Depression

[look out piano]

Oh yeah I got booted off Talking Changes too because i didn't want to talk to someone and bugger myself up while at work so sacked it off. Am a bit useless at both talking and facing things

Your last point you know. I mentioned my dad again today. I've never dealt with it. It's buried so deep I don't even know when the anniversary of his death is - and I don't want to know

The CPN was going to refer me into some sort of ongoing service. It was initially in response to a crisis situation. I didn't answer the door for the last visit, missed a call and then got a letter saying I hadn't engaged. I'd had 3 sessions previously but seemingly that didn't count and it was two strikes and out

Am just satisfying my inner anger writing a complaint to the alcohol service. Am only up to my 5th page. It's an unfortunate curse that for a long time I worked with support providers so should know damn well what they actually should be doing. It's very objective and balanced though

Ramble ramble, outpouring of thinking aloud thoughts. Etc
X.

Just get it all out my love, I completely spilled my guts the other day and it felt like a bit of weight had been lifted

 

[Five-Quarter]

Just get it all out my love, I completely spilled my guts the other day and it felt like a bit of weight had been lifted

A good rant or a good cry. Both therapeutic

 

[CPLforever]

Your post the other week about it made total sense

I started slipping early December. By Christmas I'd reached a bottomless pit

Thinking out loud is good. Am way too open on here. I reckon people who know me can identify me. Certainly one mate has

But I don't tend to have an effective filter. Then sometimes I actually don't care. It's only a forum and I've nowt much to put up a front about and pretend my life is amazing

Are you doing ok by the way?

I'm hanging on, speaking to some people, a slight tweak in medication and trying to avoid trying situations. Seriously tho I was out earlier in the week and I thought there was going to be headline news. East Durham lass commits random mass murder, but hey got through it and I'm not in prison (yet).

All in all managing OK.

Glad you're reaching out again my love, it's hard but worth it
Oh and a few years ago I got kicked off the talking therapies books, cpn had called, his line was bad so he hung up.
He then called again and my phone went onto voicemail as it was having a wobbler and he just pretty much sacked me off.
Luckily the guy I see now is face to face and canny, sadly though I think I only have 5 or possibly 6 sessions left.
I did ask what happened after that and it seems I'll have to re-refer (he did say I may want to look at grief counselling but not sure how much that'll help, they're both dead and they're not coming back sadly ).
Keep howld and keep on keeping on xx

There is a recognised condition. Complex Bereavement Disorder, funny enough mentioned it the other day on a different thread. It is both debilitating and shameful cos we all berate ourselves.........why am I still grieving. Shouldn't I be over this?????

Never ever dismiss our feelings, hardships, inability to cope etc etc. It can all impact on our day to day lives months and years after.

 

[Five-Quarter]

I'm hanging on, speaking to some people, a slight tweak in medication and trying to avoid trying situations. Seriously tho I was out earlier in the week and I thought there was going to be headline news. East Durham lass commits random mass murder, but hey got through it and I'm not in prison (yet).

All in all managing OK.

Made me laugh. Medication tweak intrigues me but don't divulge if you don't want to. Am sure my GP would not be responsive like that.

As for killing people, general irritability or full on psychosis? I'd probably advise against sharing such thoughts with professionals anyway

East Durham lass commits murder would likely be way down the list of East Durham-related crime last week anyway

 

[CPLforever]

Oh yeah I got booted off Talking Changes too because i didn't want to talk to someone and bugger myself up while at work so sacked it off. Am a bit useless at both talking and facing things

Your last point you know. I mentioned my dad again today. I've never dealt with it. It's buried so deep I don't even know when the anniversary of his death is - and I don't want to know

The CPN was going to refer me into some sort of ongoing service. It was initially in response to a crisis situation. I didn't answer the door for the last visit, missed a call and then got a letter saying I hadn't engaged. I'd had 3 sessions previously but seemingly that didn't count and it was two strikes and out

Am just satisfying my inner anger writing a complaint to the alcohol service. Am only up to my 5th page. It's an unfortunate curse that for a long time I worked with support providers so should know damn well what they actually should be doing. It's very objective and balanced though

Ramble ramble, outpouring of thinking aloud thoughts. Etc
X.

I always find it a little bit amusing mind (in an ironic way) that at our most vulnerable, depressed, psychotic manic, incapable (all or any or others of the above) that we then get penalised for missing an appointment.

I always think...haway man.....I couldn't actually move, I couldn't get out of my bed, get myself washed, feed myself. How do you think I can keep an appointment. We have to try though. Try our best and keep moving forward.

