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Depression thread continued...

Goat Eyes said:
I was going to say! No way you’re 24.

I’ve always read your posts with admiration, how you’ve faced your stroke head on and always came across as a really positive lad. I can only imagine the psychological toll something as severe as a stroke has as well as the physical. My dad has had a stroke and has given up completely on life.

Even your post on here detailing everything else you’ve gone through, has a positive tone to it.

All I’ll say is, depressed or not, you’ve got a class attitude… When your son is older he will remember all the stuff you’ve done whilst struggling and will appreciate every single thing you’ve done with him. Still coaching the footy team, building models etc.

What a bloke!
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Cheers goat eyes, in rehab I seen a lot of blokes give up like you say your dad did and tbh I can understand how that can easily happen, it removes that zest for life you once had and closing yourself off feels safe/comfortable, after a few days in rehab I sat one morning and struggled for a good hour just trying to put my socks on with one hand(it’s quite difficult at first), one of the male nurses was having his breakfast and told me that he’d sat and watched me fuck around but finally manage to do it, he told me right there and then that he knew I’d be alright as it was the right attitude to have and that I’d never recover if I didn’t continue in that vain, comments like that coupled with wanting to be a dad to a lil boy(7 at the time) meant I had to get some type of life back for him as well as myself and my mrs.
I’m slowly building myself back up bit by bit day by day, it’s a struggle I don’t deny it but I see little slivers of hope every now and then which helps me keep going. My hopes are for my left arm/hand to work again in dom capacity and to be ankle yo hopefully jog a lil or at least get some movement back in the knee. I know it may never happen but I like to think it might so I test have hope ya know.

Anyway thanks for the kind words, I really appreciate it, I have very little family, real friends around me atm as I live miles away from home so a lil chat on here probably helps me more than I’ll ever know.

Give your pops my best wishes, and I’m sure you’ve tried but keep trying to help him because obviously life can go on. We’ve probably lost the FIL now, well we’ve lost the bloke we had the morning before he had the stroke, it’s such a shame to see good men in that state,

I hope he can find some peace anyway man and enjoy what time he has left. My FIL is in the same rehab hospice I was in and the nurses are amazed at how much I’ve improved since they last seen me, kinda proves to me that what I’m doing is clearly working.

Thanks 🫡

Ps. Sorry in advance for any typos, my eye sight is slowly going now too :lol:
 

Az* said:
Cheers goat eyes, in rehab I seen a lot of blokes give up like you say your dad did and tbh I can understand how that can easily happen, it removes that zest for life you once had and closing yourself off feels safe/comfortable, after a few days in rehab I sat one morning and struggled for a good hour just trying to put my socks on with one hand(it’s quite difficult at first), one of the male nurses was having his breakfast and told me that he’d sat and watched me fuck around but finally manage to do it, he told me right there and then that he knew I’d be alright as it was the right attitude to have and that I’d never recover if I didn’t continue in that vain, comments like that coupled with wanting to be a dad to a lil boy(7 at the time) meant I had to get some type of life back for him as well as myself and my mrs.
I’m slowly building myself back up bit by bit day by day, it’s a struggle I don’t deny it but I see little slivers of hope every now and then which helps me keep going. My hopes are for my left arm/hand to work again in dom capacity and to be ankle yo hopefully jog a lil or at least get some movement back in the knee. I know it may never happen but I like to think it might so I test have hope ya know.

Anyway thanks for the kind words, I really appreciate it, I have very little family, real friends around me atm as I live miles away from home so a lil chat on here probably helps me more than I’ll ever know.

Give your pops my best wishes, and I’m sure you’ve tried but keep trying to help him because obviously life can go on. We’ve probably lost the FIL now, well we’ve lost the bloke we had the morning before he had the stroke, it’s such a shame to see good men in that state,

I hope he can find some peace anyway man and enjoy what time he has left. My FIL is in the same rehab hospice I was in and the nurses are amazed at how much I’ve improved since they last seen me, kinda proves to me that what I’m doing is clearly working.

Thanks 🫡

Ps. Sorry in advance for any typos, my eye sight is slowly going now too :lol:
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You're an inspiration mate
 
Evening all. Hope we are all well and doing best we can do.

Not posted for a couple weeks I think! Well I mentioned my mam had been diagnosed with cancer at Xmas time.

Had her scan results other day and not good news. Unfortunately they can’t cure her cancer. It’s spread to her stomach and lung.

She’s at hospital next week to see if they can give her chemo. But said it’s really aggressive.

So not been a good time for us all. She’s only 61.

Anyway hope yous are all ok. And here if you need a chat.
Lots of love Rhubarb. Xx
 
Rhubarb said:
Evening all. Hope we are all well and doing best we can do.

Not posted for a couple weeks I think! Well I mentioned my mam had been diagnosed with cancer at Xmas time.

Had her scan results other day and not good news. Unfortunately they can’t cure her cancer. It’s spread to her stomach and lung.

She’s at hospital next week to see if they can give her chemo. But said it’s really aggressive.

