Bog Roll Audit

[Dave Herbal]

Do you have pay talks due soon. This is the kind of utter shite that gets pulled so they can say they can't afford to give a decent payrise at our place. We are spending too much on permanent markers at the minute.

Could be

 

[Nookie Bear]

24 sheets a shit ? It’s clear you’re the super user ?

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Dave Herbal​

Striker​

• Feb 20, 2019
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• #1

Haway then, how much bog roll do you use in an average trip to the chod bin?

I’ll start with 6-10 operations of about 3 sheets, so an average of 24 sheets.

 

[The]

Bet the cleaners cupboard is overflowing with bog roll now I work from home.

Desecrated many a work bog in my time.

 

[natinnam]

Must only use 1 roll every few months, few blasts on the bum gun, few sheets to dry up the rear and check if my aim was off.

 

[HettonSAFC]

Just been told at work we’ve had a bog roll audit from head office and we’re using too much. 1 roll a day between 16 people being “too much” Anyone else have to suffer such draconian penny pinching?

Recycling is the way forward?

 

[Sandboy]

Must only use 1 roll every few months, few blasts on the bum gun, few sheets to dry up the rear and check if my aim was off.

No idea why the west hasn't adopted the bum gun like. The pressure on some would clean the grid at Brands Hatch

 

[BiG]

The answer is surely to insert microchips in all the toilet paper. That would help trace the stolen bog paper to the thieves house.

An employer could justify this by incorporating technology that measure the quality of each dump and wee, connected to a loud speaker in each cubicle that announced whether the supplier of the faeces or urine was healthy or needed to amend their diet. It could loudly announce the presence of early onset haemorrhoids. For example

 

[alexander]

The answer is surely to insert microchips in all the toilet paper. That would help trace the stolen bog paper to the thieves house.

An employer could justify this by incorporating technology that measure the quality of each dump and wee, connected to a loud speaker in each cubicle that announced whether the supplier of the faeces or urine was healthy or needed to amend their diet. It could loudly announce the presence of early onset haemorrhoids. For example

That tickled me.

Talking healthy plop, is it true that 'floaters' are a sign of a good, varied diet ? Someone told me that years ago but it was said with a smile on his face so am not sure. Makes sense though. I think.

 

[JAZZMANB]

We go through loads
Blue roll and paper hand towels are worse
People splash their hands in the sink after a P... then pull about 20 feet of blue roll off to dry them

 

[smoker]

Tell me you work for Bezos without telling me you work for Bezos.

 

[jacko100]

That tickled me.

Talking healthy plop, is it true that 'floaters' are a sign of a good, varied diet ? Someone told me that years ago but it was said with a smile on his face so am not sure. Makes sense though. I think.

If you eat a lot of fibre it leads to floaters so yeah I guess so

 

[Quinninho]

In the Army on excercise the best thing god invented was rabbit holes and fern leaves.

It's no wonder you see so many diseased 'mixie' Rabbits.

People shitting in thier front porch.. Dirty bastards.

 

[Lefty Frizzell]

This made me remember that bloke on here who stockpiled over 140 bog rolls during the pandemic

 

[tenpins]

Thread reminds me about the bottom inspectors in Viz.

 

[Market Where?]

That tickled me.

Talking healthy plop, is it true that 'floaters' are a sign of a good, varied diet ? Someone told me that years ago but it was said with a smile on his face so am not sure. Makes sense though. I think.

That Gillian McKeith is a poo expert. I think she just refers to the Bristol stool scale though.

 

[Kevj]

Just been told at work we’ve had a bog roll audit from head office and we’re using too much. 1 roll a day between 16 people being “too much” Anyone else have to suffer such draconian penny pinching?

I have an image of someone with a clipboard in front of the cubicle counting how many sheets each employee uses.

 

[Dave Herbal]

We go through loads
Blue roll and paper hand towels are worse
People splash their hands in the sink after a P... then pull about 20 feet of blue roll off to dry them

We had hand dryers but they took the fuses out during covid cos apparently they spread germs about. Back to blue roll now. And the last person still never refills it. Talking of which, we also by the cheapest blue roll we can, and the cardboard tube is almost impossible to remove without a screwdriver or knife. Surely they should just unwind when you pull them out?

 

[Beau Peep]

That Gillian McKeith is a poo expert. I think she just refers to the Bristol stool scale though.

You're getting confused, that's for breast size

 

[arthursboy]

Surely the problem is some employees have large arses so I’d chuck it back to HR to ensure large people use more which then needs an additional allowance or stop recruiting fattys

 

[JAZZMANB]

We had hand dryers but they took the fuses out during covid cos apparently they spread germs about. Back to blue roll now. And the last person still never refills it. Talking of which, we also by the cheapest blue roll we can, and the cardboard tube is almost impossible to remove without a screwdriver or knife. Surely they should just unwind when you pull them out?

We sell both and get direct from papermills so cheap enough luckily