 

[MigsGoalKicks]

Feel positive for a few days then this panic disorder hits me like a brick. It’s just like non stop suffering at the minute and I can’t function normally. Have turned to the drink this week and it only makes it worse the next day but bloody hell them few hours feeling normal is fantastic. If I ever do get over this, I’ll never take anything for granted again. I can’t look forward to things. We’ve got a week away in a cottage booked next month. I’m not looking forward to it at all, I’m just concerned about surviving it with as little panic as possible. I can’t look forward to things anymore. Just ranting because I’m so fking sick of not being able to function normally. I’m asking my lass to give me a lift into work cos i can’t even get on a bloody bus or walk 20 mins to get there.

 

[Five-Quarter]

I always find it a little bit amusing mind (in an ironic way) that at our most vulnerable, depressed, psychotic manic, incapable (all or any or others of the above) that we then get penalised for missing an appointment.

I always think...haway man.....I couldn't actually move, I couldn't get out of my bed, get myself washed, feed myself. How do you think I can keep an appointment. We have to try though. Try our best and keep moving forward.

Feel guilty about complaining now. That's as much because I misread situations so often I have to automatically doubt myself so as to not make things worse

Feel positive for a few days then this panic disorder hits me like a brick. It’s just like non stop suffering at the minute and I can’t function normally. Have turned to the drink this week and it only makes it worse the next day but bloody hell them few hours feeling normal is fantastic. If I ever do get over this, I’ll never take anything for granted again. I can’t look forward to things. We’ve got a week away in a cottage booked next month. I’m not looking forward to it at all, I’m just concerned about surviving it with as little panic as possible. I can’t look forward to things anymore. Just ranting because I’m so fking sick of not being able to function normally. I’m asking my lass to give me a lift into work cos i can’t even get on a bloody bus or walk 20 mins to get there.

Jesus I so get this post

The panic is crippling. I got asked why I hadn't rang the boss back by 3pm as agreed last week

Blurted out because I was lying in the foetal position trying to get over a panic attack and I was concerned if I did ring you my next call would be an ambulance

Also, the bus to work kills me too by the way. Had some terrible times on it. Now it's self perpetuating. Oh shit am on a bus, remember you have to panic on a bus etc.

The amount of times I've stood there thinking for fucks sake can no one give me a lift today - so it's good you've got that bit of security for what might be a difficult few days

Think the only way I deal with it now is to think at least if I pass out then am among people who can get help. And then even weirder lately, right am just gonna actually enjoy this feeling of being completely spaced out of my mind

Crackers

And I don't think I've ever had anyone ever suggest anything that really works for me
Get your frustration with it all

Ps. Am a bit manic today and posting like a, well, a maniac - so apologies if am no help whatsoever

 

[CPLforever]

Feel guilty about complaining now. That's as much because I misread situations so often I have to automatically doubt myself so as to not make things worse

No complain away.....ask them why or how they thought you were in any fit state to get to your appointment when you couldn't even lift your head off your pillow. These are trained professionals, they should understand.

 

[Five-Quarter]

No complain away.....ask them why or how they thought you were in any fit state to get to your appointment when you couldn't even lift your head off your pillow. These are trained professionals, they should understand.

Aye. I text my disgust at that and said I was horrified to get a formal letter with no warning and not even a suggestion of where to get further support

It then went on a wee while and I was literally shaking at work

Then concluded it with "I'll leave it there and well done for actually arguing with a client by text"

So aye. Justified in my head really. Sounding off (again)

 

[lucky]

Loads of posts and I struggle when replying to loads so sending all my love to all

 

[Ciro_DiMarzio]

Hope people are doing ok. I won't be posting anymore details on this thread as a couple of posters (not people who regulary post in this thread) have used things I have said in this thread to try and wind me up in other threads so it eems counter productive for me to open up here.

 

[CPLforever]

Hope people are doing ok. I won't be posting anymore details on this thread as a couple of posters (not people who regulary post in this thread) have used things I have said in this thread to try and wind me up in other threads so it eems counter productive for me to open up here.

That is monstrous. Who the hell would do something like that. Call them out.

You do what you need to do to keep yourself right. Good luck.

 

[Five-Quarter]

Hope people are doing ok. I won't be posting anymore details on this thread as a couple of posters (not people who regulary post in this thread) have used things I have said in this thread to try and wind me up in other threads so it eems counter productive for me to open up here.

Shit what?