So not been a good time for us all. She’s only 61.

Anyway hope yous are all ok. And here if you need a chat.
Lots of love Rhubarb. Xx
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And we are here if you need to chat too. God love yer Ma. That's no age. Stay strong Rhubarb, always nice to hear from you, in whatever circumstances.

Stay in touch let us know how you, and your Ma are doing.
 
CPLforever said:
And we are here if you need to chat too. God love yer Ma. That's no age. Stay strong Rhubarb, always nice to hear from you, in whatever circumstances.

Stay in touch let us know how you, and your Ma are doing.
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Thanks for the kind words. I’m the oldest out of four of us so trying to make sure everyone is ok.

I’ll be alright. Such is life.

Have to make most of what we have got. X
Hi all.

Fourth night in a row and I can’t sleep again. Mind doing overtime. Had a few hours sleep this afternoon while wife was at work. But just keep waking up soaking wet sweating.

But this evening I had a job interview so I had a shave and shower for first time in days and brushed my teeth.

I’m not a scruff by the way hahaha. But since I got the news I’ve just been vacant and numb. Haven’t even cried yet. I’ve tried to have a minute to myself but more angry than anything else.

Anyway as I say I shaved me melon and my beard off and look young as fuck now hahah.

Passed the maths English and other test and had interview after. Went well.

Find out tomorrow or Monday if I’ve got job. Fingers crossed. Worked the last 20 year non stop and I hate not working so that has had my fat head paggered as well.

Mad how I’m sitting here venting and getting things off my chest.

If anyone does end up reading this I do apologise hahaha.

Think I’m typing this as I don’t want to tell my dad brother sisters wife how I really feel.

I do t want to upset them as they need me.

I nearly deleted this msg but fuck it.

Keep on keeping on folks. And Thankyou for kind msgs.

Love always Rhubarb. X
 
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Rhubarb said:
Thanks for the kind words. I’m the oldest out of four of us so trying to make sure everyone is ok.

I’ll be alright. Such is life.

Have to make most of what we have got. X
Hi all.

Fourth night in a row and I can’t sleep again. Mind doing overtime. Had a few hours sleep this afternoon while wife was at work. But just keep waking up soaking wet sweating.

But this evening I had a job interview so I had a shave and shower for first time in days and brushed my teeth.

I’m not a scruff by the way hahaha. But since I got the news I’ve just been vacant and numb. Haven’t even cried yet. I’ve tried to have a minute to myself but more angry than anything else.

Anyway as I say I shaved me melon and my beard off and look young as fuck now hahah.

Passed the maths English and other test and had interview after. Went well.

Find out tomorrow or Monday if I’ve got job. Fingers crossed. Worked the last 20 year non stop and I hate not working so that has had my fat head paggered as well.

Mad how I’m sitting here venting and getting things off my chest.

If anyone does end up reading this I do apologise hahaha.

Think I’m typing this as I don’t want to tell my dad brother sisters wife how I really feel.

I do t want to upset them as they need me.

I nearly deleted this msg but fuck it.

Keep on keeping on folks. And Thankyou for kind msgs.

Love always Rhubarb. X
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Chin up fella, as you said there’s not much else can be done, really hope you get that job, that will be a little boost, no need to apologise either, I nearly deleted my message several time and very glad I didn’t, I needed to get it off my chest in whatever way possible tbh.

Keep it moving mate and i hope things get better, all my love to your mother anarl 💪👍
 
Rhubarb said:
Thanks for the kind words. I’m the oldest out of four of us so trying to make sure everyone is ok.

I’ll be alright. Such is life.

Have to make most of what we have got. X
Hi all.

Fourth night in a row and I can’t sleep again. Mind doing overtime. Had a few hours sleep this afternoon while wife was at work. But just keep waking up soaking wet sweating.

But this evening I had a job interview so I had a shave and shower for first time in days and brushed my teeth.

I’m not a scruff by the way hahaha. But since I got the news I’ve just been vacant and numb. Haven’t even cried yet. I’ve tried to have a minute to myself but more angry than anything else.

Anyway as I say I shaved me melon and my beard off and look young as fuck now hahah.

Passed the maths English and other test and had interview after. Went well.

Find out tomorrow or Monday if I’ve got job. Fingers crossed. Worked the last 20 year non stop and I hate not working so that has had my fat head paggered as well.

Mad how I’m sitting here venting and getting things off my chest.

If anyone does end up reading this I do apologise hahaha.

Think I’m typing this as I don’t want to tell my dad brother sisters wife how I really feel.

I do t want to upset them as they need me.

I nearly deleted this msg but fuck it.

Keep on keeping on folks. And Thankyou for kind msgs.

Love always Rhubarb. X
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You come across as such a lovely person who n this thread. Good luck with the job 🤞.
Just because you're the oldest doesn't mean you have to be strong for everyone - you are all there for each other. You should tell your wife how you feel and probably your family too. They probably feel exactly the same way. You'll get through this fella.
 
