Depression thread continued...

[70s traveller]

Got my arse in gear and made it to work today, wanted to get the first day back out the way before the weekend.

Take one step at a time is the way to move forward, well done.

 

[Tuono]

I've hit a heavy bad yin again this week. Missed work and the girlfriend has abandoned me when I need her the most.

Feel like nobody cares. Don't even know why im posting this tbh

That bit about your girlfriend made me think of the song Crutch by Ren, he sings about what you're probably going through. I apologise if I'm wrong, it's only my opinion.

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[Gaz4]

I've hit a heavy bad yin again this week. Missed work and the girlfriend has abandoned me when I need her the most.

Feel like nobody cares. Don't even know why im posting this tbh

Hope you're OK this morning

 

[GlasgowMackem88]

Hope you're OK this morning

Cheers mate. Actually had a good weekend and back at work again today.
I get like this though and then hit a depression from time to time (not often tho in fairness). Think the problem lies deeper and hitting the drink, missing work etc ain’t usually me. But I can’t deny it happens and more than once aswell. Usually coincides with a relationship problem or something else that would trigger it.

It’s hard on my own at times, I don’t live with my gf and I’ve stayed on my own on many occasions but sometimes I don’t think people realise how easy it is to turn to drink when bored and I mean waiting until 10am in the morning for when the shop can sell it up here. I can’t really blame not having hobbies either, I played for a local Over35s team and also a Sunday league local amateur team. A lot of my pals around here aren’t exactly good influences mind but I’m old enough and responsible enough to not blame anyone else.

Cheers mate. Actually had a good weekend and back at work again today.
I get like this though and then hit a depression from time to time (not often tho in fairness). Think the problem lies deeper and hitting the drink, missing work etc ain’t usually me. But I can’t deny it happens and more than once aswell. Usually coincides with a relationship problem or something else that would trigger it.

It’s hard on my own at times, I don’t live with my gf and I’ve stayed on my own on many occasions but sometimes I don’t think people realise how easy it is to turn to drink when bored and I mean waiting until 10am in the morning for when the shop can sell it up here. I can’t really blame not having hobbies either, I played for a local Over35s team and also a Sunday league local amateur team. A lot of my pals around here aren’t exactly good influences mind but I’m old enough and responsible enough to not blame anyone else.

Sorry meant I currently play for both teams, it shouldn’t have been in past tense

 

[CPLforever]

Cheers mate. Actually had a good weekend and back at work again today.
I get like this though and then hit a depression from time to time (not often tho in fairness). Think the problem lies deeper and hitting the drink, missing work etc ain’t usually me. But I can’t deny it happens and more than once aswell. Usually coincides with a relationship problem or something else that would trigger it.

It’s hard on my own at times, I don’t live with my gf and I’ve stayed on my own on many occasions but sometimes I don’t think people realise how easy it is to turn to drink when bored and I mean waiting until 10am in the morning for when the shop can sell it up here. I can’t really blame not having hobbies either, I played for a local Over35s team and also a Sunday league local amateur team. A lot of my pals around here aren’t exactly good influences mind but I’m old enough and responsible enough to not blame anyone else.

Well done for getting into work tho, and finding your equilibrium.

Seems to me, just from reading your post that you are self aware enough to recognise when you are slipping a bit, an inkling, a pre-warning so to speak, which means,when this starts creeping up you can try and take steps to prevent yourself getting lower, although you do seem to be doing all the right things.

Good luck to you and remember there's always someone on here to talk to if you need it.

 

[GlasgowMackem88]

Well done for getting into work tho, and finding your equilibrium.

Seems to me, just from reading your post that you are self aware enough to recognise when you are slipping a bit, an inkling, a pre-warning so to speak, which means,when this starts creeping up you can try and take steps to prevent yourself getting lower, although you do seem to be doing all the right things.

Good luck to you and remember there's always someone on here to talk to if you need it.

Cheers mate I appreciate that. It’s a handy thread to have tbh and seems a good place to ‘vent’.

 

[Deleted member 48572]

I've just had a telephone appointment with my GP and although it wasn't an easy conversation to have I've been prescribed a month's worth of Seteraline. Feel really stupid about putting it off for so long when I've managed to start the process to getting a prescription in the same day. She's also sent me the information for getting signed up with the therapy options etc

I know it's not a magic cure or anything but atleast I have some optimism for the first time in so long.

