Best Man Speeches

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mini-x2 said:
Still got mine in the draw upstairs if you wanna recycle it :)
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Got a standing ovation after doing my mates, fecking hillarious if i do say so myself.

Anyway one of his guests recycled it a few month after, no idea how as it was all about my mate!
 


My advice?

Don't make one. Just write a few subject reminders on a piece of paper. Put it down on the table and crack on. Look down to remind you what comes next if needs be. The audience wants you to do well. Have a couple of jars beforehand and enjoy it. It's not a matter of life and death and really not worth worrying about.
 
Agree with @Keith S30S nee one will give a fook, google all the requirements the speech needs to have, make sure you mention how nice the bride is and give the groom a bit of well meaning stick, and people will get on and enjoy the day.

Doesn’t need to be something folk talk about for generations, as long as the folk on the top table are all left happy you’re fine.

mini-x2 said:
No brawl. There was one line that I was a bit nervous about seeing as it insinuated taking the bride up the deaf and dumb but her father was laughing so that was a relief.
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Oof
 
Done it twice, first was before I or anyone else had a drink. I had to read out some cards from family members first which killed the atmosphere.
My anal sex joke was met with a stunned silence.

The second I kept simple and said how the lad was a good mate, bit of light hearted banter, and it went well, even got a few laughs and compliments after.
 
Did this on Saturday. Went to bed on the Friday night and woke up being able to remember it by heart somehow despite only finishing it properly on Thursday. It was nicely received and went down quite well, I think. The few minutes before I was up were horrific, mind; though my heart was gonna explode or I'd pass out when I stood up. :lol:
 
Lexingtongue said:
Did this on Saturday. Went to bed on the Friday night and woke up being able to remember it by heart somehow despite only finishing it properly on Thursday. It was nicely received and went down quite well, I think. The few minutes before I was up were horrific, mind; though my heart was gonna explode or I'd pass out when I stood up. :lol:
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Was it before the meal or after? Good work
 
Lexingtongue said:
Did this on Saturday. Went to bed on the Friday night and woke up being able to remember it by heart somehow despite only finishing it properly on Thursday. It was nicely received and went down quite well, I think. The few minutes before I was up were horrific, mind; though my heart was gonna explode or I'd pass out when I stood up. :lol:
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Well done mate. Done it twice, was horrible but people laughed in the right places and I made a couple of people cry at the sentimental bits.
 
Done it twice.

First one I did without notes and despite shitting myself all day went down well.

Second one was a double hander and was done with a script and props.

Tips - think Ant and Dec not Roy Chubby Brown, Ditch the in-jokes/funny stories that only you and your mate know about (no one gives a shit), keep it under ten minutes, and props help (a few blown up funny photos) and let everyone have an easy laugh.
 
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When I did my first one we couldn’t fail (two best men) when we went on after the father of the bride.

The father of the bride, a very well to do, retired doctor, started well and spoke nicely about his daughter and her relationship until he got to the part about her going on holiday and breaking her collar bone on an inflatable water ride. He said “...and Charlotte broke collar bone on a banana boat, you can see how times have changed, in my day banana boats were what the blacks came over on...” all eyes turned to the one black man sitting in the corner, the room was silent.

We ripped this piss out of my mate after that but couldn’t fail.
 
Done it twice, first time was a disaster, the two family’s were from very different backgrounds, it was just after the Hugh Grant Taxi incident. I opened up with ‘I’m honoured and privileged to be best man today, but also a little disappointed as I was only second choice to be best man, first choice was Hugh Grant but he’s blown it!’

Grooms family in fits of laughter, brides family very unimpressed, it carried on like that including the point when I questioned the brides sisters boyfriends sexuality . I totally split the room between thinking this lad is funny / this lad is a total knob! I was a total knob to be fair.

My plus one on the day put her cigarette through the brides dress (by accident) the day ended in a fight which to be fair wasn’t
ALL my fault! Needless to say I’m not in touch with that couple anymore. I should point out I was young and very stupid.

Second time was an awful lot better. So I’d advise not being drunk / stupid / a major arse!
 
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Andy_Roker1983 said:
I’ve done 3.

Once you get your first laugh you soon relax into it.

Google best man speeches to find the structure of it, some decent opening lines you can use and few key points. Thank bridesmaids say the bride looks beautiful etc.

Take the piss out of groom a bit. Tell a funny story and make jokes of his known faults or daft things he’s done.
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This. Ask others to share some stories and piece it together around that.
It’s only expected to be 5 minutes really. Include the saying how beautiful the bride is, the brides mam and the bridesmaids (you might get lucky)
You can fill the other 4 minutes in with a couple of good stories and a few obvious jokes
 
I hate speaking in public so I took a very fixed approach. Also I find that the just "funny" ones generally are very hit and miss or are about the best man showing how funny he is and even at their best are quickly forgotten.

You want to tell a story - that means you present your character (groom) at the start, a transformation and the same character changed at the end.

This means you have 3 "bits" - a descriptive bit at the beginning with an anecdote about how the groom was - something funny but not too wild, no in-jokes, the story should be recognisably personal to him (was he a bit of slob, liked a drink, cast-able as a third wheel?) is there a anecdote about that you can tell and enhance for a giggle, you can take the piss out him at this point a bit, maybe hoy up some photos or stories from his childhood, after this point you dont want to be taking the piss anymore.

The you have the tranformation - he meets bride. is there a short anecdote about when you met her or were with the pair of them you can tell? - talk about how you saw him changing, ideally relate it back to something you joked about in the first bit. dont joke about the bride

Then you have the changed guy, a short piece saying how good they are as couple and how good the day was, hero wins. say how nice people look, toast the people, sit down.

This lets you break it down into easily written bits, if you are overly rude and jokey people might think you are dick, if you are overly sweet people might take the piss but you'll make some lasses and mums cry and people will remember it. Also keeps you on your mates new wife's good side for at least a few weeks.

I wrote the whole thing word for word and practised it every day in front of a mirror for a couple of weeks making changes to words to get the cadence and emphasis right then was able to reel it off just holding the paper as a guide so it came out fairly natural.
 
chunkylover53 said:
- keep it short
- keep it clean, there’s no benefit in making the room cringe to fuck
- don’t try too hard to be funny, if it’s not happening then don’t force it
- be nice about the bride
- remember that everyone wants you to succeed
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That's actually really concise advice.

I would also add, keep the stories about them rather than you
Stories don't have to be funny, they can be about something great they did. The old point of a best man was to illustrate how worthy they are to the bride's parents (IIRC).
Weirdly enough of all the speeches the pressure is on you over everyone else, BUT as chunks has pointed out, everyone wants you to succeed.
Finish on an "Aww" or a "Waheeeeey!" type line and you're laughing.
 
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