesn't help either.

How are you today ?