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Depression thread continued...

For the first time in my life I've had to ask for help. Its highly likely I've ruined my relationship with my partner.

I haven't been feeling great for a while now, feelings of inadequacy, not being good enough etc and just ignoring it and pretending it's not there. I've also felt that there was something not right with our relationship for a while, like there wasn't anything obviously wrong as such, but I never mentioned it. She's had a lot of trauma in her life and I've always tried to be a rock for her, support her anyway I could. Yeah we've had disagreements, but we didn't argue and I certainly never acted agreesively towards her or anyone else in my family.

We were at her best friends wedding at the weekend and everything was fine, she was having a great time and so was I. I had a fair bit to drink and then towards the end of the night I just got this tight, knitting feeling in my chest which turned into a fear then anger. I'd be on my own for a while whilst she was with her mates and normally that wouldn't bother me at all but I just completely lost my rag. I was abrasive, and intimidating, asking where she was, slamming my chair and being an absolute prick. I came to my senses but by then the damage was done. She was understandably mortified, embarrassed and hurt by me behaving like that at her friend's wedding party.

The worst thing is that she said that I scared her. She's been in abusive relationships before and always tried to be sensitive to that and treat her how she deserved to be treated, and whatever was going on in my head at that moment, I never wanted to make her scared of me. But that's what has happened and now she says she doesn't think she can forgive me.

I don't know what's going to happen now, but I've spoken to family and and know I need help. I've got issues that need addressing and I need to face up to them. I've arranged some counselling through work and spent an hour on the phone with a fella who helped talk me through some stuff, and I'm going to get some face to face counselling.

I just feel like the biggest piece of shit at the moment and the feelings of guilt are eating me up inside. But the one positive is that it's made me realise I need help and have probably needed it for a long time.
 

Tadger said:
For the first time in my life I've had to ask for help. Its highly likely I've ruined my relationship with my partner.

I haven't been feeling great for a while now, feelings of inadequacy, not being good enough etc and just ignoring it and pretending it's not there. I've also felt that there was something not right with our relationship for a while, like there wasn't anything obviously wrong as such, but I never mentioned it. She's had a lot of trauma in her life and I've always tried to be a rock for her, support her anyway I could. Yeah we've had disagreements, but we didn't argue and I certainly never acted agreesively towards her or anyone else in my family.

We were at her best friends wedding at the weekend and everything was fine, she was having a great time and so was I. I had a fair bit to drink and then towards the end of the night I just got this tight, knitting feeling in my chest which turned into a fear then anger. I'd be on my own for a while whilst she was with her mates and normally that wouldn't bother me at all but I just completely lost my rag. I was abrasive, and intimidating, asking where she was, slamming my chair and being an absolute prick. I came to my senses but by then the damage was done. She was understandably mortified, embarrassed and hurt by me behaving like that at her friend's wedding party.

The worst thing is that she said that I scared her. She's been in abusive relationships before and always tried to be sensitive to that and treat her how she deserved to be treated, and whatever was going on in my head at that moment, I never wanted to make her scared of me. But that's what has happened and now she says she doesn't think she can forgive me.

I don't know what's going to happen now, but I've spoken to family and and know I need help. I've got issues that need addressing and I need to face up to them. I've arranged some counselling through work and spent an hour on the phone with a fella who helped talk me through some stuff, and I'm going to get some face to face counselling.

I just feel like the biggest piece of shit at the moment and the feelings of guilt are eating me up inside. But the one positive is that it's made me realise I need help and have probably needed it for a long time.
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Sounds like we are in similar situations mate. I've waited too long to get help and the damage to my relationship may be irreperable, I mean how can I repair a relationship when it's because of my relationship going to shit that I can't pull myself out of this constant depression. Well done for getting help as soon as you've realised there is a serious issue. I think I've waited too long and will pay a heavy price for that.
 
Ciro_DiMarzio said:
Sounds like we are in similar situations mate. I've waited too long to get help and the damage to my relationship may be irreperable, I mean how can I repair a relationship when it's because of my relationship going to shit that I can't pull myself out of this constant depression. Well done for getting help as soon as you've realised there is a serious issue. I think I've waited too long and will pay a heavy price for that.
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The thing is if I'd just been honest and confided in her about how I really felt, this might not have happened.

I've just got so used to bottling up negative feelings that I just never thought I'd reach a point where they'd come out in such a horrible way. You never think it would be you. I don't know if it is depression, anxiety or whatever else but whatever it is I need to face it head on because I can't really be the person I think I am until I do.