Rhubarb said:
Thanks for the kind words. I’m the oldest out of four of us so trying to make sure everyone is ok.

I’ll be alright. Such is life.

Have to make most of what we have got. X
Hi all.

Fourth night in a row and I can’t sleep again. Mind doing overtime. Had a few hours sleep this afternoon while wife was at work. But just keep waking up soaking wet sweating.

But this evening I had a job interview so I had a shave and shower for first time in days and brushed my teeth.

I’m not a scruff by the way hahaha. But since I got the news I’ve just been vacant and numb. Haven’t even cried yet. I’ve tried to have a minute to myself but more angry than anything else.

Anyway as I say I shaved me melon and my beard off and look young as fuck now hahah.

Passed the maths English and other test and had interview after. Went well.

Find out tomorrow or Monday if I’ve got job. Fingers crossed. Worked the last 20 year non stop and I hate not working so that has had my fat head paggered as well.

Mad how I’m sitting here venting and getting things off my chest.

If anyone does end up reading this I do apologise hahaha.

Think I’m typing this as I don’t want to tell my dad brother sisters wife how I really feel.

I do t want to upset them as they need me.

I nearly deleted this msg but fuck it.

Keep on keeping on folks. And Thankyou for kind msgs.

Love always Rhubarb. X
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Hey we are here for you pal

But please just remember before you are there for anybody else make sure you are there for yourself first

Also tell your wife how you feel mate she will get it she will understand in fact everybody will if you tell them

It is life and none of us are that strong

Everything crossed for good news tomorrow for you though
 
Came on here to talk about the problems i have with alcohol and mixing it with my medication, why i drink (not for sociability or even pleasure) but to cope with my moods and moods swings or too block out together.

Every time I start drinking it is not my intention to get blotto. And in fact for a while i am fine. Then a sort of line is crossed
Yesterday I went out to a nice posh place, but drank a bottle of red wine and then a glass of white wine
All good stuff. Went home thinking oh I've had a lovely night out. I don't need any more but then started getting really agitated coupled with very low mood. No dpubt brought on by the fact that I can't control myself and don't want my low and agitated mood bringing me down further. Took my medication but washed it down with two large vodka diet cokes. Still very agitated so took my other medication for in times of spiraling anxiety. My maladjusted coping methods just don't seem to be conquered..

Anyway,.I know it's not rocket science but low mood can be exacerbated by alcohol. I know that but I just can't seem to stop using it to self medicated.

Is the only solution to give up altogether?
 
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Good evening folks and happy Monday.

Well I got some good news today! I got a phone call offering me the job I went for last Thursday.

Over the moon. Rang me mam straight away and she was on way to hospital with me dad to get some bloods done and tests on her kidney as she has only one. Before chemo.

Bless her she cried and clapped with happiness.

Good news after all the shit. Hope everyone is keeping ok and I’m here for anyone if they need a chat.

We can beat this. We beat it everyday we are alive and kicking.

Love you all. Rhubarb xx
 
Rhubarb said:
Good evening folks and happy Monday.

Well I got some good news today! I got a phone call offering me the job I went for last Thursday.

Over the moon. Rang me mam straight away and she was on way to hospital with me dad to get some bloods done and tests on her kidney as she has only one. Before chemo.

Bless her she cried and clapped with happiness.

Good news after all the shit. Hope everyone is keeping ok and I’m here for anyone if they need a chat.

We can beat this. We beat it everyday we are alive and kicking.

Love you all. Rhubarb xx
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Cracking news mate well done you I am over the moon for ya

Love your mam clapping for ya man

Everything crossed and hoping for your for your mam as well

Get in @Rhubarb man - Proud of ya
 
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Rhubarb said:
Good evening folks and happy Monday.

Well I got some good news today! I got a phone call offering me the job I went for last Thursday.

Over the moon. Rang me mam straight away and she was on way to hospital with me dad to get some bloods done and tests on her kidney as she has only one. Before chemo.

Bless her she cried and clapped with happiness.

Good news after all the shit. Hope everyone is keeping ok and I’m here for anyone if they need a chat.

We can beat this. We beat it everyday we are alive and kicking.

Love you all. Rhubarb xx
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Gave your Ma a pure lift as well.
 
Picked up my medication which I had let run out so haven't had any for about a week cos kept using it ....not as I should over Christmas and into January.. Trying to get back to a proper and regular use with no misuse in the mix. Also am starting a course of talk therapy. Not CBT. I could do those myself. It's a one on one talk therapy
Not sure I've done that since I was about 19.

Hopefully all this will steady my mood back to baseline, and make me less jumpy, moody, low and anxious.

It fact. Just back to my normal annoying self
 
I got a job! I can pay the mortgage on my new house. It is a temporary contract and means lots of travel to London, but keeps the wolves from my door until the end of May at least. I'm probably going to be knackered for about 4 months.

Thought I'd be drinking to celebrate but giving beer a rest. Except maybe for match day.

Not having the routine of working has really messed up my sleep. Having an early night of midnight.
 
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