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Depression thread continued...


Goat Eyes said:
JC22, my sister also took her own life at 32, she had three children and this was August 2019.


I have spent years kicking myself, thinking I should’ve saw the signs, should have helped her more, should have done more to help her. But ultimately, I now know I couldn’t have done anything.

First three weeks up to the funeral were a blur, riding a wave of grief and organising her funeral, dealing with arsehole family trying to interfere etc.

The period (12 months or so) immediately after the funeral was by far the hardest and worst of my life, I never took any medication but I was really struggling to find any joy in life, and just worked hard to make sure my kids didn’t feel the effects of my grief, I ended up getting counselling (private) for a short period and it helped me rationalise stuff.

I also gave up drinking as I knew it wasn’t good to be drinking (especially as it was Covid and easy just to have a few beers) shortly after.

Please, take the time. You won’t feel any better after the funeral, you won’t even get close in the 12 months afterwards but you will hold onto and share the memories and start to live your life again, honouring his.

There are support networks out there too.

f***ing feel for you and can empathise with where you are right now.
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I think I agree on the alcohol. I probably didn’t help myself by drinking so much on Saturday night. I think I’m going to stay away from it at least for the time being.

I think I’ve took some solace in reading other people’s experiences and words on the internet who’ve been though the same thing. It’s comforting in a weird way to know other people understand. I think I do hold some blame and it’s only natural but I’m starting to believe that no matter what i did it would have always went this way.

I think it’s gunna be a rough time going forward with lots of different emotions. I’ve locked myself away for a few days but I’ve made plans today with the rest of my family this week. I need to try do positive things right now.

I think eventually I would like to do something to try help others. Even if it’s just talking to a bunch of strangers at a support group. Not yet but when the time is right.

I think the hardest part is the mental images I just can’t get out of my head. I didn’t see it personally but i can’t stop thinking about it. I think I’m going to try fill my days with positive things and people to keep my mind busy.

I appreciate everyone’s kind words! Hopefully one day I can return the favour.
 
JC22 said:
I think I agree on the alcohol. I probably didn’t help myself by drinking so much on Saturday night. I think I’m going to stay away from it at least for the time being.

I think I’ve took some solace in reading other people’s experiences and words on the internet who’ve been though the same thing. It’s comforting in a weird way to know other people understand. I think I do hold some blame and it’s only natural but I’m starting to believe that no matter what i did it would have always went this way.

I think it’s gunna be a rough time going forward with lots of different emotions. I’ve locked myself away for a few days but I’ve made plans today with the rest of my family this week. I need to try do positive things right now.

I think eventually I would like to do something to try help others. Even if it’s just talking to a bunch of strangers at a support group. Not yet but when the time is right.

I think the hardest part is the mental images I just can’t get out of my head. I didn’t see it personally but i can’t stop thinking about it. I think I’m going to try fill my days with positive things and people to keep my mind busy.

I appreciate everyone’s kind words! Hopefully one day I can return the favour.
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Take care of yourself marra
 
I’m usually someone who tries to stay positive and on the good path in life but the last few months have been really hard. Skipped over for promotion at work despite having more experience than the (internal) guy who got the promotion. Now he’s offloaded his work to me and my boss won’t do anything.

Work aside I’ve just had a really dark cloud over me for quite some time now. I’ve been to therapy on and off over the years and it helped in a pinch but I still feel really low most of the time
 
Black_Cats1879 said:
I’m usually someone who tries to stay positive and on the good path in life but the last few months have been really hard. Skipped over for promotion at work despite having more experience than the (internal) guy who got the promotion. Now he’s offloaded his work to me and my boss won’t do anything.

Work aside I’ve just had a really dark cloud over me for quite some time now. I’ve been to therapy on and off over the years and it helped in a pinch but I still feel really low most of the time
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I'm so sorry to hear this. First what sort of organisation do you work for. Is it unionised? Can you get away with not doing his work for him without consequences? This guy sounds as tho the only skill he had was bloody delegation. Get on to your union if that is an option, even without, keep a note of all the work he is passing on to you that he is supposed to do.
Second. What did you do in the past to bring you back up to baseline? You may need to revisit these.
 
Black_Cats1879 said:
I’m usually someone who tries to stay positive and on the good path in life but the last few months have been really hard. Skipped over for promotion at work despite having more experience than the (internal) guy who got the promotion. Now he’s offloaded his work to me and my boss won’t do anything.

Work aside I’ve just had a really dark cloud over me for quite some time now. I’ve been to therapy on and off over the years and it helped in a pinch but I still feel really low most of the time
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Just getting it out will hopefully help you mate.

I never thought I’d ever really use this part of the forum and although I’ve not sat and had huge heart to hearts with folk just writing a few thoughts down and getting the odd lovely reply has helped me more than I could ever have imagined.
Like yourself I’ve had a dark cloud hanging over me for a while now, made a couple of posts on here , got a few very nice replies back and was a bit surprised/shocked how much it helped change/ improve my mood etc.
Mind I do try and avoid the rest of the forum as it can get extremely toxic at times but this side of it has really opened my eyes.

I really hope things get better for you pal, it’s fking awful when you constantly feel gloomy, chin up mate 💪
 
Gennaro Savastano said:
Had a huge dip in my mental health tonight just because of a brief conversation with the girl I have been seeing. I am certain she didn't mean anything negative and I've took it the wrong way but it's affected me massively anyway. Don't know whether to end things to protect us both or try to work on it. Feels like my insecurities will stop me having healthy relationships.
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We must be very similar in our outlooks. I have been seeing a lass who I adore , for getting in for 5 months now.
Just felt myself moving into self sabotage stage these last 4-6 weeks. catastrophising as well , 2nd guessing her texts.