But as you said, getting help is the first step. I wouldn't say I feel better, but I certainly feel like I'm doing something about it.
 
Tadger said:
The thing is if I'd just been honest and confided in her about how I really felt, this might not have happened.

I've just got so used to bottling up negative feelings that I just never thought I'd reach a point where they'd come out in such a horrible way. You never think it would be you. I don't know if it is depression, anxiety or whatever else but whatever it is I need to face it head on because I can't really be the person I think I am until I do.

But as you said, getting help is the first step. I wouldn't say I feel better, but I certainly feel like I'm doing something about it.
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If talking is difficult with your partner, could you write her a letter telling her how you feeling and acknowledging your behaviour and her feelings. Sounds like this is out of character and you are taking action to get help which is a good start.
 
Ciro_DiMarzio said:
I think I've waited too long and will pay a heavy price for that.
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Not necessarily. People in such situations always blame themselves so think the worst-case outcome is the only possibility - which is NOT correct. If a person is positive & sensible they WILL break that thought train. That's not totally the sole answer but it goes a long way into it.
 
TAD said:
If talking is difficult with your partner, could you write her a letter telling her how you feeling and acknowledging your behaviour and her feelings. Sounds like this is out of character and you are taking action to get help which is a good start.
Click to expand...

I've written some stuff down, just to get it out there as much as anything else. I'm giving her space at the minute, we don't live together which makes it easier I suppose.

I'm going to leave it for now and if she wants to contact me she can. As much as I want to tell her face to face I need to respect her boundaries.
 
TAD said:
If talking is difficult with your partner, could you write her a letter telling her how you feeling and acknowledging your behaviour and her feelings. Sounds like this is out of character and you are taking action to get help which is a good start.
Click to expand...
There are many ways of doing it so that would be a good start.
 
Tadger said:
For the first time in my life I've had to ask for help. Its highly likely I've ruined my relationship with my partner.

I haven't been feeling great for a while now, feelings of inadequacy, not being good enough etc and just ignoring it and pretending it's not there. I've also felt that there was something not right with our relationship for a while, like there wasn't anything obviously wrong as such, but I never mentioned it. She's had a lot of trauma in her life and I've always tried to be a rock for her, support her anyway I could. Yeah we've had disagreements, but we didn't argue and I certainly never acted agreesively towards her or anyone else in my family.

We were at her best friends wedding at the weekend and everything was fine, she was having a great time and so was I. I had a fair bit to drink and then towards the end of the night I just got this tight, knitting feeling in my chest which turned into a fear then anger. I'd be on my own for a while whilst she was with her mates and normally that wouldn't bother me at all but I just completely lost my rag. I was abrasive, and intimidating, asking where she was, slamming my chair and being an absolute prick. I came to my senses but by then the damage was done. She was understandably mortified, embarrassed and hurt by me behaving like that at her friend's wedding party.

The worst thing is that she said that I scared her. She's been in abusive relationships before and always tried to be sensitive to that and treat her how she deserved to be treated, and whatever was going on in my head at that moment, I never wanted to make her scared of me. But that's what has happened and now she says she doesn't think she can forgive me.

I don't know what's going to happen now, but I've spoken to family and and know I need help. I've got issues that need addressing and I need to face up to them. I've arranged some counselling through work and spent an hour on the phone with a fella who helped talk me through some stuff, and I'm going to get some face to face counselling.

I just feel like the biggest piece of shit at the moment and the feelings of guilt are eating me up inside. But the one positive is that it's made me realise I need help and have probably needed it for a long time.
Click to expand...
Brutally open and honest post.

I wish you all the best mate. Good luck.
 
I've just had a telephone appointment with my GP and although it wasn't an easy conversation to have I've been prescribed a month's worth of Seteraline. Feel really stupid about putting it off for so long when I've managed to start the process to getting a prescription in the same day. She's also sent me the information for getting signed up with the therapy options etc

I know it's not a magic cure or anything but atleast I have some optimism for the first time in so long.

I'm still worried about taking SSRI's but I have to give them a go.
Tadger said:
The thing is if I'd just been honest and confided in her about how I really felt, this might not have happened.

I've just got so used to bottling up negative feelings that I just never thought I'd reach a point where they'd come out in such a horrible way. You never think it would be you. I don't know if it is depression, anxiety or whatever else but whatever it is I need to face it head on because I can't really be the person I think I am until I do.