I'm still worried about taking SSRI's but I have to give them a go.

Hopefully she will see you're being proactive in trying to get help and you can sort things out.

I’ve just taken my first pill of sertraline today. I just want to say thank you mate. Yours and others posts on here have been a good comfort. I was worried about the side effects of the medication and no longer “being myself”.

Honestly though, nothing could make me feel any worse than I have felt over the past 2 weeks.

For me my symptoms are a little different, but it does include depression.

I have waves of intense hyper focus, hardly any sleep for 24-48 hours at a time and nothing else matters. My mind is racing, coming up with 50 solutions to problems all at once. This could last anywhere up to a couple of months. Over the years I’ve learned to channel that in work but when I was younger it was on pointless shit. Once I did that it made me more successful. It comes at a cost. No one can do that and be happy.

Then comes the crash…and f***ing hell it’s tough. I feel grief and numb inside. Nothing I was obsessive about matters anymore and I don’t want to get out of bed. This is so debilitating and I struggle to find the energy or heart to do anything. This normally only lasts about a week and then I’m slowly back to normal.

For the last 13 years I learned to cope using meditation and it made a huge difference to make me understand my emotions. I thought I cracked it enough to manage my symptoms.

It was so tough going to the GP today to tell my story, but I had to do something. This time my crash was much worse and has lasted multiple weeks. It has heavily affected my work. They think I have stomach problems and I don’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Here is to hoping SSRI’s help me. I’m not sure I have the correct diagnosis yet but at least I’m on the right path.

 

[Ciro_DiMarzio]

I’ve just taken my first pill of sertraline today. I just want to say thank you mate. Yours and others posts on here have been a good comfort. I was worried about the side effects of the medication and no longer “being myself”.

Honestly though, nothing could make me feel any worse than I have felt over the past 2 weeks.

For me my symptoms are a little different, but it does include depression.

I have waves of intense hyper focus, hardly any sleep for 24-48 hours at a time and nothing else matters. My mind is racing, coming up with 50 solutions to problems all at once. This could last anywhere up to a couple of months. Over the years I’ve learned to channel that in work but when I was younger it was on pointless shit. Once I did that it made me more successful. It comes at a cost. No one can do that and be happy.

Then comes the crash…and f***ing hell it’s tough. I feel grief and numb inside. Nothing I was obsessive about matters anymore and I don’t want to get out of bed. This is so debilitating and I struggle to find the energy or heart to do anything. This normally only lasts about a week and then I’m slowly back to normal.

For the last 13 years I learned to cope using meditation and it made a huge difference to make me understand my emotions. I thought I cracked it enough to manage my symptoms.

It was so tough going to the GP today to tell my story, but I had to do something. This time my crash was much worse and has lasted multiple weeks. It has heavily affected my work. They think I have stomach problems and I don’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Here is to hoping SSRI’s help me. I’m not sure I have the correct diagnosis yet but at least I’m on the right path.

I'm 3 weeks in to taking them. The first week was really rough with side effects but now they seem to making a real difference. I still have all the same problems as I had before but I'm not catastrophising everything like I was before. I'm better at dealing with the things I can improve and forgetting about the things I can't.

I was worried about not being myself on medication but now realise I haven't been myself for a long time and I'm actually more like myself now than I have been in years.


I hope they help you to cope better mate. Keep us updated.

 

[CPLforever]

I’ve just taken my first pill of sertraline today. I just want to say thank you mate. Yours and others posts on here have been a good comfort. I was worried about the side effects of the medication and no longer “being myself”.

Honestly though, nothing could make me feel any worse than I have felt over the past 2 weeks.

For me my symptoms are a little different, but it does include depression.

I have waves of intense hyper focus, hardly any sleep for 24-48 hours at a time and nothing else matters. My mind is racing, coming up with 50 solutions to problems all at once. This could last anywhere up to a couple of months. Over the years I’ve learned to channel that in work but when I was younger it was on pointless shit. Once I did that it made me more successful. It comes at a cost. No one can do that and be happy.