I had the attitude for a while that I wouldn’t wish myself on anyone. Took the plunge when I thought I was better , and then here we are again.
Hello darkness my old friend. 😕

Every bit of help I seek says , learn to love yourself. If only it was that easy
Practise mindfulness. What does that even mean.

I will keep trying to punch through this.
I would give anything to be the care free soul I was 10 years ago.

Just needed to get that off my chest.
 
joebolton said:
We must be very similar in our outlooks. I have been seeing a lass who I adore , for getting in for 5 months now.
Just felt myself moving into self sabotage stage these last 4-6 weeks. catastrophising as well , 2nd guessing her texts.

I had the attitude for a while that I wouldn’t wish myself on anyone. Took the plunge when I thought I was better , and then here we are again.
Hello darkness my old friend. 😕

Every bit of help I seek says , learn to love yourself. If only it was that easy
Practise mindfulness. What does that even mean.

I will keep trying to punch through this.
I would give anything to be the care free soul I was 10 years ago.

Just needed to get that off my chest.
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Hope your OK mate but if it means anything I never understood that saying either learn to love yourself because that's just not me ❤️
 
joebolton said:
We must be very similar in our outlooks. I have been seeing a lass who I adore , for getting in for 5 months now.
Just felt myself moving into self sabotage stage these last 4-6 weeks. catastrophising as well , 2nd guessing her texts.

I had the attitude for a while that I wouldn’t wish myself on anyone. Took the plunge when I thought I was better , and then here we are again.
Hello darkness my old friend. 😕

Every bit of help I seek says , learn to love yourself. If only it was that easy
Practise mindfulness. What does that even mean.

I will keep trying to punch through this.
I would give anything to be the care free soul I was 10 years ago.

Just needed to get that off my chest.
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I know what you mean mate. I am finding it hard to believe that she likes me as much as she says, it isn't her fault it is just because of my recent past I am finding it hard to 100% trust anybody again. I am determined not to mess this up though.
 
Its mental how quickly your mental health can shift from one extreme to the other.

Have had a long spell where I have felt reasonably good about most things and had quite a positive outlook. Fast forward to a couple of nights ago and I found out I did something unwittingly which goes against everything that I stand for. I felt I had to apologise for it to those it affected and it's made me question everything that I know about myself, even if I honestly didn’t realise I'd done wrong at the time.

This feeling is being compounded by money issues and a family that feels unwilling to waver on how we spend our money, including myself at times in that regard.
 
Fred said:
Its mental how quickly your mental health can shift from one extreme to the other.

Have had a long spell where I have felt reasonably good about most things and had quite a positive outlook. Fast forward to a couple of nights ago and I found out I did something unwittingly which goes against everything that I stand for. I felt I had to apologise for it to those it affected and it's made me question everything that I know about myself, even if I honestly didn’t realise I'd done wrong at the time.

This feeling is being compounded by money issues and a family that feels unwilling to waver on how we spend our money, including myself at times in that regard.
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Am so sorry mate and very true one extreme to another. I used to apologise all the time as I forget words etc however .
Money is a strange one for me as I never seem to argue over it but have saw a family torn apart by it.
Please take care and keep posting ❤️.
 
Fred said:
Its mental how quickly your mental health can shift from one extreme to the other.

Have had a long spell where I have felt reasonably good about most things and had quite a positive outlook. Fast forward to a couple of nights ago and I found out I did something unwittingly which goes against everything that I stand for. I felt I had to apologise for it to those it affected and it's made me question everything that I know about myself, even if I honestly didn’t realise I'd done wrong at the time.

This feeling is being compounded by money issues and a family that feels unwilling to waver on how we spend our money, including myself at times in that regard.
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Much of the time though it is less about what is happen8ng externally but what is going on in your own head.

If you did something "unwittingly" that goes against your very ethos, did you really do it? Sorry, don't mean to be funny but maybe you should question the motives of your accusers.

You seem like a thoughtfull, caring, careful person. What did you do? And how did you not realise you had done it till someone pointed it out.

The second half of your post.....well I don’t know. But have a serious think about the guilt you are feeling re the first half of your post.

We beat ourselves up enough already without doing it when, perhaps, it is not warranted.
 
Fred said:
Its mental how quickly your mental health can shift from one extreme to the other.

Have had a long spell where I have felt reasonably good about most things and had quite a positive outlook. Fast forward to a couple of nights ago and I found out I did something unwittingly which goes against everything that I stand for. I felt I had to apologise for it to those it affected and it's made me question everything that I know about myself, even if I honestly didn’t realise I'd done wrong at the time.

This feeling is being compounded by money issues and a family that feels unwilling to waver on how we spend our money, including myself at times in that regard.
Click to expand...
It can shift very quickly can’t it?
 
Fred said:
Honestly it feels like I have bipolar to a lesser degree, simply because of how quickly one little thing can send me from a reasonable mood to manic, and then how quickly it can shift the other way as well.
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Have you ever talked to anyone about this

Rapid changes in mood could be something else. Bipolar is very very extreme and mood changes don't tend to be that rapid
For instance a manic phase can last days or weeks as can the opposite phase, so it could be something else like an emotional disregulation disorder.

Obviously I have no idea. Just chatting but you might want to look in to it if it is causing problems in your everyday life
 
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