Coping with insomnia after death of a loved one

[Bakerlooline]

Looking for advice from my friends on the wisest board in the world.
My sister died a few days ago and I just can’t sleep. All sorts of random crap in my head. Especially images of her in the final hours of her life.

I have tried a sleeping tablet but still couldn’t get to sleep. I have arranged the funeral and tried to keep busy, but feel exhausted now. And I am doing a brief eulogy on Friday at the service.
Also tried copious amounts of red wine....still struggling.
I’m sure many of you have gone through something similar.
Thanks....

Sorry for your loss, there is some good advice in the posts above. I would echo those, reinforce the suggestion that you stay off the red wine and also try a bit of meditation there is a good app called Insight Timer which has lots of purpose made meditations that will help you, once you learn how to do it - there in't much to it in fairness. They are good and work well.

 

[mackembulldog]

Im sorry to hear of your loss, but I will echo a number of comments already made on here so forgive me for being repetitive. Alcohol no, any kind of sleeping pills/anti-depressants a definite no. I say this primarily from experience of losing my step daughter many years ago and basically went down this route of alcohol and anti-depressants (or what I thought were anti-depressants).
As simple as it may sound, exercise is one of the best aids going. Walking or cycling. Nothing too energetic. It will give you time to reflect and think of things in a state where you should be awake and not at the point where you should be resting/sleeping. Walk with a friend and one of the most important thiings (what you are doing here already) is be open and talk about it. Things are bad and its an emotionally awful time for anyone to be going through. Thinking out loud does help. Im sure everyone on this board would agree. It wont happen over night and its a true saying that time is a healer but only if you allow time to heal.

 

[cornish mackem]

Sorrry to hear your sad news marra

Your grief is normal, people deal with this in lots of different way though, some people cope, some don’t, it’s normal.
Talking to people will helps but it’s f***ing difficult sometimes and depends on your nature.

My experiance of grief is it doesn’t go away quickly, every day it gets a little better though.
Maybe put the radio on when you go to bed, takes the edge off the quiet time as you drop off to sleep.

I seen a program with Rio Ferdinand, helping his kids deal with the grief and set up a memory jar, filled with good memories of there mother, wrote out by the kids and Rio on notelets, not saying it’s for everyone but ther must be ways to help you, I’m sure counsellors out there would be a great help, I wish I sought help after my mother’s death.
Didn’t want to talk to the wife, mates etc, what a fool I was at the time.

That documentary was a difficult watch.

 

[StiflerPG]

Sorry for your loss bud. Have you tried relaxation sounds, rain, the sea, wind etc? I couldn't sleep after breaking up with the Mrs a few years back and I thought it sounded proper daft and hippyish after it was suggested to me, but it does relax you and you drift off to sleep. I found if I concentrated on the sounds my brain wouldn't then "talk to me". I still use it every so often when I can't sleep, I use an Alexa skill but there are plenty apps for phones, just hoy in some ear buds. It won't be an overnight fix (lol puns) but might help relax you gradually over time.

I was prescribed some anti-depressants that were supposed to help me sleep(sertraline I think, might have been citalopram, I can't remember) and it actually made it worse so would never recommend those. I hate taking tablets at the best of times and those didn't really change my mind. Chin up lad, we all might take the piss but this board is great for supporting each other.

 

[twangmackem]

cant give any advice but I just like to pass on my condolences to you and your family and to say stay strong

 

[mickeymoor]

Had a good walk this afternoon and have just seen the humanist speaker who will talk about my sisters life on Friday. Feel a bit better. Just need some sleep now! Thanks to everyone for the kind thoughts. I really appreciate it. This board is a thing of beauty.

I found that writing a list of outstanding jobs to do after the funeral kept me busy as I could not sit still or concentrate went into a manic mode for about 2 weeks but kept me off the drink. You will never get over your loss the pain will dull in time and you will remember the good times

 

[roker beach]

Grief can hit you intensely or it can be drawn out, especially if you are in denial or fighting to accept it. In the end you have to accept it and try to keep going.

For everyone it will be different, so good luck with the challenges ahead. From my perspective, I found that exercise was a very good distraction - you live in the moment, albeit temporarily, and then the physical tiredness helps you to sleep. You also feel a bit more positive about things in general.

There isn’t one way, but hopefully you might find a route that is good for you.

 

[PinzaC55]

My mam died at 93 in May and for a few months after that I woke up with eyes like pissholes in the snow. You get over it with time is all I can say.

 

[little e]

Indica strain (weed) hooked up to a volcano vape

Possibly the stupidest post ever and definitely in bad taste.
We all deal with grief in different ways. Being unable to sleep is probably the commonest symptom of all following the passing of a loved one. Our heads swirl saying why him/her, what if, if only, etc. It's only natural that you grieve and sometimes the best solution is to do nothing and allow the time to pass. It's going to be hard but gradually you'll readjust and hopefully have only fond memories that make you laugh or smile depending on the circumstances . Don't try to force it, you'll sleep like a baby again when you come to terms with it. At the moment it's too soon and too raw. Having a glass or two won't hurt as long as you're not being maudlin. Personally I'd steer clear of sleeping pills and let time heal. If you can catnap, do it, sleep when and where you can, even if it's only for 10 minutes, you will readjust but it will take time.