Then comes the crash…and f***ing hell it’s tough. I feel grief and numb inside. Nothing I was obsessive about matters anymore and I don’t want to get out of bed. This is so debilitating and I struggle to find the energy or heart to do anything. This normally only lasts about a week and then I’m slowly back to normal.

For the last 13 years I learned to cope using meditation and it made a huge difference to make me understand my emotions. I thought I cracked it enough to manage my symptoms.

It was so tough going to the GP today to tell my story, but I had to do something. This time my crash was much worse and has lasted multiple weeks. It has heavily affected my work. They think I have stomach problems and I don’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Here is to hoping SSRI’s help me. I’m not sure I have the correct diagnosis yet but at least I’m on the right path.

Make sure you look after yourself.

You seem like someone who looks into things deeply so I am sure you are aware it'll probably will be a couple of weeks before you feel the benefits of the medication so stick with it.

Diagnosis is an interesting and ongoing process.

For years, I mean many years I was diagnosed with one thing and then I had a really (don't know how to describe it) prolonged devastating and debilitating episode. I had a lot of therapy and many sessions with a psychiatrist. They gave me a different diagnosis and seriously it all slipped into place. I was able to access targeted therapy and that helped me a lot.

I suppose what I am trying to say is even after being given medication keep on thinking, keep on exploring and if necessary get your name down for some sort of talking therapy. The correct diagnosis can help you access the right help.

I'm 3 weeks in to taking them. The first week was really rough with side effects but now they seem to making a real difference. I still have all the same problems as I had before but I'm not catastrophising everything like I was before. I'm better at dealing with the things I can improve and forgetting about the things I can't.


I hope they help you to cope better mate. Keep us updated.

Good to hear from you, glad to hear you managed the side effects and are coping a bit better. Keep it up, and same to you, keep us updated.

 

[Roker SOL]

So it's last counselling session on Tuesday. So I've been on a bit of a high as I've come back off holiday and got myself up to the top of Kilimanjaro with a great bunch of people and £750 raised for charity.

So all good. Plenty stories to tell too. I've to fill in a form before the last counselling session, but getting time to has been a challenge. A bloke beig kicked off the trek after two days was the only negative (totally ill equipped and behavior was not the best), but everything else was positives. Getting up the top, having some amazing laughs, some brilliant photos.

Until last night...

...I nipped over for a few pints. I wish I hadn't as barmaid and friend were having a rant about their personal lives. I made a nothing comment and all of a sudden, the conversation was about me and my life choices. Basically it's what I should have done rather than being close to my late mum? Apparently, a decision I made to return to Uni. for a Ph.D. (which I rarely mention as it sounds arrogant - I just say I went back to Uni. though they do know as the barmaid can see the "DR" on my bank card) back in 1999 became an inquisition as to why instead I didn't get my own place at that time instead?

The decision was financial and I wanted to go after that Ph.D. To me it showed to myself what I could do, but that phase of my life somehow became about my mum living her dreams through me? She was actually against but supported me anyway, but this didn't sink in.

If anything, it was my mother who instilled drive and independence in me. But apparently it was a sin for an adult male to be close to his mother? I can't help the fact my mother was a best mate as well as a mum.

Then my ASD was supposed to be a non-issue as I lived many years quite happily without knowing about it? Again incorrect, as I lived those years thinking I had AD-HD although then as now I tried to get on with life.

The second lady who is AD-HD then commented that she knew about such things because of her job (drugs abuse recovery) and her Masters, gained at age 38. Apparently my "huh", meant in appreciation of her achievement was me looking down my nose at her? Eh? And apparently I look down at other people, when perhaps I just disagree with an opinion (being one of the few lefties in a pub full of Reform UK fans is interesting if you disagree with the Reform narrative - but that's for the politics thread). I got her Masters pushed in my face.

And my quietly assessing strangers rather than ploughing straight in as though I'm a long, lost buddy was a problem too. I've always done things that way and warmed to the genuine people in a short space of time. My ASD diagnosis (and previous belief I had AD-HD) means I understand this as I need to establish trust. Apparently, I've no drive and assertiveness? No, I just prefer to take things calmly (again I need to do it that way to avoid stressing - again an ASD link) and to a degree, do things under the radar.

