So after three weeks of not talking to her, I finally tried to reach out. With me being on the ASD scale, I tried to explain why her actions hurt so much (going behind my back to my line manger rather than coming directly to me - and getting her facts wrong because she chose not to talk to me before contacting my boss). With ASD, a stress event can lead to melt-down or shut-down, which I find horrible when they happen
Her reaction was incredible when she answered. I needed to "drop it, nuff said", because after all it was only work and so why did her actions matter so much? She then said she took it under advisement that I preferred to be approached directly and would remember that in future. She said she'd been "told" to e-mail my line manager, which led to a situation that five weeks later is still rumbling on rather than being settled on the spot. It comes across as though she's making an excuse and did it off her on bat, but I can't prove this.
She now thinks I'm in the wrong (quote, she considers it "drama") for trying to explain why it hurt so much and the effect it had on me (a near ASD shut down) so once again, we have an impasse. She claims she said sorry, something I don't remember and if so, I had to ask for the apology and raising it again was also an issue. Is this a woman thing?
Any other place she'd had been blackballed by other workmates for her actions. Either she's naive or, alternatively, not the brightest for not getting going behind a workmate's back without going to them first to establish the facts (unless the workmate is deliberately seeking to cause harm and is a cnt of the highest order) is bang out of order. Previous places, I preferred to deal directly with the person who made or didn't make the mistake to establish what happened, a little thing called respect. She has the nickname "Dipsy", noting on a call recently that another manager had to reminder her that when the clocks changed it was for "British Summer Time".
Since the conversation, there has been more silence. I'm not inclined to go back in to try again as I feel I'm wasting my time. It feels as though she's ploughed in, then realising she's made a mistake tried to double down rather than admit she was wrong and make me feel guilty for feeling aggrieved.
That she got her facts wrong is not the issue. We all do that, we're human. It's her actions of going behind my back then her refusal to admit she was wrong that get me.
Someone else who knows her suggested it would be easier for me to be "the bigger man" and do the grovelling. Why when I did nothing wrong? Again, is this a woman thing?
.
The other bit that comes across is even with a kid who's mildly ASD, she doesn't understand what the condition is with her blunt handling of me.