It's a really hard time Janey and one that you think will never end. Believe me it will, think of the great times that you had with your dad and try not to think of the bad. It's not easy but it will get better. 5 years on and I can now think of the stupid stuff and even smile about it . My dad could be a right old sod at times, but I find that laughable now, I still miss him but in a good way now.
Time is a great healer but we're all impatient, the best I can offer you is have a good cry when you really need to, but try to think of something funny or daft that he did and try to laugh through the tears.
It will get better but it'll never be the same but then nothing ever is.
Big internet hugs flower, chin up and smile
I was trying to write something to say just this, I'd had about 5 attempts and each was either miserable or horribly OTT, so well done. It's exactly how it is. So Janey, cry as much as you want but keep in mind that remarkably and I still don't really know how or why, it does get easier. Me Mam died 7 years ago and I managed to get over it somehow and I'm an absolute hopeless case and it was something I dreaded for years. Dig in. Keep ya chin up. It'll be tough for a while yet but, remember the good times. Those memories are real and never fade.
One of the memories I hold for Mothers Day is me and me Mam playing football at half time on FA Cup final day in about 1976 on the grass verge in the front street. I always raise a glass to me Mams second goal even if I'm sure it was offside! I loved her dearly and I still miss her so much, but I consider myself so fortunate that I had 42 years with her at my side.
And I'm typing that with tears streaming down me face.
Good luck