I came to of that conversation feeling quite down to be honest, as the barmaid I'd trusted during my depression. And it was a complete no no to mention anything negative (the bloke who got kicked off the trip for example), even though the lady customer was running down her own life?

So how does someone with no drive and assertiveness get up Kilimanjaro? How does that same person get a Ph.D.?

Sitting there and hearing this dissection of my life choices was just draining to be honest. I'm proud of a lot of stuff I've done and there's a lot I wouldn't change. Reversing the situation, I could have pushed back against her rabbiting about her Masters and noting I was the one with the higher qualification. But that's not me as a person. I just want to be seen as another regular in my own boozer FFS.

My choice was to let it all wash over my head rather than provoke a potential row over qualifications , life choices (our masters lady has two kids by different dads) and a potential political argument (I despise Reform UK and Farage's lies - masters lady supports them).

But now I have this all going round in my head heading into my last counselling session, when I was looking to cut loose from the counselling and get on with my life. I really could have done without it.

I don't regret many of the choices I've made as it was me stretching myself and finding out what I was capable of. These were things I needed to do and felt better for doing. But hearing these as poor choices astounded me, just as I'm coming to terms with me having ASD. I don't think they meant to be so blunt, but the number of misconceptions about me I found completely astonishing.
.
I can see how people become depressed due to pier pressure should they not agree with the pier group narrative.

 

[CPLforever]

Good or bad your choices are your choices. Own them, and and you don't have to defend them to some random people in the pub.

Good luck with your final session, hope it goes well. Do you feel the benefits?

 

[Roker SOL]

Good or bad your choices are your choices. Own them, and and you don't have to defend them to some random people in the pub.

Good luck with your final session, hope it goes well. Do you feel the benefits?

I've been developing coping strategies to deal with certain aspects of my ASD. I have been implementing them with some success.

But it's interseting that some people have treat what's been a diffcult time for me as something or nothing because I "coped years without knowing". I coped for years thinking I had the wrong condition although the strategies I subconciously developed worked a little (but not completely) for both.

On a lighter note, the form I was meant to fill in for the last session I've mislaid.

 

[CPLforever]

I've been developing coping strategies to deal with certain aspects of my ASD. I have been implementing them with some success.

But it's interseting that some people have treat what's been a diffcult time for me as something or nothing because I "coped years without knowing". I coped for years thinking I had the wrong condition although the strategies I subconciously developed worked a little (but not completely) for both.

On a lighter note, the form I was meant to fill in for the last session I've mislaid.

Good for you and as long as those weren't harmful or maladjusted coping strategies well done you. I tend to lean towards the harmful when I am not coping.

You can always say the dog ate my homework (whether you have one or not)

 

[Roker SOL]

Good for you and as long as those weren't harmful or maladjusted coping strategies well done you. I tend to lean towards the harmful when I am not coping.

You can always say the dog ate my homework (whether you have one or not)

Hmm, I like that thought.

I've asked for a delay of a week with my last session so my therapist has a chance to send a replacement form and and because since the last session and me doing the Kilimanjaro trip, things have been full on (life, etc.).

I need a day just to sit with the form and work on it without there being competing demands on me, so am planning to take next Friday off work for that.

I also need to think about Thursday in the pub and how to deal with similar in the future. It would have been better for me not to have engaged. However, I do know what people are thinking because of it now and I dont see why I should be bullied into following a pier-group narrative I fundamentally disagree with. I think a gentle push-back is needed should all this be raised again but I'll not look to start any conversation.

I've dealt with my attention-seeking ex-lady friend, with me blocking her, two friends and her son's five (yes, five?!) Facebook accounts (that's seriously weird the more I think about it and dumb given he used his own name - that is hopefully it now), cutting even more negatives and deadwood out of my life.

The bloke on the trip who got kicked off tried to coerce me into withdrawing with him and his downtrodden wife, citing and using my mild ASD as a reason not to continue??? I let it wash over my head and if anything, he trying it on actually had the opposite effect of me wanting to get up Kilimanjaro even more as if I wasn't already determined. Don't bully me mate. He got his on the last night when he rocked up and was effectively sent to Coventry by the rest of the group. And I f**king did it along with the other "positive" people on the trip!!! Even a knackered knee from a fall on day 3 of the trip couldn't stop me and I learned what support meant from positive people - and a hec of a lot of pain killers.