But as you said, getting help is the first step. I wouldn't say I feel better, but I certainly feel like I'm doing something about it.
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Hopefully she will see you're being proactive in trying to get help and you can sort things out.
 
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Well done mate, you've just taken a huge step forward.

With SSRI's you have to give them time, it can take months before you notice you're feeling different. There are also several different ones, so if you don't get anything from sertraline, don't give up entirely, just talk to the GP and ask if you can try another one.
 
I think I sometimes trick myself into thinking these bad days are the result of depression but I think anxiety triggers it off and that leads to you feeling down.. it's like having some horrible vindictive little twit in your ear putting pressure on you and then jump all over it as soon as it's sees any evidence or justification. I've spoken to my mates at work who have all been diamonds but I don't want to become a miserable git to them :lol:
 
Ciro_DiMarzio said:
I've tried again today and it has let me do the online consultation and I should get a response today or tomorrow. I know phoning up would probably get a quicker response but if I was asked the questions the online consultation asks over the phone I would have panicked. Nervous about the response but it's taken me years and years just to manage to be able to make the first step so atleast it's something.
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Well done mate .


Dont let it pass you by now, as it will be life changing once you do get help.
It’ will transform not just your life but entire life of the bairn for the rest of her life.

Get it sorted mate and as I said before I’ll come to the doctors with ya if you want. Dont like the thought of this effecting a family like this.
 
Ciro_DiMarzio said:
Just a question for people with experience. I've been reading the side effects for Seteraline. I'm picking my prescription up tomorrow but would I be better off waiting until Saturday to start taking them so I'm not caught out with side effects straight away at work?
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I've had adverse affects to the SSRI prozac, sertraline, citalopram, and SNRI duloxetine. All of them required stopping promptly other than citalopram as stopping would have been worse than the side effects at that time. None of the negative side effects started in the first couple of days for me though, but we all have different bodies. Taking them at night is an option, so Friday night if not working.

I would be more inclined to tell my employer I'm taking them and what might happen. Side effects that hurt work badly in white collar work rare. I work in the payroll industry and used to forget calculations half way through or struggle at times to make definitive decisions for example, but not until the drugs had fully kicked in after several weeks.
 
DBStar said:
I've had adverse affects to the SSRI prozac, sertraline, citalopram, and SNRI duloxetine. All of them required stopping promptly other than citalopram as stopping would have been worse than the side effects at that time. None of the negative side effects started in the first couple of days for me though, but we all have different bodies. Taking them at night is an option, so Friday night if not working.

I would be more inclined to tell my employer I'm taking them and what might happen. Side effects that hurt work badly in white collar work rare. I work in the payroll industry and used to forget calculations half way through or struggle at times to make definitive decisions for example, but not until the drugs had fully kicked in after several weeks.
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Main ones I'm worried about work wise are nausea a diarrhea. Some of the more rare side effects are pretty grim though.
 
Ciro_DiMarzio said:
Main ones I'm worried about work wise are nausea a diarrhea. Some of the more rare side effects are pretty grim though.
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They constipate me so can't comment there. Could be a worry if the toilet sitch is bad at work I guess. I've had nausea but it's mild. Imagine if you've had a hangover all day and there is just a niggly bit leftover at the end as you haven't eaten or drank enough during the day. That's as bad as it's been for me and it definitely wasn't in the first few days. Sorry I cannot really describe things I see or experience very well without referring to comparators.

Others will be able to better advise with their experiences perhaps.
 
Ciro_DiMarzio said:
Just a question for people with experience. I've been reading the side effects for Seteraline. I'm picking my prescription up tomorrow but would I be better off waiting until Saturday to start taking them so I'm not caught out with side effects straight away at work?
Click to expand...

Things can have side effects. But don’t over think it. You will convince yourself the worst.

Everything can have side effects. From paracetamol to hayfever tablets to booze.
 
DBStar said:
They constipate me so can't comment there. Could be a worry if the toilet sitch is bad at work I guess. I've had nausea but it's mild. Imagine if you've had a hangover all day and there is just a niggly bit leftover at the end as you haven't eaten or drank enough during the day. That's as bad as it's been for me and it definitely wasn't in the first few days. Sorry I cannot really describe things I see or experience very well without referring to comparators.

Others will be able to better advise with their experiences perhaps.
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Most the side effects seem to cover all bases. Diarrhea/constipation, weight gain/weight loss etc.
 
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