Am doing it myself in a strange way. Almost adding onto posts elsewhere in the forum by saying yep am weird/mad etc

Thread should be a safe space but don't think it's possible having thought about your post

 

[Ciro_DiMarzio]

Shit what?

Am doing it myself in a strange way. Almost adding onto posts elsewhere in the forum by saying yep am weird/mad etc

Thread should be a safe space but don't think it's possible having thought about your post

Yeah obviously anybody can read this thread so if you have a disagreement with somebody elsewhere they can use stuff posted in here to try to wind you up. Should have probably set up a seperate username to post in here as it has been a very helpful thread over the years. Nevermind.

 

[lucky]

Hope people are doing ok. I won't be posting anymore details on this thread as a couple of posters (not people who regulary post in this thread) have used things I have said in this thread to try and wind me up in other threads so it eems counter productive for me to open up here.

So sorry mate that's a disgrace , I have openly argued with loads on different threads but as soon as its this thread that's where it stops.
I think that it's just cheap horrible point scoring and they can fuck right off , no matter what you do we all behind you 100% mate

 

[TAD]

Hope people are doing ok. I won't be posting anymore details on this thread as a couple of posters (not people who regulary post in this thread) have used things I have said in this thread to try and wind me up in other threads so it eems counter productive for me to open up here.

That says alot more about them that it does you... disgusting behaviour. A real shame that you now feel unable to gain the support that this thread gives. Could do another username now?

 

[Five-Quarter]

Yeah obviously anybody can read this thread so if you have a disagreement with somebody elsewhere they can use stuff posted in here to try to wind you up. Should have probably set up a seperate username to post in here as it has been a very helpful thread over the years. Nevermind.

Good point. No idea how more than account would work

I've thought about paying the subscription to change my username like but I'd still post the same unfiltered stuff eventually. Think your previous one is displayed too

I worry about that alcohol thread. Here he is, the piss head etc.

Don't like using derogatory terms really like nutter, psycho or whatever (though I inevitably do) but see hints there are some actual real life certifiable cranks on here

Give such people ammo and like you say, it's not going to be nice

 

[TAD]

Loads of posts and I struggle when replying to loads so sending all my love to all

Love this. Whilst social media can be great and this thread is one of the best examples, it can often take over your life and create stress. Just want to say to you, that whilst you are an amazing poster, you are not responsible for monitoring this thread however valuable your contribution. I hope I've put that across right .
Also,my advice for what it's worth, it's not worth arguing on social media but if you are in a discussion and someone brings something up personal then definitely best just to disengage. Two people arguing in a thread is the most boring discussion ever and if you don't respond the other person then has nowhere to go. Before engaging in discussions just think....is it worth it. You will never change someone's opinion on social media.
Finally, I hope everyone is having the best they can .

 

[lucky]

Love this. Whilst social media can be great and this thread is one of the best examples, it can often take over your life and create stress. Just want to say to you, that whilst you are an amazing poster, you are not responsible for monitoring this thread however valuable your contribution. I hope I've put that across right .
Also,my advice for what it's worth, it's not worth arguing on social media but if you are in a discussion and someone brings something up personal then definitely best just to disengage. Two people arguing in a thread is the most boring discussion ever and if you don't respond the other person then has nowhere to go. Before engaging in discussions just think....is it worth it. You will never change someone's opinion on social media.
Finally, I hope everyone is having the best they can .

Thank you so much and I found loads of amazing people on here , might not know them in real life but can see how nice and genuine they are , even by the messages and same goes to you and your family .

 

[Five-Quarter]

Love this. Whilst social media can be great and this thread is one of the best examples, it can often take over your life and create stress. Just want to say to you, that whilst you are an amazing poster, you are not responsible for monitoring this thread however valuable your contribution. I hope I've put that across right .
Also,my advice for what it's worth, it's not worth arguing on social media but if you are in a discussion and someone brings something up personal then definitely best just to disengage. Two people arguing in a thread is the most boring discussion ever and if you don't respond the other person then has nowhere to go. Before engaging in discussions just think....is it worth it. You will never change someone's opinion on social media.
Finally, I hope everyone is having the best they can .

He is a very caring person like or on a mission to help people heading down certain paths

I should take this other advice

There's a very small number of posters on the SMB I really dislike though,

And occasionally I bear a grudge when I feel they've embarrassed me or rounded up their forum mates for a good old pile on. And it does happen. The politics forum is terrible for it. I feel genuinely sorry for some posters on there who are attacked with the same thing daily

Or sometimes am just a tosser for the sake of it

Not healthy

Anyway am wittering again. Really should find something productive to do with my manic nervous energy