I'm wanting to move forward now. It won't be plain sailing, but I want my life to head in a good direction.

I'm already thinking about a Himalayan trek next year as are others in the group I was with.

 

[Ciro_DiMarzio]

So it's last counselling session on Tuesday. So I've been on a bit of a high as I've come back off holiday and got myself up to the top of Kilimanjaro with a great bunch of people and £750 raised for charity.

So all good. Plenty stories to tell too. I've to fill in a form before the last counselling session, but getting time to has been a challenge. A bloke beig kicked off the trek after two days was the only negative (totally ill equipped and behavior was not the best), but everything else was positives. Getting up the top, having some amazing laughs, some brilliant photos.

Until last night...

...I nipped over for a few pints. I wish I hadn't as barmaid and friend were having a rant about their personal lives. I made a nothing comment and all of a sudden, the conversation was about me and my life choices. Basically it's what I should have done rather than being close to my late mum? Apparently, a decision I made to return to Uni. for a Ph.D. (which I rarely mention as it sounds arrogant - I just say I went back to Uni. though they do know as the barmaid can see the "DR" on my bank card) back in 1999 became an inquisition as to why instead I didn't get my own place at that time instead?

The decision was financial and I wanted to go after that Ph.D. To me it showed to myself what I could do, but that phase of my life somehow became about my mum living her dreams through me? She was actually against but supported me anyway, but this didn't sink in.

If anything, it was my mother who instilled drive and independence in me. But apparently it was a sin for an adult male to be close to his mother? I can't help the fact my mother was a best mate as well as a mum.

Then my ASD was supposed to be a non-issue as I lived many years quite happily without knowing about it? Again incorrect, as I lived those years thinking I had AD-HD although then as now I tried to get on with life.

The second lady who is AD-HD then commented that she knew about such things because of her job (drugs abuse recovery) and her Masters, gained at age 38. Apparently my "huh", meant in appreciation of her achievement was me looking down my nose at her? Eh? And apparently I look down at other people, when perhaps I just disagree with an opinion (being one of the few lefties in a pub full of Reform UK fans is interesting if you disagree with the Reform narrative - but that's for the politics thread). I got her Masters pushed in my face.

And my quietly assessing strangers rather than ploughing straight in as though I'm a long, lost buddy was a problem too. I've always done things that way and warmed to the genuine people in a short space of time. My ASD diagnosis (and previous belief I had AD-HD) means I understand this as I need to establish trust. Apparently, I've no drive and assertiveness? No, I just prefer to take things calmly (again I need to do it that way to avoid stressing - again an ASD link) and to a degree, do things under the radar.

I came to of that conversation feeling quite down to be honest, as the barmaid I'd trusted during my depression. And it was a complete no no to mention anything negative (the bloke who got kicked off the trip for example), even though the lady customer was running down her own life?

So how does someone with no drive and assertiveness get up Kilimanjaro? How does that same person get a Ph.D.?

Sitting there and hearing this dissection of my life choices was just draining to be honest. I'm proud of a lot of stuff I've done and there's a lot I wouldn't change. Reversing the situation, I could have pushed back against her rabbiting about her Masters and noting I was the one with the higher qualification. But that's not me as a person. I just want to be seen as another regular in my own boozer FFS.

My choice was to let it all wash over my head rather than provoke a potential row over qualifications , life choices (our masters lady has two kids by different dads) and a potential political argument (I despise Reform UK and Farage's lies - masters lady supports them).

But now I have this all going round in my head heading into my last counselling session, when I was looking to cut loose from the counselling and get on with my life. I really could have done without it.

I don't regret many of the choices I've made as it was me stretching myself and finding out what I was capable of. These were things I needed to do and felt better for doing. But hearing these as poor choices astounded me, just as I'm coming to terms with me having ASD. I don't think they meant to be so blunt, but the number of misconceptions about me I found completely astonishing.
.
I can see how people become depressed due to pier pressure should they not agree with the pier group narrative.

Well done on the charity walk mate. Amazing achievement.

 

[Mr Redknapp]

Just got in from a typical night out and my mate who i've been out with for the past year pretty much turned on me. We were in Rileys about an hour ago and i can't remember the details but i think he was on about the lasses in there and i said i wanted a pint of duff in spacebar and then he suddenly shoves me to the floor! his attitude became so cold and was telling me to get out.. so i gave myself a minute and went back and he said "do you want to die?" i asked him what i did and offered to buy him a drink but he still insisted for me to leave so i got a taxi and got back to where i'm writing this message now. He didn't go out last weekend because he had stuff going on and hope it's because of that.

I've poured a drink in the flat and maybe come to realization a friendship has come to an end.. i'll leave him alone from now on and if he want's to keep in touch the ball is in his court really... just wish he would tell me what i did to fuck him off so much. Think im done with night's out for the foreseeable future it's a shame really because it's one of the limited options i had for meeting women.
Had a horrible week to start with and tonight happens...

 

[Ciro_DiMarzio]

Just got in from a typical night out and my mate who i've been out with for the past year pretty much turned on me. We were in Rileys about an hour ago and i can't remember the details but i think he was on about the lasses in there and i said i wanted a pint of duff in spacebar and then he suddenly shoves me to the floor! his attitude became so cold and was telling me to get out.. so i gave myself a minute and went back and he said "do you want to die?" i asked him what i did and offered to buy him a drink but he still insisted for me to leave so i got a taxi and got back to where i'm writing this message now. He didn't go out last weekend because he had stuff going on and hope it's because of that.

I've poured a drink in the flat and maybe come to realization a friendship has come to an end.. i'll leave him alone from now on and if he want's to keep in touch the ball is in his court really... just wish he would tell me what i did to fuck him off so much. Think im done with night's out for the foreseeable future it's a shame really because it's one of the limited options i had for meeting women.
Had a horrible week to start with and tonight happens...

Hopefully things will be clearer in the morning mate. I've had many a night out where things have happened but don't seem as bad the next day.

 

[Mr Redknapp]

Hopefully things will be clearer in the morning mate. I've had many a night out where things have happened but don't seem as bad the next day.

Thanks mate, If i've pissed him off so much he would turn against me I would hope he would at least tell me what I did to poke the bear that much. But if he doesn't talk to me from now on that's fine. Maybe he's not the mate I thought he was but I will give him the benefit of the doubt for now as he didn't come out last weekend as he had stuff going on. It's sad if our bromance ends this way but life doesn't sit still. I'm still gutted though and he hasn't dm'd me since.
It's a weird situation like chaps.. it seemed to come out of nowhere an innocent want to have a pint in another bar. still stunned about it.
Don't know what to next tbh

 

[Deleted member 48572]

Thanks mate, If i've pissed him off so much he would turn against me I would hope he would at least tell me what I did to poke the bear that much. But if he doesn't talk to me from now on that's fine. Maybe he's not the mate I thought he was but I will give him the benefit of the doubt for now as he didn't come out last weekend as he had stuff going on. It's sad if our bromance ends this way but life doesn't sit still. I'm still gutted though and he hasn't dm'd me since.
It's a weird situation like chaps.. it seemed to come out of nowhere an innocent want to have a pint in another bar. still stunned about it.
Don't know what to next tbh

When the dust has settled you could ask him. Seems a bit random to me. Was he pissed? If so he might not remember.

 

[Roker SOL]

Well done on the charity walk mate. Amazing achievement.

It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but would do it again (or similar) in the blink of an eye. My travel companions feel the same way it seems. 🏔

Thanks mate, If i've pissed him off so much he would turn against me I would hope he would at least tell me what I did to poke the bear that much. But if he doesn't talk to me from now on that's fine. Maybe he's not the mate I thought he was but I will give him the benefit of the doubt for now as he didn't come out last weekend as he had stuff going on. It's sad if our bromance ends this way but life doesn't sit still. I'm still gutted though and he hasn't dm'd me since.
It's a weird situation like chaps.. it seemed to come out of nowhere an innocent want to have a pint in another bar. still stunned about it.
Don't know what to next tbh

As I learned with my lady friend at the end of January, falling outs can be literally over nothing. In my case, her son's recent snooping behaviours that can only have been at her bidding (I don't know him at all) indicates beyond doubt I'm best rid.

Either they right themselves in time when people realise they've been silly or you move on.

Have you other mates you can reach out to, start again? That's how you move on without him.